Beyond the Borderline Bk. 02

***

Before we left for our visit to Mom's new practice, I overheard a conversation she had with Marsh over coffee on a Monday morning. Mom and I had spent essentially the entire weekend in bed, making lots of love and just plain fucking the shit out of each other until we were exhausted. Marsh had just returned from a weekend visiting Shawn. I guess the two of them were comparing "son-notes" over latte. I quietly and discreetly parked myself outside the kitchen doorway, shamelessly eavesdropping.

Marsh began, teasing Mom. "You look a bit tired and frayed around the edges, Jen. It must have been a really good weekend."

Mom chuckled and gave back as good as she got. "I could say the same, skin sister. It looks like it hurts to sit down."

"God, you have no idea. For some reason, Shawn was totally fixated on my butt this visit. He fucked my ass three times yesterday, and I loved every second of it."

"Jesus, Marsh, you're a total maniac. I adore it when Ricky does me that way, but I don't know if I could stand up to that much pounding."

"Well, most of the time, Shawn is just so sweet, so tender it almost brings me to tears. But sometimes you know, a girl just likes to get down and be totally nasty," Marsh giggled. "This weekend, I really wanted to get thoroughly fucked, to be absolutely dominated for some reason. Totally giving myself to him like that was actually liberating, in a strange way. I felt like I was all cunt, ass and tits, just one huge erogenous zone. There was something about the role reversal that really got my juices flowing, Shawn becoming my badass, big-dick, dominating daddy."

"I know what you mean, Marsh. Ricky is almost telepathic that way. I hardly ever have to tell him how I want it. We're almost always in synch, and even if we're not on exactly the same page, he loves it when I tell him what I need." I heard her sigh deeply. "He's the best lover I've ever had, or ever will have."

I blushed so hard when I heard Mom say that, I thought that the glow would shine through the doorway and give my spying away. It also made me swell with tremendous pride, both above the neck and below the beltline.

"Amen to that, Jen. How did we get so lucky?"

Mom paused before replying, considering her words. "For me, it was because I was finally able to be totally honest with myself about my desires and being open to accepting the love that Ricky had for me for so many years. It was incredibly hard to do, so many feelings of horrible guilt and sin to overcome. I worried terribly about how it would affect him and our relationship. It took a long time to understand that it was all bound together and inseparable, both the mom-son thing and a man just loving a woman."

Mom laughed ruefully and added, "I practically drove that poor boy insane with my indecision. You know, from the first time I kissed him, I mean like I really meant it, to when I first let him touch me, uhmm, down there, it took over a month. Then the very next day, when he actually got assertive with me for the first time (that's when you almost discovered us), I chewed his poor head off and nearly ruined everything. Thank God I came to my senses after you talked with me. I should have known I was trying to control an essentially unstoppable event."

"Wow, I had no idea, Jen. I can't say I'm surprised though. It's such a deep-seated taboo, I think especially for someone like you, who was such a conscientious and loving Mom. I know you definitely did the right thing, though. You and Ricky are so beautiful together, so loving and so right for each other. It's a pure joy just to see the two of you side by side."

"Thanks, Marsh, but I don't know about conscientious. I think I first started thinking about Ricky, you know, that way, when he was still in high school. He's always been such a sweet boy and pretty hunky too," Mom giggled. "How was it for you and Shawn?"

"Really, really different at the start, although I think we've ended up in the same place as you and Rick."

"Did it take you as long to figure out what to do?"

"No, we went from mutual interest to bed very quickly."

"Wow. I wish I had your decisiveness, Marsh."

"You know, in the beginning, Shawn was actually trying to seduce me," Marsh confessed, her voice barely audible. I had strain my ears, almost cocking my head into the door frame to hear her

"No!" Mom exclaimed in a shocked whisper.

"Absolutely, my girl. He had a plan all mapped out with meticulous care, with alternate strategies and detailed contingencies. Damned if it wasn't working, too. Shawn may look and act like a self-conscious computer nerd sometimes, but when he was trying to get into my panties, he was masterful. I guess he was highly motivated," Marsh laughed.

"What did he do, Marsh?"

"It was subtle, indirect and simple, but devastatingly effective. He treated me with real respect, affection and kindness, things I never got from Harold while we were still married."

