1 Apartment Hunting

We all gasped mightily for air in the humid steam. Jerky laughs of pleasure and disbelief punctuated my laugh anyway.

"Oh gawd, this just can't be happening. It's beyond words. I've fallen into a porno movie with unlimited budget." I couldn't help but shout joyfully to the heavens and the generous gods "I do not want to wake up!!"

This sparked smiles and laughter. Leslie Ann gave me a squeeze around the waist and a kiss of welcome, I guess.

Linda smiled in that way of hers that made her look so demure and bashful. I loved it. She opened and closed her mouth. She giggled and shrugged (which felt so nice down the left side of my body). "Me too!!" she yelled and laughed.

Kyle chuckled and gave her the same kiss and squeeze. He looked happily at his wife. "Looks like we have some new fuck buddies!"

Leslie Ann nodded eagerly. "Believe me folks, this doesn't happen to us every day." She paused a moment, looking thoughtful. "Once a week, at most."

"Well, Zach will be living here and Linda will hopefully visit us when she stop by to see Tabatha. It's all looking pretty good." Kyle nodded in satisfaction. "However, I'm turning into a prune here. Reality intrudes."

Leslie Ann rolled her eyes. "He's always like that. Mr. Practical." She smiled wickedly at him. "Still, I love him anyway." They kissed passionately. For the first time in this orgy of a morning, I felt like an intruding voyeur. I busied myself by fumbling around behind me for the latch. The frosted glass swung open and we stumbled out like sopping wet clowns from a little steam car.

The air in the narrow corridor felt chilly after all the heat. I looked left. I looked right. Linda's reactions were faster than mine and she shrieked in disbelief. "Our clothes are gone!"

While panic froze me, and hysteria threatened to claim Linda, Kyle and Leslie Ann pushed past us. We weren't hallucinating. The clothing we scattered hither and yon in our horny haste was gone. I'm sure the others had every right to feel creeping panic, but I felt I was the greatest victim. I had been the only one in full street clothes. My wallet, my keys, everything went with my clothing.

Kyle's booming laugh and Leslie Ann's merry laugh acted like a bucket of snow on Linda and I. I'm sure we both harboured evil thoughts about our "fuck buddies"...until Kyle shoved a note under my eyes.

"Dear psycho crazy sex maniacs,

Obviously clothing is only a hindrance to lusty pervos like yourselves. To better aid you in your debauchery, we have taken said articles into custody. Now you can live naked and free.

Generously yours,

The Phantom Phuckers in 501."

I blinked, confused and not totally free of panic. I could only manage a dumbfounded look of helplessness at Leslie Ann and Kyle while Linda read the note with frantic eyes.

"They're friends of ours. Quite the jokers. Your stuff is quite safe."

I blinked at Kyle's casual tone. "Yeah, but safe five floors up!"

Leslie Ann and Kyle nodded. "Exactly."

Linda and I exchanged desperate glances. What were we missing?

She had a go. "How do we get up there?"

"Elevator or stairs. Your choice. I think I fancy the elevator today. How about you sweetie?" Kyle looked inquiringly down at his wife.

"Oh, I think the stairs! Definitely." Kyle shrugged indifferently at Leslie Ann's answer in easy-going agreement.

"BUT WE'RE NAKED!" Linda wailed.

I nodded in definite sympathy.

"Yes! Isn't it exciting?" Leslie Ann shivered a bit, her wet hair dribbling drops of water. "And I'm heading out pronto before I catch my death of cold!"

Kyle and Leslie Ann skipped quickly out the door into the gym area, leaving a wet trail of footprints on the tiles and then the carpet. I aired out my jaw at Linda. She was equally flabbergasted. I fluttered my hands helplessly.

"There isn't a thing to use for cover. Unless we rip a door off its hinges or something. We either streak or we hide in the sauna forever and ever."

Her cute face distorted in trapped misery. Then she took a deep breath and visibly got a grip on herself.

"Let's go!"

Like swimmers gritting their teeth and making the final determined plunge into water known to be icy cold, Linda and I scampered after the Poirers. We skipped in that prancing toe-walk that people in bare feet adopt. We left our own wet footprints on the exercise room carpet. Even in the midst of this wingnut situation, I couldn't help but notice our gleaming wet nude forms bounding and jiggling in the full mirrors of the little gym. We looked pretty good.

In fact, my not-so-latent exhibitionism seemed to be waking up with some gusto.

