A Night For Natalie

Then Kate put her mouth against Natalie's ear and whispered, "I'll get you off for another hundred."

Natalie stopped moving, and looked up at Kate. "How do you mean?" she said.

"I'll get you off. With my knee. Or my hand. If you want me to."

Natalie swallowed, her mouth dry. She was suddenly unsure.

"Don't you want me to?" Kate said.

Natalie didn't answer. She felt awful. She felt desperate. She wanted to say yes, but wasn't sure she should.

She sat there, shocked, utterly ashamed it had come to this. That Kate was even offering, and that Natalie wasn't immediately saying no. She wanted to say no, but she also wanted Kate to do this. She wanted Kate to fuck her and she didn't care if she had to pay. She didn't care if it was wrong, or how Kate felt afterwards. She needed this desperately, and she didn't want it to stop. In a perfect world, she thought, they'd fuck each other just because. Because there was a connection, and they had fun, and because Kate just liked Natalie. In a perfect world, that would happen, but Natalie knew it wasn't going to. She knew the person she imagined Kate to be didn't really exist, and even if she did, she wouldn't be here, at work, in a place like this.

Natalie wanted a lot of things, but knew none of them were going to happen. So fucking Kate because Kate was being paid, maybe that would do instead.

Kate seemed to misunderstand Natalie's silence. "How much money have you got on you?" she said.

Natalie decided. She reached into her coat pocket and took out another two hundred dollars. She had it in case she'd needed more, in case she hadn't liked the first dancer the club sent, and had needed to ask for another. She'd had it in case Kate hadn't been perfect, she supposed, but as it turned out, Kate was. Kate was perfect, so now there was another use for that money.

Natalie decided that she didn't really care.

"Okay," Kate said, and smiled. She smiled a little sadly. "Good," she said, and reached for the money.

Natalie moved her hand. She suddenly felt more confident. Now this was just about money, she felt more sure of herself. She moved her hand away from Kate's. "What about cameras," she said.

Kate looked at her.

"There's a camera in here, right?" Natalie said.

"No-one looks at it."

"But there is one."

Kate stood up, and did something to the switch on the wall. The music became quieter, the lights dimmer. She pushed a button, so it clicked like an intercom, and said, "I'm fine. Everything's fine. We'll be out in a bit."

Then she slid back onto Natalie and said, "No cameras."

Natalie looked at her, wondering if she could believe that.

"I promise," Kate said. "You know my name. You know I have a kid. Trust me. No cameras."

"And everyone knows what we're doing in here."

"Yeah, maybe," Kate said. "But I don't mind if you don't." She grinned again, and for a second, it was another flash of the real her.

That glimpse was almost enough, Natalie thought. She almost gave in right then. She wanted this. She wanted Kate, any way she could have her. She made herself think anyway. She sat there, telling herself this was awful. Telling herself she was buying another person, forcing this on someone she actually liked, and who deserved better. She told herself that, but ached to do it all the same, and she was fairly sure that in the end the aching was going to win.

Kate waved her hand in front of Natalie's face, and that wave was her as well. That wave made everything worse, and better, both at once.

"Well?" Kate said. "Are we?"

"I'm thinking."

"Okay..." Kate said.

"Do you mind doing it?" Natalie said. "I mean, do you feel... Is it completely awful if I ask you to."

Kate shook her head, seeming bored again. "Nah, not awful."

"Don't just tell me that. Answer seriously. This feels like I'm... I don't know."

"I really don't mind."

"You do for other people?"

Kate looked at her, and didn't answer.

"I like you," Natalie said. "But please be honest. You've done this before, right? Offered that to people?"

"Yeah. But..."

"To men?"

"Yeah."

"Women?"

Kate looked at her, then shook her head.

"But you've done it before with a woman?" Natalie said.

Kate hesitated, and then slowly nodded.

