Down by the River Ch. 03

I did not speak. They already knew.

"Was it because of my son? Lucas?"

Slowly, I nodded. "I want to be close to him. Besides, he told me that he is worried for me and Grandmother. So, I thought that, to put his mind at ease, I would just ask Grandmother to move."

"And Lucas does not want to live away from you, either," Mary said. "My son loves you. He has loved you for so long, and I don't think that he would like to part from you now that he knows you reciprocate his feelings. Lucas has already earned enough money to marry you, buy a large farm for the two of you, and build you a house. He can already take care of you and make sure that you get everything that you need, everything that you want. When I told him that his uncle wants him back, I was already anticipating his answer. He won't leave you."

"I don't want him to leave me," I told her honestly, looking into her eyes. "I want to be where he is, Mary."

Her eyes were still kind as she smiled at me. "Are you sure about that?"

"I've never been surer in my life," I told her before looking at Grandmother. "You have always warned me about loving a man with everything that I have, with all that I am. I knew I promised to heed your advice, Grandmother, but I never really thought that I would love anybody the way that I love Lucas."

Grandmother smiled and sighed, taking my other hand that was not being held by Mary. "When I saw you crying over Lucas, I instantly knew that you have given him everything, Selene. I am not surprised that you should tell me these things. Now, we want you to listen to us."

I was confused. This was not how Grandmother asked me to do something for her. I looked at Mary, and there was no indication written on her face that she wanted me to convince Lucas to return to his uncle's.

"Matthew was a very close friend of Catherine," Grandmother was saying. "He had always been there for your mother when she was still alive. When she got pregnant, he even offered to marry her and call you his own daughter, but your mother refused."

I was stunned. I was not expecting this -- not at all.

"Your mother loved your father, you see," Grandmother continued. "She wanted to wait for him. But he never returned -- not even after you were born, not even after Catherine died. Matthew offered to adopt you, but I refused. You are the only family left to me. I did not want to lose you, Selene. So I did not give you to Matthew. But he continued supporting you in another way."

"Matthew owns the forest where you lived, Selene," Mary explained. "He bought it for Catherine when Catherine expressed her desire to live in the forest. After you were born and Eloisa refused to give you to him, Matthew left, but not without asking us to continue looking after you and your grandmother. Of course, he did not have to ask; we love you as family.

"Now, about my sister," she went on saying after a brief pause. "Susanna got married when you were two. I don't believe you remember her, but she was quite fond of you. She lived in town, and she was the one who would always bring fabric for me to sew for your clothes. I believe that it is their fondness for you that brought Susanna and Matthew close -- as friends. When Susanna's husband died, she was four months pregnant with Andrew. Her husband left her with a lot of debts to pay, so my sister was left with virtually nothing but her son. Matthew married her then and claimed Andrew as his."

"You were only six when Andrew was born," Grandmother said. "When you were out playing with Mary's sons one day, Susanna and Matthew came to our hut to talk to me about you again. They wanted to adopt you, but again, I refused. Over the course of years, whenever they would write to Mary, they would always ask her to tell me that they will always be willing to take care of you. Of course, I do not want to abuse their kindness, and I don't want to lose you, so I always refuse.

"But I'm old now, Selene." She stroked my cheek. "I cannot take care of you anymore. In fact, it is you who have been taking care of me these past few years. I have always wanted to talk to you about Matthew and Susanna, but I could not -- not when I could see how much you enjoy living in the forest. But when you finally asked me to move near Mary's house, I thought that, perhaps, you are ready to face the world beyond our place."

"Matthew and Susanna want you to go with Lucas to their estate," Mary said when I did not speak. "They want to meet you. Matthew, especially, wants to see Catherine's child." She paused, hesitating. She glanced at Grandmother, and when Grandmother nodded, she continued, "Matthew wants to see his niece."

Finally, I found something to say. Or ask. "Niece? Whose niece?"

"Your father is Matthew's older brother, Nathan," Grandmother said.

Oh god.

I leaned back on my seat, speechless. My head was spinning with too much information. All my life, I thought that Grandmother was the only family I had, when in fact, there was a man out there -- an honourable, kind man at that -- who was my uncle. My father's brother. And he wanted me.