We entered the laundry room as that door closed. Leslie Ann and Kyle weren't waiting for us, the bastards.

"Hurray up. I think I'd rather share being the victim with Leslie Ann and Kyle than just be us alone."

"Don't push, I'm going!"

I hadn't realized I'd lightly prodded Linda's nude back with my hands when she hesitated at the laundry door. Beyond lay the main hallway leading to the lobby, the main door and the back door.

Linda opened the door a crack and stuck her head out for a quick look. My chivalry was being pushed to the limit not to barge past her cautious advance and let her make her own way. Fortunately, Linda flung the door wide and blasted out. I followed on her heels.

Just in time to see the elevator doors slide closed. I think Leslie Ann gave us a little wave with her fingers.

"I guess we're going up the stairs!" Linda altered course without breaking stride.

Only about ten steps separated the laundry room door from the stairway entrance. Linda flew ahead of me thru the door. I had to pause a heartbeat to look over my shoulder at the big lobby windows showing the public street beyond. People in their winter gear huddled past, too miserable with the cold to be sightseeing and peeping in windows. I flicked my cock at the world in general the bounced thru the door.

If following Linda the few steps in the corridor had been food for my eyes, following her up five flights of stairs was a moving feast. Even a taut body woman like Linda wobbled in the most compelling ways. My brain had nearly reached memory capacity for storing all the stupendous wonders I'd experienced today.

The flex and jiggle of that wonderful femininity soon had my cock bouncing and flapping in happy harmony.

We couldn't go the speed we might have in rubber-soled sneakers. In damp, bare feet on cool concrete, with various bits of our anatomy dancing in ways we weren't used to, we did half the climb rate. It seemed to take forever...and it seemed to be going by too quickly.

Linda called back, her speech broken by the exertion and anxiety. "I've got a huge decision to make here." Turn the corner, flex, shimmy, bounce. "Which is more embarrassing?" Climb, jiggle, jiggle. "To beg naked in front of strangers?" Pause, puff. "Or knock on Tabatha's door and explain myself to her?"

I reached the landing and stood beside her. I nodded sympathetically. "It's a tough call, but if Tabatha can leave you to go have a fuck with her girlfriend in the next room, she can't be too prudish."

Linda gave a cockeyed smile at me. "NOooo, you couldn't call Tabatha 'prudish'..." She nodded decisively. "I'm going to chance Tabatha." She looked up at me with pleading eyes. "Could you get my clothes? And Tabatha's keys?"

"Of course."

"And could you wait a minute while I see if Tabatha will even answer her door?"

"Certainly. For I am known across the kingdom as Sir Zach the Chivalrous."

She swept her arms around my neck, stood on tiptoes and gave me a deep kiss. I responded happily, running my hands over her smooth back. She ground our bodies together, rolling her tight stomach muscles so my cock was happily mashed between us.

Linda pulled back, leaving her arms around me, her amazing almond eyes now definitely shy and hesitant. "You may be the nicest man I've met in months, if not years. You're moving into #306 here? Can I see you again?"

I frowned in concern. "I don't know. My mommy always warned me about girls who were too forward." I hugged her close, flexing hot penis against her tummy.

She snorted and tried to move away.

I smiled widely. "I can't describe how much I'd like to have you knock on my door." She smiled back.

The definite sound of a door opening into the stairwell above us interrupted all this mushy stuff. Linda eeped and I released her. She flung open the door to Floor 4 and stepped thru. Several voices were coming up the stairwell. I dove thru after her, pulling the door softly shut.

Luckily, #405 was right next to the stairs. Linda skipped over, hesitated a second, and knocked. I glanced around the short hall and the half-dozen silent apartment doors. I saw another red EXIT sign at the far end and I knew great relief. Another stair!

I took two steps in that direction before stopping to wait and see Linda's fate. I fidgeted on the balls of my bare feet, trying to glance in every direction at once. She looked at me over her shoulder, shrugged, and knocked again. After an eternal minute, #405 opened and a cute, be-freckled woman stood there in an kimono affair half-wrapped around her voluptuous form, held in place with one hand. She illustrated that even a cute strawberry blonde bob of hair could not escape the tousled wildness that sex inflicts.

"Holy christ on a pogostick! Linda?!?" As Tabatha stood in shell-shock, Linda turned and waved at me, blowing me a quick kiss. I returned it with enthusiasm. Linda's gesture drew Tabatha's bewildered attention away from her stark naked friend to my stark naked body. I gave the gobsmacked redhead a jaunty wave before zipping away to the other stairwell.

