When Souls Collide

"Hey, there. You were having a nightmare."

Tabby pushed away from the headboard, sat up straighter and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I was just lying in bed vegging. Just was too lazy to get up." Petra got off the bed and opened the curtains to the night sky and sighed. "It looks like we've all overslept. Fancy having a cup of tea with me? Diego's still passed out but I don't think I can go back to sleep anytime soon."

Tabby nodded and untangled her legs from the sheets. Her head still hurt but not as badly as it had at the hospital. Her stomach gave a loud rumble that set Petra off giggling. "Sounds like you could use some actual food or at least some cookies to go with the tea!"

"You know, I think you're right. Now that I'm up, I'm starving." Tabby started searching the room, looking for something. "Hey, have you seen my purse or my phone?"

"I think it's in the living room. I remember bringing it in when Marcus brought you to bed."

That stopped Tabby in her tracks. Marcus had carried her to bed? Why didn't she remember that?

"You were zonked out. All he did was carry you up and get you into bed," Petra got a mischievous sparkle in her eyes, "So...Marcus. I saw you getting an eyeful of that hunk of yumminess." She teased as they walked into the kitchen.

Tabby sat at the breakfast bar, flustered and caught off guard. "I..uh..he..uhm. Ugh, Petra. My brain turns to moosh when I think about him." She groaned and shook her head. "Just call me the queen of bad timing."

Petra laughed and stuck the kettle on the stove to boil. She pulled two mugs from the cupboard and spooned some loose tea into a couple of disposable tea bags. "Oh honey, I have a feeling that he's thinking the same thing." The kettle boiled and Petra poured the hot water over the tea releasing the warm scent of cinnamon, cardamom and cloves into the air.

Mmmm, Tabby brought her cup to her nose, loving the scent of Petra's homemade chai blend. "What are you talking about?"

Petra hopped up on a stool beside Tabby and pushed a bag of Peek Freans Bourbon Creams in front of her. "Dip one of those puppies in your tea. Chocolate and chai where made for each other!"

Tabby fished one of the oblong sandwich cookies out of the bag and gave it a quick dunk in her cup. One bite and heaven exploded in her mouth. The chocolate and cinnamon blended so well together that before she realised it, she had polished off the cookie and was pulling another out.

"Mmmm, good, right?" Petra hummed around a mouthful of sopping wet cookie.

"Uh huh." Tabby agreed, enjoying the spicy sweetness of the treat. "What did you mean about Marcus?" she prodded.

Petra sighed and smiled. "I think he likes you, sweetie. He was just as flummoxed as you were last night."

"I...I don't know what that was that I was feeling. He's gorgeous but in a confusing way that I don't understand. I mean, he's a stranger, right? But I feel like I know him. It's so weird, Petra."

"Sweetie, right now, you don't need to understand anything other than recovering. I happen to know that Marcus will be there if you want to pursue anything with him. Trust me on that." Petra took another cookie out of the bag and handed it to Tabby. "Eat, you look like you're starving."

Tabby took the cookie but her mind was wandering, trying to recall her interactions with Marcus. Everything seemed hazy, except for his brilliant blue-green eyes. Those she remembered vividly and the intensity with which he looked at her. Those eyes were burned into her memory, cutting through the horrible imprint of Jerry and leading her out of that dark place.

"Tabs, you still with me?" Petra waved a cookie in front of Tabby's face trying to get her attention.

"Um, what? Sorry, Petra, I was miles away."

"I noticed. Thinking about a dark haired god of a Dom are you?"

"He's a Dom? I didn't know that."

Petra eyed her speculatively. "Does that scare you, sweetie?"

"No. Uh, yes...Maybe." Tabby laughed and hid her embarrassment behind her hand. "I don't really know, Petra. I've never - I've never done anything like that before. I mean I know you're into the whole BDSM thing..." Tabby noticed the surprised look her friend gave her. "I may not get out much, but I'm not dumb, Petra. You try to hide it, mostly, but you do let things slip. I know that Diego is your Master and that he makes you very happy."

Petra sighed dreamily, setting her chin on her folded hands and staring off into space, a silly grin on her face. "He does, Tabby. He's so much more than I ever hoped to find and I think I make him happy too. You don't need to be afraid of the lifestyle. I happen to know that Marcus is an accomplished Dom and he would never push you into anything if you happened to want to see him..." Petra trailed off, leaving the open ended question hanging in the air, waiting to see how Tabby reacted.

