Down by the River

"You're going to murder me, Selene," he groaned while his hand weaved through my hair, stroking my head. "This is the surest way to send me to an early death."

I looked up at him as I wrapped my fingers around his shaft. "Oh yes? Maybe I should stop?"

"You're a tease," he said, hissing at the end as I gently blew air on the tip of his cock. "Damn it."

Relenting, I stroked the base gently with one hand, massaging his balls with the other. I looked up at him, biting my lower lip, to see what his reaction was like. He was propped on his elbows, looking down to watch what I was doing. I smiled at him quickly before taking the tip of his manhood into my mouth, still retaining the eye contact we had as I twirled my tongue around that tip. Marcus groaned as his head fell back. He once again placed a hand on my head, gently stroking. Encouraged, I turned my attention back to his shaft, fascinated by the way it seemed to come alive beneath my palm, under my gaze. Truthfully, I did not know what I would do with it, but if Marcus could give me pleasure through his mouth, then I supposed I, too, could at least try to do him the same favour.

I licked him from the base to the tip, replacing my hand on the base as I did so. I gently squeezed him and used the seeds that already came out of the tip as lubricant as I stroked him up and down, smiling as I heard him groan. Once again, I took the tip into my mouth, but this time, I tried to take as much of him in as I could, gently twisting my tongue around it. I felt him slightly thrusting up from under me, while his hand on my head kept me from moving away. Staring at the rest of him that was left under my palm, I wondered if I could swallow his wholeness. I sank lower, pushing more of him into my mouth, until I felt the tip of his cock pushing against my throat. Closing my eyes, I took more of him inside, almost choking but somehow managing not to. Finally, when my nose bumped against his crotch, I groaned and pulled slowly away, only to take all of him again. I continued to bob up and down his cock until I felt him stiffening beneath me. I began to pull away, but it was already too late. Half of him was still inside my mouth when his seeds erupted. Not knowing what else to do and also wondering what it would taste like, I grabbed the base of his cock with my palm and pumped on it as I swallowed his seeds, sucking regularly until nothing more came out.

Sighing, I pulled away, kissing the tip as I looked up at him again. It almost surprised me to realize that it was still drizzling; I quite forgot about it. Marcus reached for me and pulled me down, close to him.

"Selene," he whispered as he stroked my wet hair. "Sweetheart, you are..."

He did not finish his sentence; instead, he kissed my mouth hungrily. When he pulled away, both of us were already panting, breathless. We looked into each other's eyes before laughing at the same time. Marcus pulled me close again, and in the comfort of his arms, I sighed.

I put my head on his chest, running my palm over his naked skin, feeling the taut muscles in his stomach, loving the way his skin felt under my palm. His fingers were teasing my back, and I sighed, reaching for his already sagged shaft. A few strokes and I felt it twitch. Marcus groaned as I squeezed it, watching in fascination as it hardened and grew in size under my ministrations.

"My god, woman," Marcus groaned when I sat up, still holding his cock in my hand, squeezing it.

"I want to taste you again," I told him, smiling shyly. "May I?"

"I was sort of thinking that maybe you'd let me have a taste of you after that," he said, cocking an eyebrow. "Don't you think I deserve it?"

Taking my very soaked dress off, I grinned at him. "Maybe we can remedy that, one way or another." I straddled his face and bent down so that I could still pay attention to his manhood. "How about this?"

But he did respond. Instead, I felt his lips on the inside of my thighs, his hands stroking my side gently. I smiled and began sucking on him, one hand on the base, stroking him. When I felt his tongue running over my sex, I gasped, pulling him out of my mouth. His finger was teasing my nub, and I felt as if my knees were melting from under me. It was one thing to be lying on my back while he did that, another to kneel and feel every stroke, every touch. It did not help when I felt his tongue inside. With a groan, I went back to my task, determined to please him as much as he was pleasing me. I was rewarded by gasps and groans from him. If I would be tortured, I would make sure somebody got tortured with me.

"I need to be inside you, Selene," he said in a whisper afterwards, urging me to get up and meet his lips in a kiss of passion and need. He nibbled at my lip, pulling me close and caressing my breasts.