I threw open the exit door and nearly collided with a fuzzy eskimo. The tip of my madly waving cock actually brushed the soft fabric of a fur coat before my reflexes bounced me back a step. My total nudity stood at startling contrast to this person's winter-cocooned form. The long lashes and the deep green eyes between scarf and toque gave me the idea I faced a woman. No other apparent clue presented itself thru the multiple layers of clothing.

Those beautiful eyes widened in astonishment. They flicked down my body, lingering a moment on my erect meat (I was happy to note) before flicking back up to my face.

What could I do? I shrugged, smiled sheepishly and winked. The responding wink was a very welcome response indeed. She gestured one mittened hand. "Excuse me." The sultry, but merry, tone of the voice was also reassuring, and confirmed my guess of femininity.

I was standing directly in the doorway to the fourth floor. "I beg your pardon." I held the door gallantly and she stepped past. "Thank you, kind sir."

"My pleasure, ma'am."

I bounded away up the last flight of stairs. A peal of feminine laughter rose up after me before the closing door cut it off.

I climbed one landing of steps and had the fifth floor door in sight when a riot spilled out into the stairwell from, at a guess, the sixth floor.

"C'mon, we can beat mommy down the stairs!"

"Race you!"

The high, excited voices could not be older than ten, tops. The rapid pounding of little feet down the stairs clutched my guts with more fear than a landslide of ice and boulders. Playing naked games with adults was one thing, but a man flashing his pecker to kids could expect a deserved reservation in hell, otherwise known as maximum security prison.

So close, and yet I had no chance to reach my goal of the fifth floor. Dammit! I leapt back down to four, my feet smacking painfully as I leapt the last few steps onto the concrete, seconds ahead of the laughing rugrat avalanche. I had no idea what floor the kids had as a destination, so I couldn't leisurely loiter in the hallway. I flung open the door, heart ripping in my chest, ready to dash down to Tabatha's apartment and hope they let me in quickly.

Directly in front of me, again, stood the fur-clad woman. Her apartment lay directly beside the stairwell exit and she had just unlocked her door. I plunged past her into the dark cozy entry. I stopped, peering anxiously over her shoulder at the stair door oozing closed on its hinges.

"Please hide me. There are kids in that stairway and I don't want to flash them." That's me, the naked pervert with a golden streak of gallantry.

The woman had a quick mind, that's for sure. No bluster, no shouts of indignation and no stupid repetitive questions. She cocked one ear to the squeals and giggles approaching. She gave me a firm shove with a cool hand and shut her apartment to the noisy and nosey world.

I put my eye to the security peep hole in the door. I shuddered with deep bone relief at a near miss. Three little bodies hurled out of the stairway and on to the fourth floor.

"That was too close. They're right outside." I continued to watch, and listen.

"I don't think they're staying long. The little darlings are just pushing the elevator button. Always nice to know kids appreciate the classic gags. They'll be gone in a second."

I rested my forehead on the door, eyes closed and trying to control my breathing and thudding heart. "I can't thank you enough for this incredibly freaky and embarrassing moment." I took a final breath and turned to face my hostess, trying to casually cover my wilting penis with my hands while hoping any blushes would be taken as exertion. I hoped I wouldn't see her dialing 911.


The woman had peeled off her winter gear and kept on peeling. I turned in time to see her sweater go over her head and fluff out a mane of red hair. Her large breasts and wide nipples lay exposed between a string of pearls and a deep green bustier that supported but didn't hide. She smiled like a cat with a free mouse as she worked the side fastening to her skirt. She stepped out of it and tossed the black thing off to the side. She put her hands on generous hips and struck a sexy pose. Despite the frigid weather, the lady didn't believe in underwear. No panties. All she now wore was the green bustier that supported garter belts to sheer stockings, a pair of stylish outdoor high-heeled boots that reached up her shapely calves and the aforementioned string of pearls. She shaved her pussy. Her red nipples were puffies and getting puffier.

"I couldn't very well have a guest feel inappropriately dressed in my home, now could I?" She swayed towards me, her voluptuous figure jiggling ripely. My flagging cock revved back up for a look.

She eased up to me, long manicured nails toying with my nipples and chest hair. Her green eyes sized me up as they did in the stairwell, lingering leisurely in their inspection this time. At this intimate range, the tantalizing scent of subtle perfume and female arousal filled my nose. I could see the fine lines in the corner of her eyes and face. In her 50's, I'd guess, but a truly magnificent 50's. She obviously fought aging with cunning, guile and determination.

