Vanity

"Sunday's great," Richard said and hefted both bags into the bed of his truck.

"Hey, uh, mind dropping me off at..." Richard asked, checking his phone. "Casa Ole?"

"Hmm? Uh, no, guess not," Robert said. "Like that place? Manny's is better, ask me. Their salsa's the best."

Richard locked up the house, then climbed into the front of Robert's truck. For the first two minutes, they rode in silence.

"I uh, you asked Amber have her breasts enlarged?" Richard asked, not being able to think of anything else to talk about.

"What?" Robert laughed mirthlessly. "Good God no, hate them."

"Huh. Swore it was all you," Richard said.

"Bull and shit. Begged and begged have them done. Three thousand dollars. Had them done same time had her tubes tied," Robert said, shaking his head in disgust.

"Tubes..." Richard said.

"Yeah. Wanted me get my big boy snipped. Told her when Hell freezes over too," Robert said, pulling into the parking lot of the Mexican restaurant.

"Right there," Richard said. "Blue Lexus."

"Thanks, Robert," Richard said, holding out his hand.

"Good luck," Robert said, shaking Richard's hand.

"Bye Rachael," Richard said, looking into the jump seat of the truck.

"Go to..." Rachael snarled.

Richard closed the door on the angry girl's statement. He did wonder if she would earn a third mouth washing, or possibly even a spanking for her foul mouth.

Richard used his key and unlocked the Lexus. Getting into the car, his blood pressure spiked. Amber was only a few inches shorter than himself. The driver's seat was eased far back, as if a very tall person had driven his car.

Richard quickly scrolled through his cell phone, found a newly added phone number and hit 'send.'

"Yeah?" a female voice answered.

"Hey, Celine? Tell me where Dalbert is?" Richard asked genially.

"Uh, yeah, shooting hoops with his boys," Celine said. "Who this is?"

"Huh. Well, my wife ain't one of his boys," Richard said as he eased the driver's seat forward. "And uh, last time I checked, there's no basketball court in Casa Ole."

He disconnected the call, started the car and drove it to his home. Once inside of the house, Richard reprogrammed the alarm system's pass code, the garage door keypad and the keyless code for the Lexus. Then he got the Home Depot bag from the passenger seat of his car and began to change the locks for the house.

The house had been his before he and Amber married. And now, finding out that there had been no pregnancy, Richard was sure he could have the marriage annulled.

The Lexus was his. Richard was the one who had bought it, he was the one who paid the monthly notes, his was the name on the title, his was the name on the insurance.

Richard hoped Amber would try to pay for the dinner tonight. Richard had reported all of Amber's credit cards as stolen. She had thought she'd been clever, keeping the one Master Card in her maiden name of Goodwin. But a simple check of her cell phone records had revealed the card's existence to Richard. Her new cards would be delivered in a few days. The joint credit cards would be shredded moment they came in. He would hand deliver her 'Goodwin' card to her new address, whatever that might be.

The cell phone was his; he paid the monthly bills for it, and for Rachael's cell phone. Richard's last act before leaving the office that afternoon had been to cancel service to the two phones.

After he finished changing the locks on the front and back doors and the door leading from garage into house, Richard grabbed a light beer and sat in his recliner. Then he broke down and cried.

His tears did not last long. Three minutes into his crying for a marriage that he had not wanted, his cell phone rang.

He did not recognize the number; he had both Dalbert and Celine Kollins' phone numbers. So he answered.

"Richard? My car! It's been stolen," Amber shrilled. "And my phone doesn't work. Oh, and my credit cards and..."

"Wow, sucks to be you, huh?" Richard said drily. "Whose phone is this?"

"This guy's. I'm at Casa Ole; he's letting me use his phone," Amber said.

"See if he'll let you sleep at his house too; you no longer have a home," Richard said and hung up.

Richard took a sip of his beer, then put the can down. He had things that needed to be done.

He got to his feet and went into the garage. From the trunk of his car, Richard grabbed the six cardboard boxes he'd purchased from Huvall's Texaco that morning.

He was on the fourth box of Amber's clothing when a harsh knock sounded at the door. Richard looked at his watch and nodded with approval. The police had made good time.

"Richard, my key doesn't work," Amber shrilled.

"Sir, Mrs. Gerrard reported her car as stolen," a police officer said.

"Officer, please keep Mrs. Gerrard from entering my home," Richard said, stepping onto the porch.

"What? You can't keep, this is my..." Amber sputtered.

"Deed to the home; bought before married Mrs. Gerrard. Notice, her name's nowhere on that piece of paper," Richard said, showing the police officer the document. "And as for her car..."

