Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 114

Instead of closing his eyes, Mike faced his death head-on, clutching his child tightly in defiance. Elizabeth was so focused on killing him that she didn't sense the massive pine tree that ripped through the clearing like a spear, impaling her torso and yanking her body away into the burning darkness. Elizabeth's shadow tendrils were dragged along behind her, carrying Sarah away as well.

Blinking in awe, Mike turned to see Bigfoot standing nearly forty feet away, panting with exertion and covered in pine needles. The cryptid limped over to Mike.

"Critical hit," he grunted, then fell on his butt and sighed. "You run too damned fast."

"How did you find us?"

Bigfoot chuckled. "This is the forest. Nothing happens here without me knowing it."

"You followed the spiders."

"Yeah I did." The sasquatch held out his arms. "Can I hold her?"

Mike handed Grace to her uncle and then went after Elizabeth. Roughly six feet of the splintered trunk had passed through her body, and she looked back at him with glassy eyes. The staff she had clutched was broken on the ground next to her, the gemstone shattered. Mike noticed the dark crystal around her neck and recognized it immediately. He pulled it off of her corpse and studied it. When he saw no soul lingering inside its depths, he shoved it in his pocket.

Of Sarah, there was no trace. With the flames building even higher, Mike went back into the clearing and managed to round up the fairies once more. They helped him find Opal, who had become lost in the smoke. The slimegirl went back inside her flask, and Mike tucked her away.

Eventually, he found Cyrus. The old man was leaning against a tree, clutching his head in his hands. Mike knelt down next to the mage and tentatively put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's me," he said, and Cyrus looked up and stared at him in disbelief.

"You came back for me?" Cyrus looked past Mike, then around at the burning woods. "Where's the child?"

"Safe. She's safe now." Mike held out a hand. "We need to get you to safety, too. Can you walk?"

"Are the spiders gone?"

"They don't like the smoke." Mike coughed and covered his mouth. "And neither do I, for that matter."

The mage took Mike's hand and rose. They navigated the scorched clearing and met up with Bigfoot, who cradled his niece against his chest. Her eyes were closed, and she clutched Jenny in her arms with her legs curled together into a tight ball.

Mike pulled the compass from his pocket and pointed in the direction of Callisto. The group made their way into the woods and found the boy nearly half an hour later. The centaur stood next to Death, his eyes going wide upon seeing Mike.

"Dad!" He galloped forward and hugged Mike so hard that they both nearly fell over.

"Hello, Mike Radley." Death adjusted his cowl and brushed some ash from his shoulders. "I found the boy while hunting a witch. Did you know she can fly? That's how she got away from me."

"Don't worry. Her bark was worse than her bite," Mike replied, his own tears mixing with Callisto's. When they finally broke apart, Mike noticed the cut on his son's face.

"Cyrus said it might scar," the boy said, looking at the mage.

Mike knew that he was right. This was the scar he had seen on his son's face in the future. He turned to look at the mage, who stood there silently, watching. Their eyes met and Mike was suddenly aware of the man's bleak condition, of what Cyrus had sacrificed for his kids.

"You saved my children," Mike said.

"Not quite yet." Cyrus smiled weakly. "We need to get them home."

Mike nodded and looked at Bigfoot and Death. "Can you get them home? I want to go back and make sure the others are okay. We're going to need them in Hawaii."

"This is a job we can do, but..." Death looked hesitantly at Cyrus. "I don't know how to ask this delicately. What would you like me to do about him?"

Mike looked at Cyrus, the man pale in what light there was to be had. Grace opened her eyes and turned to look at them. She pointed at her dog tags.

"Papa Cyrus," she said.

Mike stared at his daughter in astonishment, then looked at Cyrus. "She speaks?"

Cyrus nodded. "Apparently. Also...she may have picked up some words you don't approve of, though."

"Fucking hell," Grace added.

Mike took a step toward Cyrus and bowed his head. "Would you do me the honor of watching my children just a little bit longer? I know you're tired and deserve some rest, but...I wouldn't mind having an extra set of eyes on them while I'm gone. There's a really comfy chair in the living room that overlooks the front yard. It's my favorite place to catch a nap." He took a deep breath and then let it out. "My house is your house, Master Cyrus."

