Trini's Valentine Hat-Trick

Me: Not. Funny.

Him: No joke.

Him: You'll be fine.

Him: I love you both.

Him: & Carly's terrific.

Him: (heart)

And then, just to prove I wasn't shaking quite as hard as humanly possible, the apartment door tap-tap-tapped and I no-shit dropped my phone.

"Just a sec!" came Carly's voice, through two different doors. Then I heard the bathroom one open.

Get it together, Trini! I managed to grab my phone up and jam it back in my bag without dropping the thing again. But it felt like an out-of-body experience. What if it's not them and you're freaked out over nothing and you fuck this girl's chance up with some Elle who's not Liselle?

That settled me a little. I'm a pro, and whether this was Liz's Carly or some other Carly, for what she was paying me, I'd better not blow things for her.

But it's totally them. Oh my God. I just know it.

I heard the door open. Then ...

"Oh, shit, baby, look at you!"

Two laughs. One a little shy but happy, the other one big and loud and

Absolutely Liz.

Goddammit. Why did I quit those fucking meditation classes Mom gave me for graduation? Probably because I thought meditation classes were the crappiest of crap-ass graduation presents ever. She did make up for it by giving me a car on my birthday a week later ... but damn, I could sure use some Zen right now more than the mileage I got out of that damned Celica.

The front door closed. Liz kissed Carly loud enough for me to hear it all the way from the closet and long enough for Carly to start moaning.

More of Liz's laugh. Jesus, that girl has a great laugh.

"So what's this all about? Not that I am in any way complaining."

"Well ..."

"Uh-huh?"

"Well ..."

"Ha! Come on, Cars, spit it out."

"Okay, so, I'm surprising you with a Valentine's Day present."

"Really? I had no idea."

"Hush. I ... you know how you said, ever since you met Wyn's girlfriend, you've been hung up on hot black trans women?"

"Ooh, do you have some body paint and a strap-on to play the part? Political incorrectness of blackface aside, I don't know if fishnets and body paint are a good combo."

"No ... Liz, I ... hired you an escort. I mean, I hired us an escort. She's in the closet right now, and she's amazing, and I'm not letting you out of this apartment until you've fucked her and you see how happy it makes me to see you ... exploring something you want."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

My brain put those three little blinky texty dots up in an oval on the closet door. When Liz spoke again, I could barely make out what she said. It almost didn't sound like her voice, it was so soft, so very not the 28-year-old-tech-firm-CEO voice that usually came out of Liz Tate. But every word still hit me like a Valentine's Day tidal wave.

"Oh god, Carly. I love you so much."

After that, I swear to God there was like three solid minutes of nothing but two women crying and kissing and gasping, with an occasional snort-laugh of disbelief from Liz to break things up. I think I chewed my lower lip off, it was so beautiful.

And ...

What the fuck?

I was seconds away from maybe the most awkward reveal of my whole escort career. Both the clients were women, which usually does el zippo for my libido. And yet, by the time they let up, I totally had a chubby. Not a full-grown piece of wank-wood, but more than I ever get from thinking about other women unless I really work my ass off trying.

Tate family hat-trick. Like I said, both Wyn's parents had hired and fucked me before I ever met him. So Liz was the only person in the family I hadn't boned. Apparently there was something about the prospect of doing her that turned me on. Or maybe you're just too big a softy to listen to what's going on out there and stay soft.

Still, I don't mix business and pleasure, and the idea of boffing my boyfriend's sister on her girlfriend's dime crossed so many lines I could barely think straight.

Maybe she won't want to once she finds out it's me. Of course she won't. Who does that? Except that question answered itself. Liz Tate, that's who. The woman who outed both her parents at the Christmas dinnertable for fucking a transgender hooker.

My chubby wasn't going away.

Luckily, Liz interrupted it from outside.

"Whoo! Oh, damn, we are being so rude to this amazing trans girl you found --"

"No, come back -- one more. She's a super-patient person from what I can tell."

Normally, Carly, yes. But at the moment, not at fucking all.

More kissing.

Then Liz again: "This is so perfect. You're so perfect." Her voice stepped up to more of a Liz Tate volume as she added, "Hey, in the closet! I haven't even seen you, and I know you're perfect too! You should probably come out now."

I squeezed my eyes shut, opened them again, and cleared my throat as loud as I could.

