Deathbed Confession

Most times, when Lizzy would go spend a weekend with Jim, either Maggie or Harold would agree to watch the children. It turned out to be Harold more often than her, since her business travel kept increasing, but her husband didn't mind since it let him spend more time with Lizzy's kids.

Maggie smiled to herself when she thought of Jim. She'd only met him a few times over the years, but she had to admit he was handsome, even if he was several years older than Lizzy. Over the past eighteen years it seemed they'd had a good, even if distant, relationship.

A deep, harsh stab of pain brought Maggie back to the present. She grimaced until it past.

She and Harold had had a good life. They'd been happy, and she'd done her best to be a good wife to him after Sam's death. She'd loved him with everything she'd had and had never strayed again, even with the numerous opportunities she'd had during her travels.

She also knew he loved her. It was his love she was counting on to allow him to somehow forgive her. Her sister's forgiveness would be something else.

Maggie knew Lizzy would probably hate her, initially. She was hoping her actions over the past twenty years would help. She also prayed blood would be stronger than the pain of her betrayal.

She decided she'd tell them at the same time. Not only did she not have the strength to go through this twice, but she felt maybe they might find the strength to forgive her in each other. It wasn't the first time the thoughts of her husband and sister eventually becoming a couple had crossed her mind.

She wondered if they would ever dare to cross the boundary from their brother sister relationship to a more romantic one after her death. Maggie still wasn't sure what she thought about that. She was torn between her desire to make sure Harold was taken care of after her death and the jealousy of thinking about her husband with another woman.

Selfish to the end, huh? She scolded herself. This will be my final penance, encouraging the two of them to step past the sibling barrier and seek each other out romantically.

She knew her husband would be devastated by her death, so seeking solace in her sister's arms wasn't too much of a stretch. Lizzy's relationship with Jim had cooled dramatically. It seemed when all his children were old enough to leave home he'd decided against pursuing his divorce. She hadn't spoken about Jim or gone to see him in over a year, a few months after Maggie's cancer had been diagnosed. Since then, Lizzy and the kids had spent a lot of time around Maggie and Harold. Maggie was truly thankful, since they'd been a godsend for both her and her husband.

Harold opened the bedroom door and cautiously entered. Over his shoulder came the voices of Becky and John.

"Bye, Aunt Maggie!" they called out from the other room.

"We'll be back over in a little while," Becky added.

"Later, Harry!" they both chimed as they closed the front door.

Maggie stifled a laugh. She knew her husband hated being called HARRY and corrected anyone who mistakenly called him that, well, everyone except Becky and John. Them, he'd never correct. It'd been their pet name for him since they were little. Even Lizzy had followed suit, calling him HARRY a couple years later.

She'd asked her sister about it once years ago, and Lizzy had told her she did it at first so as not to confuse her small kids at the time, but also to tease Harold. Maggie had understood and laughed, but had sworn to herself she'd never call him that. To her, Harold would always be her HAL.

Her husband stood at the foot of her bed as her sister sat beside her and held her hand. She stared at them and smiled. Harold was still nice looking and fairly fit, even at 53. Maggie had blossomed into a very attractive woman and was still so, even for a fifty-one year old.

"I wanted to talk to you both before my situation deteriorates even more. It won't be long before I'll be struggling simply to talk or keep a coherent thought in my head."

"So," she said with a sad smile, "before that happens, I need to confess somethings to you both."

"Maggie please, do NOT do this," Harold said quietly, his voice full of emotion.

She looked at him and her heart began to break. She always known he'd suspected something between her and Sam, but those doubts had only first surfaced after Sam's death. She was sure he never confronted her because he desperately loved her and knew Sam would never be a threat to him.

She'd wondered if Sam had ever hinted at their affair. She dismissed the thought since Harold would've no doubt approached Lizzy, and Lizzy would've certainly confronted her.

Regardless, it had taken Maggie years before she was confident Harold knew there was no one in her life but him. It'd been done solely by actions so as not to draw any unwanted attention, but over the years Maggie knew Harold didn't doubt her love for him.

