Just Like in a Song

Marcy turned and looked up at me. She slowly smiled.

"I know what is going on behind your eyes, in that head of yours. What you would like to do." She reached up and pushed my hair back from my eyes then she lifted my glasses from my nose. "I don't think I will ever be able to do something like that with you, but I would like to have you beside me tonight. I've had too much tearing pieces of my heart into shreds; I could use the comfort of...my brother...holding me while I sleep."

My god how beautiful her face looked. How incredibly sexy those bedroom eyes were. How delicious her lips looked.

My fucking god how bitter this pill.

"I would like that too but...I'm not made of stone." Moving my hand to the back of her neck I pulled her face into mine and at the last second lifted my head and placed a hard kiss on her forehead. "I love you. I have to go to my own room. I'm sorry I can't."

Leaving her there alone in that bedroom had to be the toughest thing I've ever done in my life. Even watching her marry another man had not hurt this much. I could hear her crying when I pulled the door closed behind me, and took the two steps across the hallway to lean my face into the cool wall beside my bedroom door. I noticed I was softly whispering her name to myself. Her name and three words.

"Marcy, I love you."

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Pondering just how many hangovers a man can wake up from in a single week's time and still live through it, I rolled over in bed to find my sister sitting on the bed beside me.

"Did you need something?" I asked, as I reached to my nightstand for my glasses. She didn't answer. "Marcy?"

"Yeah. Yeah I needed something. And it wasn't there for me when I asked for it." She looked down my chest to where the crotch of my flannel sleep pants was tented from morning wood. "Because of that."

With a groan I sat up, put my back against the headboard and drew my knees up towards my chest. Resting my elbows on my knees I gripped the back of my head to try and comfort the throbbing pain behind my ears.

"Sorry."

"Is that the best you have?" she asked after a moment. "That you're sorry? I need my brother and instead I got a closed door. Why?"

I rubbed at the ache between my eyes.

"Simply put, because your brother is also a man." I looked up at her. "A single man, a man that is madly in love with you, desires you and was too drunk to trust himself in your arms. In your bed." I looked over at the night stand and picked up a warm, half-finished bottle of water. It tasted of plastic but quelled the Sahara forming on my tongue. "Do you have any idea just how badly I wanted to do that? To crawl into bed with you last night? But I knew, knew in my heart, my head, and my soul that if did that I could never have kept my hands to myself."

She went to say something but I held up my hand.

"Marcy...you were drunk as well. If I had started kissing you, caressing you would you..." I pointed the now empty bottle at her, "... have told me to stop?"

She looked away from me. After a moment she gave a half shrug.

"And if you hadn't and we woke up in a tangle of sex smelling sheets would you have ever forgiven me? Or yourself?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said after a few second.

"Yeah. And that would be why. If I ever get to make love to the woman I love there will be no regrets." I was about to say more when she jumped to her feet and stormed out the room only to return just seconds later.

"How! How can you think of me that way?" she demanded. "How can you look at me, see your sister and then think about having sex with me?"

"Because, I see more than just my sister! I see the woman that she is. And I love that woman; love her with all my heart." I smiled. "Do you not think I've had this same conversation with myself dozens of times? I've thought and thought and thought about this for decades." I shrugged. "I simply had to finally come to accept that I love the woman that you are. I love you. Want you. Desire you with a fire that will not be put out. Not with time...not with anything I've ever encountered. I've had other women in the bed. Several. I've slept with my share, trust me."

She was looking at me, her arms crossed over her breasts, a frown on her lips. "And?"

"And none of them made me not want you. Even in the middle of the wildest nights of drunken sexual debauchery I would be thinking of you the whole time." I turned from her and swung my legs off the side of the bed. Resting my elbow on my knee, I slid down my glasses and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I cannot change what I feel for you, and I have no real reason to want to."

"Why not?" she asked. "Have you given even a second's thought to what this is doing to me? To know that you..."

