Adventure of the Incidental Ogle

"Whatever you say, Boss," she smiled up at me. "I've already alerted my lawyer that he might have to make my bail. I wouldn't tell him why. I did mention the Feds were involved, so he should play nice."

"God, that must've been spooky," I told her. "With your history? Wow..."

"Actually, I'm more interested in my present and my future," she told me, and her voice had fallen serious. "I want tomorrow done and then I want to concentrate on us."

"But before that," she added, crawling up my body and rubbing those marvelous tits everywhere she could, "I want you to take me back inside and fuck my brains out. Over, and over, and over..."

I got the point. I got up and started damping the fire while she started putting away the food. Together, we made short work of it and twenty minutes later we were in the house, in her bedroom, in her bed and into each other. Me literally. For her part, she was wrapping more than her head around me.

"Oh, God, Jack... you fit me so good," she murmured as we rocked together. "This is never going to get old."

"No, but we will," I cracked, and immediately wished I hadn't.

"Shut up, Jack," she told me softly but seriously. "That one's taboo right now. And for the next couple of decades. When I hit menopause, we can talk about getting old."

"When you hit menopause, you'll be taking your frustrations out on me as you wheel me around the house," I commented. "God help me if you're at the top of the stairs when you get pissed. It'd be a bumpy ride."

She laughed. And when she laughed, sheathing me, it felt really strange and really wonderful. Kind of like jiggling on me. Awesome.

We spent several hours accomplishing the over, and over, and over mission, before we fell out in each other's arms. I slept like the dead until the alarm went off.

* * * * *

I rolled into my driveway about 5:30am.

"You stay there," I told the lump of canvas on my back seat. "I'll let you know when my monitoring says it's clear."

"Right," Anne's voice replied softly from beneath the lump.

I went into my house and headed for the monitoring console in my bedroom. Nobody had screwed with the house and there wasn't any evidence of anyone in the woods, not visibly and not thermally.

"Looks clear," I texted her and moments later she emerge carefully from the backseat of my car. She had on an anti-IR jumpsuit and she headed directly for the woods. I knew she'd already stashed the Ghillie suit and rifle in her nest. It was going to be a long wait, but she'd been trained to handle this kind of situation and although it wasn't in the riding-a-bicycle category, I was confident she'd do her part and do it well.

Knowing there weren't any lurkers that early in the morning, I got out the bag of diamonds, went down to my beach and buried it about two-thirds of the way to the waterline, smoothed it over and put an innocuous looking rock on top. Then I went back to the house. I was too keyed up to rest, but pacing wasn't going to help, either. So I spent the time going over the plan in my head and all the different ways I could see it going down the tubes. I was very used to having Murphy riding shotgun. Well, up until I retired. Things had gone a lot better after that. This, of course, was just begging for his infamous Law to kick in.

I waited until 11:30, when I saw the heat signature from the car stop on the side of the road by the creek and four figures got out. One stayed at the car while the other three headed down the stream.

"You got four?" I texted.

"Yep," I got back. "1 car, 3 walking."

I waited a few more minutes, then started to head out. I got a text that said "1 stopped in woods. 2 walking." I hurried on down to the beach. I wanted to be standing by my special rock as they approached. I stood there in shorts and a t-shirt, obviously unarmed, and waited for the fat man and his gorilla to close the distance.

He noticed my hearing aid and started in with a particularly obnoxious voice.

"You got somethin' of mine," he almost yelled. "Give it over."

"What?" I answered him, a little loudly, "C'mon, Lester... no pleasantries? No idle chit-chat? No 'hey, thanks for going and getting my stuff on your own dime'?"

"That's enough, wiseass," the goon with him told me and pulled a 1911-style pistol out of a shoulder holster.

"Put it away, Asshole," I told him quietly, forcefully and without flinching.

"Shut up and give da Boss his stuff," was Asshole's brilliant reply.

"Lester, you want to tell your ape to look at his chest and put the toy away," I told him levelly, with just an edge of threat. Both Pig and the goon looked at said goon's chest where there was a bright red dot dancing around his center of mass.

"Fuck!" Asshole started trying to brush it off, which would have been funny if he hadn't been waving the damn gun around, half the time covering me with the muzzle. Then, in a classic move that made me want to kiss Anne, Asshole managed to "flick" the dot off of him and onto Lester, who really started to panic.

"Shit! Nick! Put the gun away! For Christ's sake, put the gun away!" He, too, was trying to move away from the red dot, but it kept following him.

Goon Nick was a little slow on the uptake, but he finally did reholster his pistol. As soon as he did, the little red dot went away.

"Since you don't want to be nice, Pig," I told him as soon as the laser dot disappeared, "let's get some things straight. If you have any hope of seeing your stuff, you're going to stop fucking around and get polite. You're going to tell your guy waiting back in the woods to go join his buddy at the car and both of them get in it. Once I know they've complied, and you're not going to do something stupid, I'll give you the diamonds we retrieved, you're going to turn around and walk away with them, and you are never, ever, going to threaten me, Anne, or any of our family, friends, relations or staff."

"If you do, you will die an unpleasant death, or live and be in mortal agony the rest of your life. So will most of your goons. And just to be very clear, neither you nor Asshole intimidate me. You'll never find my backup. And if he has to sight on you again, it will be to shoot you. So tell your man to get out of the woods."

I shut up and stood there, waiting. Pig waited a moment, then pulled out a cell phone. My own had never left my pocket. He told "Johnny" to go back to the car and wait inside it with "Jimmy." I continued to wait, saying nothing, until I heard Anne's voice in my ear telling me "two warm bodies back in the car."