Tears started flowing down my cheeks. Mary and Grandmother did not try to say soothing words; they knew I had to cry.

There was a reason why Grandmother never allowed me to go to town. People would always remember the scandal that was my mother's life. They would talk about me and my mother as if we were whores -- as if loving a man with all her heart was the greatest crime a woman could commit. Grandmother protected me from those people. She did not want me to feel unloved, unwanted.

And, all along, there was somebody who loved me, wanted me, even though I was a love child -- somebody who did not hold me in contempt because I was born of a woman who had sex with a man before she was married. To know that somebody loved me precisely because I was my mother's daughter...

"I want to meet him," I said softly, still feeling overwhelmed by the idea.

Grandmother rose from her seat and embraced me. "I'm sorry if I did not tell you anything about your father before today. I was afraid that, once you learn who your father was, once you learn that you have an uncle ready to recognize you, I will lose you."

"You will never lose me," I told her.

"Ah." She smiled lovingly as she wiped my tears away. "But I already lost you to Lucas."

I was about to say something when she placed a finger on my lips.

"That is not a bad thing," Grandmother assured me. "You found a man to love -- a man who loves you as much as you love him. That cannot be bad. Besides, Selene, I did not raise you to own you. I did not raise you so that you will make me the centre of your world. I raised you because I love you and I want you to find who and what it is that that makes you happy. I have no problem about losing you to someone who can give you the happiness you deserve."

At that moment, I was so overwhelmed with joy. I hugged my grandmother tightly, not knowing what else to tell her. Words of gratitude were not enough. I just prayed that I had shown her enough love all these years, for her to know just how much she meant to me.

Mary asked Danny to call Lucas so that we could talk to him. When he saw me silently weeping while on Grandmother's arms, he frowned.

"I am not leaving," he said to his mother, emphasizing the negative word.

Mary shook her head and glared at her son. "If that is your final decision, then, so be it. But, I want you to accompany Selene to Susanna's so that she will not get lonely on her journey there."

Lucas' frown deepened. "I don't understand."

The confused look on his face made me chuckle. I walked towards him and gave him an embrace, not caring if Mary and Grandmother were there to see.

"They invited me to be their guest for as long as I wish," I told him as I looked up and smiled.

"This is not a trick to get me to return to the estate, is it?" he asked, even though I could tell from the way his eyes were twinkling that he believed me.

"No," I answered.

"Why were you crying, then?"

"These are tears of joy," I said, chuckling.

"Good," Lucas said, beaming before giving my mouth a quick kiss.

Grandmother cleared her throat just as Mary said, "Lucas, you remember saying that you do not want to return to the estate, don't you? You are only going to accompany Selene to her destination."

"Of course, of course," Lucas told his mother as he released me, although he kept me close by putting his arm around my waist. "But, if Uncle Matthew asks me to stay, well..."

"He probably just needs to ask you once before you accept," Mary said, raising an eyebrow as she crossed her hands over her chest.

"But of course," Lucas said, chuckling. "I am going to help him manage his estate for as long as he wants me to if he is going to keep Selene there."

Mary rolled her eyes and tapped Lucas' shoulder as she walked past us to go inside the house. "If you end up getting Selene pregnant before you marry her, mark my word, Lucas Sebastian: I am going to chop you into pieces and feed you to the cows."

Lucas burst out laughing. "I promise not to. And..." He winked at Grandmother when she followed Mary into the house. Grandmother was smiling as she shook her head at him. "Hey, Mary! Cows do not eat meat!"

*****

Mary went to town with Grandmother, Danny, and George in order to order gowns for me. Mary said that I would need it when I stay at my uncle's estate. She would have liked to bring me with them, but Grandmother, still protective of me, refused.

"When the time comes, Selene will go to town," Grandmother told Mary. "But I don't want her first experience with the world beyond the forest to be very frustrating."

So they left me behind. I told Mary that I needed to wash the bedclothes, anyway. Lucas volunteered to help me in the task, and then Mary decided that we needed a 'chaperone' in Jim. I did not think that Lucas' younger brother would be a very good chaperone, but did not tell Mary so; I'd rather have Jim than Danny with us, because I was certain that Lucas and I could fool around and Jim would not even care -- as long as he did not witness it, I mean.

