Family Issues Ch. 04

"Every bitch has a weak spot."

"And Helen's weak spot is Diana. She'll do anything for her little sister. That's why we need the skanky ho on our side."

"Hmmm... What about the board?" Any progress?"

Marianne sighed. "The share refuses to go down."

"So fucking what?" Nadine raised her voice. "Tell that cheap ass bitch, Susan, that to steal big money you need to invest big money."

"You guys just do your part, Nadine, we'll do ours."

"Is that what she sent you here to tell me?" Nadine snorted. "So you're her little errant boy, now?"

"Hey."

"Okay, noted. Now off you fuck."

"There's just one thing I've been dying to ask you," Marianne said.

"Just one?"

"That sweet little angel Diana is dragging around these days."

Nadine squinted her eyes. "What about Kevin?"

"Nothing. Have you seen something half as beautiful in your entire life?"

"What it's to you?"

"Nothing, really. But when all is said and done, I wouldn't mind a nibble on that piece of ass," Marianne licked her lips. "Or a mouthful."

"Kevin has little to do with the Brion sisters. He's just Diana's boyfriend."

"So?"

"So he's off limits," Nadine said.

"Says who?"

Nadine closed the gap between herself and the fat woman in a flash. "You're forgetting who you're talking to," she said in a low voice. "You ain't so important that I can't remind you really quick."

Marianne paled. "I'm... I'm sorry, Nadine, I didn't mean to disrespect you, but-"

"You meant exactly that. I'll pretend you simply didn't say what you said. You better remember that I'm not one for second chances."

"I... I think you need to take care of that."

"What?"

Marianne motioned with her head, and Nadine turned. Iman stood at the living room's entrance; her nightdress had a huge reddish-brown stain in the crotch area.

"Fuck! Not again."

"I didn't mean to disrespect you," Marianne said.

"Close the door on your way out, Marianne." Nadine walked to her little sister, not sparing the fat woman a second glance. "Hey sweetie, you've had your period again." She kissed Iman's cheek.

"My tummy hurts."

"You're starting to get them regularly. It's a good thing. It means you're becoming a woman."

"I don't want to become a woman," Iman pouted. "It hurts."

"Come, I'll help you clean and put a tampon. You know sweetie, it's not all that bad, growing up. You'll soon need a nice boyfriend."

"Sharif is my boyfriend."

"Sharif is sweet, but he's seventy-five. I mean someone your age."

"I would like that." Iman smiled dreamily. "We can play together with my toys."

"There are other games too. Wonderful games that you can play with your boyfriend."

Iman giggled.

"For a special girl like you, we'll need a special kind of boy. Someone tender like you, and sweet, and thoughtful and patient. And tonight, I just met a young boy that is tailored to this job."

-------

There has been a dark hole inside of Helen for so long it was practically a family member. One that nobody really likes, but he's always coming to dinner anyway. Tonight, it grew heavier, and she wondered if there would come a time when it may consume her entirely.

She wanted to sleep the hurt off, but on the other hand, she didn't want to go back to the big empty bed. There was little escape for her there; her night was full of nightmares about Iraq. She sat in the kitchen in darkness and tried not to think of anything because everything hurt.

Helen went outside to the warm city air in the kitchen's balcony. It was wet with rain. She took off her shoes and black silk stockings, both purchased for tonight's date with Dennis. She shivered barefoot in a rain puddle, and that somehow felt better. Sure-footed she jumped on the balcony's rail, and balanced herself, holding the cornice.

She stared for a long time at the blinking city lights. People down there were another species from her.

And what if I jump? A few frightening seconds and then there will be no pain.

Who will even care?

Her boss, William, would care. He liked her.

Diana? She wasn't so sure.

Who else?

Helen heard the penthouse door opening. She jumped back into the kitchen and sat herself down. She heard Kevin talking, and her sister slurring something in return. Probably drunk again, or worse. Kevin struggled to drag Diana into the shower and after that to the bedroom. The house became quiet again. Suddenly Kevin's silhouette appeared at the kitchen door. He was drying his spikes after a shower with a towel, wearing shorts and a T-shirt. He approached the refrigerator and took out some meatballs he had made this afternoon, humming "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."

When he turned, Kevin noticed her sitting in the dark behind him and jumped two feet in the air. "Hey, you gave me a heart attack. What are you doing sitting like that in the dark? How was your date?"

She took a deep breath. "How was yours?"

"Crazy. And that's the understatement of the century. So, how did it go with the mysterious guy from the dating site?"

"Okay," she said quietly.

"That was the saddest okay I've ever heard." Kevin turned the dimmer switch halfway. "I meant how-" he stopped in mid-sentence as he saw her face. "Helen, what happened?"

The amount of tenderness in his voice hit her chest and climbed up to her eyes, almost opening the tap again. She had to pinch her knee to stop herself from crying.

"Helen, what happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"Like hell! Did the guy do something to you? Did he hurt you?"

"Nothing happened."

"Helen, don't bullshit the bullshitter. What happened?"

"He..." She never dreamed of sharing such things with anyone. But Kevin already knew so much. He knew facts about her that she never even shared with her mother. "The asshole called me an ugly one-eyed freak who thinks he's a girl."

"What?" Kevin raised his voice. "Was he mental?"

"I don't think so." She shrugged. "Anyway, it happened; not a big deal. Shit happens. What can you do?"

"I kinda want to go out, find the guy and kick the shit out of him. I also wanna hug you, but I'm afraid that you'll kick the shit out of me if I do."

"Good thing that you're afraid, then. I don't like hugs," Helen said.

"Why the hell did he say that?" Kevin said.

"Maybe he thought that I'm an ugly freak and it slipped out when I made him angry?"

"What? Nobody thinks you're an ugly freak, Helen."