"I think he launched his assault on Mommy's virtue near the beginning of his senior year, just after he turned 18. One day, he just came home from school and gave me a big hug and kissed my cheek, something he rarely did since he hit puberty. He said, "Mom, did I ever tell you how much I truly appreciate everything you've done for me, or how much I really love you?"

"I just laughed and hugged him back and said 'No, not recently and no, you can't have the car tonight.'"

He got real serious then and told me "I mean it Mom. I've been thinking a lot about things recently and I know I've been taking a lot for granted. I just don't want to do that anymore. And no, I don't want the car tonight."

"Seems innocent enough, Marsh."

"Oh, yes indeed. It didn't think twice about it, except that it absolutely made my week. You know how it is, when you finally realize that the day your little boy is going to walk out of your life and into the big, bad world is coming soon. Right then, I felt closer to him than I had in years. It was precious."

"After that day, it slowly and seemingly naturally escalated. He spent a lot less time on his computer or out with his friends and more time just sitting with me, talking. He asked my advice about a lot of things and really listened to what I had to say. He always made a point to compliment me on my appearance. At least of couple of times a day, he'd give me a big hug, 'Just because,' he'd say. I started to get a nice kiss each morning when he left for school and when he came home. I came to really look forward to those moments, they made me feel so good about myself and about our relationship."

"I know now in retrospect, I was subconsciously starting to respond to him as a woman, too. I didn't see it at the time, but that clever so-and-so had found the chink in my maternal armor. Without really thinking about it, I began dressing a bit more provocatively, nothing outrageous, but definitely a notch more suggestive than before and I definitely was fishing for compliments, which he very happily provided. He made me feel sexy and desirable again and boy, oh boy, did that feel nice."

"After that, things started to get more intimate, not in any obviously inappropriate way, just closer. He started giving me foot rubs a couple times a week. I felt so pampered, it was wonderful. We'd sit on the sofa in the evening and I'd put my feet in his lap. He always made sure that my feet were a chaste distance from his crotch and then he'd do my lower calves and feet, never getting fresh. Things started to change though, one time when he did my feet for almost an hour. By the end, he was just caressing me, again no higher than my calves, but I found myself responding to him. I actually got wet from him touching my legs and feet, Jen!"

"Did he notice, Marsh?"

"At the time, I didn't think so, but looking back, I think I was excited enough that he could smell me. Things didn't go any farther that evening, but the next day, when he left for school, he kissed me on my lips!"

"My God, what did you do?"

"I was so surprised, I couldn't do anything. Besides, it was so quick, he was gone off the porch before I could respond. I just stood there on the stoop like an idiot. My first thought after he left was that we'd have to talk and nip things in the bud immediately, but as I was sitting, drinking my coffee a little later, I began to think, 'What's the harm in a little peck on the lips from your handsome son, who obviously loves you very much? He's just showing you a little extra affection, showing how much he cares about you.'"

"So, there you were, on a very slippery, very treacherous slope," Mom observed.

"And how. While I was finishing my second cup, I began thinking again about the foot massage he gave me before. Damned if I didn't get wet all over again. This time though, it wasn't just a little juiciness, it was a goddamn river. I soaked through my panties in about two minutes! By then I knew I had to take care of myself or I'd be good for nothing the rest of my day. I was incredibly horny and at the same time pissed off and guilty, having gotten excited by the memory of my own son touching my stupid feet. So, I went upstairs to get out Mr. Big."

"Mr. Big?" Mom snickered.

"Exactly, Mr. Big. Eleven by three inches of vibrating, pulsating, pussy stretching, high tech silicone goodness, my go-to toy when I really need to get off big time."

"Jesus, Marsh," Mom giggled.

"Anyway, I stripped and got down to business. I slipped off into my favorite Fabio fantasy, which never fails to get my rocks off, but I found I couldn't come! It was crazy! There I was, spread-eagled in my bed, with my number one sex toy buried to the hilt in my cunt, my favorite fantasy in my head and I couldn't get off. I kept working at it but I just hovered at the edge forever."

"Then it happened. I was flat on my back, pounding my poor pussy for all I was worth, sweating like a piglet, getting absolutely nowhere and then out of the blue I thought of Shawn on top of me."