"I'm not ready, Petra. There's too much for me to worry about right now to even think of starting up something that I may not be able to finish. Besides, he's not going to want someone with no experience at all in BDSM is he? I may not be able to be what he wants or needs." Petra's hopes fell. Tabby was withdrawing as she was afraid that she'd do.

"Well, don't close the door completely on him Tabs, he might surprise you and you might surprise yourself if you keep an open mind."

Tabby put her uneaten cookie back in the bag, picked up her mug and set it in the sink. A faint chime pinged from the living room and she perked up her hearing.

"Hey, that's my phone!" she said and sprinted out of the kitchen. Petra followed her out to find her digging into her purse and pulling her battered iPhone out.

Tabby blanched when she saw how many missed calls and messages she had. There were at least a dozen from Nick and just about as many from Troy. Nick was probably freaking out about her missing their breakfast and then not showing up for work. A cold shiver ran up her spine and the cookies she had just eaten sat like a rocks in her belly at that thought.

She was never going to set foot in that place again.

What could Troy want though? She usually called him on Saturday to catch up so it was unusual for him to call her during the week unless there was a problem. Eleven missed calls and texts meant he was going crazy about something.

"Everything okay, Tabs?" Petra asked.

"Troy's been trying to get a hold of me. You didn't talk to him about what happened at all did you?"

"Of course not!" Petra looked indignant but softened immediately. "You know I wouldn't do something like that unless it was an emergency. I know how careful you are with your brother, Tabs."

"I know. I'm sorry, Petra." Tabby glanced at the clock on the TV's cable box. It showed 10:05 pm and Tabby was debating calling when her phone suddenly burst into life, startling her so badly that she dropped the device on the rug.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, watching as her phone bounced under the table. She dove for the thing and saw Troy's goofy expression filling her screen. Fumbling for the button to accept the call, she pressed it and put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Tabby. Thank fuck! I've been trying to get a hold of you all fucking day! Where the hell have you been? Are you alright?" Troy was shouting into his phone and Tabby winced holding hers away from her ear to keep from being deafened.

"Sorry Troy, I didn't have my phone handy and just noticed your messages a minute ago." She switched the phone to her other ear, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. "What's up bro? Why the panic?" She could hear him breathing hard in the silence of the open line and wondered what could have gotten him so worked up.

"You're okay," he breathed, more as a reassurance to himself than an actual question for Tabby. "You're okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Why would you think I wasn't?" Tabby felt something unpleasant squirm in her stomach and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She had a feeling that she wasn't going to like Troy's answer.

"I thought...I dunno...I really thought that you were in trouble," he sighed loudly and Tabby could imagine her twin running his hands through his long hair. "It was so real, Tabby. So fucking real that I woke up in a sweat." Troy sounded so close to tears that it frightened Tabby.

He couldn't have known. There's no way he could have known what Jerry had tried to do to her...could he?

"Talk to me Troy. What's got you so upset?"

He was quiet for a long time and Tabby was afraid that he'd hung up. When he finally did start to speak, his voice was barely a whisper and so full of dread that Tabby's heart broke for him, but it was his words that sent icicles spearing into her chest. "He was hurting you, Tabs. I could see, but I couldn't help. You were trapped with a monster and he was hurting you! I swear I could feel how scared you were and I screamed for you." Troy's voice choked off as he sobbed into the phone. "I couldn't get to you. I've never felt so impotent in my life. If something had happened to you...Oh God Tabby, it was so fucking real."

Tabby couldn't speak; her heart was pounding so hard that her lungs had trouble drawing in air. She swayed on the spot and Petra rushed to her side and guided her to a chair just as her knees buckled, dropping her heavily into the seat.

"Tabby?" Troy called through the phone. "You there?"

Tabby tried to swallow, but her mouth was so dry that her throat wouldn't work. She coughed, forcing sound to come from her paralyzed vocal cords. "I'm here, I'm okay, Troy. It was just a dream, sweetheart. Please don't be upset."

