Deathbed Confession

Author's Note: When I first started lurking on Lit years ago there were certain types of LW stories that easily got my hackles up. One of the worst was the cheating wife on her deathbed confessing all her indiscretions to her husband to ease her conscience. Sometimes she'd tell him, but other times she was even more heartless and just wrote him a letter. This is my take on the pain, betrayal and anger revolving around a cheater's deathbed confession.

Warning: There's no graphic sex in this one. If that's what you're looking for, I'd skip this one.

Thanks to blackrandl1958, Mostera1 and outofshadows for making this a better read. Any mistakes you find are mine, since I always tend to mess with my stories after I get them back from my editor.

****

Margaret Connors lay propped up in the hospital bed, which resided in her master bedroom. The long stream of visitors had finally ended, and she was left with only her immediate family.

She sighed deeply, adjusting her body to lessen the continuous pain. It was still manageable with the current medication, but that time was quickly coming to an end. The simple fact was that she was dying. The doctors had sent her home with Hospice. They'd told her it would be just a week or two before the pain would require stronger medication, medication which would make her incoherent and cause her to sleep most of the time. If she needed to get her life in order, now was the time to do it.

She looked over at her husband of twenty-eight years. Her eyes began to fill with tears as she thought of the pain she was about to inflict. Again she questioned the wisdom of what she was about to do. For her to be able to leave this world in peace, however, she needed to tie up some loose ends. She'd spoken with all the friends and family who had stopped by to say goodbye. Now, only those closest to her were still there. Harold, her husband, still hovered over her in the room, while she could hear Elizabeth, her little sister, and Becky and John, her niece and nephew, in the living room.

Confession, supposedly it was good for the soul. Maggie certainly hoped it would be. Even though it would be painful, she knew she couldn't die with so many secrets hanging over her. She prayed they'd forgive her.

"Sweetheart?" she said softly, her voice full of emotion.

"Yeah, Babe?" he said, the concern on his face making what she had to do even harder. He saw her tears and quickly went to her side.

"Is it the pain?" he asked softly.

She nodded and looked up into his gentle blue eyes.

"Yes, but right now it's not the cancer. Hal, it's my heart that's breaking."

He looked at her strangely, an odd look on his face. She gathered herself and continued.

"Dear, I need to tell you some things, some things that'll be hard to hear. Actually, I'm not strong enough to do this twice, so it would be better if I did this only once. Would you ask Lizzy to join us?"

Harold's questioning face slowly morphed into a deeply concerned one.

"Maggie," he said quietly, but with an evident underlying dread. "What are you doing?"

"Sweetheart, I'm trying to set things right. I can't leave this world with the heavy burden I've kept hidden. Now, please could you get Lizzy?"

He nodded, and then went into the living room. She could hear the muffled voices.

Can I really tell them everything, she questioned herself. Can I break the hearts of those I love?

The things she needed to say would hurt, but there was no other way to clear her conscience. She'd considered writing farewell letters, but it seemed to be cowardly. No, she'd hold her head up and confess what needed to be said. Her sins seemed like they occurred a lifetime ago, but she knew they'd altered so many lives. It had begun twenty-five years ago; a simple slip which snowballed into something much larger.

Harold traveled on business a great deal during the early years of their marriage. As low level engineer in a construction engineering firm, he'd been sent to oversee one remote building site after another. As he gained more experience and seniority, his traveling had decreased to only short visits to major construction sites.

It was just the opposite for Maggie. She'd initially traveled very little for work. However, before being diagnosed with cancer, Maggie had spent the last fifteen years traveling extensively around the world. As a senior trainer for a large corporation, she'd flown all around the world training their on-site technical support staffs.

Maggie smiled, thinking of the respect and praise she'd earned over the past years. She was very good at her job and had been well recognized and compensated. She'd become the successful, strong, independent woman she'd always dreamed of being. Twenty-five years earlier, she certainly wasn't those things; she'd been a woman who'd recently turned thirty and was fighting off the occasional loneliness found in most two career marriages. That's when she'd fallen.

