Warmth Pt. 02

When I got back we spent most of that Wednesday evening catching up. I didn't have much to report. Most of my life for the past few months had revolved around Pine, and despite my conviction in the car I still shied away from breaching that subject. I was feeling really comfortable and I didn't want to do anything to ruin that.

It wasn't until Thanksgiving dinner that I allowed myself to think about it again. The problem was the more I thought about it the more nervous I became. I came to the same realization I came to when I was getting ready to tell James about Pine; that there was no way to explain the situation in a way that didn't sound strange at best and unsettling at worst. Because of this I decided to use the same strategy I had used on James. I was happy to do it because it also meant that I could postpone coming completely clean with them.

"Mom, Dad?"

They both turned to look at me.

"Yes, sweetie?" Mom asked.

"A couple months ago, I acquired a new housemate. His name is Pine. He's like a brother to me now, and I was wondering if he could come here with me for Christmas. He doesn't have any family to go back to."

Mom smiled, but I could tell that she had concerns.

"You got a housemate? Why are we just hearing about this now?"

I swallowed. "I just...I kept forgetting to tell you, that's all."

Mom sighed. "That's not true, is it?"

I felt my face heat up. It was foolish of me to think I could ever successfully lie to them.

Dad cut in. "If he's a friend of yours he's welcome here, it's just a lot to drop on us at once."

I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. "Thanks, and I'm sorry about that. It's just kind of a weird situation. I promise that it'll be clearer when you get to know him."

That seemed to be the end of that. They didn't mention it again for the rest of the day. Normally I'd stay with them for the weekend after Thanksgiving, but I cut my visit short and left Friday morning. I'm grateful they didn't ask me why.

I had texted James a few times during my visit, just to check in, but I did what I could to not breathe down his neck. When I got home I was still mostly in the dark about how things went.

I didn't even need to call Pine's name. Seconds after I walked in he came running. He slowed down when he approached, mindful of my arm. He hugged me from the side and nuzzled me continuously. I ruffled his hair.

"I missed you too, sweetie." I hadn't called him that before, but I wanted to try it out after a few days with Mom. It didn't really have the same ring to it when I said it.

It was the evening, and James made dinner for all of us so he could tell me about Pine's stay.

"It was just like any other dog-sitting job. He was antsy at the beginning but got more comfortable by the first night. He slept on one couch with Comet and I slept on the other one with Flag nearby."

I smiled at the image of that.

"There was only one spot of trouble, last night."

My blood turned to ice as he continued.

"I woke up to Comet whining. She was trying to wake up Pine from one of those night terrors you told me about. Comet handled it, though. He hugged her and she just stayed still the entire time licking his face."

I tried to steady my breathing. "How long did it take for Pine to calm down?"

He shrugged. "Maybe half an hour. It's not like I timed it or anything."

Okay, so Comet had made a difference. That was good. I knew that this would be a good place for Pine to stay, though I wished I could have been there with him.

When we were leaving, James said he'd be happy to look after Pine in the future.

"Just not for Christmas, though. I'm flying to my sister's place."

"No, that's fine. Pine's coming to Alabama with me for Christmas, anyway."

James grinned. "Taking him to meet the parents, eh? That's a big step. You sure you're ready?"

I returned the smile. "Please shut up," I told him before leaving.

XII

Ever since I got back from Alabama, I made it a point to take Pine out in public with me more often. Many times when I needed to go out and run errands, I'd open my car door and offer Pine the passenger seat. He almost never refused. He always seemed willing to hop in the car and ride anywhere with me.

It was never anything special, just taking him to the bank or grocery store or something, but I wanted Pine to spend more time outside the house. I also wanted to make Pine not so damn terrified of other humans.

When I first found Pine, he would quite literally cower at the sight of any person that wasn't me. Since then he made another friend with James, but he still didn't have much experience dealing with people, and usually, since we'd be on a walk or at the dog park, he'd be around dogs anyway, which would lower is inhibitions.