Now, however, she could see the frustration building in her husband. He obviously wanted to avoid this. It was typical of him, since he disliked confrontation. Those times he would confront, he'd do it in a very cold, businesslike way.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," she said gently. "I need the truth to come out and I'm running out of time."

"Please," Harold said sternly. "Let the past stay in the past."

"Hal, I need to do this," she replied, trying not to sound condescending. "I don't want to leave this world with these secrets between the three of us."

"Dammit, Maggie," he snapped. "I'm begging you, leave it alone!"

His emotional outburst took her back momentarily. Her need to unburden herself of her guilt though overrode his protest.

"I'm sorry, Hal. I can't do that."

She looked over at her little sister and she felt her heart tighten. Lizzy's face was full of both dread and anticipation.

Of course, Maggie thought to herself. She isn't stupid either. Naturally she'd suspected something, as well.

She gathered her resolve and continued. It was time. They say the truth would set a person free. Maggie prayed they were right.

"I'm so very, very sorry," Maggie's voice croaked with emotion. "But I have to ask both of you for your forgiveness. Years ago, I betrayed both of you. Over twenty years ago I had an affair... an affair with Sam."

Maggie thought she'd prepared herself but the pained looks on her sister's and husband's faces broke her heart. Lizzy couldn't look at her and Harold wouldn't take his eyes off of her, she didn't know which was worse.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how to ask this," Maggie said softly with tears in her eyes. "But I hope you can find it in your hearts to somehow forgive me."

Her husband stared at her with an expression which made her question whether she'd done the right thing by confessing. Her sister had released her hand and had buried her face in her hands. For several seconds a terrible silence shrouded the trio, then Harold's calm voice shattered the awkward silence.

"Why?"

"I'm sorry, Hal," Maggie said gently. "I wish my reasons were better, but they aren't. I was lonely and foolish. I thought I was in love with him. I knew it was wrong, but I thought he was my soul mate."

"That's not what I meant," her husband responded coldly. "I meant why are you doing this now? Why cause all this pain?"

"I'm sorry, but I needed to do this. I needed to ask your forgiveness before it was too late."

"What about our needs?" Harold stated, his voice shaking with emotion. "What about what Lizzy and I needed?"

Maggie helplessly stared silently at them. Lizzy looked at her sister.

"All I want to know is how," Lizzy said with tears running down her cheeks. "How could you do that to me?"

Maggie sighed deeply and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lizzy. I have no excuse for being such a horrible sister. I can only say when we first got together it was before you were married."

"Bullshit!" Lizzy hissed. "We were engaged, so he was already mine! Why would you need to take him away from me? Besides... YOU were married weren't you?"

"Yes," Maggie whispered as she glanced guiltily over at her husband. "I know you won't believe me, but I truly thought Sam and I were destined to be together. I knew our actions would hurt others, but I believed it was Fate. I'm so very sorry!"

She looked back at her husband. It was obvious he was dealing with a mixture of anger and hurt.

"I'm so sorry, Hal, but it's true. I was in love with both you and Sam. I love you, Hal, and I always have, but Sam was like my soul mate or at least I thought so at the time. As time went by, I realized Sam and I were more like kindred spirits.

"If I would've learned that sooner we could've remained only as good friends instead of lovers. As it was, I ended up betraying both you and Lizzy. I know it may not seem like it now but I've always loved you, Hal."

Lizzy snorted in disgust and Harold sighed deeply.

"I believe you," he said solemnly, much to Maggie's surprise. "I believe you when you say you loved both of us, but I don't believe your love for Sam was love at first sight. It might've ended like that but that's not how it started.

"A love like you're speaking of takes time to cultivate. It takes countless heart to heart conversations and multiple intimate moments to bond two hearts together like that. And that takes a conscious effort, it takes cold calculated planning. The fact you decided to make the time to build a relationship with another man is something I found hard to forgive. It's certainly something I never forgot."

Maggie wiped the tears away and stared pleadingly at her husband. She nodded slowly.

"I felt like you suspected something a long time ago. I noticed it shortly after Sam's death. But Hal, he was never a threat to you, and then after his death he wasn't even a part of my thoughts. And since then I've been a good, faithful wife. I've never strayed again. Even though I've had countless opportunities while I was traveling, I never cheated on you!"