Along the way to the river, I told both of them what Grandmother and Mary told me earlier.

"I've always thought that Andrew is not Matthew's son," Lucas commented. "There is no resemblance between them, but Matthew recognizes Andrew and seems to love him as a son, so I never really asked."

"Do you think Andrew knows?" Jim asked.

"I would think so," Lucas answered. "He's already fourteen or fifteen. He is old enough to know. Besides, that may also be the reason why he hero-worships his father."

"So, my uncle is a really good man?" I asked Lucas.

He smiled at me. "The most kind-hearted man I've ever met. The two of you are going to get along well."

That comforted me. After the initial reaction of overwhelming joy that my uncle wanted to recognize me, I suddenly felt a little nervous about meeting him. Mary and Grandmother talked about him with great fondness, but time could change a man, so I needed Lucas' opinion on the matter, since he had been with my uncle just a few months ago. What Lucas said about Uncle Matthew finally drove away the tiny butterflies that made their way into my stomach.

In the river, Jim's complaints were endless. He said that he never thought washing bedclothes could be so hard. Of course, it was not that hard for me, but maybe because I was already used to doing those things.

"You should stop seeing each other at night as frequently as you seem to do!" Jim declared when we finished hanging the bedclothes on the clothesline that Lucas made the first time we washed bedclothes here. "This is gruesome work!"

"Neither of us asked you for help," Lucas told him. "We could have gone here without you, and you would not have to endure the suffering" -- he emphasized the word -- "you endured while washing those."

"Ha!" Jim glared at Lucas. "I had this feeling that you are going to devour Selene as soon as you get here if I were not with you."

Face flushing, I pinched Jim's side. "James!"

"You are going to enjoy that, aren't you?" he teased me, winking.

I could not have blushed redder even if I wanted to. Lucas mock-punched Jim before holding me in his arms, letting me bury my flushed face on his chest.

"You embarrass her, you fool," he told his brother.

Jim stayed silent for a while before he cleared his throat. "Good lord. The two of you..."

"What?" I asked, frowning as I looked at him again.

He looked more than a little amused. "You do it every night, don't you?"

"What we do and how often we do it is none of your business," Lucas stated. "You are quite a vulgar young man, James Frederick."

"Now I am really impressed that Selene is not pregnant yet," James said, as if he did not hear Lucas.

His comment reminded me that Grandmother said that her supply of the roots she used for my special tea was almost out. Grandmother crushed and dried those roots before using them in my tea so that I would not get pregnant. It was proving to be very efficient, but the plants only grew in the heart of the forest.

"We need to get some of those roots now," I told Lucas.

"What roots?" Jim asked.

Lucas named the plant. "They abundantly grow in the northern part of this forest, where there are lots of trees. It is about half an hour from here."

"I'll go get them," Jim volunteered. "How much is it that you need?"

"As much as you can carry," I answered, smiling at him.

"Okay," Jim said. "You two go back to the house and I'll bring the bedclothes and the roots later."

Lucas made a low whistle. "Are you sure?"

"Of course," Jim answered. "Make the most of the time you have alone. I don't know how you can be so quiet when you have sex, but it is going to be a nice change to have a whole house to yourselves. Just try not to make the baby. Spare Mother the hysterics."

He turned to leave. Lucas and I exchanged amused glances before watching Jim again. He was about five metres from us when he turned around and called to Lucas.

"If you ever hurt my sister, I swear I'm going to kill you," he said, grinning.

Lucas chuckled as he pulled me close. "You've got it all wrong. I am your brother; she is the stranger."

Jim chuckled. "Blood ties are not important. Selene is my sister and I am going to protect her, even from you." He frowned at that. "Actually, especially from you, because I know how much you could hurt her."

With that, he turned around and jogged away from us, vanishing into the woods in no time. Lucas looked at me and grinned.

"Well, well," he said, lifting me up. "My brother seems to love you so much."

"And I love him, too," I told him with a smile. "Even though he can be a little frustrating sometimes."