"I never know anymore, T. They keep messing with my meds and it fucks with my head. Sometimes...sometimes I feel like I'm wandering through a stadium full of people all yelling something different to me and I have to sift through all the noise to find one specific voice. I never know what's real or my crazy brain filling up the space with imaginary bullshit."

Troy sounded so lost that Tabby just wanted to reach through the phone and hug her fragile brother. She'd known that his delusions were getting worse. Her mother had kept her updated on his condition, on the trials and failures with different medications and his increasing erratic behaviour.

Troy had been diagnosed with schizophrenia a year after their father had died in an auto accident. He had been fourteen and had taken their father's death hard, becoming withdrawn and depressed. Night terrors and odd behaviour were easily attributed to the grief he was dealing with, warning signs that went unheeded, and later hidden as he chose to keep to himself more and more.

Tabby remembered seeing Troy staring off into space a lot, concentrating very hard. She'd watch his face and wondered what he was seeing and hearing because he'd act like he could hear or see something she could not. When she'd question him, he'd look frightened, then turned angry, pushing her away and telling her to mind her own business. During that time, their mother struggled to keep the family afloat, working two jobs and barely seeing her own children but even she couldn't deny the alarming changes that had transformed her happy, loving boy into a paranoid, aggressive introvert. She tried to get him help but the doctor didn't take her concerns seriously and told her that it was just a phase he was going through. Exhausted and stressed, she chose to believe the doctors and told herself that he would eventually grow out of his strange behaviour.

Unfortunately for Troy, his mother's wishful thinking did not come true.

At the age of sixteen, Troy's disease had progressed unchecked to the point of no return. Its poisoned claws were sunk so deeply into his psyche that Troy could no longer hide the ravaging effects of the auditory and visual hallucinations that he battled day and night. Tabby could still see the haunted, terrified look he'd get in his eyes but then he notice her looking and he'd shut down.

One fateful day, Troy was sent home from school for being too disruptive in class. The teacher didn't know how to deal with him so sent him home with a warning that if he didn't smarten up, the next time he misbehaved, he was going to be suspended. Troy barely heard the teacher's voice. His head was filled with screams and voices he couldn't shut out any longer.

What the teacher had thought was just delinquent behaviour, turned out to be a desperate young man who was sliding down the slippery slope of his sanity into a full blown psychotic break. He ran home, terrified by hallucinations that chased him like ghouls and was deafened by the voices whispering and screaming so that he could no longer think his own thoughts.

Tabby had been home sick with the flu the afternoon that Troy had burst into the house screaming hysterically, "Shut up! Shut up!" Scared, she had tried to calm him but he couldn't or wouldn't hear her pleas. He pushed her down and bolted up the stairs into his room, barricading the door with furniture.

Troy had locked himself in his room for hours, shouting gibberish and making such a commotion that Tabby had called her mother at work, terrified for her brother. Unable to calm him or get the door opened, their mother eventually had to call the police to break down the bedroom door.

They found a scene that could have come straight out of a horror movie inside his demolished room. Troy's hands and fists were bloody from smashing his furniture and tearing at the walls with his bare hands. He had used his own blood to paint bizarre, nonsensical symbols all over the remains of the walls until it seemed to Tabby, that the only colour left in there came in shades of red.

The sight of her brother being forcibly sedated while ranting and screaming was something that had been forever etched into Tabby's young soul.

Until that horrible day, nobody had realized the extent of Troy's mental illness. Worried for his mother, he had chosen to hide his illness as best he could, rather than add to the heartache his family had already experienced. Untreated, the delusions and voices in his head had finally gotten so loud that he couldn't discern reality from hallucination any longer and the weight of that struggle had made his sanity crumble like a bridge made of matchsticks.

The next ten years of their lives had been filled with a never ending series of psychiatrists, hospitalizations and more pills than Tabby had known even existed. Some of the med would help; bringing her happy, loving, younger twin almost back to his old self. He could function, go to school and socialize, the voices and hallucinations in his mind safely masked by the drugs. The medications were a double edged sword that did as much damage as good. Troy hated the drugs, hated how thick and slow they made his mind, hated how they drained the colour and wonder out of the world and turned it two dimensional. He fought against taking them and had to be monitored to make sure he took the medication regularly because without them, the paranoia and violence would slowly return, making him a danger to himself and to others.