Cyrus smiled and let out a sigh. It was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "You've got yourself a deal," he said.

"Thank you." Mike looked at Bigfoot. "Please help them get home, and send word to Zel immediately. Death, they're going to need you in Hawaii, so head there right away, please."

"After some tea?" asked the Reaper. "I wouldn't mind fifteen minutes to myself after this ordeal."

Mike chuckled. "Of course," he replied. "But tea might be better with friends, and you sure have a lot of them in Hawaii who could use a cup, I bet."

"Oh, I see what you're doing." Death's eye flames flickered in delight. "I bet they would appreciate a good green tea to help lift their spirits."

"They really would." Mike looked at Callisto. "I'll be home later."

Callisto sniffled, then wiped snot from his nose and nodded. Mike took the tracking bracelet from Callisto and handed him the compass.

"Here. This will help you find me in case you need it, just like we found you." Mike rose and took a step back. He wanted to go with his kids, but they would be safe once Bigfoot took them through the trees. "I'll see you in a bit. I need to go help Aunt Dana and Aunt Yuki kick a little ass, okay?"

The motley group left, quickly vanishing between a pair of trees. Mike turned back toward the facility and started jogging; his legs were sore yet his heart full.

When he got back to the facility, the sounds of gunfire had already diminished. Uncorking Opal's bottle, he poured the slimegirl onto the ground so she could form next to him.

"Let's clean this place up," he declared, and then walked into the hangar with the fairy girls in tow.

Beth stood on the beaches of Paradise, her eyes on the massive balls of fire in the sky that Ratu had created so everyone could see. Along the sand, merfolk came and went as Leilani's colony checked in with intel regarding Francois' forces. A cabana made of stone had been constructed by Pele, who sat at a massive table beneath it. A three-dimensional map of the island and surrounding waters had been built in the middle, with tiny figurines which represented various ships and undead hordes approaching the island.

At the head of the table stood Tink. The table was big enough for her to easily walk along, and she was spouting half-formed words and gibberish while Kisa tried to translate for anyone who might have been confused. At first, nobody had taken the goblin seriously, but after Tink had bitten three different merfolk and headbutted an obstinate knight, people had at least learned to get out of her way.

"Check here," she shouted at a merman holding a spear while stamping her foot in a region of ocean about a mile south of Olowalu. "Big dip mean bone cereal!"

"She thinks there may be undead in that depression," Kisa offered.

The merman nodded politely at Kisa and jogged off to give orders to a team in the water. So far, Tink had identified nearly three dozen hiding spots based on topography alone. On a computer screen mounted to a pillar was meteorological data being streamed directly from satellites that Eulalie had accessed using a bunch of techno skills that made no sense to Beth.

Shoved up against the wall of the cabana was something that looked only vaguely familiar as a sniper rifle. Tink had removed the tripod from the gun and had been doing something weird with the barrel. When she wasn't busy barking orders, she would occasionally chew on what looked like a massive bullet and then study it with her goggles. Beth had no idea what that was about and didn't feel like asking.

Even the sight of Tink had set the Order on edge, as goblins hadn't been seen in over two decades and they were thought to be extinct. Beth wondered how many of them had even noticed Abella keeping an eye on things from the nearest building hastily assembled by both Ratu and Pele. The gargoyle's main job right now was to listen for dissent or attempts at mutiny.

With Paradise in shambles, the naga and the goddess had quickly thrown together a staging area made of rock and earth after gaining the merfolk's allegiance for the fight ahead. The buildings were bare bones, with a few windows for ventilation and a thatched roof cobbled together by the merfolk. However, these structures qualified for portals, which the rats had quickly chewed into the walls. Right now, Order personnel with family on the island were already helping their people evacuate. Apparently, the Order had bunkers hidden across the islands for scenarios similar to these. Sadly, these spaces were primarily for VIPs who were going into hiding, which meant they were already packed full.

While the rats opened portals, a few members of the Order had suggested that they be connected in a manner to allow the entire Order to assemble and send an army. Tink had immediately shot this idea down.

"Stupid fucks attack home when husband help them," she had declared. "Probably attack Tink while defending island, make big trouble. Tink smarter than big idiots, anyway."

