A Sudden Change

"So?" was Macy response, "C'mon, let's go for a drive! Ooh! I totally have a joint already rolled and everything! Stony cruise, dude! C'mon! You'll totally feel better after a nice long drive in the country and besides screw going home or going back up to hang with Naiya when she's busy talking to her penis..." Macy paused as she noticed Ashlee's smile begin to vanish at the mention of Naiya and Max. She started to apologize, but found herself interrupted.

"No, let's go, but you tell Naiya we're leaving and grab my weed. I know exactly where we can go." Ashlee said this with an odd tone of unshakable determination that almost shocked Macy. Honestly, Macy had half expected Ashlee to start tearing up again. She may not have known exactly what was going on, but she was smart enough to figure out that it had something to do with either Max or Naiya. She really couldn't have denied that she was curious as to exactly what the deal was, but she wasn't rude.

Besides, if Ashlee wasn't going to dwell on it she wasn't either. She knew Ashlee would tell her whenever she was ready. For the moment though Macy was more than happy to do exactly as Ashlee had asked while Ashlee started the car up trying her best to fake a smile as she watched Macy basically run back into the mostly darkened house. No more then five minutes later she came running back out carrying two hoodies, Ashlee's shoes and her backpack which Ashlee could only assume contained the smoke and god knew what else.

"Let's roll," Macy said with a bright, stupid smile on her face as she slid into the driver's seat after handing everything to Ashlee and then proceeded to put the car in reverse and head on out into the night. From the moment they pulled out of the driveway Ashlee was already beginning to feel a little better. As they exited the neighborhood and cranked up the stereo she was beginning to forget her immediate worries and just enjoy her friends company. By the time they hit the country roads and sparked the joint that had already been rolled Naiya and her penis, as Macy had so wonderfully called Max, were the furthest thing from her mind.

None of this was really all that amazing of course. Macy and Ashlee had always gotten along quite well. It had actually been Macy who had become her friend first and Naiya, Macy's stepsister since they both very young, came after. Even when Macy started hanging out with Kelli, a girl with whom Ashlee had occasionally clashed with for various reasons, they'd remained close friends. In fact, most of the time all three girls( and often four with Kelli) usually ended up hanging out together though generally they usually split up when it came time for bed with Kelli going with Macy and Ashlee staying in Naiya's room. It was an arrangement she often wondered about in passing, but until recently not one she bothered thinking about all that much.

After her first night with Naiya though that had changed. The knowledge that it had been Kelli who had first helped fan the flames of Naiya's nascent sexual interest in girls had begun to make Ashlee wonder a bit about some things. Macy's sexuality was one of them. After all, she was hardly a social outcast herself and she'd heard all the rumors about Macy sleeping with this girl or that girl, but back then Ashlee had just blown them off as nothing but bitter trash talking from any number of boys who'd been shot down by Macy. After all, she too had been subject to rumors like that simply because she'd never had sex with anyone and was, for the most part, extremely shy around boys when they made it obvious they were interested in being more than just friends.

Macy, though, had never been shy. She'd just been disinterested. Ashlee knew because Macy made it quite clear quite often that most boys just weren't her thing. Still, at the time, Ashlee had just chalked it all up to pickiness because she simply found it hard to imagine that one of her best friends might be gay or bisexual without her knowing all about it.

That wasn't all though. There was another aspect to Ashlee's denial and that aspect was that for a very long time, even before she knew what a lesbian was or first grasped the then frightening idea that she herself might in fact be one, Ashlee had something of a crush on Macy. Nothing deep or wicked, but a crush. A little bit of childish lust that she'd always struggled to keep buried lest Macy find out and reject her as some kind of a pervert. When the rumors started this crush made it almost impossible for her to believe them. Why? Because the idea that one of the girls she wanted most in the world might be into girls, but not enough to try and seduce her was something she just couldn't bear.

As Ashlee sat in the passenger of her own car finding herself enjoying the company of Macy as they sang along to the Ting Tings she found these thoughts suddenly racing through her mind. She tried to quell them, but as they approached the park she'd told Macy to drive to she found herself unable to do so. At least not completely. Even rolling and smoking a second joint while they sat in the darkened car didn't help too much until another lingering question popped into her mind and she found herself asking Macy a question which would prove to be most enlightening when answered.