"Okay, you're going to need to step back a little," I told Lester, before he could tell me his guys had done what he'd told them. He and Asshole took two steps back and I started digging in the sand, eventually drawing out the bag. I stepped forward a little, angling for Asshole while telling Lester, "you're going to want to check out the contents to be sure it's what you think it is." Then I tossed the bag at him.

Both he and his goon were watching the bag sailing towards him. I closed with Asshole, drew his gun from the holster and took five or six quick steps back, putting me almost out of range while he was confused between Lester trying to catch the bag and me relieving him of his sidearm.

"I think I'll just hold onto this," I told the men while I took a few more steps back. "While you check out the bag." Asshole Nick obviously wanted to do something stupid, like charge me, but he realized I was the one holding the loaded weapon. He chose to be smart.

Lester, for his part, wasn't watching until after he caught the bag, and when the surprise wore off, he decided to play it cool. He opened the bag and looked in. I thought he was going to piss himself.

"Okay, so you can see we've delivered, and now it's time for you to turn around and walk away," I told him.

"Yeah, you've delivered... so what is she to you?"

"It doesn't matter," I told him. "But just so we're clear, she is my neighbor and very good friend. Almost family. Which is why, if you fuck with her or hers, you are going to have a very painful rest of your short life. Are we clear?"

"Yeah, we're clear," he grunted.

So I dropped the magazine in the gun into my off-hand and started thumbing the cartridges out onto the sand. Goon wasn't a complete idiot. He knew there was still one in the chamber. When I'd emptied the magazine, I reinserted it and pulled the slide to eject the last cartridge onto the sand and lock the slide open. I hit the slide release, pulled the trigger and tossed him the gun.

"Before you reach for your spare magazine," I told him, "or your spare gun, remember the little red dot. You would not make it off this beach alive." He took the pistol, checked that it was empty and reholstered it. Will wonders never cease? A goon who believed in gun safety, at least some of the time.

Pig didn't even bother to say goodbye. The two of them just spun on their heels and walked quickly back down the beach.

"Okay, darlin'," I said to thin air as I watched them. "Let them know he's got the diamonds, they're leaving and their car is parked by the creek's culvert. Then you can come on down. I'm going to police my beach, then head for the house."

"You got it, sweet cheeks," came Anne's voice in my ear. "Meet you in the house." I picked up the cartridges, smoothed over the hole in the sand and headed back up to the house.

* * * * *

"Now we play a waiting game," I told her as I doled out the evening's fare... ham and cheese sandwiches and minestrone soup from a can. "I know," I added. "Not particularly elegant. But it's simple and keeps me alive. You're going to find, I am a simple man."

"One of the many things I can appreciate in you," Anne smiled. "Your complexity is simple. You've got a deep and varied background, but you keep your priorities straight and it gets simple. I probably ought to try that." She looked around my humble abode for a few moments before adding, "what if I sold my place and moved in here with you?"

I damn near dumped hot soup in my lap.

"To point out the obvious," I kind of blustered as I tried to recover, "I don't have a swimming pool, tennis court, stables, dock..." And the butler and maids and the servantry, I thought. Thanks, Led Zeppelin. "You'd be trading down, big time."

"Well, if those are important to you, you'll just have to move in with me," she decided. "I don't want you living separately from our kids."

Screeeeeech... Crash-Bang-Boom! rattle-rattle-rattle... The sounds of a wreck as my brain derailed. "What?"

"I don't want you living separately from our kids," she iterated.

"No, no... I heard that part," I told her. "What kids?"

"Well, I'm thirty-three, in pretty good shape, and my biological clock is ticking," she told me. "I can't think of a better man to father my children, but I'd rather you were around to help raise them. I believe children thrive best when there are two parents involved in their lives. Not that single parents can't do the job... just that it's better with a mother and a father. You've obviously got experience in the kid raising department, so having you in close proximity makes sense. I won't push it as far as proposing marriage."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I got up, walked over to my liquor cabinet, pulled out a bottle of Southern Comfort and took a couple of healthy chugs out of it before putting the top back on, setting it down and walking back to the table. She was laughing at me. Quietly, but laughing.

"You want to run that by me again?" I asked. I was hoping she was joking, because if she wasn't, it was going to tempt a part of me I was trying to keep buried.

"You probably think I am certifiably crazy," she told me, "and most of society would probably agree with you. However... I'd like to have children and you seem uniquely well qualified to sire them. And help raise them. Yes, I know you are sixty-five and the odds of you living until they graduate high school are pretty slim. On the other hand, you are in great shape and keeping yourself that way, and I can afford to make sure you get the best health care possible.

"So I keep running this what's wrong with this picture? scenario in my head, and although I see negatives, I also see positives. So I want you to think about it. I can see you're hesitant, and I suppose you should be. I'd like to revisit this, though, over the next couple of weeks. I would like you to take me seriously and give the idea due consideration."

I looked at her and took a deep breath. Then let it out in a long sigh.

"Anne, I won't promise to decide in your favor," I told her, "but I will give you the respect of treating the idea seriously. I'm going to have a lot to think about, and we're going to have a lot to talk about, over the next few weeks. In the meantime..." I didn't get a chance to finish the thought.

"Would you like to fuck our brains out while we wait for the cops to tell us they've busted Pig?" she interrupted me.

"Um... that's not where I was going to go with that, but... yeah, sure, why not?" I smiled.

"You can keep in practice for siring babies," she grinned. "While you slowly come to the realization that I am right."

Honestly? With the way I was drawn to her, it was going to be a couple of weeks of interesting mental gymnastics. But that was for the future. Right now, getting naked seemed like a very good idea.

~ Finis, for now ~