He hit the remote control device he'd attached to his belt and the garage door went up. Amber rushed to the garage.

Richard nodded slowly to himself. Amber was wearing a short skirt and some nice hose, along with four inch heels. He knew she had not worn that outfit for work; her boss would have sent her home to change into more appropriate attire.

"Sir?" the police officer asked, face hard.

"Again, mine is the only name on the title and registration. I pay notes, insurance, maintenance," Richard said. "Mrs. Gerrard has no claim to the automobile."

Amber tried repeatedly to open the car. Richard smiled sadly as he pried the key from her hand.

"Reset it, Amber. It's my car," he said.

"Mother fucker! It's MY car! You bought it for me," Amber screamed, now attempting to claw Richard's face.

"Ma'am! Stop, stop right now," a female police officer ordered, grabbing Amber in a hold.

"Pencil dick mother fucker," Amber screeched at Richard, kicking out at him.

"Any chance y'all can work this out?" the other police officer asked.

"Let me ask you. You're just sitting there, reading a good book and your wife comes up and says she wants fuck a black guy. You tell her no but she goes off do it anyway," Richard asked as Amber ceased fighting against the female officer. "You in any mood work it out?"

"Ma'am? Anywhere you can stay tonight?" the police officer asked Amber.

"Here. This is my house," Amber snarled.

"No ma'am, it's not," the police officer said. "Now, friends? Family?"

"Oh, and Rachael's with her dad," Richard said.

This set off a new bout of cursing and struggling. Richard agreed, with the female police officer accompanying her, that Amber could collect some things.

When she saw the boxes, saw that many of her articles were already packed, Amber burst into tears. Richard and the male police officer looked at each other, then looked away. Both were uncomfortable.

"It didn't, it wasn't, it didn't mean anything!" Amber wailed at Richard.

"Meant something to me," Richard said, holding up his left hand, displaying his wedding ring.

"But it was just..." Amber sobbed.

"It was just you breaking your wedding vows, it was you telling me my feelings meant nothing, my opinion didn't matter one single bit to you," Richard said. "Now, get your stuff and just go, huh?"

"But where?" Amber wailed.

"See if Dalbert and Celine got any room for you, huh?" Richard suggested.

With the female officer assisting, Amber gathered some work clothes and some casual clothes. Then, numbly, Amber shuffled out of the house.

"Good luck, man," the male officer said quietly.

The female officer said nothing, just followed her partner out the door. Richard quietly shut and locked the door.

Once more, he sipped the now warm can of beer. Then allowed some tears to trickle down his face.

Monday morning, after a long weekend spent shuffling around the large house, Richard showed up for his appointment with his new attorney, Penny Jones. Ethel Youngblood, the plain looking receptionist smiled pleasantly, offering Richard coffee or water.

"Okay, what's the deal with that?" Richard smiled. "Coffee equals caffeine; I'm already nervous enough. Water, and coffee for that matter, means a full bladder and I'm on the clock here. Halfway through our meeting, I'll need to pee, and hey, I'm on the clock. That's the most expensive pee I'll ever take."

"Most people just say 'no thank you,'" Ethel smiled.

"No thank you," Richard smiled and Ethel laughed.

"Mr. Gerrard?" Penny asked, stepping out of her office.

Penny Jones was an attractive red head with a warm smile. When she turned around, Richard's eyes went immediately to her full buttocks and he felt a stirring in his khakis. He followed the woman into her office and took a seat.

Penny did smile, her handshake was firm. But she did inform Richard that she did not represent spouses that were trying to cheat the other out of their fair share of the marital assets.

"I am known as a shark," Penny conceded. "But that's only because I fiercely defend my clients."

Richard nodded. Then outlined the entirety of Amber's deceptions. He showed Penny the screen capture images of her Facebook page announcing her pregnancy. Then he showed her the announcement of losing the pregnancy.

"Oh!" Penny sighed, saddened by Richards, Amber's loss.

"Except for two things," Richard said. Well, three things really. One, there never was a confirmation of the pregnancy. Two, there was no confirmation of the spontaneous abortion. And three, Amber Goodwin Truesdale Gerrard had a procedure, a tubal ligation performed prior to my 'bumping' into her at Burns and Burns groceries."

"Hmm," Penny said, setting her jaw firmly.

"When I made the appointment with you," Richard continued. "I was aware of points one and two. A brief discussion with her ex-husband, Robert Truesdale informed me of point three, Amber having her tubes tied. I had wanted a simple divorce. Now? I want a full annulment of the marriage."

