Five Years and Four Days Ch. 01

I shook my head. "I had no idea what I was feeling. It wasn't until I was well into my second year of college when I met my first girlfriend that it sort of all came together. My parents -- typical Asian parents that they are -- are still having a hard time with it. I can't believe it was so obvious. I'm a little embarrassed."

"Don't be. I am probably only one of a few who noticed. The majority of this school was so wilfully blind to LGBT issues back then, you could have kissed Jess full on the lips and people would have blamed it on a particularly strong gust of wind. Ah! I touched a nerve, I see," Cathy laughed again when I felt my face flush with embarrassment. "Don't worry my dear, your secret's safe with me. Here comes Jess now...."

JESS

I had been so flustered by my conversation with Cathy that I found myself having to explain the workout to the girls multiple times. Like all adolescents, they homed in on my momentary lapse of focus and began stalling, finding ways to ask tangential questions and lob in requests for clarifying statements. So talented were they in thwarting my efforts that I failed to notice Alex walking onto the pool deck. It was only when I heard Cathy's laugh that I looked up and saw them sitting together. I froze. What were they talking about? Alex looked deep in thought, as Cathy was nattering away. I quickly made my way over.

"Welcome back to the pool, Alex." I said, hoping I sounded casual enough, even though Cathy was grinning like a Cheshire cat and wiggling her eyebrows at me. "Fancy being my assistant coach today? Cathy here seems to be skiving off."

Cathy snorted, "You two catch up and I'll supervise the rest of this set."

I sat down next to Alex. "Work all done?" I asked as I leaned back, realising that our shoulders and arms were now touching.

"Yes -- it was just a quick follow up from the meeting this morning, no big deal." Alex stared at the swimmers doing their laps. She made no move to shift away from me.

"Good." I nodded, and we sat in silence for a few moments.

"Cathy just told me that she's married to a woman," Alex said quietly, "I had no idea."

"Yes -- she's been out for a number of years now. Not long after you left, actually. Julia, her wife, is wonderful -- they have a great relationship. I've known Cathy pretty much all my life, and Julia for -- well - almost as long as they've been together."

"I think..." Alex said slowly, "that the girls now are really lucky to have teachers who are out."

"They are," I agreed.

We watched the swimmers for a couple of minutes, and Alex pointed to one in the second lane doing a backstroke set, "her stroke's all messed up."

"That's Susanna Brown -- backstroke is really challenging for her -- in fact, I don't really have any strong backstrokers on the team. You brought your swimming costume, right?" I asked.

"I did... but if you are asking me to get in with this lot..." Alex started shaking her head.

"I'll buy you dinner tonight if you take them through the backstroke," I said before I even realised what I was offering.

Alex stared at me, "Really? Dinner with you?"

I nodded.

Alex's face broke into a broad smile that made my heart skip a beat, "Deal." She got up and disappeared into the locker room.

"She's leaving?" Cathy asked as she ambled over.

"Getting changed. She's going to do a session on backstroke for the team." I said, not wanting to look at Cathy.

"I see through your cunning plan, Wainwright... you just want to get a better look at what's underneath those clothes!" Cathy wiggled her eyebrows again.

"Nothing I haven't seen before! Do get your mind out of the gutter, Cathy!" I swatted her across the shoulder. "Go tell the team what's about to happen and STOP wiggling your eyebrows at me."

Alex came back out moments later, and I had to admit, there was a lot to like about the body that came striding towards me.

Alex's time swimming in the US bulked her up, and I noticed that she added a couple tattoos to her shoulders and arms. The form-fitting racing suit left very little to the imagination. Despite my protestations to Cathy, I felt my skin tingle with pleasure and I found myself thinking about what our after dinner activities might be, my imagination running away from me into realms of thought not appropriate for a secondary school swim team practice session.

I shook my head to clear the fog a little, trying to remind myself that my request was firmly grounded in the fact that I knew the girls would benefit from a session with Alex: she had always been a great teacher. The unmistakable rumble of attraction that I felt was but a happy side benefit. Attraction? I rubbed my eyes. Since when was I attracted to Alex? My stomach flipped again, alerting me that it has known the answer for a while.

