In-laws from the Planet Stupid

"Anastasia, you started this. I won't stay married to a slut wife with a lover. Get back to me when you think you have a way for me to ever believe you again. Talk to you later."

I hung up without waiting for a response. I didn't power my phone off but I did put it on vibrate. After spending the day visiting swap meets and garage sales, I had a nice BBQ dinner and returned to my hotel room.

The onslaught of messages from Elaine, Julianne, and Anastasia continued. Finally one of the messages got my attention.

Anastasia suggested 'I would be willing to take a polygraph test if you think that would help.'

After mulling that over for a few hours I responded 'I think that's a great idea. I should be home by next Saturday and I'd like to be there.'

'Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll set it up, and just so you know, I will pass that test. The only mistake I've made is listening to my mother and sister.'

After that her suggestions kept coming.

'I'll set up an appointment to get tested for STDs. I haven't had sex with anyone but you but I want to dispel any doubts you might have.'

'This week has taught me a lesson. I think I'm going to find a marriage counselor to help me break free of my family.'

'Have the lawyer draw up a post nuptial agreement.'

I kept agreeing to these suggestions. By the time I went to sleep I was starting to believe her.

After sleeping on it I decided to be an active participant. Although she didn't ask, I thought I'd volunteer to do all of the tests too. The last thing I want her to think is that I've been out here getting revenge sex. That polygraph thing sounded so good that I was thinking of adding a provision in the post-nup. If one of us has concerns they can invoke the polygraph provision and both of us would get retested.

Anastasia's Sunday morning texts were very upbeat. I called her.

"Good morning Lonnie. How did you sleep?"

"Much better. I like your ideas. Make the appointments for both of us. I want to reinforce that you can trust me. I've got a list of questions for your polygraph tester to ask you. You can make up your own list of questions for my tester to ask me. I made a second list for both of our testers to ask. If we both pass with flying colors, we will get past this. I am having our attorney draw up a post-nuptial agreement. Include me in the marriage counseling as I have some baggage that needs to be addressed. What do you think?"

Anastasia was crying "I'm so sorry I did this to you. Thank you for giving me a chance. You won't regret it. I love you."

+ + + +

The next week flew by. When I had a minute I'd call Anastasia. We had appointments on Saturday. It took less than an hour to take and get the polygraph test results. We both answered all of the questions without one miss. We both chuckled at one of the common questions.

'Do you always think about your spouse when you make love?'

We both truthfully answered No.

I disabled the security devices that night. We had unprotected sex as the polygraph results had eased our minds. Two weeks later we had the completely negative STD results. We are meeting with the marriage counselor once a week for twelve weeks. So far, so good.

+ + + +

After considering the cost and benefits, I had my plan for revenge.

"Anastasia, absolutely no contact with Elaine or Julianne today. Are you clear on that?"

"Yes, I understand. Will you tell me afterwards?"

"Afterwards. This is me, and only me, doing this."

"And nothing physical?"

"Just embarrassment."

"Good luck with it then. I really do love you."

"I know. I love you too."

I retreated into my office and called Renee. She was prepared for the upcoming events.

I called Anastasia's mother "Elaine, this is Lonnie. How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine Lonnie. To what do I owe this call?"

"I was wondering if you could meet me for lunch today?"

"I suppose I could. What time and where?"

"Well, I received a gift card to Mes Amies, the exclusive French restaurant in the penthouse at the downtown Hilton. Say noonish. Dress to impress. Does that work for you?"

"I'll be there."

"Great. See you at noon. Please don't disclose this meeting to anyone. You'll understand later."

One down, one to go. I set up Julianne for a 12:15 pm arrival. I called Renee back and gave her the names and times. I also sent pictures of Elaine and Julianne.

+ + + +

Around 10 am Renee sent me several videos to choose from. Renee would make a video of the lunch meeting and one of these would be used as the trailer. I chuckled at the one I selected.

It was 12:25 when Renee sent an email with links to three videos. She had arraigned for one of her associates, a young man named Marty, to meet my in-laws. She sent both the original video and the edited ones for my inspection.

In the original video:

Elaine was wearing a very sexy outfit. I have to admit I'd never really looked at her as a woman. She was actually in good shape and well proportioned. She entered the lobby. Marty, who is several inches taller than her, was holding a sign with her name on it. She approached him.

"Elaine?"

"Yes, that's me."

"Great, I'm here to escort you to the restaurant."

He pushed his elbow out and Elaine hooked her arm with his. As they were waiting for the elevator, he leaned over and sniffed her neck.

"You smell lovely again. I'm so glad you could make it today."

Elaine looked him in the eyes and blushed. The elevator door opened. When the elevators closed they were off to the penthouse restaurant. About five minutes later Marty exited the elevator and began displaying a 'Julianne' sign.

