The Sun on my Skin Ch. 01

Postscript

To: tina.roberts @geemail.com

Sent:Saturday, 25 April 2015, 22:43

From: jojojones96 @coolmail.net

Subject: Thank you and think kindly of me

My dear and lovely friend,

First, I need to tell you that I resigned from my job four weeks ago. I know this will come as a shock to you and I can only say that I'm so sorry that I'm such a cowardly wimp that I waited until you were away on secondment before sending it in.

So why didn't I tell you face to face? What can say? Well, I could use the excuse that it was because you were already away by the time I'd finally decided on what I'm going to do. I could say that I wanted to ensure I finished and passed the payroll course (which I'm happy to say I did). The truth, however, is that no matter how much I try I'm not as brave as I'd like to be, never as brave as you, Tina my friend, and that you would have been upset and tried to talk me out of it. Naturally, you would have succeeded and I didn't want that.

I know this must feel like I'm walking away from you and I suppose, in a way, I am. It is not that I don't care about you, never think that. However, I need to be away from you because -- oh Tina this is so hard -- because I need to see if the love I feel for someone is real and that someone isn't you.

This must be horrible for you to hear: I know how patient you've been with me; how you've put up with my hesitation and indecision; forgiven my changes of heart and even my throwing myself at you after the Christmas party and then running away again after we slept together that night. No, Tina, I have been grossly unfair to you over these past ten months, ever since we returned from that life-changing holiday in Aldea Naturista and you deserve so much better.

Actually, you deserve Anika. You've admitted she's beautiful and I've seen how attracted she is to you. However, despite this and how lovely she is, you don't seem interested. And yet you seem to want to spend time with me, despite everything that I've done. The problem is that while I like you as a person and I love you as a friend, I do not love you in the way that you seem to want me to: as a girlfriend, partner and lover. I'm so sorry, but that is the truth of it. I know I am probably hurting you now but I would hurt you more in the end to pretend something I do not feel.

Remember the Spanish book you noticed in my bag last month, 'La Sombra del Viento'? The one you recognised from the author as 'The Shadow of the Wind' that you'd read it in English? Well, I felt sure you'd ask about my renewed interest in Spanish and that I might begin to say something then but you didn't mention it. The truth is that I've been going to evening classes for months and been practising my Spanish by writing to someone.

Perhaps you have guessed by now but the love that I mean to test is my love for Marta and her love for me. It may be because she was the one that made me realize that I was attracted to women or perhaps it was that she was the first female to flirt with me; it might, of course, be that she was the first girl I made love to. Whatever it is there seems to be something between us, something that has kept me wanting to be with her and Marta wanting me. Tina, I think I really love her and that she loves me.

Two months ago, after speaking to her parents, Marta invited me to come and work at Aldea Naturista and, at last, I accepted. I fly out to Spain tomorrow to be there ready for the summer season and I'm so excited that, after months of emails and phone calls, I will be able to hold Marta once more.

I know that this might not work out; I know that it is a risk but I don't care. At worst this will be a gap year but at best... did I mention I love her?

Once again, I'm so sorry for all I've done to mess you around and doubly sorry that I know this email will disappoint and probably upset you. You are a kind, loyal and wonderful friend and the woman to love you the way you deserve is out there, waiting for you to notice her. Forgive me and wish me well and if you ever want to spend your summer holiday naked then you, and your lover too, will be very welcome -- just make sure you tell her where you're taking her before you arrive!

I hope we can still be friends because you have been an important and special part of my life and I owe you much. I hope I will see you again one day and that we will both be happy at that meeting.

Your loving friend,

Jojo.