"A second's thought?" I came up to my feet and walked around till I was in front of Marcy. "A second? I just told you I've give it decades of thought." I moved my fingers to her chin and lifted her downcast face to look at me. "For me to deny what I feel for you would be as much of a betrayal as what Rodger did to you. Now..."

She looked at me, I could see in her face a moment of apprehension that I might be about to try and kiss her. To touch her in a way she would not be comfortable with.

"... if you will please move out of the doorway I need to go to the bathroom."

When instead of that she slid to the side, I did not hesitate to not move as close to her as I could to slip through the door. Leaning in right beside her ear I placed a single soft kiss on her skin.

"I love you."

When she moved her hip a bit and her body press my erections up against my belly I moaned.

"I can tell," she said and then a slow smile light up her face. Marcy shook her head. "What am I going to do with you, little brother?"

"I have suggestions but they depend on how flexible you are," I said smiling.

She groaned, shook her head and then rested it on my bare chest. Her hair just under my nose was all silky warmth. I couldn't help burying my face in her hair and breathing deep the scent of her.

"Go. Go, before I let your perverted-self talk me into something I'll regret," she said after a moment. "Besides you're poking me in the belly."

"God, I wish," I said with a chuckle.

She laughed and pushed against my chest while turning us both.

"Get, you rum-smelling perv." She gave me another little shove, but then caught my hand before I moved too far away. "Hey. I love you too."

I smiled at my sister. "Enough to forgive me for wanting to...jump your bones?"

She nodded. "Maybe even enough to let you do that-someday." I grinned as my heart skipped a beat. She held up a finger. "I said maybe."

Catching her hand, I brought that finger to my lips and kissed it.

"Here's to maybe."

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Marcy and I had settled into a comfortable pattern of life by the end of that first week. Me working, her job hunting. Money was tighter than before she moved in but it wasn't unmanageably so. I wasn't quite sure how to handle the little things though.

A clean house.

Not since our mom had passed away had I ever come home to find the place I lived smelling of pine sol and looking like it had been scrubbed to within an inch of its life. When I walked in and saw the place, I had stopped at the door and double check to make sure I hadn't walking into someone else's home. I heard her signing in the kitchen and when I followed that sound it was to stand and watch her in amassment. Cleaning. It seemed to make her happier than anything I had seen her doing in the past week.

Then there was the matter of dinner.

I was generally indifferent to what I ate but when I opened the door one afternoon and smelled a half-forgotten scent from my childhood, Mom's baked chicken spaghetti, I had broken down. Marcy had found me there in the living room tears pouring down my face, sobbing. She held me like the broken child I felt like, and then with a smile, took me to the kitchen and gave me a bowl full of delicious memories.

If anything her cooking was even better than I remember our mom's being..

Slowly the reality of what a life with my sister would be like began to sink into my life. And the more it did the more I knew I was going to be forever lost when she finally left to live her own life and I was alone again. I wanted her now more than I ever had and it was for far more than simply a lifetime of desired sex. I wanted this and I had to ask myself what the hell was mentally wrong with her ex-idiot's mind to make him give this up. How? How could anyone take this level of comfort and her level of beauty so for granted as to leave her for a piece of cotton tailed ass?

And how would I survive the loss when she left?

Sitting alone out on my patio after dinner, I pondered that very question as I sipped at a glass of rum and coke.

For leave she surely would. At some point and time. What was to hold her here but the lack of a job and she already had more than a few good leads that were promising. Also her lawyer, Charles, had apparently done some legal miracles and frozen everything monetary that Rodger could access, even things at his company were now off limits to him.

When Marcy was on the phone with him I kept hearing words like "contempt of court" "Temporary restraining orders."

Of course Marcy, to judge by the things she often said, was more in the mind of the Spanish Inquisition.

"Hey."

Looking over my shoulder at her, I enjoyed again the choice of clothes she had picked out for today. The cut-off shorts weren't too short, or the tank-top too revealing but by her normal standards they were risqué.

"Margarita movie night, remember?" She held up a solo cup. "Bartender? Where's my booze?"

