A New Adventure Every Day Pt. 05

"You sound like a teacher I used to have!"

"That's more or less what Bex said," I laugh. "Here, I emailed my friend Ruth today and she replied just before you got in." I turn the laptop so she can read the email I sent and Ruth's reply. "How's your tattoo feeling?" I ask her as she reads.

"Still sore but better," she replies, distractedly. "I think Ruth suspects something."

"What, about us?"

"Yes. That comment about betting that I'll accompany you: she suspects your news has something to do with me and, well, what's the obvious conclusion if a woman tells you she has a 'special friend'? And that post script; do you want to bet their spare room has a double bed?"

"It has," I confirm, "I stayed there a few nights when the bastard first left and I was really low."

"So, accepting her offer would be admitting that we're a couple." I have to agree that Meg is probably right. "Oh," adds Meg, "and your email address is bloody brilliant; I love it! Perhaps I should get a new account with the name MegaDike or similar."

"Or how about 'MegaDikeCumming'..." I hesitate, realizing that I've just suggested her taking my name. "Er... that is..."

"Don't worry Sam," she says gently, "maybe one day, eh?" She squeezes my hand. "So, are we going on Saturday?"

"Yes, if you're okay with that."

"Of course I am. Now, hurry up and reply and then maybe we can find a hotel to stay in on Saturday night." I dash of a quick response: yes, Saturday would be fantastic and at whatever time suited you, Tom and the others; thanks for the offer of the room but we'd sort out our own accommodation and thank you for not discussing what my news might be with the others. I send the email and then curse myself. "What's up?" asks Meg.

"No, it's not much; I just told Ruth that 'we'd sort out accommodation'. That sort of implies that you're here with me and that you're definitely coming. If Ruth is onto us then that will only help confirm her suspicions. Oh well..." I sigh. "Alright, let's find a hotel. Do you want to search and I'll get on with cooking at the same time."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It's a grey early Saturday morning as I open the boot of the car and Meg lifts in our small suitcase. Our tattoos have been healing well, but mine has begun to itch like hell under the scabs that have formed. The itching is almost worse than the pain but I try to be stalwart and obey Lillian's instructions that, under no circumstances, should I scratch the tattoo or pick at the scabs. Meg was very happy when I told her that making love this morning really helped distract me from the itching.

"Ready for our little adventure, my darling?" I ask just before I start the car.

"I certainly am, my love, as always," she replies and off we go.

As we head towards London the weather seems to be improving until, as we near the M25 motorway, the sun breaks through. The weather may be getting better but the same cannot be said of the traffic and I can understand Meg's view that she'd hate living somewhere so busy. The traffic doesn't get much better when we turn off the M25 and head into London and I curse myself for not remembering how bad Saturday traffic could be. Eventually, just before one o'clock, I find somewhere to park in a side street close to Crystal Palace Park. Out of the car I indulge in the luxury of a long stretch as Meg looks around at the tall, Victorian houses lining the street.

Hand in hand we walk until we find a gate into the park where we wander. "Where are the dinosaurs?" Meg asks.

"I'm not sure," I admit. "They're around a lake, if I recall, and away from where the Crystal Palace itself used to stand so... downhill I think." We come across a maze that I don't remember ever encountering before and spend an hour getting lost and finding ourselves as young kids come rushing past shrieking and laughing. Walking arm in arm we receive a few second glances, the occasional intrigued look and one or two disapproving stares that we resolutely ignore.

Happily, we find a café in the park, though the food isn't brilliant. However, we sit out in the sun with tea and disappointing sandwiches, watching the world go by. To make up for the sandwiches Meg pops back into the café and comes out with two ice creams that taste much better. I push my chair back and rub my stomach. "You know, I really am going to have to get back into regular exercise," I tell Meg and, catching the mischievous gleam in her eye, I lean forward and whisper, "And not just the exercise we get between the sheets, you saucy girl!"

"I'm all for runs in the woods," she replies quietly, "as long as we get to share toilet breaks!" I notice that her cheeks are as pink as mine feel at the thought.

"Come on," I say firmly, "let's go and distract ourselves with some dinosaurs."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I put the handbrake on and turn off the engine as we arrive outside Ruth's and Tom's house. "We're a bit early," observes Meg, "it's only twenty-five to six."