The girls had gathered by the side of the pool. Cathy introduced Alex as an alum, and turned it over to the tall swimmer. I sat back down on the bench and watched. Cathy caught my eye and mouthed "WOW" at me. I pretended not to see her.

Alex patiently explained the basics to the girls, then dove in to do a quick demonstration. Her strokes were strong and elegant, just like I remember. The silence on the deck made it clear that the girls saw the talent too. Alex got out and had the girls jump back in to do some drills. She wrapped a towel loosely around her hips, her well-defined torso now showing through her wet swimsuit. I looked up and saw that Cathy had caught me staring -- again. I glared at her and walked to office at the other end of the pool.

I gathered some files from the office and sorted through them mindlessly. For all her theatrics, I knew that Cathy was on to something, and my body was way ahead of where my head was. I kept glancing at the other end of the pool, my eyes unerringly locked onto Alex, my heart pelting out a beat that I hadn't felt in a long time. I was less fussed about Alex being a woman than I was about her being an ex-pupil. But I knew something had changed, some line between us was fading.

ALEX

I noticed Jess walking away from my session and felt a little let down... I wanted to show off a little for her. But she did promise me dinner, which buoyed my spirits, especially since we had not made any explicit plans to spend time together beyond saying we'd meet up for tea.

I quickly walked the girls through the rest of the session, and thanked them for their attention. They gave me a round of applause, which was nice, but they weren't the audience I was focused on. My audience-of-one was at the other end of the pool by the locker room as I headed towards it for a shower.

"That was super, Alex, thank you!" Jess said, giving me a quick peck on the cheek, "You should come back and do this more often!"

"Just say the word Jess, and I'll be on the next flight," I said earnestly, looking into her eyes. She held my gaze for a moment, the depth of our eye contact startling me such that I had to look away.

"I'll be out in a sec." I blurted out as I shut myself in the locker room.

I showered quickly and changed -- my mind whirling over the kiss, trying to lock into my memory what her lips on my skin felt like. I tried to remind myself it didn't mean anything: I wasn't a student anymore, and Jess knew she could afford to be friendlier with me.

As always, I forced myself to dismiss any hope that anything could happen between us, even though it never really took much to prompt serial x-rated images of Jess and I to ricochet in my imagination. Dismissing those thoughts with a shake of my head, I yanked on my t-shirt and jeans, and went back out to the pool deck.

The team was still in the throes of practice when I returned. Cathy and Jess were chatting by the starting blocks so I sat down and put on my socks and shoes, wondering what the evening would bring. I saw Cathy notice me and nudge Jess. They talked for a few moments more, and Jess came over.

"Shall we?" She asked, "Cathy's going to finish the rest of practice. I need to drop a couple things off at my place, then we can head into town for dinner. That okay?"

I nodded. I waved goodbye to Cathy, who winked at me and turned back to the swimmers. I felt Jess's eyes on me, but when I looked over at her, she turned away quickly. I wondered if maybe if I should have put my dress shirt back on. I fell into step with her and made our way to her car. It was a familiar feeling -- wondering if there was anything I could ever do to make her notice me, but knowing it was a pointless exercise.

-- EVENING--

ALEX

The drive to Jess's house was a short 10 minutes, and my heart thudded with anticipation as we pulled up to a small brick cottage on a quiet side street. Jess had never invited me back to her home before, and the last time I was in her car, I was too nervous to say anything.

"Here we are," she said as she unlocked the door and threw the keys on a cabinet, "go on in. I'm just going to bring some things in from the boot -- make yourself at home." I sat down on the couch and looked around: her home was very simply decorated, with built-in shelves all around, jammed with books. There was a calendar tacked to a bulletin board, and in Jess's handwriting, I saw "Alex!" written in the square with today's date. It made me feel happy to see my name there, even though I knew it was there for prosaic scheduling reasons.