Natalie was relieved. It seemed worse if Kate hadn't before. If she had, Natalie thought, then the rest didn't matter. Natalie decided she would. She decided she needed this. She would deal with her conscience in the morning, but for now, this was her night for herself.

She held out the money, slowly. Kate took it, took a hundred, and held the rest out to give it back.

"Keep it," Natalie said.

Kate seemed surprised.

"Just take it," Natalie said.

"No."

"Please?"

"I'm not..." Kate said.

"I know. But take it."

Kate didn't look sure. "This is just for my hand or leg, though, right?" Kate said.

"Yes."

"Because I'm not going down on you. I don't do that."

Natalie wondered if Kate meant for customers, or for women. She didn't think she wanted to ask. She just nodded.

Natalie looked at Kate, and wondered what she was doing. She felt needy and awful, both at the same time. She felt aroused, and desperate, and some self-loathing too. She wanted Kate, and she wanted just to leave. She couldn't think any more.

Kate leaned over, and put the money with her clothes, on the arm of the couch, then sat back onto Natalie's lap. She stroked Natalie's thigh, her hip. "Hand or leg?" she said.

"How do you mean?"

"Do you want me to use my hand? Or my leg."

Natalie swallowed. She felt Kate's fingers, warm through the wool of her suit. "Your hand," she said. "Please."

"Hitch up," Kate said. "Let me get in."

Natalie did.

Kate kept looking at Natalie, as she undid Natalie's suit trousers. Natalie didn't have a belt, because she didn't usually bother. Kate unfastened the button at the top of her trousers, and undid the zipper, and then glanced down.

"Nice," Kate said, and Natalie wasn't sure what. Skin or legs or undies or something else, Natalie didn't care.

Kate reached into Natalie's open trousers, and maneuvered quite deftly. She slid her hand into Natalie's undies, and further, onto Natalie. Onto Natalie's lips, and between them a little, and then leaned forward and breathed, "You're wet," into Natalie's ear.

Like she was proud, and maybe she was. She'd done it to Natalie, after all.

Natalie didn't answer. She closed her eyes, sat there.

"You're so wet," Kate said again, as if she wanted some response.

"Because of you," Natalie said.

"Yeah," Kate said. "Because of me." As if that meant something. As if it mattered to her.

Kate's hand felt good. Kate felt good.

Of course she felt good, Natalie thought. She was getting Natalie off.

Natalie wasn't sure she should be doing this, even now. She felt uncomfortable. She felt awkward, and dirty, and involved in something terrible. She was also a little worried about Kate's fingers inside her, and what else Kate might have touched tonight.

Natalie was worried, but at the same time she didn't care, because Kate's hand felt so good. All of Kate felt good. Kate was sitting across Natalie's legs, her hand in Natalie's trousers, her other arm around Natalie's back. She was sliding her fingers along Natalie's lips, stroking slowly, reaching far enough to press the back of her hand onto Natalie, and slip the tips of her fingers inside. She began to rub faster, to make Natalie gasp. She was holding Natalie as she did, pulling Natalie's face against her shoulder, hugging Natalie, as if she wanted to avoid eye contact, as if she couldn't do this if she was being watched.

She was avoiding Natalie's eyes, but suddenly Natalie didn't care. She was being fingered, and was wet against Kate's hand. She was being held, and touched, and fingered, and right then nothing else mattered.

"That feels nice," Natalie said.

"Yeah."

"I'm really close," Natalie whispered.

"I know."

"I am."

Kate kept rubbing. Natalie was almost there, far quicker than she expected.

"Hey," Kate whispered, and Natalie looked up.

Kate kissed her. Kissed her gently, her mouth open, while she rubbed with her hand. "Look at me," Kate whispered. "Watch me while you do."

"I will," Natalie said. "I am."

Kate kissed her again. Kissed, and whispered, "I never do this, I never kiss, but I am with you."

Natalie looked at her, wondering if that was true.

"I promise," Kate said, and Natalie didn't know whether to believe her.