"You do, Kevin."

"Are you nuts?" He raised his voice again.

"You said it yourself. Ugly as fuck. On the inside as well as on the outside."

"What? I never said that... Oh," he frowned. "You mean..."

She nodded.

"On the first night when we met. You mean when I talked with my dad on the phone?"

"Yeah."

"But it... It doesn't make it true. I was hurt. You were right, I was childish when I didn't pay rent and pretended that I can just keep going like that forever with no repercussions. But I was hurt, and I searched for someone to blame. I didn't want to blame myself, and Diana is really too self-centered to take any responsibility. So, I blamed you. I wanted to hurt you bad."

"Mission accomplished. I cried myself to sleep that night," she said.

"Fuck!" Kevin sat at the table and rubbed his hair. "I'm like a tornado when it comes to you, Helen Brion. Aint I? I keep wrecking and wrecking. Do you want to know what I really thought when I first met you?"

"No."

"I'll tell you anyway. I thought that you were, hands down, the most beautiful woman that I ever met in person."

"Yeah, right. Especially the-" Helen circled her finger around the eyepatch.

"In a sexy pirate like way. But still... You're like a taller Charlize Theron with an eyepatch."

"Kevin, stop."

"Would I say that just to make you feel better?"

"Uh... Yeah?"

"You're probably right. It doesn't make it a lie, though." His voice softened again. "Everyone thinks you're a stunning woman, Helen. Me too. Everyone except you that is. I thought you were beautiful and cold when we first met. An Iceberg. But I know it's bullshit now. It's just something you do because you're scared all of the time."

"Scared of what?"

He shrugged. "Of almost everything."

"You know what Kevin, I appreciate the effort, but please leave me alone. Okay?"

"What?"

"Let me be. I need to be alone with myself right now."

"Helen?"

"Please."

"Okay," he rose reluctantly.

"I'm better off like that. All alone." A big tear blossomed at the corner of her eye, went down her cheek, traveling the trail of her scar and splattered on the table. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking to myself. Going on a stupid date."

"Helen..." he said tenderly.

"Please, go away, Kevin."

"Okay, I'm going." He raised his hands, turned and reached the kitchen's door, but then he stopped. "You know what?" He turned around. "No! Not okay! Not by a long shot." He turned a chair around and sat down leaning on the backseat. "I'm going to sit here, and I'm going to give you some constructive criticism. And I know that I'm only twenty-one and a kid and that I haven't learned to own my shit yet, but you're going to listen anyway. Cause frankly, Helen, I think that you're doing it all wrong."

"Doing what?"

"Everything."

She laughed, and it came out as half a sob. "Can you be more general, less specific, Kevin?"

"Almost everything. You go to work early every morning, and you come home late, and you work some more, or just hide in your room."

"I'm not hiding."

"Once you're home, you don't go out, and you never talk to anybody. That's not life. That's... I don't know what it is. I told you that I thought that Valkyrie is a lot like Hamlet."

"Hamlet?"

"Because just like him, she never decides to do anything. She stands on the fence. She has a lot to say about everything, but she'll never say it to anyone other than to a letter that no one will ever read. And life... Life is just something that happens to other people. She never told Sergeant Robert that he's a futaphobe asshole. She never told Andy how she felt about him."

Helen felt her heart squeeze. She wanted Kevin to stop, and at the same time, she didn't.

"And I know why you're sitting on the fence, Helen. It's safe there. You can't get hurt if you don't play. Almost nothing bad ever happens on the fence. But you know what? Nothing good ever happens there either. And sometimes it feels like the world is one big pile of shit, especially when you meet a douchebag. But you can't just raise a white flag when that happens. The world is not a pile of shit, it's full of amazing things. Did you know that nice gangsters exist?"

"What?" She laughed.

"I shit you not." He laughed. "They do. I just found out about it tonight. It's hard to get off the fence, and it's frightening. But you can't spend your life being afraid all the time; it's too painful. So," he rose. "So, I'm going to hug you now, and I don't really care if you'll kick the shit out of me. I ain't afraid no more."

He went to her and hugged her head to his chest, encircling her in his arms. At first, she went stiff like a mannequin at a shop window, her hands closed so hard her nails burrowed into her skin. Her body started shivering. But then she begun breathing again. His smell came to her nostrils, and he smelled like Kevin. There was heartache in it, but also a spark of a promise.

"I get it now that adults should own their shit, Helen, but it doesn't mean they have to do it all alone? It's okay to be afraid sometimes, it's okay to be weak sometimes, and it's okay to say, 'hey you there, I think I need a hug.'" He kissed the top of her head.

Helen thought of her mother and how she used to kiss her like that and how much she missed her. The human touch was absent from her life for so many years that she had forgotten how good it felt. The hunger inside her that she thought she lost forever ignited again.

"You're missing everything this world has to offer. But that's just half of it. The world is missing you, Helen. I know it does because I read your letters. You're smart, and funny, and kind, and full of empathy, and brave, and strong, and weak, and really an amazing person all over. And you're not going to sit on the fence no more because I'm not going to let you do it anymore."

"What?"

"Yeah. I won't. You'll see. That's gonna be my redemption for being such an asshole, calling you names, making you cry, and reading your personal letters. You just wait and see, Helen Brion." He kissed her top again. "You just wait and see."

After a while, Helen stopped shaking and leaned her head against his chest. It felt really nice. Her breathing became shallower, and she retracted her claws like a kitten. They stayed like that in the kitchen like two little children, forgotten without guidance and direction. Each gaining strength from the other's presence. Helen wanted to tell Kevin a million things and needed to ask him a million questions, but she kept her mouth shut. She didn't want to ruin the moment, and she didn't want him to stop hugging her.

To be continued...

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