With a chuckle, I got to my feet and went to the kitchen. I saw that she had already pulled out my infomercial-bought, totally-overpowered, worth-every-nineteen-ninety-five-payment, cool-to-hell-and-back Ninja blender. I opened my cabinet and started pulling out bottles. Then got fresh and frozen fruit from the fridge.

Marcy started rocking the bottom of her solo cup on the counter.

"Service, barkeep, service." She shook her head. "You're steadily losing your tip."

"I'd like to service you, you..." I shooed her away. "Stand back master mixologist at work."

"Hah!"

"Go pick out a movie already," I told her as I tossed strawberries into my blender.

"I already did, we're going to watch Moulin Rouge." She left the red cup on the counter and flounced off towards the living room.

Watching her oh-so-kissable ass in those shorts, I had to take a quick breath to steady myself. The love of my life and I can only flirt without her getting edgy with me, pulling away, shutting down. Pouring Cointreau and Casa Noble into the blender, I tossed in the fresh pineapple and then my sour mix. While the Ninja did its work I finished the last of my rum and coke and tossed the cup for a fresh one.

Filling two red plastic cups, I grabbed a few paper towels to catch condensation and went to join her on the couch. She already had the DVD in and was leaned back swaying her head to the opening music that was playing.

"Your drink, madam." I presented it with a flourish then rudely plopped down next to her. "So...please tell me you've seen this before."

"It's a musical. Of course not! Rodg...well, dickhead would no sooner watch a musical than go see a Broadway show." She took a sip of her Hawaiian margarita. "Delicious. I like the music I'm hearing so far."

I eyed my sister for a moment.

"Want any warnings about the movie?" I asked, knowing the sad ending.

"Nope, I'm good." She sucked in her cheeks sipping at her straw. "Damn, this is good. Excellent work, barkeep. You've earned your tip."

I huffed a chuckle. "And what tip is that? Don't take wooden nickels?"

Marcy leaned in and whispered right by my ear. "I tip better than that."

When I turned to face her, my sister's hand caught my face and turned it just a little more and then our lips met. When her mouth didn't immediately move from mine but let me enjoy kissing her I felt like all of heaven had opened up for me. I knew, knew in my heart that nothing, in my life to come, would ever take this memory from me. As the kiss parted I wanted to weep that it ended.

"Figured you've more than earned at least that," she said softly then chuckled. "You're a good kisser." I was about to say something when she put her fingers on my lips. "Not now, let's watch the movie. We can talk later."

When she turned, snuggled into the side of me, propped her feet up on the opposite end of the couch and sipped at her drink, who was I to disobey? I hit play on the remote and settled in to watch.

Having seen this movie several times, I kept drifting back to that kiss, that first magical kiss. Like with most things once you've had a taste of it you want more. I wanted so very much more. I wanted to turn off this TV, sweep this woman up into my arms and take her to bed. I wanted to cover her whole body with kisses. I wanted...I wanted...

I wanted her.

Marcy.

I smiled when she laughed at all the predicable parts in the film. The silly moments, narcoleptic Argentines, tone deaf piano players, Cancan dancing midgets. But as the movie progressed and the dark parts of the story formed she went quiet. Not even the "Like a Virgin" song got a laugh, just a "I'll never hear this and not think of this scene" comment from her.

Then as Spectacular, Spectacular began she sat up and pulled her legs to her chest, hugging her knees.

"Satine's going to die isn't she?" she asked.

I nodded.

"And Christian?" she asked.

"You saw him at the beginning. Alone. Alone in a dark place with no joy in life anymore." I picked up my cup, finding it empty I grabbed hers and went to the kitchen. The blender was filled with melted dregs. I was tossing more frozen strawberries into it when Marcy walking in. I could hear the movie still playing. "You didn't pause it?"

"I don't want to watch anymore." She stopped a few feet from me. "Why did you buy so sad a movie?"

I shrugged. "I enjoyed the music. The story seemed to hit a special place in me, I don't know. I just..."