"I know, but Ruth did say that whenever we arrived would be okay. Meg, I need a drink but can you not let me drink too much as there's a bit of a drive to the hotel so I need to go easy." I say as we climb out of the car.

"Okay, but we could get a cab to the hotel if we had to," she points out.

"True. Oh hell, let's go in. Remember, best behaviour and no hand-holding, cuddles or kisses until we tell them, okay." Meg looks across the car roof at me and nods.

"Okay... but I'll bet Ruth notices something, just like Karen did at the dance with the way I looked at you."

Standing on the front step I ring the doorbell and the door is quickly opened by Ruth who smiles warmly. "Sam, hello, it's so lovely to see you again! You're looking very well; the country air obviously suits you. And you must be Meg; please come in, both of you." She kisses my cheek and squeezes my hand before turning to Meg and kissing her cheek. "It's very nice to meet you Meg and you're very welcome. It's wonderful to know that Sam has such a close friend in Frehurst already."

"It's very nice to meet you too Ruth," Meg replies, "Sam has spoken about how much you and your husband helped her when things went bad for her."

"Well, I've known Samantha a long time and I am very fond of her. Come on through into the sitting room." Ruth leads the way, opening the door and beckoning us through. As I round the door there is a cacophony of voices calling 'Samantha!' 'Hello!' and 'Welcome back!' There in front of me are Tom and the four others I asked Ruth to invite. Meg and I are so startled, however, that we instinctively draw together and our hands brush.

"I... um, thank you all. Ruth, you rat, you could have warned us," I smile as I recover from the shock.

"And spoil the surprise? Anyway, everyone wanted to be here to welcome you. Let me introduce everyone to Meg," she raises her voice to address the group, "everyone, this is Sam's friend Meg from the village she's moved to and Meg, this is Tom, my husband, Roy and Janet Tunstall, Tina Murray and Sally James. Now, may I fix you both a drink?"

"Two dry white wines, please," I answer for both of us and Ruth heads out of the door. Immediately we are surrounded and I'm being hugged and kissed while Meg is having her hand shaken or her cheek kissed. Tom ushers us through the patio doors into the garden where there is enough space and seating for everyone.

Finally, we are all settled and Meg and I are the focus of everyone's interest and questions. I tell them that Frehurst is a lovely place and my cottage is perfect, that I'm very happy there and that I'm getting to know the neighbours very well. Meg gives a little snort of suppressed laughter at this last comment that she hastily converts into a pretend cough. I realize that my hope that there would be a way to naturally introduce my new relationship and sexual orientation into the conversation was utterly deluded and that, at some point, I'm going to have just come out with it. I take a large gulp of wine as Dutch courage and inhale deeply.

"Listen, everyone," I say as I look around the group. All are seated, gazing at me with interest, apart from Ruth who is stood behind the others and a little to the right, a knowing look on her face. "I asked Ruth to invite you all so that I could see you and talk to you now that I have come through... well, the shit storm that almost wrecked me completely. It would have destroyed me utterly had it not been for the six of you who, in all your various ways, helped me to weather the worst and to begin to rebuild my life afterwards. There aren't words to say how grateful I am but I owe each and every one of you a profound debt: thank you, thank you, thank you.

"While you all helped me to survive and to begin to rebuild my life, it was Ruth who saw that I needed to move away to escape the ties and memories of the past. I knew that she was right and that, in moving somewhere new, I had the chance to change my life and live differently, to experience more of what life had to offer; basically, to be more adventurous.

"I know what you're thinking: 'How much adventure can you have in a quiet country village?' right?" There are chuckles and nods. "Yes, me too; I was mainly hoping to avoid becoming stuck in another rut and missing out on the fun in life. However, it seems that there is actually quite a lot of adventure to be had...

"For example, in the middle of that first and unbearably hot night, when you cannot sleep, you can go downstairs and open the back door, hoping for cooler air, even though your nightdress is in a heap on the bedroom floor from where you removed it earlier trying to cool down. Then, of course, in that same state of dress, or rather undress, you can walk out into garden..." I smile at the shocked look from some of my friends.