"Yeah," I said, "so -- maybe just a hair shy of perfect, in this, um, one little way, Liz."

Have I mentioned that my boyfriend is crazy smart and can practically predict the future? Well, in this case, he did. After maybe two beats of silence, Liz died. I've never heard anyone laugh that loud. When I swung the closet door slowly open, she was actually on the ground kicking her heels in the air cackling.

Carly stood beside her looking horrified.

But Liz's fit passed like a string of firecrackers running out and she jumped up with a giant shit-eating grin on her face and swooped the smaller woman up in her arms and spun her around fast as a couple of figure skaters. Carly was a stone fox in that fishnet body stocking -- slender, supple limbs and a taught belly lying lily-pale behind the black weave. Sweet, dainty breasts filling out the ebony satin of her bra. One hell of an ass on her, trapped inside dark panties to match the bra. Liz, meanwhile, had come straight from her company's local office, apparently, and had on a razor-sharp white skirt suit and an eye-shadow/eyeliner combo that turned her gaze into a couple of blue-diamond lasers, her eyes shone so bright. Her normally immaculate, ice-queen blonde hair was a mess, either from rolling on the floor or from the undoubtedly hands-in-hair makeout session she'd had with her girlfriend a moment earlier. Together ... they were something else. That's all I can say.

Without letting Carly's feet back to the ground, Liz said, "Well, this is what I get for not telling you Trini's name or what she does."

Carly made a sound like she'd swallowed a squeaky mouse toy.

"You -- she's -- oh no. Oh no, Elle -- put me down."

"Uh-uh," Liz said, grinning again. "If I put you down you're going to put your face in your hands and start crying or some shit like that, and I'm going to have to spend ten minutes being serious and trying to straighten you out. Nope. I'm not letting go until you're smiling again."

"Ughhh -- but everything was perfect. You even said it was perfect, and now --"

"Now it's ten times as perfect." She did lower Carly's feet to the ground then, even though she hadn't gotten a smile out of her yet. "Before, it was this amazing thing that reminded me how much I love you until my heart's about to explode -- but I was going to have a damn hard time telling anybody what you did that was so great. This way, the cat's already out of the bag. Trini knows, so that means I get to tell Wyn exactly how brilliant you are."

Carly's pale skin went the color of a snowman's ghost taking a whole-milk shower. "... oh, elle, please don't tell him ..."

Liz put one sharp blond eyebrow way up. "If I don't tell him, how can I get permission to fuck his girlfriend?"

Adios, Señor Chub -- buenos días, el Erección Espectacular.

The choking sound from Carly, though, said maybe my hat-trick-hopeful cock was getting ahead of itself.

"You wouldn't ..." she finally coughed out. "You couldn't, really ... could you?"

"How long have you known me?"

"Oh, my God."

Liselle gave another laugh, along with another squeeze that lifted the little brunette to her tip-toes. Then she finally let her go. "Of course, whether I can do it is up to Wyn, and whether I ask him is up to Trini. What do you think, Trini? Would that make the big family get-togethers way too awkward?"

"I think we got the 'way too awkward' part out of the way at Christmas," I said. "Although I'm guessing if you didn't tell Carly what I did for a living, you probably also didn't tell her that I did both your parents way beforehand."

"BOTH --" Carly's hand jumped up to cover her mouth, and her eyes did their best dinner-plate impression. "Merry and Gerry? Holy shit!"

While Carly was busy staring at me, Liz gave a subtle thumbs-up and a dazzle-flash of her blue eyes. The news that the uptight Tate parents had each hired a transgender prostitute did exactly the trick I hoped it would, knocking Carly out of her nerves and sucking most of the tension from our local atmosphere.

"Wow. Just ..." Liz's girl looked from me to her to me to her. "Wow. But ... would Wyn really ..."

He kinda already did, I thought. Only I still wasn't a hundred percent sure those texts were serious, so I didn't say it out loud.

Liz took a couple of backwards steps toward the door, where she'd set her purse to scoop Carly up. "I'm headed for my phone ... totally on my way there now ... somebody better stop me if you don't want me to ask him ..."

Carly looked at me helplessly -- if she hadn't been in that fishnet bodystocking and the black-satin intimates, you might have mistaken her for a poor little orphan girl pleading with the mean old shopkeeper in a fairy story. But I saw that her eyes had gone from dinner-plate size down to saucers, and the fact that she didn't tell Liz to stop made me think the same thing I think she was thinking: Damn, it looks like this is really going down, isn't it?