She didn't know, but it worked all the same. She kissed, and sighed, and suddenly came. Came while her tongue was in Kate's mouth, and while Kate held her, like this actually meant something.

She closed her eyes, and kissed, and sighed, and breathed in the smell of Kate's shampoo and skin. She breathed her in, and felt herself come, and was grateful Kate had let her pretend.

The pretence only lasted a moment, only until Natalie had finished. When she had, Kate slipped her hand out of Natalie's clothes, and slid herself backwards off Natalie. She wiped her hand on the bare skin of her back. It was all she had, Natalie supposed. She wiped, and then just stood there, smiling politely, suddenly seeming quite distant. There had been a moment of actual intimacy, Natalie thought. That kiss, and Kate's stare as Natalie came. That had been momentarily real, but now Kate was all business.

"That was nice," Kate said, and it sounded insincere, as if she was saying it by habit. "I had fun."

Natalie had a feeling Kate said that a lot. That it was what she said after she finished anyone off, made anyone come, no matter who they were or what she'd done.

Kate seemed embarrassed, now it was over. Like this was a little awkward, and she just wanted to get away. Like maybe she'd gone a bit far, and didn't normally offer handjobs. Or maybe she did, but just felt uncomfortable standing around afterwards, admitting to herself what she'd done.

"Are you okay?" Natalie said.

Kate nodded.

Natalie felt awful. She felt guilty again, and utterly awful. She didn't know what to say next.

"Are you really?" Natalie said.

"I'm fine," Kate said. "It's fine. Really, don't worry about it."

"I don't believe you."

Kate shrugged. "Well, I am," she said. Her voice was a bit flat, though. A bit too cheerful. Like she was playing a part again now, again, and a few minutes earlier she'd been her.

Natalie wanted to cry. "Fuck," she said. "I'm sorry, I..."

Kate shook her head, and picked up her clothes and the money. "Don't," she said.

"I'm so sorry."

Kate leaned over Natalie, and kissed her again, on the forehead. "It's really fine," she said.

"It's not. I..."

But Kate was gone. She went through the curtain, and disappeared.

Natalie sat there, wanting to be horrified at what she'd done. Kate was upset. Natalie thought she'd seen tears in her eyes, as well as some kind of terrible woe on her face. Natalie had put that woe there, had made it so Kate felt upset, and that was completely wrong. Natalie felt awful, but at the same time, she'd just come, and so almost felt relaxed and happy. She ought to feel terrible, but she didn't at all, and that made her feel worse.

She did up her trousers, and wondered what to do. If she should go, or wait for someone to come and get her. In the end she stood up, and was about to slip away, when Angela the organizer reappeared.

"All done?" Angela said.

Natalie nodded.

"Did you have fun?" Angela said. "Jasmine's a lovely girl."

Natalie looked at her for a moment, trying to work out who Jasmine was. Then she realized, and nodded again.

"Quiet one, hey?" Angela said. "That's fine. Come on love, we'll sneak you out the back way if you like."

"Oh," Natalie said. "Yes, thank you."

Angela showed here. There was a fire door down the back of the private room, which led out into an alleyway.

"There you go," Angela said. "All private."

"Thank you," Natalie said, and looked outside.

"Hold on, love," Angela said. "Stay put a moment. I'm having one of the security guys come around."

Natalie stood where she was, and waited, until a man came down the alleyway.

"There you go," Angela said.

Natalie stepped out, and turned to say thanks, but Angela was already pulling the door closed.

She was gone from Angela's mind, and probably from Kate's too. That meant something, she supposed. How tonight had mattered to her, but how quickly it was over for everyone else.

She walked down the alley with the bouncer, and said thank you to him too, then went back to her hotel, and the next day, went back home and got on with her life. She still felt guilty about Kate, a few days later when she considered it. She felt guilty, but still knew that next time, when she went away for work, she'd probably do this all again. That probably meant something too.