On the first few quick trips, Pine definitely acted nervous around other people. He would always stay very close to me and act suspicious towards any person who got within ten feet. Over time his apprehension was replaced with mere disinterest. He didn't act scared, he'd just put on his poker face and not stray too far from me. He was able to blend in and be inconspicuous without much effort.

Still, I'm a creature of habit. I usually return to the same places around the same times in a rough schedule, and I had been in that area for years. This meant that I was familiar with many of the employees and other patrons at the establishments I frequented, some merely by sight, but others on a first name basis. This meant I would get asked who Pine was quite often when he was with me.

Pine's social skills were nonexistent. If he didn't feel comfortable putting his hands on a person, he'd not try anything, but putting him out in public taught him a couple social niceties. He picked up nodding in greeting at whoever I would be introducing him to, shaking hands that were being held out in front of him, even smiling when he suspected that he'd been given a compliment.

Having social anxiety myself, I understood Pine's feelings to some extent. So often when I'd be out in public I'd just imagine everybody looking at me, judging me about every stupid little thing. It would make the world seem like a cruel place, but as I went out in public more and more I came to realize that they were nothing but voices in my head. I've yet to find a way to make those voices actually go away, and I may never will, but I've learned how to ignore them for the most part.

I had long suspected that Pine had not been treated well in his previous life, considering the horrible dreams he had and his distrust to other people in general. I couldn't confirm that, but if it were true, it would explain a lot. Pine just had to slowly learn that not everyone wanted to hurt him, that his suspicion and paranoia was unfounded. Eventually he learned to adapt, and he seemed willing to go anywhere as long as I was with him.

Only two really memorable things happened that December before Christmas. The first was that I was finally able to take off my brace. It felt good to finally not have to be so ginger with that arm, to move my left hand freely without tugging on a sling that attached my wrist to my neck. Most of all, it felt good to finally use both hands on Pine again. My movements had been restricted before, but now things were back to normal. Not wanting to tempt fate, I hired somebody to clean my gutters for me that year.

The other thing that happened was that Pine experienced his first snow. It was early in December, before I even had the brace removed, and I looked out the window one day to see snow falling lightly. Quickly I got Pine in his anorak and led him outside. I expected him to get cold and want to go back inside almost immediately, but he did seem interested in the snow. He held out his bare hand to catch the flakes, watching closely as they would land on his palm and dissolve. Still, he went right back inside a few minutes later.

The days went by and eventually it came time for us to go to Alabama for Christmas. The car ride there was uneventful. It was the longest ride Pine had taken, and he spent most of it very bored. He would sleep, play with his hair or necklace, even reach over to touch me on occasion.

Still, that car ride was the shortest ten hours I had ever experienced. It seemed to zip by without me even realizing it. In a short time, we were back at my house again. I just sat in the car for a moment, preparing myself for what was about to happen.

I turned to address Pine. "Okay, it's too late to turn back now."

I walked to the front door with Pine by my side. I grabbed the door knob and found it unlocked. Normally I would just let myself in, but instead I knocked on the door.

A few moments later my mother answered. She warmed up when she saw me.

"Hey, Zach."

Then she noticed who was next to me. She smiled.

"You must be Pine. It's nice to meet you."

Pine nodded at the greeting before I cut in. "Mom, if you want to be fully introduced to Pine, it's gonna take some time. May I bring my stuff in first? I want to talk to both you and Dad about this."

She gave me a weird look. "Okay, if you say so."

I went inside to greet Dad and put my bags in my old room. The whole time Pine just stood to the side, watching.

The four of us gathered in the den. I instructed Pine to lay on the couch and he complied, curling up on his side. Without any preamble I told both of my parents the whole story, only leaving out some choice details I knew they wouldn't want to hear about. I told them how I found Pine, took him in, and the unabridged events of the day my arm broke. This took a while, much longer than when I told the story to James since so much had happened since then.

About halfway through the story, Pine got up from the couch and walked over to Dad, who was nearest to him, looking at him curiously. Pine tentatively held out his hand and touched my father's leg. This happened past the point in the story where I told him what that touching signified, so he wasn't surprised, just interested. After a minute he stopped and curled up on the carpet, resting at Dad's feet. Mom got up from her chair and sat on the floor next to him. Without prompting, Pine touched her interestedly. When she petted his head, he nuzzled her.