If I thought Elaine looked sexy, Julianne had her beat hands down. When Marty offered his elbow, not only did Julianne hook it but she leaned into him.

"You smell lovely again. I'm so glad you could make it today."

Julianne was a sucker for a complement. She flirted with Marty. When the elevators closed the original video ended.

I opened to edited videos and watched in amazement. Both edited videos were practically identical. They started with Marty offering his elbow. There was audio and you can clearly hear 'You smell lovely again. I'm so glad you could make it today.' After the elevator closes the video cuts to the trailer I had chosen. Marty is exiting a bedroom suite zipping up his fly. You can see a bra on the floor of the bedroom. He looks at the camera man and yells 'Hey, what are you doing?' and starts running towards the camera. The video ends. A mere twenty two seconds long. How much damage can something that short do? We're about to find out.

With a few keystrokes email number one was sent to Anastasia's father, Jeremy, with a cc to Elaine. Email number two went flying to Julianne's husband, Chuck, with a cc to Julianne.

The text was the same 'Have you ever considered getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases? They are still at the Hilton.'

I waited for Renee's call. Not even a minute later she didn't disappoint.

"Lonnie, it couldn't have gone any better. I'll send you the video. They were seated together. Marty had stopped by and told them you were delayed. They were laughing and giggling when their phones buzzed. They watched the video you sent. Elaine went absolutely berserk. Julianne tried to get up and fainted. If I was you I'd lay low for a while. Elaine made no bones about it, you are a dead man."

"I owe you big time Renee. Send me your bill."

Once I had the restaurant video from Renee, I cracked open my office door and yelled for Anastasia.

"Honey, your mother and sister are having some marital problems."

When Anastasia joined me "I guess we get to watch and see if their husbands spoil them and their lovemaking soars to new heights. Have a look at the emails and videos I just sent."

As Anastasia watched she gasped and was muttering "Oh my gawd. Did they really go into his room?"

"Only they know for sure. I set them up and had my private investigator produce the video. As far as I know the young man only escorted them to the restaurant. Are you ready to see their reaction when they watched the emailed video?"

"Yes, show me, show me."

Anastasia's nipples were rock hard and she laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. She looked at me and pulled her sweatshirt off. Her bra tumbled to the floor and her sweatpants and panties joined the pile.

"Thank you. Looks like mom wants to kill you. Now get down here and get your reward."

It was as good as any make-up sex we'd ever had. After riding me cowgirl style to my first orgasm, I licked and fingered her to an orgasm. She snuggled then sucked and licked my cock until it was ready for round two. With Anastasia on all fours, we had doggie sex. I love playing with her dangling tits when we do that. Anastasia was playing with her clit and she had a few minor tremors. I came a second time and rolled off. Anastasia finished her second orgasm with her fingers. We lay side by side while our phones rang again and again.

The shit was hitting the fan. We snuggled on the carpet until I was ready to go again. After a prolonged session, I emptied my third load into Anastasia's juicy pussy. The doorbell was ringing. We peeked out to see Elaine and Jeremy. Normally they would stand very near each other. Not today. Jeremy's body language was that of an angry man.

"What's your dad's cell phone number?"

"Hold on, I'll get my phone."

Twenty seconds later I was listening to the ringtone. We peeked out the window and watched Jeremy fish his phone out of his jacket.

"Hey baby, we're at your house. Are you headed home soon?"

"It's Lonnie dad. Before we meet with you, ask Elaine what she and Julianne convinced Anastasia to do. I'll talk to you later."

I hung up and we watched as Jeremy turned to talk to Elaine. Elaine's shoulders slumped and then Jeremy started into a verbal assault for the ages. He was nose to nose with her and there was fire in his eyes. He stormed off and climbed into his truck. He locked the doors and drove off as Elaine was attempting to open the passenger door. She stood there crying as Jeremy sped away.

We dressed and sat in the kitchen comparing texts and voicemails from everyone involved. Not only had they misjudged my reaction, they knew very little about their own husband's reactions.

"How long do we let Jeremy and Chuck suffer?"

"Hold on, I think I'm going to send a text to Chuck telling him to ask Julianne what she did to you."

And I did just that.

"Done."

"But what about letting them know their wives didn't cheat?"

"They didn't?"

"You said he only took them to the restaurant."

"But when you first saw the video you asked 'Did they really go into his room?' Did they call me and tell me it was just a joke?"

Hanging her head "No."

"Tell you what. Let's meet them for dinner tomorrow night. I never want those two bitches in my house again. Some pizza place."

"But Lonnie, they..." I put my hand up.

"This conversation is over."

+ + + +

We pulled into the Pizza Hut parking lot well ahead of schedule. I had an information sheet for Jeremy and Chuck. It had the contact information for the people Anastasia and I had used for the polygraph tests, STD tests, and the marriage counselor. On a second sheet were the questions we had supplied for the polygraph test. Just in case, I brought a few canisters of pepper spray. It could be that I'm bringing a knife to a gun battle. We ordered the pizzas while we waited.