"Or then again," I continue, "when a neighbour calls on you, a very attractive and flirtatious neighbour, rather than taking offence or being shy you can, instead, flirt back and even agree to accompany them to a village dance that same evening and end up slow dancing with them."

"Ooo, Samantha!" Tina calls out, "Who is he? Is he a farmer"

I ignore the interruption and continue. "You can let new people into your life, be open to new experiences and be honest to yourself about your own feelings and emotions. Finally, you can take the risk to embark on a new relationship, despite the experiences of the past and your own beliefs and ideas about yourself and, above all, regardless of the gender of the person with whom you've fallen in love." I glance across and Ruth's knowing smile has become a rather self-satisfied grin as she nods encouragingly to me. The expressions on the faces of my other friends range from confusion to a dawning understanding and, in Sally's case and somewhat worryingly, something between anger and disappointment.

"Sorry, this is my roundabout way to come to the point: I am in a relationship and one I never expected." I reach over and take Meg's hand and squeeze it tight. "Meg is my girlfriend." I look from face to face, expecting either stunned silence or cries of outrage.

What we get is Ruth saying, "Congratulations to you both. Meg, you seem to have made Sam very happy." Even as she's speaking Sally stands up and walks from the garden into the house in silence.

"So... you're, like, lesbian girlfriends?" asks Tom, hesitantly.

"Yes, Tom, and," I feel my cheeks redden and burn, "yes, it is a physical relationship and so, yes, I'm a lesbian."

"Surely you're bisexual?" protests Tina, "You were in a relationship with Steve for nearly ten years and married for eight, for goodness sake!"

"I suppose that's technically correct," I admit, "but that's not how I feel. This isn't just some reaction against what happened with Steve, some anti-male protest or a little experiment with homosexuality to satisfy my curiosity. I simply fell in love with Meg, though I fought against it and the idea that I was anything other than straight."

"So is it just Meg you are attracted to then?" asks Janet.

"It's Meg that I'm in love with but, well, I find other women physically attractive too. I think coming to terms with the fact that I was attracted to and in love with Meg has helped me accept that I find some women attractive. I think probably that I always have but would never let myself admit that attraction."

The discussion continues and gradually Meg is included as the others ask for her side of our love story. She admits to flirting with me from the moment I opened the door that Saturday and how she'd seen me, and fallen for me, even before I moved in. I don't know exactly how my friends feel about my revelation; Tom seems ambivalent and Tina distinctly sceptical, as if this is all some stunt aimed at Steve. Ruth is the most positive and, as far as I can tell, is genuinely pleased for me, while Janet and Roy, though surprised, accept my new sexuality, though this isn't too surprising as their eldest son came out as gay a few years ago. Throughout this, I am very conscious of Sally's absence as she has still not returned.

I excuse myself, saying I need to use the loo, and head back into the house where I go looking for Sally. I find her sat on the bottom step of the staircase, head bowed. "Sally," I say gently, "are you alright?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were bisexual or gay or whatever?" she asks with a catch in her voice as if she's on the edge of tears. When she looks up I can see her eyes are red and her mascara blurred from crying.

"Sally, I... I didn't know I was, not until I met Meg."

"It's so unfair! I've loved...wanted..." she sniffs, "Almost since the day I came to work at the school and met you I've fancied you, had such a crush on you... Can a woman in her thirties have a crush on someone? But I couldn't say anything because you seemed so happily married. Then when Steve left I thought, when you were over him and not so down, that I would be able to say something to you, to see if maybe... but you moved away. When Ruth said you were coming back to visit I though this evening might be my chance, but no..." she now begins to cry, sobbing as tears flow. I sit on the step and put my arm around her shoulder.

"Sally, I'm so sorry. I never knew or even suspected that you were gay. I certainly never thought that you felt anything other than friendship for me."

"Would it have mattered if I'd told you?"

I pause before I answer. "Honestly? No... certainly not before Steve left. I suspect that it could have threatened our friendship; the old Samantha Dowler was not as open and accepting as Sam Cummings is." I smile and squeeze her shoulders.

"And if you hadn't met Meg? If you'd come back alone today and I'd, I don't know, flirted with you, hugged you or sat close to you, whatever... would you, might you have responded?"