Beth had agreed with this assessment. In fact, members of the Council, the governing body for the Order, had already made contact with personnel at Paradise in an attempt to do just that. Ingrid had briefly informed some guy in Europe that the situation was far too dire to try and wrestle control from the Radley family and hung up on him. Wallace had been contacted twice after the phone call with Ingrid had gone awry, but he had pretended that the connection was bad and hung up on them.

Aurora had immediately ordered Paradise personnel to ignore all phone calls from anyone who wasn't her or a one of their direct family members, which her staff obeyed. A small team of mages then tried to coerce a group of rats into opening a portal directly to one of the Order's main facilities in Europe. Eulalie and Reggie both had planned for this contingency in advance. After being bribed with cheese and crackers, the rats had opened a portal to the basement of an abandoned warehouse in Wyoming, then immediately collapsed the portal after the mages went through.

The monitor flickered and a cartoon depicting Eulalie's human face appeared. She had refused to come in person, a decision which the others had agreed with. Besides, the internet connection in the Library was simply the best on Earth.

"Okay, I've got intel from the military," the Arachne said. Tink stopped moving around placemarkers to look at the screen. "There's already hundreds of pages of data coming in, but we can sum it up succinctly by saying they're panicking. The Coast Guard made contact with one of the boats and were immediately attacked. We have the Navy in the area, but they aren't sure what to do. It sounds like the Order has already gotten in contact with them and the chain of command is breaking down."

"Breaking down how?" asked Beth.

"Have you ever watched a movie and thought to yourself, hey, the people in charge are really fucking stupid. Why are they wasting time arguing when they could be doing literally anything?"

Tink sneered. "Stupid fucks afraid," she said, her tail flicking a marker off the table. Kisa caught it and put it back in position. "Afraid to take blame after."

"Yes, I've seen movies like that," Beth replied. "That's most movies, honestly."

"The Order is telling them to go ahead and sink ships. But Navy Command used a bunch of drones and didn't spot any movement on the ships, so they think this is some type of massive psyop perpetrated by the enemy of the week and are refusing to cooperate. The Order asked to take command, the Navy told them to fuck off, and the President just learned today that magic exists and the state of Hawaii is about to be assaulted by thousands of skeletons."

"The President...didn't know?" Beth looked around the table and finally spotted Aurora. The woman was walking over with a tray of coffee.

"I can explain," she offered, then handed Beth a cup. "Some time ago, it was decided the office of the Presidency was too volatile. By that, I mean a potentially new person every four years. The Order and some military higher-ups decided that it was best to handle things like this on a need-to-know basis. Even the people in the US government who are aware of the Order are only told a very small amount of what's actually going on, which means there is quite a bit of distrust."

Eulalie's avatar folded her arms across her chest and looked very thoughtful. "That about sums it up. Based on my sources, the President thinks the Order is lying about what's actually happening down here and is hesitant to tell the Navy to blow all these ships out of the water. So what we have right now is a stalemate based on incompetence and lack of trust. Three SEAL teams have already gone missing, which means the next step is to start bombing. But with so many of these ships, there's a good chance they might strike a civilian target on accident. A military action this large will absolutely cause a PR disaster no matter how successful."

"What about the locals? Surely they've noticed something."

Eulalie scoffed. "The news reported that it's a training drill before communications went down. Several fishing vessels have already gone missing, so people suspect something is up, but are blaming the government already."

"Yeah, well, they're really going to suspect something is up in a few hours when we drag them out of bed and send them somewhere else. Speaking of, do you have control of the tsunami alert system?"

Eulalie nodded. "I do, as well as every other alert system. When you're ready, we can start pinging people in an attempt to get them to safety."

"Coast first," Tink declared, pointing along the edge of the island. "Too many tourists, biggest push."

"My people have already evacuated some of the smaller towns." Aurora handed a mug to Tink. The goblin took it and slammed the steaming hot contents, then tossed the cup over her shoulder where it shattered on the ground. Scowling with frustration, the hostess continued. "We've cleared out some of those areas, but people are scattered all over the island. It's going to be really hard to track them all down."