Eventually I was done. I looked at them, waiting for their reactions. They knew that I was telling the truth, I couldn't lie to them if I tried. Not to mention, Pine just displayed his mannerisms right in front of them. The silence went on for so long I asked "Well?"

Mom looked up from Pine to me.

"Well, sweetie, it's just a lot to take in. I've never seen anybody like this before."

Dad nodded in agreement.

"Do you have any questions?" I asked them.

Mom laughed. "Yes, but if I asked them all to you now we'll be here all day. How about we eat dinner instead?"

I grinned from ear to ear. "That sounds wonderful."

I had no idea I was so worried about.

*****

As Pine got more accustomed to my parents over the course of the week he lived with them he developed his own reactions and demeanors towards them. I was starting to think that Pine just used his first impressions to guide how he saw a person.

Pine clearly saw Dad as a protective force. There wasn't much active affection as much as just making it known how safe he felt around him. He would sit or lay down at my father's feet many times. Pine would even sit in his lap. Dad was so much bigger that Pine looked like a child next to him, and he definitely acted like one. Whenever he was near my father he tended to curl into a fetal position. If he was sitting on my dad's lap he would bury his face into his chest, often falling asleep against it. Dad would act annoyed, but he didn't seem to mind all that much.

While Pine seemed to become lethargic and submissive around Dad, he'd be a whirlwind of energy whenever he was near Mom. It reminded me of how he would be around Comet. He'd always be doing something, touching her or nuzzling her. Once she got accustomed to it she'd respond in kind. She would kiss him and hug him and lay her hands all over him. She clearly thought that Pine was adorable and saw him the way she would a baby or puppy, and Pine was more than happy to comply.

I was fully aware how strange it was to interact with Pine. He'd be so physical, so responsive to touch. He acted mostly like a dog, but he was a human. There's definitely some dissonance to that, but they saw past it pretty quickly, and I think it was because he clearly had such a strong attachment to me. Even despite how much he liked my parents, he would still gravitate towards me more often than not. He'd curl up in my presence the way he would with Dad as well as get energized around me like the way he did around Mom.

My father told me that he and Mom really liked the way I would light up whenever Pine was around. Since puberty, I'd been a very reclusive kind of person. I'd back away from interaction and stifle emotions for fear of judgment, but when I was around Pine I'd be completely different. I'd invite the company and be outward with all my feelings. Mom said that I'd look happy in a way that I didn't look very often.

They liked Pine a lot and seemed to regard him as a family member without much effort. When I told them how much he loved it, Mom even made a batch of meat sauce. Pine was in a state of bliss the whole time it was cooking, losing himself to the aroma. They even got Pine a Christmas gift, and it was a pretty big one. On the 20^th or 21^st, my dad told me that there was a park nearby with a long nature trail. He suggested that I go check it out since he knew that I liked hiking. My mom added that I should take Pine with me. It sounded like a good idea, something that wouldn't have required much prodding for me to consider. Still, I could tell that they just wanted me and Pine out of the house for whatever reason. I let them have their secrets and was out with Pine for much of the day, packing lunches for the both of us.

When I got back Pine made a beeline for the den. I followed him there and saw him underneath the boughs of the Christmas tree, rolling around and acting like was having the time of his life. I had no idea what was going on until I got close enough to notice the smell. My parents had an artificial tree set up before we even came to visit, one that could be left up for as long as desired, but this was a real tree.

Using a real tree as a Christmas tree has its charm but is mostly a pain in the ass. The needles would fall constantly and you'd have to take it down sooner rather than later. What really blew my mind is that they went to the effort of taking down the tree they had already set up and setting up a new one in its place, just so Pine could enjoy a smell. I thanked them for it so many times they got annoyed with me about it.

Things were great and peaceful until the night of the 23^rd.