I kept my hands to myself as she trailed those claws down my torso. The aura of domination held me firm. If she decided to scream, I'd be filleted and broiled. Best to let her take the full lead in hand and not take a chance on annoying her.

"So, I don't recall seeing you in the building before. Seems a cold day to be out perving the city." She stroked across my newly firmed belly in lazy swipes. "What's your story? And your name?"

"Zach. And I only came looking for a vacant apartment."

She gave a throaty growl, abruptly seizing my rock hard cock in a velvet vise of a grip. She looked up in to my eyes. "Go on." She leaned up and a tongue traced my collarbone.

"Well, um...well. Kyle the landlord was showing me the sauna facilities and then Leslie Ann came in freezing."

A purring chuckle vibrated against my throat. "I think I can imagine what happened to your clothes soon after that, knowing the Poirers the way I do. But wandering the hallways....?"

"There are some crazy pranksters in 501 who took them. I was trying to get up there and..."

"You fell in to my clutches." She leaned back and looked up at me with hooded eyes and a sly smile. Her puffy nipples rubbed thru the hair on my chest. I couldn't stop my hips moving slightly, reflexively fucking her massaging grip.

She stood away from me, pulling me along by my boner. I waddled slightly on tiptoe to follow her into a plush, cushion-filled living room. She threw a few pillows on to the rug and pushed me down on them. Down the flame-haired vixen followed, her silk-clad torso rubbing along my body.

"I owe the nuts in #501 a favour. I'm going to let them have this wonderful hot tool." She abruptly let go of my cock, letting it vibrate desperately alone. A booted leg swung over my chest and a hot, wet pussy pressed into my belly.

"But I do need payment of some kind for my good deed." She slid slowly forward on her knees, leaving a trail of molten pussy lubrication over my chest. Her green eyes looked down into mine, afire with lust. She fondled her nipples as she slid forward. Leaning forward, she adjusted herself and sat her bald, juicy cunt lips square on to my face.

"Lick me, Zach. You're not leaving until I'm done cumming, so your tongue better be talented."

Oh, please don't trow me in dat old briar patch...little did my benefactor-captor know that I loved to lick pussy. I nuzzled my face into the petals of her opening, smearing my face liberally with warm wetness. My hands massaged her bum cheeks, adjusting her so I could easily reach my work. I teased her clit with the tip of my nose. Her hands ran thru my curly hair.

I extended my tongue and flicked it side to side, fluttering the outer lips. She gasped and undulated. I gently exhaled hot air across the damp folds, causing another tremor of lust in the ripe body crushing my chest. I caught the tender petals in my lips, tugging and pulling gently. Her breath caught and my hair received a pull.

I extended my tongue, tasting the unique flavour of aroused woman. Musky, momentarily odd, then quickly delightful and inspiring. Deeper and deeper I plunged, pressing my tongue as far as it would go. Her thighs clutched my head and she made a soft squeal.

Lapping and licking, I came closer and closer to the prominent button of erect flesh. I circled around and around the bud, ignoring her whines and writhings. I pursed my lips, wet them thoroughly, and plunged on to the clit. She groaned long and loud.

I licked and probed, I kissed and massaged, I nuzzled and tasted. My tongue began to tire and my neck had a kink developing. I ignored both and kept at it, timing my efforts to the silkie thighs squeezing my ears, the nails digging into my scalp and the moans filling the apartment. I slid my hands up from her buttocks, up the smooth satin of the bustier and found her erect nipples. I stabbed ferociously at her clit with my tongue at the same time I gave her swollen tips a good pinch.

She tried to crush my skull with her thighs and spasmed. The mark of a job well done. She may have moaned, but my ears were covered.

Eventually my partner collapsed. She slid off me to sprawl across the rug and couch cushions. I rolled on to my side, supporting my head with my left hand. I raised my right leg to better display my extremely erect cock. I refrained from touching the boy, since it could likely trigger a spurt right away.

"So, I assume I've paid my debt and am free to go?"

Her eyes came back into focus and she blinked at me. "Oh, yes. Though I'm tempted to keep you and your tongue here forever."

"I will be taking apartment 306. No doubt I'll see you in the hallway."

"Fuck the hallway. I'll see you in bed!"

"It's a date." I clambered to my feet. I extended a hand to help her up, but she shook her head and only curled like a cat on the pillows, languidly looking up at me past my erection.