Jess came back through moments later, with what seemed like 6 tripods in her arms. I leapt up to help, our hands brushing against each other as I took half of the load off her. "What... hmph... what are you doing with this many tripods?"

"It was for a photography field trip for the girls -- I rented these from the store in town. The nice chap from the store will be picking them up Friday. Just chuck them in the corner there -- he can haul them off." Jess dumped them unceremoniously onto the floor. "Thanks for the help."

"No problem." I replied, still tingling from our accidental touch.

Jess mechanically sorted through the letters that had collected on the floor under the letter slot of her front door as I sank back into the couch. My phone buzzed obnoxiously, and I reluctantly pulled it out to take a look.

"What's wrong?" Jess asked when she noticed my frown.

I slid the phone back into my pocket, "The team in New York wants to do a prep call tonight before a meeting tomorrow. I'll need to be back at the hotel by 9."

Jess grabbed her keys, "Well, let's get going then. How about Thai? I know just the place."

A short walk later, we were seated at a cozy table in a small bustling hole-in-the-wall restaurant not far from her place. Jess and I ordered a couple appetizers and two main dishes to share. As we ate, we chatted mostly about swimming, and how the team had changed since I left. We fell into an easy banter, the way we always did.

I found myself wanting to tell her how much I felt for her still, and how captivating I found her. But the elation of just spending time with her -- as friends -- put the brakes on any romantic outbursts I was considering. I wished she would feel the same about me, but the reality of her being utterly uninterested was the far more likely scenario.

"To catching up," Jess said, raising her beer towards me as we waited for the bill. I did the same, intentionally brushing my fingers against hers as our bottles came together. If she was surprised, she didn't show it.

"Allow me -- I said I'd buy you dinner," Jess said firmly when the waiter placed the bill in front of us.

I did not argue: any urges at chivalry were overwhelmed by the sheer enjoyment of having had dinner with Jess.

As we walked out into the cool summer evening, I desperately wished I could find a way to extend my time with her. But the clock sped relentlessly towards 9pm and I had to head back to the hotel.

"Jess -- I wish it were otherwise, but I'll need to head back to the hotel in the next 20 minutes."

Jess smiled with understanding, "No rest for the weary, eh, Alex?"

I laughed, "In my mind, this was mainly a trip to come visit you, but I can't ignore the people who are footing the bill for my hotel and airfare!"

Jess nodded. We walked a little ways more before I made motion to flag down a cab. "Why don't I drive you back to the hotel?" Jess offered.

My heart jumped. "That would be lovely!"

JESS

Alex and I chatted easily as we wound our way back to her hotel. I found myself not quite knowing how to say good night. Alex was her charming self, and I couldn't remember enjoying an evening with someone more. But right under the surface, throughout the evening, I was barely holding it together. Every time we touched, I got an adrenaline rush.

As my car idled outside the hotel, I leaned in and gave her a kiss on her cheek, and managed to catch the corner of her mouth as I did so.

"Well, Miss Mak, thank you for a wonderful evening." I tried to say as evenly as possible, even though the sensation of her flesh on my lips was electrifying.

I heard Alex take in a short breath and hoped she felt a similar reaction.

"There was no way I was turning down an opportunity to have dinner with you." she said, turning to grab her backpack from the backseat.

"Yes -- you did jump on that, didn't you? I'm very glad you did." I allowed.

Alex nodded and smiled, "Me too."

I found myself staring at her, searching for something to say.

"Um. Well, conference call aside, have a good night Alex," I said. What a silly thing to say, I thought.

Mercifully, a hotel bellboy opened Alex's door at just that moment. Alex wished me good night, got out of the car and strolled into the hotel. I drove back to my place in a daze, trying desperately to fully process the effect Alex had on me.

ALEX

If the bellboy hadn't opened the door, I might not have had the will to propel myself out of the car. I felt like I stole a kiss from her when she accidentally touched the corner of my mouth with hers for the briefest of moments. She smelled like a summer morning.