Maggie grimaced, remembering how she'd tried justifying her past actions. Harold's traveling, her loneliness, the frustration at her, at that time, floundering career; they were all factors but were only excuses.

Harold had been a good husband, even a great one, except for the traveling. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she loved him and had for the past thirty years. He was two years younger than she was, and he'd always joked she liked YOUNGER men. He never knew how right he was.

They had been married only three years when she'd been introduced to Sam. From the moment they first met there was an intense spark between them, even though he was five years her junior. Where Harold was good-looking and fit, Sam was ruggedly handsome and very muscular. They'd been drawn to each other from that very moment.

She hadn't been looking to have an affair. Other than the loneliness she'd been very happy with her marriage, but the thought of Sam's kisses and arms around her made her heart race and body writhe with desire. There was another huge reason for them not to get together, besides her being married; Sam was Lizzy's fiancé.

You stupid fool, Maggie chided herself. What kind of woman does THAT to her own sister?

It was a question she'd asked herself countless times over the years. The answers she'd found were too painful to dwell on.

Maggie had always been the dominant older sister. There had been many times growing up when Lizzy's adoration of her older sister had closely resembled idol worship. Where Maggie was gregarious and outgoing, Lizzy was more shy and reserved. Both sisters were attractive and tended to draw lots of male attention, even though the types of guys each one attracted differed. That was why Sam had caught her by surprise.

She'd resisted her draw to him for several months; then Harold was sent to Florida to a very large construction project. He spent the next three months there, only returning home for a couple of days every three weeks. It was during that window she'd sought company with Sam.

Sam was like her in that he was a corporate latter climber. He was confident and aggressive and he drew her to him like a moth to a flame. Maggie scolded herself, remembering at the time she knew she was falling for Sam but was still in love with Harold. The turmoil she struggled with then was nothing compared to the terror she felt when she found out she was pregnant.

She'd panicked.

She and Harold had only had sex a handful of times during the probable window of conception and she thought they'd always used precautions. She remembered using protection with Sam, as well, but the frequency with her lover had been ten times more than with her husband. Also, there'd been several times the sex with Sam had been so voracious and animalistic that the condom had broken.

She was certain the child wasn't Hal's and that fear had led her to abruptly break off her affair with Sam. Still as guilt-ridden as she was, the only person she could confide in was Sam.

It was still the early years for the abortion clinics, and many had protesters and others watching over them. She'd been concerned about going to one and being recognized. It was probably an unreasonable fear but at that time, she hadn't been thinking clearly. Sam convinced her to go to a less than reputable clinic which wasn't publicized, so there wouldn't be any questions asked and no trace of her abortion.

Like a fool, she'd agreed. The abortion was successful but the doctor had botched the procedure and scarred her internally. Her chances now of having a baby were next to none. It was a secret she knew couldn't be hidden.

She felt a tear begin to run down her cheek as she remembered the day, a year later, when she went to their family doctor to receive the report of what she already knew. She couldn't have children. She'd lied to Harold and told him she'd had an abortion as a teen but never knew the damage it had done. It had almost crushed him. She remembered the tears in his eyes when he learned he would never be a natural father. It had been something he'd always dreamed of.

They talked initially about adopting but had put those discussions on hold because of their careers. When they began talking about it again, Fate intervened. She guessed it was karma, the universe trying to balance things out.

Maggie had vowed to put their affair behind her, and Sam had agreed. For the next two years they successfully focused on being just platonic friends. It was a challenge, but they both succeeded on putting their respective relationships ahead of their past desires.

Their hunger for successful careers had drawn them even closer as friends. Sam was beginning to jump up the corporate latter two rungs at a time and with his advice and encouragement Maggie had found her own career beginning to blossom as well.

Neither of them could've predicted the future.

Sam and Lizzy had married a couple of months after the affair It hadn't surprised Maggie, since she knew that even in spite of their affair, Sam really did love Lizzy. In many ways they were a good match. Sam was very dominant and her little sister had always been somewhat submissive.