"Oh my God."

"Yes, Jen. 'Oh my God.' Actually, 'OMFG', as the kids like to say."

"I went off like a bomb in less than ten seconds."

"Jen, I climaxed so hard I saw stars! It was flat out one of the very best orgasms of my entire life. It must have stretched for nearly two minutes - it was like huge waves crashing on the beach, one after another. My whole body felt like a puddle of molten gold. It was so intense I thought I peed the bed."

"God Marsh, you're starting to get me worked up now. Take it easy," Mom pleaded.

"I was absolutely out of my mind with lust at that point. Mr. Big was gone for good, forever replaced by lovely Shawn. My son substitute got a workout, I can tell you - mouth, cunt, ass, everything. I went for several hours and was practically unconscious by lunchtime. Every time I came, it was better, more intense than the last. I was actually screaming at the top of my lungs into my pillow by the end. I'm sure if the neighbors had heard anything, they would have thought I was being murdered."

"When I came to my senses, I had to run to the toilet to throw up. I was almost suicidal with guilt. I curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor and was probably catatonic for at least an hour. After that I drifted around the house in a naked daze, crying my eyes out. All I could think about was fucking my son - my pussy was dripping like a faucet and at the same time, I was consumed by remorse. It felt ten thousand times worse than when I found out Harold was cheating on me."

"Boy, do I ever hear you, Marsh. The first time I actually admitted to myself that I wanted Ricky, I felt like throwing myself under the bus. I thought I was a complete pervert, a horrible mother and an evil human being. Thank God I got through that."

"You have to get over a lot to get to where we are Jen, but in the end there's nothing like it in the whole world."

"Amen to that. So, there you were, struggling," Mom prompted.

"Yeah, I was feeling lower than whale shit," Marsh laughed. "Eventually I found myself in Shawn's room, trying to understand how my world got so suddenly and thoroughly turned upside down. I tried to reestablish some maternal perspective by straightening up his teenage clutter a bit. I'm not sure how I expected to do that, standing there nude, dripping fuck oil on his carpet, but it seemed to make sense at the time. Anyway, when I was tidying up his desk, I jostled his computer and the screen saver went off."

"When I saw the incest forum he was logged into, I lost it. I went from abject misery to steaming rage in two minutes."

"Jesus, Marsh. What did you see?"

"His screen name was 'wantmysexymom18.' There was a lengthy thread he started about two months previously, soliciting advice on how to get into my pants! God, I felt so stupid. Everything was a setup. He wanted to fuck me and used the information other boys gave him to weaken my defenses. There seemed to be at least two other kids who had actually pulled it off, seducing their moms, and I could see that he had followed their recommendations almost to the letter. He was posting almost daily, outlining his progress, right down to describing how he rubbed my feet for the first time."

"Right about then, I was so humiliated, I think my heart broke. I was ready to disown the little shit and throw him out of the house the minute he got home. I had never felt so used in my entire life. It was nothing short of emotional rape."

"Wow. How on earth did you get from there to where you are now? If Ricky had pulled a stunt like that, I would have fed his dick to the ducks and killed him - twice."

"Funny how these things work out, isn't it? I was ready to throw his computer out the window, but I forced myself to finish the thread. The last response to his thread was from a few days before, from someone called 'lindalovesherboy.' It just said that she had a relationship with her son and that she wanted Shawn to PM her right away."

"It took a little while to find his correspondence with this woman, but when I did, it changed everything all over again."

"Jeez, Marsh, what a rollercoaster! Don't keep me in suspense, out with it, girl!"

I could hear Marsh take a deep breath. "This woman gave Shawn a detailed, emotional account of how she came to take her own son as her lover. She was a widow, her husband killed in the first Gulf War, serving with the SEAL teams. He was a bona fide hero. It was a beautiful story, heart wrenching and inspiring at the same time, in some ways like yours and Ricky's. From how she wrote, you could just tell how much they loved each other, man and woman, son and mom, how committed they were and how much joy they had in their lives."