"Oh Sally, I really don't know. When Meg did things like that, made me feel feelings that I thought I shouldn't have towards another woman, I really, really struggled against it. I kept telling myself I wasn't gay. I even tried avoiding her," I laugh, "but that lasted all of one evening: I missed being with her too much."

"So you don't find me attractive like her?"

"Sally, you're very pretty and attractive but Meg came after me like, I don't know, a woman on a mission, almost like her life depended on it."

"I don't think she loved you any more than I did..."

"I don't know, Sally, but I know how much I love Meg..."

"I know.... I know..." she wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "We could have been good together, you know."

"Perhaps, but for us to be together I needed to change first and for that I had to go away. Sally, I think, somehow, I was supposed to move to Frehurst; it felt so right the first time I visited it was as if I was being drawn there. And Meg says she fell I love with me seeing me walking along the lane on my phone, talking to Ruth after my first viewing of the house. I think what I'm saying is that Meg and I are supposed to be together."

"And you and I aren't. I get it... I think I even accept it, just about. I'm not happy about it though." She sighs, a deep, shuddering sigh. "I guess I missed the window of opportunity with you, didn't I?"

"Yeah, 'fraid so." I kiss her on the forehead but I don't say what I'm thinking: that there never really was such a window for her. "I'm sure there's someone who's just perfect for you and you'll meet her one day."

"Thanks, Samantha, um, Sam, sorry. Perhaps I should talk to Meg and get some flirting tips." She manages a slight smile."

"Yeah, she is a bit of a flirtation ninja!" I agree.

"Hello, you two, are you both okay?" Ruth asks as she discovers us on the stairs. I glance at Sally who, while a mess from her crying, seems much more at peace.

"Um, yes, I think so. We've just been discussing things that might have been, that's all." Ruth gives us an appraising look, noting, no doubt, my arm still across Sally's shoulders, her head resting lightly against mine.

"You mean Sally and you... no, Sally wanted you and her to get together..."

"Do you have to be so fucking insightful all the time?" Sally demands angrily. "Yes, I'm gay; yes, I fancied Samantha and yes, I know now that a relationship with her is not going to happen! Happy now?" She jumps to her feet. "I think I'd better go."

"Sally, no, don't go like this," I plead, grasping her hand. "You're still my friend, I hope, and I'd like to spend the evening with you along with the others."

"I'm sorry, Sally," Ruth is clearly upset, "that was unbelievably insensitive of me. Please forgive me for being such an insufferable smart arse? What Sam told us this evening must have been so difficult for you. If you really need to go, then I can tell the others you were unwell or something but I hope you can stay."

"God, I'm making such a fool of myself, aren't I?" Sally moans, her tears returning.

"No," Ruth reassures her as she pulls her in to a hug, "I think Sam's announcement has come as a shock to us all but for you it must be horrible. I wish I'd known how you felt, Sally; I had a suspicion of what Sam was going to say from her email."

"Yes, Meg thought you did from your reply," I tell her as I stand and hug Sally from behind. Ruth and I hold her for a few minutes as she calms down before gently releasing her.

"Thank you, both of you, and I'm sorry for my temper, Ruth. I will stay but I need to clean up and fix my makeup and I could really use a drink!"

"What would you like?" I ask

"Um, a bottle of lager, please." I nod and head off. I detour out into the garden first and find Meg, obviously a little uncomfortable and left out of the conversation between the other four. I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her as I kiss her cheek.

"Hello, gorgeous. Sorry for abandoning you: I got caught up talking to Sally."

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah, there were just some things she wanted to talk about. I need to fetch her a drink; can I get you one?" I ask Meg.

"I'll come with you," she replies. In the kitchen I tell her what happened with Sally but Meg just smiles. "Now do you accept that you're cute, sexy and desirable? It's not just me."

"Come on, Meg, it's hard on Sally."

"I could just say 'You snooze, you lose' but," she holds up her hand as she sees I'm about to protest, "I know she was caring for you and not wanting to take advantage when you were down. Still, she could have told you she was gay; I think it would have only been a matter of time before you realized that you are attracted to women. Sam, look, I know this is hard on her but a selfish part of me is bloody glad she never said anything to you."

I wrap my arms around her. "You say the sweetest things, Meg darling," I tell her and kiss her hard.

"Oops, sorry ladies," I hear Roy's voice and it makes us both jump.