Between kisses and caresses, he managed to roll me on the grass so that I was lying on my back. Guided by his hand, he sank himself into me, and it took us no time to find the rhythm as old as time itself. Faster and faster he moved inside me, while our hands and mouths desperately fuelled the passion building up inside, threatening to engulf both of us in its intensity. We reached the peak of our passion moments later, and he collapsed on top of me, breathing hard.

The drizzle was turning heavier by then, and I marvelled at the contrast between the cold brought about by the rain and the heat that emanated from our bodies. I knew, however, that as the heat of the moment ebbed away, the two of us would be left shivering in the cold. It seemed that Marcus was also thinking along the same lines. He moved off me and helped me to my feet before carrying me to a spot where tree branches would at least protect me from the worst of the rain. The trunks that surround the spot also protected me from the wind.

I watched as he raced back to where we were and grabbed our discarded, soaked clothes, before coming back to where I was. He also grabbed the umbrella I discarded earlier and gave it to me.

"Maybe it's a bad idea making love under the rain," he said with a grin as he wrung my dress as best he could to make it dry.

"You made no complaints earlier," said I, hugging myself as a chill went through me.

He chuckled and handed the dress back to me. "I was not in my right mind. Obviously, it's hard to think clearly when somebody's sucking your other head..."

I lightly punched him in the arm before the two of us laughed. He finished squeezing as much water as he could from our clothes before the two of us got dressed again. He sat down on the root of a tree before pulling me down so that I sat on his lap. With his arms around me, I did not feel as cold as I thought I would.

"If we'll continue meeting even during the rainy months, I've got to make a shelter somehow," he told me, nuzzling my neck. "I don't want you getting soaked every single day and then perhaps getting sick because of that."

"I'm not very sickly, don't worry," I told him, closing my eyes. "I'm used to this kind of weather. When I was younger, I would always bathe in the rain."

His warm breath on my skin as he chuckled tickled me. I smiled. We both fell silent, listening to the raindrops as they fell on the grass, the rocks, the river nearby.

"My father wrote to me the other day," he said quietly afterwards, combing my hair with his fingers. "He wants me to go home to him and help him manage the business."

I did not open my eyes. I dared not, afraid that if I did, my tears would come running down. I have cried enough those past few days. I knew that this day would come, didn't I? I've been dreading it from the moment I realized that he was a child of civilization and I was one with this forest. We could not be together.

"Come with me, Selene," he said, kissing my neck. "I promise to take care of you. We'll take your grandmother with you. She doesn't have to live alone here."

Mustering what remained of my courage, I opened my eyes, looked at him, and lied. "I'll think about it. Is it urgent that you should go to your father now?"

"Not really," he answered, smiling. "I know he won't like it if I tell him that I want to extend my vacation for a few more months, but he won't start beheading me or something for such a decision."

Again, I smiled and touched his face. "Well, then. Before you think about dragging me and my grandmother along when you finally decide to go home, maybe you should think about meeting her first, don't you think so?"

He laughed at that. "True. Just tell me when you want to finally introduce me to her and I promise I'll be on my best." He took my hand and brought it to his lips. "I cannot afford to do something to make her dislike me, can I?"

I chuckled at that. Deep down, I knew that I would never introduce him to my grandmother. Not because I thought Grandmother would disapprove of him, but because it would be easier for all of us if the two of them did not meet. I loved Marcus with all my heart, but I knew I could not give up everything for him. I could not, for one, give up my home for all that he was offering me. And I would not ask him to leave behind everything he loved, for me. I was not as selfish as that.

Sitting there on his lap, watching as rain raged on around us, I felt as if I finally grew up.

*****

The sun did not shine the next day. Instead, it hid behind gray clouds that warned people of upcoming rain. I ignored it, of course, as I walked to the river, umbrella in hand. I already ate lunch at home, since Grandmother insisted that I do. She cooked a corn meal that I absolutely loved; I could not regret staying home a few more hours for that.

Marcus was already there when I arrived -- as usual. He was naked from the waist up, sweating profusely. I took some time appreciating the beautiful build of his body before revealing myself. He grinned as soon as he saw me, before gesturing to the fruit of his labour: a shed made of leaves, bamboo and wood.

