Where Do We Go From Here

She shook her head and managed to say, "I'm all right," but her voice was strained and hoarse. She continued to cough for several more seconds, then she leaned back to look up into his flushed face and wiped her hand across her mouth. She swallowed several times, giving a couple more tiny coughs, and finally smiled at Gareth's puzzled and very worried frown. She reached up and smoothed away the lines contorting the beauty of his face, and said, "I'm really fine. How are you?"

He took a deep breath and then blew it out explosively. They grinned at eachother. Then his face sobered, and he reached down to cover himself, accutely aware of how Ilona felt about such things and what she had just done for him. Her gaze flitted quickly to his lap and then back to his face. She swallowed and leaned up to kissed him hard on the mouth, taking his hand away and putting her own there, feeling and weighing him. She never thought she'd ever do this again, had vehemently told her therapist that she never would, not even if she loved the man with all her heart. But she had. And only because she loved him with all her heart. Should she tell him, she wondered, right there? Or wait a bit.

The coward in her shouted out and decided her, and she only smiled aginst his lips.

"That wasn't so bad," she murmured, and felt his lips curve tentatively against hers.

His hand came up to cup her face, his lips parted and his tongue went in search of hers. "You didn't have to," he said into her mouth.

Her tongue rubbed against his, slow and sinuously. "Yes I did." She murmured back, and swallowed the words that wanted to come up too. Because I love you.

Before either of them could work themselves back into a lather again, Gareth pulled Ilona up with him and led her to the bedroom, then removed her clothes silently and with unhurried sweetness, gazing into her anxious eyes until she was completely naked. Then he removed his clothes, noting and liking the way she remained standing before him, her shoulders back and her body tremulously revealed to him. Once he was naked, he took her hand, squeezed it back when she squeezed tightly, and led her to the bed, folding down the covers and kneeling in the middle. He smiled reassuringly at her, tugged at her gently until her knees bumped the edge of it, then brought his other hand up to grip her hip and drew her down till she was laying beside him.

Still without saying a word, he rolled her until she was on her side, her back to him, and then he snuggled up behind her, her butt snuggled into his groin, and drapped an arm over her side to dangle just below her breasts. His other hand went to cushion his head and he kissed the back of her neck soothingly until she relaxed into the position and brought one of her hands up to grip the one below her breast. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and listened to Gareth's breathing until it evened out and he was asleep. Then she let herself fall into a dreamless night.

* * *

She did not awaken the next day dreamless. Her loins were aching, a thick moisture had gathered between her thighs. She moaned and shifted her position, nestling her butt more firmly in Gareth's groin. His hand tightened on her breast, and her eyes flew open as she realized what the warm presence at her back was. She swallowed and pretended not to feel Gareth's erection pressing hard against her buttocks. His fingers flexed, released her breast and slid down to flatten over her belly. He pushed her closer to him, his lips moving against the back of her neck, illiciting little shivers that coursed through her, tightening her nipples and deepening the ache that was spreading through her limbs. He murmured to her, slipped a leg between hers and brought his knee up distressingly close to her groin. She froze, breath shuddering in and out as fresh desire began coursing through her. Oh she wanted it all now, she thought. The oral sex had been stupendous, and completely fulfilling. But she desperately wanted to have Gareth inside of her, stretching her, filling her, coming inside of her. The thought made her catch her breath in stunned surprise.

Dangerous thoughts there Ilona, her mind hissed reproachfully. She bit her lip.

I know! I can't help it!

Her conscious stirred and sighed sadly. Jeez, it said. Give her and inch, and she takes it ten! Ilona saw Gareth's penis in her mind's eye, imagined it ten inches long. Was it that long already? she thought. How deep was her throat? How long was her mouth? If she could measure...

Hold it right there! her body said. You don't wanna measure it beforehand. Probably scare you to death. Bad thing for virgins to do, measure the size of the penis that is going to break that barrier.

The rest of her system yelled at her body in outrage. Don't give her those ideas! It's impossible!

She took a deep breath and willed all those little voices and nuances of her personality to the back of her mind and turned in Gareth's arms, facing him and wrapping her legs around him. She sealed their mouths and rubbed her breasts against his chest. He jerked awake, stared at Ilona uncomprehendingly, and rubbed a hand over his sleepy face. Then he blinked and grew very still, glancing down quickly to find Ilona once more wrapped around him and his growing penis nestled in the hot cove of her femininity. His gaze whipped up to hers, his mouth opening on a protest, but she only pressed a finger to those lips and shook her head. She spoke quietly.

"I love you Gareth, and I want to do this. Right now. Right here. With you. I want it to be you." She waited, her heart and soul bared, quivering fearfully for his answer. His bluer than blue gaze searched her clear, honest eyes, and he swallowed.

"We don't have condoms," he said just as quietly.