Only a year and a half into their marriage, Lizzy fell into a deep depression. She had struggled with depression throughout her teenage years, but this was much more severe. She lost interest in everything around her and seemed to crawl back into herself. There was even a fear she might harm herself and had been put on a suicide watch twice. She was eventually diagnosed with clinical depression. Her desire for sex or intimacy had greatly diminished, and the medications she was put on reduced it even further.

Frustrated, Sam had lamented about their lack of sex to Maggie. She'd foolishly tried to console him and soon they fell back into their affair while Harold was out of town.

Over the next twenty-one months, their relationship blossomed into a true love affair. Their affair hadn't ended even when Lizzy had broken out of her depression and resumed a more active sex life with Sam. Maggie's only defense was that she was in love with both men. During the affair she hadn't denied Harold anything, just the opposite, as she tried to give him even more of herself.

Her relationship with her sister was, naturally, a convoluted mess. She'd always been the dominant big sister, but now she had to deal with her guilt and shame without drawing unwanted attention. Things became more complicated when Lizzy announced she was pregnant. Maggie's initial reaction was very poor. It had been a mixture of jealousy and remorse, but Maggie had been able to explain it was due to her sadness at not being able to have children of her own.

Her emotional dilemma was tearing her apart. Her overwhelming guilt at betraying both her husband and her sister had led her to the brink of confessing everything many times. Fate, however, stepped in again and this time twisted its cruel knife.

Maggie had recently begun her frequent traveling even if it was only to smaller sites. One week she'd been in Philadelphia. Sam traveled sporadically but happened to be in Pittsburg for a conference at the same time. It had been a simple task for him to take an extra day and meet her in her hotel.

Maggie and Sam had always been very discreet, taking extra steps to make sure no one discovered or even suspected their affair. Even when meeting out of town they'd always acted as if someone could be watching. To make sure no one saw him coming out of her hotel room in Philadelphia, Sam had left in the middle of the night.

It wasn't until later that day she'd learned Sam had been a victim of a hit and run accident when he'd gotten back to Pittsburg. He was in critical condition at a hospital there.

Maggie shook her head slowly and gently sighed. Everything changed after that. Sam's world turned into a nightmare and threatened to drag her down with it.

Maggie had been horrified when she'd initially visited him. Physically, he'd been a mass of cuts, bruises and broken bones. Maggie knew those would fully heal, however, Sam had two other injuries which wouldn't. Tragically, he'd broken his back and was now partially paralyzed from the waist down. He'd also survived a very severe blow to his head, as well. He'd been diagnosed as having a Moderate Traumatic Brain Injury. It wasn't noticeable, since it didn't affect his speech, but his memory was clouded at times and it caused him to have problems controlling his emotions.

He'd spent the next two months in a rehab hospital. When he was released, he wasn't the same man. Between the trauma from his accident and being confined to a wheelchair, Maggie watched Sam as he emotionally ricocheted from being bitter to being angry to being depressed. The confident, and even sometimes arrogant, man who'd been her lover was now a shadow of his former self.

Over the next few months her pregnant sister hovered over him and Maggie was forced to limit her involvement to one of a concerned sister-in-law. She painfully watched as her lover became more and more dependent upon his wife. She quickly recognized Sam's love for Lizzy was growing stronger as a result, as well.

When Maggie was eventually able to talk to Sam privately, they both agreed their affair had ended. They parted, vowing never to tell their spouses about their indiscretions.

Unfortunately, with his physical and emotional issues, Sam's career suffered dramatically. The company he worked for didn't abandon him, but his rapid advancement had left him with few friends and many enemies. It quickly became evident his upward mobility with the company had come to an end. That realization caused Sam to fall into an even deeper despair. He began clinging to Lizzy like a drowning man holding on to a life preserver.

It was frightening for Maggie to watch as Sam faded away. The only good thing coming out of that nightmare was the once shy and reserved Lizzy was coming into her own. Still, by the time Becky was born it was obvious that Lizzy and Sam would need extra help. With their insurance money and savings, along with Sam's large inheritance, they were able to buy the house across the street. Sam's parents had given them his inheritance early in order to financially take care of his needs that their insurance wouldn't cover.