"If you say so, Maggie," he replied quietly. "Since you've basically lied to me for the past twenty years by not confessing your affair you'll understand why I'm having trouble believing you. But even if you've done what you say, it doesn't undo your affair with Sam, now does it? Like I said, it was hard to forgive you, but I couldn't forget."

"What? What do you mean?"

"What I mean was that I knew about the two of you well before his death. I knew about your affair even before his accident."

"Please, Hal!" Maggie pleaded, "Please tell me you didn't have anything to do with Sam's accident! "

"Well I can truthfully say the importance of my role is somewhat subjective, depending on who's asking! I'd like to think my involvement as indirectly responsible for his misfortune."

"Oh, Hal, how could you?"

"Well, Maggie, the same question could've been asked of both of you! What did Lizzy or I ever do to deserve your betrayal?"

Maggie was silent as her tears streamed down her face. Slowly her forehead pinched as the question formed in her mind.

"But how? How did you find out?"

"I told him," Lizzy interjected in a cold voice.

Maggie gasped.

"You... you knew?"

"Yes," Lizzie said drying her eyes.

"But when? How?"

Lizzy looked over at Harold. She appeared to be looking for a sign or some type of permission. Apparently she received it when Harold grimaced and nodded.

"Well," Lizzy continued. "We'd decided not to air everything, hoping you would die in peace with your secrets. However, you chose to open Pandora's Box and I guess everything will come out now. I'm sorry.

"To start, I found out about you sleeping with my husband only a year and a half into my marriage!"

"No!" Maggie gasped in horror. "Oh God, no!"

"Why do you think I fell into such a deep depression?" Lizzy asked calmly. "That's what happens when you find out two of the people you trust most in life are betraying you. Learning my husband had slept with my older sister while we were engaged almost crushed me."

Maggie buried her face in her hands and wept.

"I... I never knew—"

"Of course you didn't. You were so damn selfish. It was always about you, even when we were growing up!"

Lizzy glared at her sister waiting to see if there would be a response. When there wasn't, she continued.

"I came so close to giving up back then. I was alone, since I was afraid to approach Harry about it. The reason for my fear was because if he already knew I would've completely lost it. Having all three of the people I loved the most betray me would've been too much.

"I tried to keep holding on to the fact this had happened before we were married. It was weak, but at least it was something. I finally worked myself out of my depression and began to try to heal my marriage. Like a fool I didn't confront to two of you at the time. Instead, I spent the next six months fighting to restore my marriage. Imagine my surprise when I found out my sister was sharing my husband's bed again!

"That's when I started leaving a small recorder in our bedroom, as well as in yours and Harry's bedroom whenever he traveled. It didn't take long before I had the evidence of your affair. I was torn between despair and anger when I realized I'd been in competition with my sister for my husband's affections for the past sixteen months.

"When I felt myself starting to fall back into my depression, I chanced confronting Harry. I'm ashamed to say I was relieved when I found out he was as clueless as I'd been. I'd found an ally and it gave me the strength to hang on. Harry was a Godsend. With his friendship and support, I was able not to fall apart again."

Maggie's forlorn face began to give way to shock and realization. She stared at her husband and tried to stifle a sob.

"But would mean you knew even before..." she whispered. "You never said anything."

"No," Harold replied curtly. "I started to, but Lizzy reminded me of how unprotected I was, both financially and otherwise. It took a little while to get things maneuvered around, but I eventually got those things covered. I talked to a colleague from work who had gone through an ugly divorce recently and he helped me setup an offshore account to begin dumping any loose or hard to trace funds into. When I was finished, I was ready to confront the both of you, but then Lizzy stopped me."

"Stopped you?" Maggie said weakly, confusion plainly written on her face.

She turned and stared at her little sister. "Why?"

"Simple," Lizzy replied. "If we'd confronted you back then there would've been two divorces. Afterwards, you and Sam would likely have gotten together, so the only ones really losing anything would've been Harry and me. So I proposed an alternative to confronting you."

Lizzy looked over and sheepishly smiled at Harold. He shook his head slowly and tried to hide a small grin. Maggie stared at her husband in shock and horror.