As I fired up my laptop and started prepping for the call, my mind kept taking me back to my afternoon with Jess. Over the course of the past five years, I'd managed to mute the volume of thoughts straying towards her. I had not expected this reversion -- it was as if she bewitched me years ago, only to refresh the spell upon seeing me again.

With 5 minutes until the start of the conference call, I shot Jess a text: Hope you had a safe drive home. Sorry about having to work tonight. Believe me, I would so have preferred spending time with you instead!

Uncharacteristically, and to my delight, she responded almost immediately: So come by tomorrow when you're done with work. I have a half day of teaching, so the entire afternoon is free.

My phone buzzed once more: Only if you have time, that is...

I texted back with trembling fingers: Sounds great -- I've plans to have drinks with someone tomorrow night, but not until 9. I'll text you when I finish up tomorrow.

My heart was giddy with joy: I was going to get another afternoon with her.

JESS

Sounds lovely. I texted back to Alex.

I also texted Cathy: Rain check on dinner tomorrow? Brunch on Saturday instead?

My phone rang almost immediately.

"Hi Cathy," I said, anticipating her torrent of questions.

"Why don't you want to have dinner with us tomorrow?" Came question number one.

Deciding that honesty is the better part of valour, I plunged forward, "I, uh, invited Alex to come over after work tomorrow."

"Oh? And why is that?" Cathy sounded like she just caught a student sneaking through the dorms after lights out.

"She had to go back to the hotel early tonight because of work, so we agreed to see each other again tomorrow."

"Jess, admit it, there's something there." I could almost hear her smiling.

"Honestly, I don't know what it is. I just know that I want to see her again. I don't know how else to explain it."

Cathy chuckled, "Just go with it. Don't overthink it!"

I sighed, "Hard not to. She is a former student! I wasn't expecting to react this way to her."

"Look, this may have been inappropriate years ago, but it's not now. And just how are you reacting, dear Jessica?"

"I don't know how to explain it." I said again, hoping it would deflect more pointed questions.

"Try. Might help you figure out what you want to do."

"Well..." I paused, feeling like I was about to confess something long buried, "it's hard to put into words. When I saw Alex yesterday, it was like I was seeing an old friend, but everything was different."

"Was it a friendship though? I mean, you are not the most communicative person..." Cathy chuckled.

I stopped pacing around my living room and collapsed onto the couch. "I'm a private person. I'll give you that. But yes, I think we have struck up a friendship. We're friends. Not a teacher and a student --"

"Although I'm sensing that neither one of you wants to be just friends?"

I closed my eyes. "I don't know how Alex feels..."

Cathy snorted, "She's crazy about you."

My heart leapt. "This is madness."

"Why?"

"Because! Because she touches me and my heart races. Because I can't stop thinking about her -- and it's not that she's suddenly changed into this whole other person. I mean, isn't that bizarre? She is exactly who I remember her to be, and I don't think I've changed. But here we are, having this conversation."

"Maybe you've always felt this way and just didn't allow yourself to acknowledge it."

"No, I didn't feel this way before. Well, not like this. Oh, I don't know."

"You used to blush when you looked at Alex. You did again earlier this afternoon." Cathy said gently.

"I don't remember. I know that I really liked spending time with her when she was at school. But something is different."

"Well, don't ignore it, love."

"Cathy, I couldn't ignore it if I tried."

"Send her some signals -- see what happens."

I flopped back onto the couch after saying good-bye to Cathy. I tried to think about whether Cathy's comment had any merit. Had I always felt this way? I chuckled to myself, realising it didn't matter -- I just cared about whether Alex still felt anything for me.

I opened my laptop and idly scrolled through my trove of emails from Alex. An hour later, I realised that Cathy was also right about Alex. I had just been too clueless to notice. In almost every email from Alex, there was just enough of a hint of her affection for me. It was so subtle that I doubt I would have ever noticed it. I wondered how deep that affection went, and found myself wishing I would have the guts to ask her.

~ To be continued ~