Jeremy and Elaine arrived and sat stoned faced across from Anastasia. A few minutes later Chuck and Julianne made it a six pack. The pizzas were delivered while the waitress was getting the drink orders.

"Eat up people. The pizza is on us."

After the drinks were delivered I commenced my prepared speech.

"SORRY will never be good enough for what you ladies did. Anastasia and I are going to survive. We took polygraph tests, got tested for STDs, had a post-nuptial agreement drawn up, and are seeing a marriage counselor. I have put all of those contact numbers on these sheets."

I handed one to Jeremy and Chuck.

"I suggest you do exactly what we did. Here's the list of questions we gave the polygraph people."

Jeremy and Chuck each took a copy. I noticed a look of panic on Julianne's face.

"Julianne, you look sick. Not wanting to take a lie detector test?"

The look Chuck gave Julianne would have burned a tattoo off "You are definitely taking this test!"

There wasn't any friendly chit chat that evening. Every time anyone wanted to talk about that day I deferred "I'm not going to answer any questions. If you are having trouble with your marriage, I suggest you follow what Anastasia and I have done to reclaim ours."

I paid our tab and prepared to leave "One more thing, Elaine and Julianne, I NEVER want to see you in my house again. Anastasia may attend your family functions but don't be surprised if this is the last time we are ever in the same room."

+ + + +

A week later Chuck called and gave us his temporary address. Julianne had failed the polygraph. We didn't ask and he didn't provide details. The bravado I had displayed, about family functions, melted when I found Jeremy at my front door.

"Lonnie, I heard what you said about family functions, but I would really appreciate it if you and Anastasia would have breakfast with us Sunday morning. I can't rub this into the dumb cow's face unless you are there. We both passed the polygraph test. I can only imagine the hell you went through. It tore my stomach apart and I only had to endure a few days of it. Please join us on Sunday."

With a handshake I was a son-in-law again. Sunday was fun. As a not so gentle reminder, Jeremy made Elaine wear the dress she wore in the lunch video. Elaine was not her normal chitty chatty bossy person. The legs had definitely been cut off of her pedestal. The queen of the house had been dethroned. There was a king in control now. Every time Elaine tried to interject herself into the conversation Jeremy would put his hand up to stop her.

"Elaine, our guests are well aware of the level of intelligence you are bringing to this table. Why don't you just sit there and look pretty."

Anastasia offered "Dad, would you like to see the original video?"

"Could I?"

I scanned my emails "Here you go Jeremy. After this I'll show you the trailers I had to choose from."

When watching the different trailers "I'm glad you didn't choose this one. I may have grabbed my gun and finished her off when she got home."

He was looking at one where Marty was facing away from the camera and had his hands full of hair pulled to his ass. Your first reaction is that he was getting a blow job. He was actually holding a wig and the hair color worked for both Elaine and Julianne.

Elaine broke her silence "Can I see it too?"

After viewing it "Lonnie, thank you for not choosing that one. You certainly got the better of us. We deserved it. I really am sorry."

I simply nodded at her.

"One more for you to look at. This is both of them getting the emails that day."

Jeremy had a very hearty healthy laugh "Now, now, dear, you didn't really mean it when you said you wanted Lonnie dead did you?"

Elaine smugly shrugged her shoulders "Maybe."

When we got home, Anastasia and I enjoyed an afternoon full of sexual bliss.

+ + + +

Epilogue: Chuck divorced Julianne and invoked the adultery proviso in their pre-nuptial agreement. They sold their house and Julianne is now living in a one bedroom apartment. We've had Chuck over for some of our neighborhood pot luck dinners.

Elaine talks with Anastasia regularly. If Jeremy invites us, we attend the family functions. The first time Julianne was there I wasn't sure what to expect. Jeremy made sure to get us all on the same page. His invite to Julianne had the stipulation that she had to wear her Mes Amies outfit. Although she objected, there she was in all her glory. She really is a beautiful woman. Stupid yes, but still beautiful none the less. My Anastasia is just as beautiful to me.

Jeremy got his digs in "Lonnie, just be thankful that Anastasia loved you enough to only fake having a lover. Guess we can't say the same about her slut sister now can we?"

Julianne fled the table crying. I felt nothing but pride that Jeremy had the balls to call it like it was. Julianne has never given a meaningful apology.

Jeremy and I talk quite openly about what it is that I really do at my job. As an engineer he has many great questions and points of views that I've taken back to the office with me. He still won't let Elaine talk as much as she would like to. Anastasia enjoys her new found freedom to speak at these family events.

Anastasia has put a lot of time into her poetry. She's published a few on the internet and is learning that the public can be a very harsh critic.

Although it hadn't worked out as anticipated, their little game had in fact cemented our relationship.