XIII

On the night before Christmas Eve, my mother asked me if I wanted to go on a walk with her and Dad. It wasn't really something they ever asked me to do, but Mom used that tone that moms use to indicate that they aren't really asking a question. I went to get Pine, but she told me to just leave Pine in the den.

My dad drove the three of us to a park that's on the other side of the neighborhood. The three of us walked a little, but after that Mom confirmed my worst suspicions.

"Sweetie, we need to talk to you about something."

I seriously considered running away as fast as I could, but I resisted.

"Sure," I replied, trying not sound as nervous as I was. "What's up?"

"Zach, it's about Pine." Dad said.

I raised an eyebrow. "What about him?"

Mom grabbed my hand. "Zach, don't you think it's time you start thinking about filing a police report?"

I felt like she just punched me in the throat. Somehow, they knew that I had thought about it, but never went through with it.

I set my jaw. "I spent that whole first night looking for a missing person report for Pine. I never found one. I figured that filing a report would be unnecessary."

Dad folded his arms. "You know that it would help."

I clenched my teeth again but didn't answer.

"You should also get him looked at by a doctor," Mom said. "Maybe then you can find out what's wrong with Pine, maybe even find a cure for it."

That's something I had also thought about but never got around to. No, I could have gotten around to it, but I didn't want to.

"Look, we know you don't wanna hear this, but this is what's best for Pine," said Dad.

I felt my temper rise. "How is that, exactly? He's happy. I'm happy."

Mom put her hand on my shoulder. "Sweetie, we know you love Pine, but these are things that you need to do, for his sake."

I took a deep breath and said something I immediately wished I hadn't. "I don't see any reason to do those things right now."

My dad lost his patience.

"Somebody may have been taking care of Pine before you found him. They may think that he's dead. Ever thought of that?"

For a second, I didn't even know how to react. Dad had never talked to me like that before.

Dad went on. "He may have brain cancer or something you need to catch early on. Do you really think nothing is wrong with his head?"

Mom turned to him. "Honey, that's enough."

Dad wasn't done. He said something that made me feel like he just shot me in the face.

"What if there's a cure for whatever Pine's got? What if you're keeping him like this?"

I lost all control.

"SHUT UP!!!"

It had been a long time, several years, since I lost my temper completely. All my self-doubt, all my insecurities, everything came to head at that moment. I yelled at both of them with all that I had.

"SHUT UP!! YOU DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE I DO! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!"

I tried to storm off but made it about five feet before my legs gave out and I sank to the ground. Emotions are powerfully unpredictable. In one instant, like a switch had been flipped, all the anger turned into despair. I started crying.

I knew they were right about these things. Everything Dad had just said were things I'd thought myself at some level. They were basic steps towards getting Pine cured or found that I chose not to do because I didn't want to lose him.

The anger I let loose on my parents reared its head at me. I tried to stifle the tears, but I couldn't. I buried my face into my hands.

A few seconds later I felt Dad sit on the ground next to me and wrap his arms around my shoulders. I could tell that Mom was nearby as well.

It was all wrong. They shouldn't be trying to comfort me. They should hate me.

I didn't want to look at them. I didn't want them to see my face.

I heard my mother's voice. "Sweetie, I know it's tough. Being a parent isn't easy."

I kept sobbing, trying as hard as I could to regain composure to no effect. I felt her hand on my head.

"These aren't things that you have to do right now. They're just things that you should keep in mind."

I heard my Dad's voice in my ear. "I'm sorry, Zach. That was too far. I shouldn't have said those things."

I was finally able to find a thin, shaky voice. "No. You're right. I just..." I bit my lip. I tried to take a deep breath before continuing.

"I've already hurt him. When I got injured, Pine almost broke. You didn't see how much he was crying. You never heard how loud he screamed. It made me feel like a monster."

I heard Mom crouch down on the other side of me.

"For what? Making Pine care about you?"

I kept trying to take deep breaths, to calm down. It wasn't working.

"I know I'm being selfish. I know I'm doing everything I can so that Pine stays with me. It's just that...Pine gave my life a new purpose. He makes me feel special. I don't want to lose that."