A little smile flitted to the corners of her mouth and she took a deep breath before saying, "I guess you'll just have to marry then, won't you?"

Shock was a fist in his gut, and he stared at her speechless for several seconds. Then a grin bloomed on his face and he took hers in his hands and kissed her hard, rubbing their lips together, their tongues tangling hotly. He drew back and searched her face. "Are you sure Ilona? I mean," he was at a loss for words. He licked his lips and struggled with what to say.

Ilona took it out of his hands and said simply, "I wouldn't have suggested it if I weren't serious. It's a chance, yes, but one I think I am willing to take, whatever the outcome and the consequences."

Another guy might have been insulted by the scepticism she protrayed. But he was bursting with joy. His grin was brighter than the sun, and he caught her up in another hot kiss. Soon the rousing kisses and sensuous rubbing wasn't enough, and he eased her onto her back, propping himself above her with his elbows and glancing down at her gloriously naked body. Her knees were drawn up, his penis nestled snuggly in the dark blonde curls that hid the entrance to her vagina. She didn't bother to stop the nerves that continually raced up and down her body, or how her loins quivered with longing and basic fear. Instead she kept her eyes focused on Gareth's stressed face, smiling tenderly at the discomfort he felt with the situation.

He wanted her intensely, but he'd never taken a girls virginity. Even his first hadn't been a virgin. And he hadn't loved her anyway, not like he loved Ilona. Not with the kind of love that could be built on and last a lifetime. He'd never love anyone like he loved Ilona. For a brief moment he wished she weren't a virgin. It was so nervewracking! he thought aggitatedly, shifting his body. All that accomplished was to rub himself boldly against her. She gasped in anticipation, and Gareth winced in pleasure. But he didn't move further, just settled himself again and watched her intently.

Ilona finally sighed and took his face in her hands, then brought his mouth down to hers. Against his lips she said, "The anticipation is killing me. Just do it hun. Please?" and she closed her eyes and sank into the kiss, letting herself go.

He groaned into her mouth, rocked himself back and forth against her a few times until his penis was between her folds and rested in the slick heat that had been hidden, then he reached a hand down and opened her for him, stroking at just her entrance, a teasing, devastating dip of fingers that stole her breath and blurred her vision. He let her mouth go and bent his head to kiss her chest, one breast then the other, flicking a tongue at her sexy little mole, then closing his mouth over one nipple and sucking until it was hard and thrusting eagerly against his tongue. His fingers dipped a bit deeper, and he rubbed her clitoris with his thumb, working his fingers in a circling motion, opening her, stretching her marginally. Maybe not enough to prevent pain, but he didn't know what else to do.

Her knees liquified, fell open so her legs were spread achingly wide for maximum entry. He took a deep breath and gripped her hips, guiding his penis to her and pushing the head in. Her eyes narrowed at the sensation, her breath coming in short pants. Gareth fought to control his breathing, focused everything on entering her virgin body with as little pain as possible. His heart thundered in his chest, gave little lurches of nervousness, and he felt hers thundering as well. He closed his eyes and pushed his hips slowly, two fingers holding the labia minora apart so he would have a clean entrance. He pushed inside her about two inches before her breath hitched and her muscles involuntarily contracted. He groaned and paused, his eyes seeking Ilona's. She stared at him with a slightly apprehensive look, but with mounting excitement as well. The latter gave him hope, and when she nodded her head slightly he took another deep breath and pushed again. He slipped in another inch before there was again resistance. He could feel how tight she was growing, heard her short, labored breaths as she struggled to remain relaxed so her muscles wouldn't clutch at him and cause her pain.

He kissed her tenderly for several minutes, remaining how he was, not moving a single centimeter, until her breaths evened out and her muscles went lax. Then, with his tongue still stroking the roof of her mouth with long, sure thrusts, he slipped in another two inches before he had to stop again.

She was tighter than he'd thought a woman could be without tearing, but only a faint frown marred her brow. He kissed it away, bringing one hand up to play with her breasts, easing her mouth open so he could again tease her tongue with his, making her reach for his and search his honeyed depths. He pushed slowly, sweat beginning to bead on his brow as her body reluctantly stretched to accomodate him inch by velvety inch. She sighed when he stopped, and he let her have a few moments to control her breathing and focus on continuing to relax her muscles. Her eyes had long since closed in concentration, but they opened and she focused on him and said hardly above a whisper, "I'm going to tear now. I can feel it. So you're just gonna have to push hard and not stop, okay?"

He frowned and started to shake his head, but she shook hers instead and said firmly, "You can't make it any easier Gareth. It's already been remarkably easy so far, more so than I ever thought it could be. And I can already feel the mounting pleasure I will feel after the initial pain. Just... push, okay?" Her eyes pleaded with his, and he nodded. Some of the worry cleared from her eyes and she took a last deep, fortifying breath and nodded for him to continue. He hesitated, then pushed.