"I wonder why I am not jealous," he said with a chuckle as he squeezed me closer. "Well, I think I've really got my princess to myself now."

He kissed me full in the mouth, quickly yet passionately. He whirled me around before putting me back on the ground.

"So," I told him, lifting an eyebrow. "What do you think? Should we do as James suggest?"

"For sure," he answered, taking my hand as we walked away from the river, heading back to their house. "I would like a proof of your loudness again, this time while on a bed."

I burst out laughing. I had always been loud when we were making love by the river.

We proceeded on walking hand-in-hand towards their house, either mocking each other or talking about our dreams. My dreams were simple: I just wanted to have a house of my own, to get married, and to have children. Perhaps, I would like to visit different places sometimes, but that was still something I needed to think about.

Lucas' dreams included those things, but with many additions. He wanted so much for his wife and for his children, that I could not help smiling while he told me everything.

"You are not secretly laughing at my dreams, I hope?" he said as he scooped me up in his arms.

"No," I answered, giggling. "I just think that your wife will be one lucky woman."

"You are going to be one lucky woman, you mean," he said, kissing the tip of my nose before putting me back on the ground. "Just let me find a piece of land where I can build a house for you and you'll be married to me before you even know it."

I laughed at that. Lucas smiled and held me close. I closed my eyes as I hugged him back. This was everything I had ever wished for. He was everything I had ever asked for. A best friend, a lover, a brother moulded into one man.

While in his arms, I made a wish.

Let this feeling go on forever. Let me be with him until I breathe my last.

*****

We busied ourselves with covering our beds as soon as we arrived home. Lucas also decided that Mary would love to skip cooking dinner for the family, so we proceeded on preparing our meal. Mary has been teaching me how to cook meals with meat for the past few weeks, and although I could not yet cook a meal as delicious as hers, I was improving greatly.

Lucas, on the other hand, was very talented in the kitchen. He only started studying how to cook foods when Mary began teaching me, but the foods he cooked were always better-tasting than mine. It was kind of unfair, especially because I spent more hours in the kitchen than he did (he would only join me in my 'studies' when I was already about to cook meals for dinner, and yet he would perfect the food before I was even close to learning how to make it edible).

If there were foods that I could cook better than Lucas could, all of them were vegetable meals. Since I did not want anybody to eat barely-edible foods for dinner, I proposed to cook what I cooked best while Lucas proceeded on roasting a whole chicken.

Something came over the two of us while we were embracing in the woods earlier. All thoughts about having sex seemed to have vanished at the face of that simple expression of love. Even though the thought of having the whole house to ourselves was exciting, we refrained from satisfying our desire.

Perhaps, it was because of this that, when Lucas went into my room that night, neither of us wasted any second we had together. As soon as he closed the door behind him, I was already in front of him, snaking my arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

Without speaking, we undressed each other slowly, lovingly. He took me to bed as soon as we were naked. I was already so wet, so ready for him, that he did not have to tease me anymore before he was inside me, stroking gently, so gently, then faster and faster, harder and harder, until both of us climaxed without making a single sound.

It was probably one of the quietest nights I had been while we made love. Nothing but soft moans and gasps escaped my lips, even though it was not a very gentle sexual intercourse that we were having. Over and over that night, we gave and received pleasure, only stopping to sleep when we heard the door of Jim's room open and close.

"I love you, Selene," Lucas whispered as he pulled the blanket over us.

His eyelids were already heavy with sleep, as I knew that mine were. Slowly, I smiled and snuggled closer to him. I only kissed his lips before closing my eyes. He did not need to hear the words to believe that I loved him.

He did not leave my room that morning. Nobody woke the two of us up. When we awakened, it was already two hours before noon, and only Jim was home with us. He whistled when he saw us coming down the stairs together, before saying that the others decided to make the most of the beautiful day by going to the river to have a picnic.

"How long have they been gone?" Lucas asked, reaching for the basket of fruits in the middle of their dining table.

"One and a half, two hours ago," Jim answered, shrugging. "I am going there, too. I just waited for the two of you to wake up, so that you'll know where we are."