"By the way, Trini," Liz said as she stooped for her purse, "you are sizzling. I thought you sexied yourself up pretty amazingly when I met you off the clock, but damn."

"Thanks," I said. "You rock that executive dressware pretty steamy yourself."

With her phone out, she gave a couple of taps to its screen and then held it to her ear and waited. While it rang, she blew Carly a big, apple-red-lipstick kiss.

"Hey! Bean-counter! Just the guy I need to talk to." Her eyes stayed on Carly as she spoke, while her mouth stayed in a grin so big it made my cheeks tired. "Listen, I have this problem. Uh-huh ... yeah, I'm there now. Anyway, my problem is, Carly got me this present, and it's kind of a weird fit, but I don't want to bum her out by returning it. What? No, seriously, I don't want to return it, even if she kept the receipt. God, you are such an accountant!" She traded a look with me there, and I couldn't help laughing. Carly had gotten a little off-kilter smile on her face too. "No, because at some point tonight, I'm going to ask her to marry me again, and I don't want to spoil the mood."

The dinner-plate eyes came back. Carly bit one of her knuckles and started to tear up. Liz kept her blue-diamond stare locked on Carly's hazel gems.

"So, this is kind of embarrassing, but ... ever since you brought Trini to Christmas, I've been perving on the idea of sexy black amazon transwomen, and I kind of let that slip to Carly, and she kind of went online looking to surprise me with the perfect escort to fit that bill ... and she kind of found the perfect one. Yep. Yep, that's exactly what I'm saying. You always could put two and two together, bro. I guess that's why you're an accountant. So here the three of us are, and ... what? No, of course she can't afford Trini. I'm sure she maxed out a card or dug into some savings, because it was just that fucking important to her to get me exactly what I wanted."

By this point, Carly was totally streaming, and I had a couple of fat wet ones rolling down my cheeks too. I stepped over behind the poor girl and squeezed both her shoulders gently. She melted backwards against me like she could hardly keep on her feet, never taking her eyes off Liz's.

"So, long story short, you have to let me fuck your girlfriend, or it's going to completely blow my shot. And I do not want to wait another six years to ask her again like I did this time. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Sure, here she is."

She stepped back to the two of us and held the phone out to me. "Apparently he wants to talk to you."

I took it and put it to my ear. "Um, hi, sweetie?"

"I was right, right?" came Wyn's told-you-so voice over the phone. "How long was she rolling on the floor laughing?"

"Not that long, but yeah, you were right. On the floor, feet in the air -- I'm surprised you couldn't hear her from there. Listen --"

"Do it."

I blinked, tongue tied for a second, which is something that never happens to me. Liz and Carly stood flattened together, Carly's arms around Liz's neck, Liz's hands on Carly's waist, both of them lost to anything but seeing each other.

With a voice that didn't shake or catch at all, Carly said, "Yes."

"Yes?" Liz played dumb. "Yes what?"

"Yes to what you said in the middle there."

"You mean you kept your receipt?"

"Ooh, I'm going to hit you if you don't --"

Wyn distracted me before I heard the rest. "Trini? You heard me, right?"

I turned away from where Liz kept teasing Carly and said, "Sure, babe. I heard you ... just ... you mean it's okay? Just like that?"

He laughed. "Jesus, Trin, how many total strangers have you had sex with for money since we started dating? If I don't mind them, why would I mind Liz? Plus it sounds like I'll be able to claim permission was my engagement present to them. You know it'll give Mom fits if I say I'm not buying them anything on top of that."

"She's the soul of propriety, for sure," I said. Then I added, "At least, when people are looking, she is."

"Right, so don't you want to see how she reacts when we're all at Easter dinner and Liz says, 'Hey, Mom and Dad, guess what I did!'"

I laughed, then just stood there smiling and looking at my toes a second. "I love you, you know, you wonderful boy."

"Same," he said. "I mean, except for the boy part. Be sure to remind Liz you're getting paid for the evening. She's an excellent tipper."

With a snort and a loud smooch into the speaker, I hung up. When I turned back around, I saw the two lovebirds wearing one smirk and one scowl.

"Did I miss it?"

Carly growled. "She's pretending she didn't say it."

"Well ... maybe it should wait until we're done here and the two of you are alone."