"So where the hell have you been anyway?" Ashlee asked somewhat bluntly and a bit out of the blue. She was high, though, so she didn't notice. She did, however, notice that Macy's expression changed almost instantly once the question had left her mouth. The marijuana induced permigrin faded and was replaced by an odd look that Ashlee had never seen on Macy's usually calm and collected face. It was a look somewhat resembling worried concern.

"What do you mean where have I been?" Macy came back with more than a hint of defensiveness in her tone. "I've haven't gone anywhere."

"Yeah... well," Ashlee started suddenly aware that the question that had at first seemed so innocent was not being received all that well. "I mean, like, you haven't been around much and tonight was like the first time you hung out in like fucking forever. I mean we like always used to hang out and shit, but for like months and stuff you've like not been around."

"I just..." Macy started then stopped, took a deep breath and then looked over at Ashlee in an intense manner that instantly made Ashlee uncomfortable. It was like Macy was trying to read her mind or gauge her in some way. When Macy finally continued Ashlee knew that's exactly what Macy was trying to do as she asked "Look, can you keep a secret?"

"Of course I can keep a secret," Ashlee responded feeling a bit defensive herself for an instant. If Macy noticed, however, she didn't let it show as she continued to look at Ashlee in discomforting way.

"No," Macy said sounding deathly serious, "I mean like a real secret. Not just pretending Naiya or me didn't say something shitty and mean behind someone's back. I mean like a real thing that if you mention it to the wrong person someone I care about might get in trouble."

Ashlee didn't really know how to react to this. Part of her was definitely feeling more than a bit insulted. Another part of her, however, was very curious about what exactly Macy had been doing that made her so serious about keeping it a secret. Flashes of all sorts of ridiculous scenarios were running through Ashlee's mind, but she managed to shut out just enough of them to again reassure Macy of her ability to keep a secret. It still wasn't good enough, however, as Macy made her swear that she would tell no one, not Naiya, not Kelli, not anyone what Macy was about to tell her. Ashlee agreed and she swore it and then prepared herself for the worst.

What she heard, however, wasn't really all that bad. In fact, it more than a little intriguing as Macy not only confirmed the rumors that had been circulating about her since freshman year, but also confirmed another rumor that Ashlee had heard, but immediately filed away as dumb school boy fantasy as Macy told Ashlee about her short, but passionate relationship with Miss Gutierrez. All the warnings and forced assurances suddenly made perfect sense as Ashlee sat next to Macy glued to her seat and staring wide eyed at Macy as she just kept talking about the beautiful student-teacher that all the boys (and some of the girls including Ashlee herself) had secretly wanted ever since she first came to their school.

What struck Ashlee the most about Macy's seemingly unending confession what was the sheer amount of love that was evident in her words. She wasn't a bit surprised to see tears beginning to well up in Macy's eyes as she began to talk about how their relationship had ended abruptly one night when Emma, a name that until now Ashlee had never associated with the beautiful vision that was Miss Gutierrez, told Macy that she was moving halfway across the country to begin her teaching career.

The tears finally began to flow as Macy tried to sound as if she understood the reasoning behind the decision, but she didn't sound too convincing. Those tears made Ashlee think of her own problems with Naiya and for a moment she too felt sad. Then, however, the feeling shifted slightly as she realized how much she and Macy had in common and that despite this obviously still very fresh wound it had been Macy barely more than an hour before who had reached out to try and comfort her. That thought made her respect Macy just that much more and told her that there was just one thing to do as she leaned across the seat to bring Macy into a hug.

At that the dam finally burst fully and truly. The silently falling tears gave way to sobs and it was now Ashlee's turn to be the sympathetic shoulder to cry on for her friend. She actually felt more than a little guilty for asking the question that brought out this obviously painful tale from her friend and said so as she held her only to be answered with sad, little laugh.