"What do you think?" he asked.

I laughed, hugging him. "I think you're nuts!"

"Oh, come on!" He lifted me from the ground and whirled me around. "I told you I'm not going to risk your health these coming months, didn't I? I don't want you getting soaked in the rain whenever you run off from home to meet me here."

"Maybe I won't always do that," I told him between the kisses he was giving me. "I can just introduce you to my grandmother and then you just visit me at home instead of meeting me here."

"I like the thought of that," Marcus said, "but I doubt that your grandmother will let me make love to you inside your house. Besides, you never actually tell me when you'll introduce me to your grandmother, so until you do, we have to continue meeting down here, right?"

It really broke my heart to have to lie to him like this, but how could I tell him that the two of us would have to separate, anyway? He would not understand. In fact, I doubted that many people would understand. They would think that I just had to get over my silliness and leave this place to be with Marcus, but then, they never loved a place the way I have loved this forest. I was a part of this place as I was a part of nothing else. I could not turn my back on it because it would always call me back.

"What do you think of it?" Marcus asked as he spread the blanket -- our blanket -- over the grass inside the shed. "Sturdy enough to last through the coming months?"

I laughed as I sat on the blanket. "I think that a good, hard push from me will easily topple it over."

The look on his face was priceless. "Are you serious?"

Still laughing, I pulled him down and kissed him full on the lips. "Well, I am not going to give it a good, hard push, so..."

Finally, he caught on and laughed. "You little minx! I spent all morning building this thing! Why do you have to make a cruel joke out of it?"

"You know, I'll just make up for it," I told him. "In all honesty, I'm impressed by this whole thing." I grabbed his hand and kissed it. "I'm touched. Thank you."

Satisfied that I was telling the truth this time, he sighed and lay down. "I told Aunt Marian about you about two months ago, and she's really eager to meet you. Do you think you can spare a few hours as I take you to our house in town and introduce you to her?"

"It's going to take us half a day to walk to town!" I said, mouth gaping open.

He laughed. "We're not going to walk to town! In case you forgot, I've got a horse."

"Oh." I flashed him the sweetest smile I could. "Well. I don't want going to town without Grandmother knowing, because, believe it or not, some of the people there know me, and some of them may visit Grandmother one of these days and tell her about my escapades."

"Then, you should introduce me to your grandmother soon, because Aunt Marian wants to meet you as soon as possible," he mused aloud.

I just smiled again and looked around. The shed was open up front, and looking out, I had a clear view of the river. There was a small bench on one side of the shed, where right now the picnic basket sat.

"What time did you start building this thing?" I suddenly asked. "It's too much work for a few hours."

"I've been here since the crack of dawn," he said, yawning as he did so. "Aunt Marian does not even know I already left when I did, but she'll find out where I've gone once she realizes that her favourite picnic basket is gone once again."

"Your aunt seems to be very nice."

"She is. The two of you are going to get along well when you finally meet each other."

I held back the sigh I wanted to heave. He was making this harder and harder for me. I did not want to imagine the sort of things he was describing, knowing that those would not be realized. I did not want to get his or my hopes up, knowing that I had to crush them later.

"Are you and your grandmother already set for the rainy season?"

I sighed. "Of course. This won't be the first rainy season we will spend in this place, you know."

"Are you still going to devotedly visit Mary and her family every two weeks when the rain starts to come?" he asked.

"No," I answered, smiling as I hugged my knees, still looking outside, watching as the grass stalks bent with the blow of the wind. "Mary will send her boys every week to check on me and Grandmother. Back then, it was always Lucas and Jim, but, since Lucas is not around right now, Danny will have to come with Jim. They will always bring whatever we need, have a cup of tea or coffee with us, before going home, bringing something for their mother."

"You're really close to them, aren't you?"

"Yes. Mary is almost like a mother to me, and George also treats me like his own daughter." I sighed and smiled again. "No wonder I grew up loving Lucas and his brothers the way I'd have loved my siblings if I ever had some."