Her highly sensitive twin brother couldn't have known about Jerry's attack - yet on some psychic level, his dysfunctional brain had sensed that something had been wrong. Tabby wondered if it was something that came due to their twin connection. All she knew was that when she needed her brother, he had been there and had helped her survive the attack...and that he could never know the truth.

"All's good Troy, please stop fretting, okay?" she said to him.

"Sorry. I guess it must have been a dream that my fucked up brain just twisted into reality." He sounded despondent and confused. "You're really okay, Tabs?"

"Yes, Troy. You can calm down now. I love you brother-mine." Sharp spikes pierced her heart as if it were covered in burrs. The lie sank its hooks in deep and festered, Tabby knew it was necessary to protect her brother, but the guilt didn't make it any easier. Troy would have been devastated if he'd known what had happened and Tabby didn't want to spread the vile corruption that Jerry had instilled into her life any further than it had already gone.

"Okay. Sorry for panicking like a scared pussy," he laughed and a little of the pressure lifted from Tabby. "I'd better go, the night nurse here is a real battle axe and she'd bust her girdle if she catches me out of bed!"

"When are they going to spring you? Mom said you were in for at least a week." Their conversation had shifted to what passed for normality in their family and for a moment, Tabby felt like her old self, the version that had existed before Jerry.

He yawned and Tabby yawned in return. "Hmm, maybe Wednesday now. The doc is still tweaking my meds...I hate this place T. It's so fucking depressing, it's no wonder everyone is crazy in here."

"You're not crazy Troy, you're sick. There is a difference. Be patient and be good. You'll be home before you know it." Fingers crossed, little brother, she prayed.

"Tabs?" He ventured, suddenly sounding very much like a vulnerable little boy.

"Yeah? What's up, brother-mine?" Tabby was instantly worried by the desolate tone to his voice.

"It- it hurts." Troy paused and Tabby could hear the stuttering, deep breaths he was taking. When he spoke again, his tired voice was thick with pain. "Even with the meds dulling me to gray, it still hurts...you know?" he whispered, shattering her heart like crystal and cutting her with the shards.

She choked on hot, bitter tears but pushed them back, clearing the sob from her voice. "I know, Troy. I know. But you have to hang on okay? Promise me something?" She waited for his response, listening to her twin sniffle and struggle to conceal the pain he was in.

"Sure, sis. Anything for you," he chuckled sadly.

"I want you to promise that if it ever gets too bad, too much for you to handle, promise that you'll call me. I'll come running, brother-mine, okay? You need to promise me this." Premonition was running a bony finger up and down the knobs of her spine, thumping over each one like a doomsday clock counting down to zero. Troy hadn't answered her and Tabby was getting worried. "Troy? Promise me that you'll call. I'm not hanging up until you do."

"Okay." The single word was barely more than a breath and did nothing to alleviate the pressure in her chest.

"Okay, what?" She prodded him, needing to hear the words.

"I'll call," he said. "If it gets bad, I'll call, okay?"

"Okay. I love you baby bro."

He laughed and she could almost see him shaking his head ruefully at her when he spoke. "Five minutes! We are only five minutes apart. Will you ever give up on the baby brother routine? C'mon we're twenty-five for fucks sake!"

"Never." She giggled into the phone, glad that she had made him laugh. "And I'll have you know that I am twenty-five and FIVE minutes older than you, squirt."

"Fuck off, T." She heard the phone rustle and then Troy's hushed voice came back on the line. "Shit! Nurse Ratchet is stomping this way. Gotta go. Love you sis!"

"Bye.." Tabby barely got the word out when the line went dead. "Love you too baby brother," she whispered into the emptiness.

Petra had been watching and listening to Tabby's side of the conversation. She was glad that the colour had returned to her friend's face but was still concerned at what Troy had said to make Tabby look so shocked. She gave her a minute after she'd disconnected the call, to collect her thoughts before sitting up on the sofa and regarding Tabby with a sympathetic eye. "Are you really?"

Tabby looked up at Petra, not understanding her friend's question. "What?" She asked.

Petra got up off the sofa, walked over to Tabby and knelt down before her, taking her hands in her own. "Okay? Are you really okay, Tabs? Because a few minutes ago, you scared the shit out of me."