"No, don't be sorry," Macy said in a soft voice. "I'm actually glad to have someone to talk to about it. You don't know what it's like to have to keep something like that inside. I mean, I wanted to tell someone, but Kelli's mad at me because I haven't hung out with her in forever and Naiya's all caught in Max right now and you... I hate to say it, but I just didn't know how you'd react. I mean, not to sound mean, but you know...I'd never even told you I was gay before."

"It's okay," Ashlee said, understanding completely even though it did make her a little sad to realize that she may have been the only one in their little group of friends to be completely out of the loop. She really did understand though. She'd always been the most conservative, most timid of their small circle. In fact, that had been the main source of conflict between her and Kelli, the girl who most closely embodied Ashlee exact polar opposite.

"No," Macy said after Ashlee repeated its okay a few more times and she gently removed herself from the hug so she could look Ashlee in the face as she spoke. "It's not okay, Ashlee. I really am sorry. You're my friend and I should've told you. I mean you always defended me when some girl I'd slept with got nervous and started spreading rumors about me and I always just let you do it. I should've trusted you more. We've been friends for forever. I really shouldn't have hidden all that from you. I should've known you'd be cool with it, but I just let my fear and Kelli's silly crap get the better of me, so I'm sorry."

"It's really okay, Macy," Ashlee said even as she felt her heart swelling with affection over the heart felt and obviously sincere apology. "It's not like I've never kept secrets from you before. I'm just glad you trusted me enough to tell me now." With that they hugged again and after that they talked some more about more mundane things as well as occasionally touching back on Macy's turmoil. Macy seemed to have been all cried out at that point, but every time she talked about Emma, a name Ashlee was still struggling to get used to, there was still sadness in her voice that Ashlee couldn't help but feel to a certain extent herself. Not just out of empathy either, but because it reminded her of her current issues with Naiya. She was starting to feel a little guilty over not trusting Macy enough herself, but she kept silent about it until after they'd rolled another joint and got about halfway into it and suddenly she found herself getting ready to share her own secret.

"Macy?" Ashlee said in a quiet voice as Macy was taking a hit off of the joint and then continued after Macy turned to her and made an acknowledging noise." Can I tell you a secret?"

"Dude, you totally don't have to," Macy said as she exhaled the hit slowly. "It's not like you owe me a secret just because I told you one." Ashlee knew this was a yes, but Macy was trying to be nice and let her know she trusted her.

"No," Ashlee continued. "I want to tell you. I mean, I have to tell someone or I'm going to go crazy."

"If this is about why..." Macy started only to be interrupted by Ashlee who knew she was just going to give her another out.

"Why I was crying? Yeah, it is, but I'm seriously not telling you because you told me about Mi... Emma, so shut up. Please. I just have to tell someone, okay?" This time Macy took the hint and merely nodded as she passed the joint waiting for Ashlee to begin talking, but Ashlee instead took a hit herself to cover a moment of weakness and help herself gather her thoughts a bit. The irony of taking a hit off of a joint in order to gather her thoughts was completely lost on her at the moment, but it did work well enough that after she exhaled she finally began to speak.

"I'm gay too," she said simply and immediately regretted it thinking it sounded too blunt and almost hollow. It must have seemed the same to Macy because no sooner had the words left Ashlee's mouth did Macy choke on the hit she'd just taken from the joint.

"You're serious?" Macy finally said after recovering from a small coughing fit. Ashlee narrowed her eyes a little at this, but then nodded simply in response as she took the now much smaller joint from Macy and took another hit herself partly out of habit and partly to calm her nerves knowing that that was the easy part. Sadly, or happily really, she didn't really get a chance to get to the hard part before Macy said "Oh no! You don't mean... Naiya!?"

Ashlee actually had to do a double take. Maybe it was the pot clouding her mind, but she really hadn't expected Macy to put two and two together so quickly. She also hadn't expected what was happening right at that very second as Macy, instead of appearing shocked or appalled suddenly started laughing. Ashlee was stunned. She really had no idea how Macy would have reacted before she decided to tell her, but this was definitely was not she expected. It also wasn't exactly welcome because Ashlee had no idea what so funny.