"Sorry, Sweetheart," Harold said, his face starting to redden, "but it was quite the proposal."

"If it makes you feel better sister," Lizzy interjected. "Harry really struggled with my proposition, at least initially. But when he heard some of my tape recordings of your meetings with my husband, he relented. I know hearing you profess your love for him countless times has kept some ember of hope alive within him. Though I also know listening to you declare your love for my husband, as well as hearing OTHER things was the final blow. I'm certain THAT was what finally convinced him to accept my offer for a revenge affair."

Maggie lay there her mouth opening and closing like a landed fish. Her mind raced as she began connecting the dots.

Lizzie continued as if she was reading a report in a staff meeting. "What Harry and I had back then was more a friend's with benefits type of relationship. I don't know how long it would've lasted, but then I ran into the same problem you did. I turned up pregnant and didn't know whether it was my husband's or my lover's child!"

Maggie gasped.

"You... you knew?" she whispered as the tears began streaming down her cheeks again.

"Yes, you made mention of it a few times during the recordings," Lizzy explained. "I was still very wary of how Sam might react, so when I mentioned it to him I said there was a possibility I might be pregnant. He reacted very strangely, so a couple of days later I told him it was a false alarm. I saw him visibly relax when I said that. He may have forgotten about his reaction, but I didn't.

"I called his mother later that week. Sam's parents were living in France at the time. His family was never close, but I asked her if she remembered if Sam liked children. She said she thought he did, but she doubted he'd ever agree to adopt any. She also said Sam had told them we'd already discussed all this before we were married. The fact was, there wouldn't be any children since he was sterile."

"Sterile?" Maggie gasped in horror.

"Yes. It seems he had complications with some childhood disease."

"But ..." Maggie stammered, her face growing pale." That would mean—"

"Yes," Harold interrupted coldly. "That would mean you killed our child to cover up your affair and your soul mate KNEW it wasn't his! "

"No!" Maggie wailed. "Oh, God please, no!"

She curled up into a ball and wrapped her arms around her frail legs. It felt like her heart was shattering and she was struggling to breathe.

"No!" her heart cried out, but she knew it was true. "How could Sam have done that to me? Oh God, what must Hal think of me? He must've hated me!"

Maggie fought to control her breathing. The tears streamed down her face as she stared silently at her husband with a look of abject shame.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I didn't know."

"THAT was the OTHER thing," Harold continued, ignoring her last statement, "which eventually drove me in to Lizzie's bed."

Both Hal and Lizzy silently watched as Maggie sobbed. A wide range of emotions danced across their faces. There was a mixture of pity and compassion, guilt and remorse, and even anger and pain. Hal broke the uncomfortable silence by continuing.

"So then we had a problem. Lizzy was actually in fact pregnant with Becky, and Sam would soon realize it. How he would react was a mystery, but it was certain it would be explosive since everything was about to be exposed. That's when I made some decisions and made some calls.

"Sam eventually did confront Lizzy, and she countered by throwing his affair and his sterility back at him. She lied about who the actual father was and said it had been a one time, revenge thing. She also told him if he told anyone, she'd confront you and destroy any hopes of the relationship he dreamed of having with you. She also threatened to tell me and see if I wouldn't seek revenge and come after him.

"That bought us a little time. It wasn't much, and obviously didn't stop him from continuing his affair with you, but then you both went to Pennsylvania. Then Sam had his ACCIDENT and your affair was over."

Maggie's eyed widened. "You tried to have Sam killed?" she croaked.

"No, I actually asked that your affair be ended without you being physically harmed. The particulars weren't important. I was surprised when it happened, and even more so with the end results.

"How, how could you?" Maggie stammered.

"If you're asking how I could do something like that to that asshole? Please, you've got to be joking! Let's see, he claimed to be my caring brother-in-law, was cheating on my sister-in-law, fucking my loving wife behind my back, and played a major role in killing my unborn child... how could I NOT do something like that to him? Now can you understand why I had no problem if the piece of shit died or not?"

Maggie closed her eyes, beginning to realize the repercussions her affair had had on her husband and sister. It was her and Sam's betrayal which had damaged her husband and her sister, changed who they were. Hal's calm voice awoke her from her epiphany.