Penny quickly revised the documentation. Ethel came in and notarized Richard's signatures.

When Ethel bent to affix the stamp, Richard took a quick glance down the front of Ethel's blouse. Plain looking or not, Ethel Youngblood had been blessed with quite large breasts. The lacy bra that held the two globes looked ready to burst as she bent forward.

"When and where do you want Ms. Gerrard served?" Penny asked as Richard tore his eyes from Ethel's chest.

"Work, I guess," Richard said, a hint of sadness in his voice. "I mean, I honestly don't know where she's staying."

"And the when?" Penny continued.

"Whenever. Their office closes at five thirty, on the dot," Richard said as Ethel left the office. "Five thirty one? Place is a ghost town."

Richard knew exactly when Penny Jones had Amber Gerrard served. His cell phone buzzed. At that moment, however, he had a female employee in his office. The employee was outlining her marketing idea.

"You uh, you not getting that?" the woman asked.

"What voice mail was created for," Richard smiled sadly. "I'm busy. Now, have you thought of maybe approaching Pine Grove? Seeing if they'd let us 'teach' a few classes to their clients?"

"Pine, Mr. Gerrard! That's genius," the woman said as Richard's phone began to buzz again.

The employee promised to get right on reaching out to Pine Groves Assisted Living as well as the Jack's Creek Center. Richard reminded her to check their WI fi capabilities. As she was shutting Richard's door, the woman saw his face change from quiet strength to raw pain. She almost rushed back into the office, almost gathered him into a motherly, or not so motherly hug.

After a few moments, Richard stoically checked the voice mails. Apparently, Amber Goodwin Truesdale Gerrard was not having as hard a time dealing with the denigration of their marriage. Her messages were screaming tirades, declarations of how she and her attorney would ream him in the divorce.

"That is my fucking house! What? I'm on the God damned phone here," Richard heard Amber scream.

He pressed '9' and saved that message, then hit '*' to hear the next message.

"Well, thanks a fucking lot, ass hole. Now I got to go to my dumb ass boss's office. Hope you're happy, dick head," Amber groused.

Amber continued her tirade, informing Richard that, since she and Dalbert never even got to fuck, he was overreacting. This whole ordeal was completely unnecessary.

"Mr. Gerrard?" Richard heard as he hit '9' again.

"Yes, Whitney?" Richard asked, voice tight.

"I, uh, a Ms. Jones? On the Phone?" Whitney asked.

Richard hated the way Whitney ended every sentence as if it were a question. She was attractive, her body language certainly conveyed her interest in him, but he would never be able to tolerate more than a two minute conversation with her.

"Thank you, Whitney," Richard said, already pressing the blinking light.

"No problem," Whitney said brightly.

That was another thing that irked Richard about Whitney. The proper response to 'thank you' should be 'you are welcome' and not 'no problem.'

"Mrs. Jones?" Richard asked.

"Ms. Gerrard was served at, um, three thirty this afternoon," Penny Jones confirmed. "Richard Boudreaux, our process server hand delivered the papers at her place of employment."

"Uh huh, have two voice mails letting me know that," Richard agreed.

Somehow, Amber had her attorney, Nicole Banks, schedule a meeting in Judge Marie Robichaux's chambers just two weeks after Amber had been served. Penny's smile did little to assure Richard, but being brought a cup of coffee by Ethel Youngblood did bring a smile to Richard's face. Ethel bent to hand him the cup and he caught a whiff of her musk perfume.

Judge Marie Robichaux was a horse faced woman. Richard thought her quite unattractive, but did notice a photo frame on her desk of herself, a handsome older man, and two horse faced children. Also, on her wall, next to her diploma and her law degree were five or six framed pictures, obviously scrawled by her children.

"Top one was when we went to Mardi Gras, in New Orleans," Marie smiled as Richard's eyes were glued to the drawings. "Next one is when their daddy took them fishing. I don't know why Bobby drew them with fish; they didn't catch a single one."

She lost the smile when she saw the tears spring to Richard's eyes. Richard smiled sadly when Penny reached for the box of tissues.

"Those were the fish they were going to catch the next time," Richard explained as he used a tissue.

"Yeah, I guess so," Marie said, looking at the drawing again.

"They're lovely; can we..." Amber spat.

Amber stopped talking when Nicole put her hand on Amber's arm. Amber frowned when Nicole gave a little shake of her head.