"Oh god," Macy said after catching her breath and noticing the evil glare that Ashlee was casting her way. "I'm sorry; I'm not laughing at you. It's just... It's... oh god, I don't know how to say it. I don't know. It just makes so much sense."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ashlee said still feeling a bit defensive and still more than a little perplexed.

"She was your first wasn't she?" Macy asked as she tried to regain her composure.

"Yeah, but what's so fun..." Ashlee began to retort only to be interrupted.

"It's not funny. It's just... I don't know, I just... I kind of already knew. I mean, I kind of thought that's what was going on when you busted out of her room earlier I just didn't want to force it out of you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh. It's not that it's funny. It's just so obvious. You know what I mean? I'm not trying to be a bitch, Ashlee. I just... I'm sorry for laughing." By the time Macy finished her meandering explanation she actually did look sorry, but Ashlee still felt more than a tad stupid.

"Was it really that obvious to you?" Ashlee said in a small voice the reflected her inner turmoil.

"Oh, please," Macy said leaning a bit forward a placing a hand on Ashlee's thigh. "Don't be like that. Trust me, I'm only laughing because I've been there tons and tons of times and I'm totally stoned right now. I'm not trying to make you feel dumb. I've totally done worse. Hell, I fell in love with Kelli after our first time together and you know Kelli. I love that girl to death most of the time, but she'll fuck anything with a pulse."

"Really?" Ashlee said crinkling her nose at the thought of anyone falling for Kelli. Macy just laughed and said. "Yes, really." After that Ashlee relaxed a bit and Macy let her spill her guts and bleed all over her bitching about the last couple weeks. Macy just listened for the most part only interjecting with an affirmative noise to keep Ashlee going until had told the whole story without shedding a tear much to her own amazement. How she managed to get through it without crying was beyond her, but the sadness and frustration she'd felt earlier was beginning to give way to anger. Not rage, but just anger over having her feelings ignored by someone she thought she loved and could trust with her heart.

"You know Max is Naiya's first, right?" Macy said simply looking very serious after Ashlee had finished venting her anger for the moment.

"Yeah, so?" was Ashlee's response.

"Well, think about it like this. You love Naiya, right? As a friend and now as a lover, right? You think that what you had together was perfect and that you'll never have it with anyone else, right?"

"No, it's not... Well, kind of, I guess, but..."

"No buts, that's how you feel. I know. That's how I felt the first time I ever did it with another girl. I thought I was totally in love and that we were going to be together for ever and everything was going to be great and awesome and we were going to get married and blah blah blah. A lot of girls go through that. Hell, boys too. Once you get your first taste of what it's like to share that perfect moment with someone else it totally fucks up your head and makes you a complete moron for whoever you did it with... unless your Kelli, but that's something else together. That girl just fell in love with fucking, but I'm not going to talk shit about her..."

"But..." Ashlee began to interject only to be interrupted by Macy once again. That was all well and good though because she had no idea what was going to follow her but with anyway.

"Shhh, just listen okay. I'm trying to save you a lot of heart break. Look, I love Naiya. She's like my sister. I don't mean like my step sister 'cause duh, but like my real sister. I love her to death, but she's an idiot, okay? But, and I know she hurt you, but you gotta understand that the way you feel about her is the way she feels about Max. She fucking loves him.

"God, do you remember when he left for college and he gave her that promise ring?" Ashlee nodded trying to take in every word before Macy continued. "Well, do you remember how much that meant to her? It was like they got engaged or something. She was floating on air for like a month after that until he actually left and then she turned almost instantly into this big, mopey lump of sadness until he called her from the airport to tell her he landed safely."

After that Macy kept talking reminding Ashlee of stuff she'd absolutely refused to remember until then. Naiya had been in love with Max ever since her sophomore year. That was why she only flirted with other boys, but never slept with them. That was why she still wore that silly little ring with that cheap little fake diamond in it. That was why every summer Naiya disappeared for weeks at a time to go to see him and when she didn't she always kept her phone on just waiting for his call and no one else's. During the school year she was a fairly normal, fun to be around girl, but the moment her Max was free from his obligations at school she was lost to everyone.