"No," Liz said easily, smoothing the other woman's hair over one ear. "It doesn't matter if you're here or not. When I ask her, she's going to be the only one in the room. In the whole world, really."

Carly's scowl whimpered away with its tail between its legs. "Oh, Elle ..."

"But I'm not asking her yet," Liz went on, stepping back, breaking their shared gaze to look at me, and clapping her hands together. "Now -- let's do this thing. What are your ground rules? You know, as a professional."

"Ehhh ... pretty much just no exchange of bodily fluids. Oh, and nothing that will leave a permanent mark, on me or on you. Temporary marks on me are a surcharge." Did I need to go into anything else? Well, if we're pretending this is an everyday business deal ... "I can't imagine I really have to say this one, but I've got a pretty strict ban on the N-word, even if people just want to role-play with it. Other than that -- when in doubt, ask first is probably the best approach."

Liz nodded her way through most of this, rolling her eyes at the idea she might say the N-word. Carly just went steadily more pink.

"Works for me on all counts," Liz said. "First things first, then, is to get you into a different outfit, Carly."

The petite girl's mouth dropped open. "I thought you liked it!"

"Exactly," said Liz. "I'm going to be staring at you the whole night if you keep that on, and Trini will turn into a third wheel. I don't want her to feel ignored. You haven't thrown out that cute pink-kitty pajama dress, have you?"

Relieved, Carly nodded.

"Good. Still super-sexy, but way less distracting. You grab it, and then Trini can take this bit off you and slide you into that one."

I watched the little brunette bite her lip a second, then nod again and hurry past me.

This is excellent, I thought. Liz takes charge, Carly's dead-set on pleasing her, and I just have to go with the flow and do my part to keep things smooth.

"So is that a spare toy stashed under your skirt, Trini, or are you just happy to see me?"

Now it was my turn to blush, although luckily I'm too dark for anyone to see it. I put my hands on my hips and decided to come right out with it, since Liz is totally in for bold and straightforward.

"I'm really happy to see you, Liz." Then I tipped forward to look down at my crotch, where things had gotten decidedly pronounced. "Even I am surprised how happy."

She laughed. "I'll look into that more closely in a minute here."

Carly returned from the closet with a long, pink nightshirt in one hand, her eyes flitting down to the subject of discussion for just a second before they turned to Liz. "Do you want to hold this for us while, um, Trini undresses me?"

She held the nightshirt out for her Valentine to take. Then, hands free, she swiveled to face me.

"Okay, so, I guess ..."

I smiled, shook my head, and shifted to put her directly between me and Liz. "I'm not the audience here, girl."

With just a fingertip on each of her shoulders, I eased her around to face Liz.

"Lift your hair up for me, sweetie?"

She did, and I put five fingers on each of her hips to trail them upward, upward, ticking over the fishnet strands, skating forward along her ribs, inward toward the breastbone, then turning my hands to cup the silky under-curves of her bra and heft the pert little palmfuls of softness within. I kept my gaze on Liz through all of this, watching her eyes roam up her lover's body along with my touch.

By the time my fingers wandered on, up, and around to her shoulders, Carly's breathing had gotten very fast. I spider-walked them to the neckline of the body-stocking and dipped one fingertip under each side of it.

"Here we go. Arms back down now."

Trembling, the little brunette lowered her hands. With her arms at her sides, I could begin removing the all-body netting, and I started by tugging open its neckline one inch at a time -- right, then left, then right, then left. Once I had both sides down over the shoulders far enough to stick there, I glided my hands back up, fingertips-only along the smooth pale arcs of her flesh, reaching the plateaus of her shoulders, finding their way forward along her collarbones, across the bra-straps, and down the gentle slopes of her breasts. The fair tone of her skin struck a gorgeorama contrast to my darkness and the black satin of the bra. I traced back and forth along the rim of each cup before tucking a fingertip in on each side and running them up under the straps to her shoulders again. Then I tick-tocked the straps open the same way I'd done the body stocking.

Eagle-eying the fierce, hungry stare this brought from Liz, I asked, "Am I going too slow here? I know the whole point of Carly changing was to keep you from getting distracted ..."

She swallowed, hard, and said, "No. You're setting a pretty good pace. But ... she's going to have to turn back around before you get that bra all the way off, or I'm going to jump her and be really hard to pull loose."