At first, Maggie and Harold visited daily. She would help Lizzy take care of Becky and some of the household chores while Harold helped with those things around the house Sam couldn't do anymore.

Over the next two years she'd watched Sam's personality weaken as her sister blossomed. Lizzy was a natural nurturing mother and wife and looked after Becky and Sam like a hawk. In some ways, Maggie thought she was smothering Sam with her over protectiveness, but the alternatives of having someone else watching over him weren't an option.

Harold was able to spend more time helping them since he'd begun traveling less. Maggie's career, however, was taking off, and she'd begun traveling much more. One of the side benefits was that her husband was getting to play UNCLE HARRY with the baby. It was a benefit which helped Maggie ease her conscience as she threw herself into her career.

Maggie was still ashamed as she remembered how she'd spent less and less time around Sam that last year. He wasn't the man she'd fallen in love with, the man for whom she'd risked her marriage and relationship with her sister. He'd become sad and pathetic. She wasn't sure why she'd avoided him, but she suspected she'd finally begun to realize what a fool she'd been to think they were soul mates.

As she increasingly stayed away from Sam and Lizzy's home, she'd encouraged Harold to spend more time over there when he wasn't traveling. It had given her a level of peace, knowing he was going over there in her place. In hindsight, it was probably unwise. She hadn't considered the effect of Sam seeing the man he'd cuckolded for years doing things around his home he couldn't. It must've contributed to how things turned out.

When she'd heard Sam had taken his own life she was more saddened than surprised. Lizzy was naturally distraught, first because she'd lost her husband and secondly, because she'd just found out she was pregnant. Maggie had been aware Sam's paralysis had affected his sexual performance but was surprised to learn it hadn't affected his potency.

At the time, Lizzy had lamented that if her husband had known about the baby he might not have killed himself. Maggie seriously doubted that. It had been obvious Sam hadn't been able to cope with not being the alpha dog in a dog-eat-dog world.

After Sam's death, both Maggie and Harold made sure Lizzy and Becky were taken care of. Even though Sam's life insurance wouldn't pay out because of his suicide, his inheritance allowed Lizzy to stay home and look after her children for several years.

It was initially discussed if Lizzy and Becky should move in with them, but Maggie wasn't high on that idea. With Sam gone, Maggie was concerned Lizzy and Harold might get too close. She knew both of them were fond of each other, much like a brother and sister, and would never cross those boundaries, but there was no reason to tempt fate.

By that time, Maggie had poured herself into strengthening her marriage and was beginning to receive the benefits. Their sex life was great and she and Harold seemed to settle into a very comfortable two career/ no children marriage. Maggie had wished those good things upon her sister as well.

It was almost a year after John was born before Lizzy began to date again, even if only rarely. Lizzy was pretty and had become much more confident with motherhood, so it made sense she'd begin looking for another husband at some time.

The man she settled on had shocked Maggie. His name was Jim, and he lived in another state. Lizzy had met him through a dating service. What had stunned Maggie was that he was still married! Technically, he'd been separated from his wife for years, but he was still married. Added, was the fact his status wasn't going to change anytime soon because of his young children and the family's legal and financial situations.

Maggie had been flabbergasted at the extent of the changes in her sister over the past few years. Her once timid and reserved sister was now colder and more aggressive. When she'd questioned Lizzy about the obvious lack of a future her relationship with Jim held, her sister had informed her that because of his situation, she and Jim had agreed to have very limited interaction with each other's families. Besides, Lizzy had explained, Harold was an outstanding male role model for Becky and John anyway. Lizzy had told her she was content to let Harold continue to be their father figure while Jim took care of her other... NEEDS.

Maggie had reluctantly agreed, partially out of guilt and partially because Harold absolutely adored his niece and nephew. That's when the cycle they'd been in for the last eighteen years began. Lizzy had her romantic interest on the side, Harold got to play "daddy" with her kids and Maggie got her husband and a great career.