He was silent for a while. I glanced at him and saw that his eyes were closed. I wondered if he was planning to go to sleep, but before I could check, he started asking questions again -- about my relationship with Mary's family, about what life was like in the forest when the rain was always pouring, about the many things that I loved about my home. At the end of his interrogation session, I looked at him, smiling. He was watching me, and before he could look away, I saw it: the deep sadness that washed over him. I told him nothing but just lay down next to him, putting my head on his shoulder. I could not make myself say anything, because I recognized that look. It was the same look that he failed to see when it was in my own eyes several days ago. It was a look of recognition of the difference between our worlds, a look of helplessness caused by the realization that we could not be together.

Marcus sighed and kissed my forehead, pulling me as close as he could before claiming my mouth. We made love feverishly that day, and I recognized the signs -- in every lingering kiss, every lingering touch. It should have hurt, but it left me numb. Instead of succumbing to the pain and the sorrow that it brought, I gave myself up to him completely -- heart, mind and body.

"I love you, Selene," he whispered as, for the first time, he drifted off to sleep in my arms, completely naked until I grabbed his clothes to cover him some time later, when I was sure he was already deeply asleep.

The rain started to fall just as sunset -- or what should have been sunset had the sun risen that day -- approached. Marcus was still asleep. I gave him one last kiss before dressing up and heading home, deliberately leaving my umbrella -- and my heart -- with the man who taught me how it is to love and feel loved before I even realized how those new feelings would hurt me once I let go.

*****

I went to the river the next day even though it was raining hard and I had no umbrella to bring. For the first time, Marcus was not yet there when I arrived. I took shelter under the shed he built, took off my clothes to hang them to dry, and covered myself with the blanket that he left folded on the bench.

I waited there for hours, even though I knew that he would not come.

Maybe I should not have looked as happy as I had when I was answering his incessant questions the day before. I should not have let him see just how settled I was in that forest, with my grandmother and my friends so close to me. While I was answering those questions, I knew that he was testing me, wondering if I would ever consider leaving that place with him as I promised I would do. A part of me told me that I should give him the satisfaction of knowing that I would try to keep my words -- that I would consider coming with him -- but a greater part of me told me that I owe him the truth.

It was already dark when I put on my clothes again. They were already dry. Carefully, I folded the blanket and replaced it on the bench before heading home.

The rain had already subsided, and the familiar stillness of the forest enveloped me as I walked home. I tried to smile and feel the same magic I felt whenever I would walk in the dark back when I was just a child, but the magic was not there anymore -- or at least it was not there that night. My heart was in peace although it was not glad, and I thought it would be enough.

Grandmother was already asleep when I got home. I pulled her blanket to her chin and kissed her before slipping into my room, where I lay on the cot and hugged my pillow, staying awake all night the way I had done the night Lucas and I had our argument, our last conversation.

I did not cry.

Every day afterwards I would come back to the river and kill some time inside the shed. I never spread the blanket over the grass again. I used it for the sole purpose of remembering him, for I fancied that I could still smell his essence from the fabric that I could not bear to wash.

The rainy season ended, and I began fetching water from the river once more. I could not step foot inside that shed by that time. Instead, I would sit on the rock where I saw him waiting for me the day I finally told him my name. From there, I would throw a stone or two to the spot on the river where I first saw him, rising from the water like a water god. Sometimes, I would find myself wishing that he would rise from the water again, and would laugh with me as he takes me in his arms, but I knew that it was but a fancy: he was already gone.

*****

It has been over a year since I last saw Marcus. I still come back to the river, but not as frequently as I have done when I was still seeing him. I only go there to fetch water, as often as I had gone to fetch water before I met him. Lucas still has not come home, and Mary and her family do not talk about him when I am visiting them, perhaps to avoid making me uncomfortable because, as Jim told me one day when I asked him about Lucas, Lucas indicated in one of his letters that he does not want to know about anything that concerns me. In all the years I have known him, I never realized that my best friend could be so stubborn and childish, but I only laughed when I heard it, startling Jim. I already promised myself that I will do anything to make it up to Lucas when we see each other again, and I still stand by that conviction.