"We've accounted for that." Beth looked at Tink, who was now frantically rubbing her tongue. "Cecilia and Suly are roaming the island and speaking with the marchers, letting them know what's about to happen. They've been tasked with tracking down their descendants and guiding them to safety."

"You're using the marchers? People will be terrified!" Aurora handed a coffee to Kisa, who set it to the side. "How are your people going to talk to the night marchers? I don't think they're going to understand English."

"This is a terrifying situation. This is essentially a mass invasion." Beth felt her mind drift for a moment. She wasn't sure what the rest of the night had in store for her, but she knew for a fact that she was standing at ground zero for a moment that would likely change the course of the world. "As for our people, they were created specifically by the fae to guide souls to the afterlife. The language barrier won't be an issue for them."

"Did somebody say afterlife?" A figure stepped forward as if melting out of the shadows. Aurora actually screamed and dropped her tray, which Kisa tried but failed to catch. A pair of knights came running over, but immediately halted at the sight of the Grim Reaper standing next to the table.

The Radley family all stared at Death in silence, both stunned at his arrival and curious about his next words. The Grim Reaper looked down at the spilled tray and just shook his head.

"I apologize for startling you," he declared, then lifted his hands to reveal a tray of his own. A large teapot sat in the center, surrounded by several empty mugs. "I guess it's a good thing that I brought along refreshments."

"Death?" Beth looked at the Reaper, afraid to ask the question everyone wanted to know. She looked over at Aurora, who had already regained her wits. "Do you have something to tell us?"

"It's a green tea," he said, setting down the tray and pouring a cup. "It has antioxidants."

Kisa elbowed Death in the hip. He scowled at the catgirl.

"Well?" Kisa put her hands on her hips.

"Well, what?" Death handed her a mug. "Don't you already know?"

"No, you dumbass!" Kisa smacked him. "I can't read Mike's thoughts ever since he got to that place where magic is blocked!"

"Oh. OH!" Death looked at everyone. "Then you wouldn't know. The children are home and they are largely unharmed."

Everyone let out the breaths they had been holding. Tink said nothing, but now tears streamed free from beneath her goggles. She rubbed them away from her cheeks.

"What about others?" Beth's heart was now slamming in her chest.

Death made a face. "Mike Radley went to assist them. It was my job to guide the children home and then come here immediately. I apparently have an important job to do."

"That's right." Kisa looked up at the Reaper. "Cecilia and Suly need your help."

"How may I be of assistance?"

"You know where everybody died." Beth pointed at the map. "Right now, Cecilia and Suly are running everywhere trying to track down and speak with the night marchers. However, with your knowledge of maps and spirits, you can go right to the locations where they perished. They need to know that a battle is coming, and we need their help at sunrise."

"I'm supposed to track down everyone who has died?" Death made a face. "That will take much longer than the time I have."

"Not everyone. Hawaii's warriors and its chieftains. Anyone who died in battle here would qualify. Also, Pele informed me that the most powerful shamans and warriors in Hawaiian history would be interred in secret locations to protect their mana and allow it to return to the island. If you can find the resting place of the old chieftains and kings, they should assist you."

"And you believe they will be willing to help?"

Beth nodded. "The night marchers linger because they love this land. If you tell them that Francois is planning to kill everybody here, they will get involved. Tink?"

The goblin pointed to the relief of the island. "Marchers need go these places for sunrise," she said, indicating markers made of wood with whimsical painted ghosts. "Spend night, find family, take safety. Morning? Get ready for big kill."

"Oh, and ask them to avoid these areas." Beth pointed at a couple of signs that looked like knock-offs of the Ghostbusters' logo. "That's where we'll have living allies. We don't want them to confuse us with the enemy."

Death scratched his skull for several seconds, then nodded. "I can already think of several places where many people died," he stated, then picked up his teapot. "I was going to share this, but it seems I will need it on the long road ahead. May I have some rats to accompany me? It would behoove us all if I could traverse the terrain utilizing their skills."

"We've already got a bunch of portals set up, but I'll send you some rats in case you need them. Reggie is overseeing the evacuation of the Kaupo region. That's not far from where the merfolk were boiled alive, which is probably where Francois is going to send his monster to try and get the eggs." Eulalie paused. "Do we know what that thing is, by the way?"