Her eyes widened, her teeth clenched, and she could not stop her vaginal muscles from clenching this time. She had to close her eyes and grimace, her fingers biting into his biceps as he pushed without pause and slowly felt her tear.

A tear leaked out to run into her hair and she said on a pained moan, "Gareth, pla-lease." She took breaths one who is in labor would take, gave one last shot at loosening the muscles. It worked and Gareth, pushing as hard as he could, thrust suddenly inside, tearing into her completely. A keening cry broke through her lips, and she braced her heels on the bed, digging in and arching her back as the pain sliced through her. Gareth closed his eyes and held her to him, kissing her neck and chest gently and murmuing words of endearment and love to her. He remained utterly still, as if he had become a statue, not daring to move inside her yet. Several minutes passed in silence and stillness, during which time Ilona collected herself and Gareth pushed away the guilt that poked at him.

He had no reason to be guilty. It had been totally her decision, and he had been as gentle as possible. Not realizing that he had attuned himself to her so completely, his breath eased when hers did, his muscles loosened when hers did. She settled back on the bed, carefully, slowly sliding her legs up to cup his hips. She met his worried gaze and smiled a wobbly smile. "I'm okay," she whispered, and slowly ran her hands up and down his back, pausing at his hips and then moving lower to cup his buttocks.

"Move Gareth. I want to know what it feels like." He nodded, nibbled at her lips, and slowly, carefully, pulled out of her, then pushed back in. Her muscles contracted and loosened, contracted and loosened over and over, as if her body were trying to figure out what that hard-as-steel thing was that filled and stretched it. He did it again, as slowly as he had the first full thrust, and then paused while her body responded in the same way.

A smile crept over her lips and he smiled with her, though his mouth never left hers; lips always teasing, teeth always nibbling, tongue ever rousing. She made a hmming sound deep in her throat when he pulled out and pushed back in a third time, and this time her vaginal walls didn't clutch and quiver. Because he had been so afraid of hurting her, and that kind of fear certainly affected ones maximum performance, his penis had not been at its full size. But now that he could feel and see that she was beginning to enjoy it, he hardened and grew inside her, and a blush crept up his neck when her eyes widened and stared into his. Then she smiled, and chuckled deep in her throat when his blush deepened. He pushed in until he was inside her to the hilt, then he just held that position, rocking gently upon her. Her breath lodged in her lungs and her mouth hungrily mated with his, their tongues diving in and attacking each other mindlessly.

His hands slid up her quivering belly to cup her breasts, and he used them both now, tweaking the sensitive peaks and fanning the pads of his fingers over them. Soon his hips began moving with longer thrusts, and her legs started scissoring, not knowing whether to spread wider or clutch tighter. He tried to keep the pace slow and steady, but the building heat twisted in his gut and pushed behind his thighs, ugring him to move faster, thrust deeper. Their mouths stumbled, racing greedily over each others faces as mounting passion jumbled their thoughts, eventually pushing them aside altogether and commanding a basic animalistic reaction. Her back began arching, thrusting her breasts into his face, and she decided to wrap her legs around him and squeeze.

He gave all the attention he could to her offered breasts, sucking and biting, rubbing and pinching, but the heat was rising inside of him, and he could feel it rising inside Ilona. Quick moans and chopped off pleas fell from her lips, her heels dug into the backs of his thighs as she braced herself against his quickening thrusts. Her fingers bit into his shoulders. His hips pistoned, sped up the rythm to a feverish pace. Harsh breaths sawed through his lungs, his eyes clouded until he could barely see Ilona's face, flushed and filled with a wondrous expression. He blinked furiously, wanting to see the first time she came, needing to see it, and focused on her while his body took over.

His thrusts became maddened, almost desperate, fast, hard thrusts that made wet slapping sounds when they slammed into Ilona. Her breath hitched, her back arched as the ache grew and spread, climbed through her, and then paused before tearing free.

Gareth came as soon as she came, though he had wanted to hold on until she had floated down from that battering peak. But when he felt her soft walls clamp achingly tight around him, his system overloaded and exploded as well, and their twin cries of release twined as their middles ground together and convulsed, and their limbs quivered and their hearts beat so hard they chocked them.

Gareth came back to himself first, his head falling limply forward to rest on her shoulder and his arms giving out so that his full weight fell atop Ilona. She didn't make a single noise when he settled atop her, unable to move. Instead she struggled to draw breath into her restricted lungs and to blink away the dancing lights on the ceiling. They were very distracting. Finally, when they could breathe normally again, she sighed and ran a hand up and down his back lightly.

"Mmm." she murmured, and smiled. "That was fan-fucking-tastic."

Gareth lifted his head an looked down into her upturned face and grinned.

"So," she murmured slowly, swallowing and then smacking her lips to adjust a tongue that felt too thick for her mouth. "When's the wedding?"