Richard looked at Nicole Banks for a moment. The woman looked young, too young to be an attorney. Her hair was a deep brown, and hung to her knees when she stood. There was a sprinkling of freckles across her pert little nose, and her deep brown eyes were wide, innocent looking.

Her clothing was tailored, expensive looking. Her figure was slim, almost boyish, which also added to her youthful appearance.

"Petition for annulments are unusual, to say the least, when the two have been living together for over a year," Judge Marie Robichaux started.

"And my client doesn't understand how or why Mr. Gerrard is seeking an annulment..." Nicole started.

"Jesus Christ, Richard. Grow up, huh?" Amber interrupted her attorney. "God! So I wanted to fuck a black guy. Get over it, huh?"

"Ms. Banks," Marie warned.

"Didn't even get to fuck him anyway," Amber continued, despite her attorney's hand on her arm. "Oh! And thanks a fucking lot for calling his wife, huh? Know Dalbert had get five stitches where she cut him?"

"Amber! Be quiet!" Nicole barked.

Richard looked at his attorney. He could see her brown eyes simply watching Nicole and Amber. Then Penny's eyes flicked to Judge Robichaux.

"As you were saying, Ms. Banks?" Marie finally urged.

"Just like you, Your Honor, we too are puzzled at Mr. Gerrard's request for an annulment," Nicole continued. "A divorce, yes, but an annulment? Setting aside their happy marriage as if it had never existed? We've come today to request counseling, in the hopes of returning to the marriage, and returning the minor child, Rachael Ann Truesdale, to the loving, happy home she had previously enjoyed."

Nicole nodded affirmative to Judge Marie Robichaux's unasked question; yes she was finished. Marie looked at Penny.

Penny opened her briefcase and placed a file folder on the desk. Putting her briefcase on the floor, she then flipped open the file folder.

"Ms. Truesdale informed my client, Mr. Gerrard, that she was divorced from her husband, Mr. Robert Scott Truesdale," Penny said.

"We couldn't been married if I wasn't," Amber snapped.

"Ms. Banks, this is your client's last warning," Marie warned.

"When in fact, the divorce did not become final until a week before their marriage," Penny continued.

"So..." Amber started, then clamped her lips shut.

"Had my client realized Ms. Truesdale was in fact, still married, he would have not pursued a romantic relationship with Ms. Truesdale," Penny continued. He is, after all, a well-respected member of the faculty of the University of Louisiana at DeGarde.

"Respected?" Amber snorted. Bull fucking shit. "Your students hate you!"

"Ms. Truesdale, leave. Leave my chambers at once," Marie ordered.

"And he fucking knew I wasn't divorced," Amber said, getting to her feet.

Richard just shook his head. Amber managed to slam the door with sufficient force to shake the framed children's' drawings.

"Your Honor, I apologize," Nicole murmured.

Penny also showed the screenshots of Amber's Facebook pages, the posts where she claimed to be divorced, months before the actual divorce. She showed the posts that Amber happily discussed her pregnancy, then the posts of her declaration that they'd lost the baby.

"And..." Penny said, showing Robert's cancelled check to Dr. Roger Pillieur, for Amber's tubal ligation.

Penny also slid forward the case file from Dr. Melanie Leblanc. Dr. Leblanc had met with Rachael Truesdale, had asked Rachael about her feelings regarding the divorce of her parents, her feelings about living with Mr. Richard, and now, living with her father.

"Ms. Banks' client asks that the court return Rachael to the happy, loving home. Well, apparently, she is in a happy, loving home," Penny said. "Your honor, as you, and as Ms. Banks are aware, I do everything I can to ensure that the children are cared for. I have four children of my own; their happiness is paramount. The minor child had an acrimonious relationship with Mr. Gerrard. In her own words, she hated him and blamed him for the failure of her parents' marriage."

"And had I known? I would have never..." Richard quietly said.

He shut his mouth when Penny touched his arm. Then Penny ticked off, on her fingers, Amber's deceptions.

"Claimed she was already divorced. Claimed she was pregnant, no documentation to substantiate this claim. Then claimed to have lost the baby. Again, no documentation," Penny said. Rachael, her child from her previous marriage? Clearly unhappy in the home with mother and step-father."

"Ms. Banks? See if your client can control herself, is ready to conduct herself as an adult," Marie said.

Nicole got to shaky legs and left the small office. Richard again looked at the drawings.

"The one on the bottom left, the yellow one?" Richard asked. "What is that?"

"That is when we went to San Francisco; that's the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset," Marie laughed. "Rebecca saw the bridge, sure, but what she saw more than that was how God used the sun to frame the bridge, make it really shine."