"She was very direct about what she thought of the way Shawn was manipulating and misleading me, how selfish it was. She asked him bluntly if he was after a quick roll in the hay, or whether he wanted something like what she had with her son. She begged him to think things through before the situation got to the point where there was no going back. She seemed genuinely concerned that he not damage our normal mother-son relationship. She also had some very good advice for him about the ins and outs of a real romantic mother-son coupling and how wonderful it could be if he was willing to commit to something like that."

"Shawn wrote her back, somewhat defensively at first, but 'linda' was persistent and non-confrontational and gradually got him to 'fess up about how all this came about. For the first time, I really saw myself though my son's eyes. The poor boy had the hots for me so bad, it was almost comical. He could describe my body in great detail, the sneak, and he was so worshipful, so enthralled by this middle aged broad, it was sad, funny and so sweet, all at the same time. The way he described me, I could tell there was more to it than just testosterone overload. At a minimum, he was totally infatuated, that was for sure."

"'Linda' gradually got him to open up about his feelings for me. God Jen, it was intense, like eavesdropping on a weird Oedipal therapy session. Shawn eventually admitted that he was starting to get uncomfortable with how successful his campaign of seduction had become, that he felt very, very guilty. It was clear that he didn't count on his engineered and calculated intimacy affecting him in any way. He was so in lust, he didn't realize the fire he was playing with! The real emotions that came with his little game totally blindsided him."

"Their last correspondence bowled me over. He came clean with 'Linda,' telling her how he felt and that he now actually had really, unintentionally fallen in love with me. He admitted that he couldn't go forward with his plan! He said he couldn't live with himself if I found out how he had duped me. He was going to talk to me very soon and confess everything, come what may. He thanked 'Linda' profusely for saving his bacon and our relationship and he asked if he might ask her son a couple of questions, if he was willing."

"Jen, I'll never forget her reply," she sighed, choking up. "She said 'I wish with all my heart you could talk with him, but he died in Afghanistan eighteen months ago. He followed in his father's footsteps. There are no words for how much I miss him. Love your Mom as best and honestly as you can, young man. Your time with her is very precious. Don't waste a minute of it.'"

"Good Lord, Marsh, that's unbelievable. What did you do next?"

"I had another good cry and then took a nice, hot bath. I thought long and hard about everything that had happened and I came to the conclusion that I would wait and see what Shawn said when he got home. If he followed through like he promised 'Linda,' I would work things out with him. If not, well, I didn't want to think about that. I prayed that he would have the courage to do the right thing. I knew if he did, then we could heal the breach between us. Then I went back to my bedroom and got out Mr. Big again and gave myself another shattering orgasm, thinking about Shawn the whole time."

"Good grief, Marsh, you were soooo, bad," Mom laughed.

"Yes I was, wasn't I? 'Linda's' parting comments really struck home with me. Who could say if I might blow a cerebral aneurysm tomorrow, or if Shawn might have some kind of accident? What Shawn did was incredibly stupid, but he paid a high price before he even had a chance to touch me. He didn't count on an emotional boomerang. He outsmarted himself!" Marsh hooted.

"So what happened when he got home?"

"I had to wait a long time. He came back unusually late, almost 5 o'clock. I was starting to really worry - 'Linda' and her final PM were really weighing on my mind at that point. I was terrified that Shawn didn't feel that he could face me - that he'd run off or something. You know, a mother's typical worrying. Anyway, he eventually dragged his sorry ass through the door into the kitchen. He looked like hell."

"It was hard to keep a straight face while I pretended to scold him for not telling me he was going to be late. When I finished I asked, 'Well, where's my kiss? Don't you love your mom?'"

"God, Jen, you should have seen how his face fell! It looked like he was going to throw up any second. He swallowed very hard and pecked my cheek and I said 'That's more like it, but I think you can do better, especially after the past few days.'

"He sat down, and stared at the table top. He couldn't bring himself to look at me. He said we had to talk about what was happening before, that it wasn't right what he had done."

"I came right back at him with 'I liked it, and it sure seemed as though you did too.'

"I remember exactly what he said to me then, Jen. He looked me straight in the eye then and said point blank, 'This is so hard, Mom, but I've got to tell you something before I go mad. Do you know I've been trying to seduce you for the last several weeks? I wanted to have sex with you, Mom.'"