"You feel like him don't you? Christian. When he had to watch Satine go to be with the Duke." My sister gripped her elbow harder, hugging herself. "That's how you felt at my wedding? Seeing me marry another man?"

I swallowed, nodded once, and hid what I was feeling under the whirl of super-speed blades. The blender turned frozen fruit to frozen slush in bare seconds. Not nearly long enough.

"I'm so sorry," she said when I shut it off.

"You didn't know. It's not your fault how I felt. Feel." I didn't meet her eyes as I filled the two cups.

"Not then. Now."

I did look up at that.

"I've been wallowing in self-pity because a man I love has told me he no longer loves me." She moved to stand right in front of me but didn't stop hugging herself. "All the while ignoring the fact that a man I love far more than I ever did that bastard is in love with me."

She was then pressed against me, suddenly holding hard to my chest.

"Marcy?"

"I know how much it hurts to tell someone you love them and have them not answer you back." My sister shook as her body was racked with inner grief. "To want the world to be the way it should be and no matter how much you beg for it to be that way it just ignores you." She looked up at me, tears streaming down from her eyes. "I've been doing that to you. Ignoring your love for me. Making believe it was just some silly crush. I'm sorry, for doing that to you."

Smiling, I brushed her tears away. "Don't cry, my love. You didn't hurt me."

"Liar," she said softly. "I've seen that I have. Well, no more. I won't hurt you ever again, not for loving me."

I was not sure what she meant till she lifted herself and touched her mouth to mine. This second kiss was as surprising as the first, but I reacted to it far quicker.

No flirty peck on the lips, not even the more sensuous kiss from earlier. No, this was a kiss from a woman to a man, being given with a great deal of passion behind it. Passion I returned a thousand fold as all the desire I have for her flowed from me to her through that bridging of our love. Our bodies pressed together. Her hands were in my hair. Her fingers pulled me closer making me kiss her all the harder.

Slowly, ever so slowly she let her body sink back down off her toes, and I followed her lips down. Chasing those kisses, not letting them go. Finally she placed a hand not on my neck but on my chest. I opened my eyes and looked into her smiling face.

"I asked you to sleep next to me a week ago. I needed to be comforted. I still need that." Her hand toyed with my shirt buttons. "Will you sleep next to me tonight?"

"I still won't be able to keep my hands to myself," I said looking into the beautiful eyes.

She bit her bottom lip, and then let her hand follow my buttons down my shirt and across my jeans to cup my crotch through my pants.

"You don't have to." She gave me a flirty smile. "I know I don't intend to even try."

When Marcy turned me lose and took her drink, I had to stop her before she walked away. I hated myself but I had to ask. "Why the change of heart?"

She stopped and looked me up and down. "Maybe I'm seeing you more as a man, and less as my goofy, kid brother." She shrugged. "A man I can desire. Know what I mean?"

Looking at the woman I have loved for most of my life, I smiled.

"Yeah."

She smiled back at me. "Let me go change into something comfortable, sorry...I've never been one of sexy outfits. Will PJ's do?" she asked, with a laugh hovering behind her words.

"You in my arms is all I want," I told her truthfully.

Marcy nodded. "I feel the same."

I watched her leave the room and my mind was doing backflips. Was this really happening? A totally surreal feeling had settled over me at some point during that kiss and I was simple drifting feeling like the world had skipped tracks and I was not listening to the song I thought I was. Once removed from reality, I drifted out the kitchen and turned off the forgotten movie. Christian was crying, the Duke was walking out the Moulin Rouge. Their love and lust was lost to them both.

That mine was waiting for me was a thought beyond my minds ability to fully contemplate. When I approached her bedroom door and pushed it open with a tap of my knuckle on the wood, the sight of my beloved sister, sitting in the bed, her hair loose on a propped up pillow.

She smiled.

"No need for you to be bashful. I'm nervous enough for both of us. Come here. I won't bite, unless you ask me to." She blushed. "I'm sorry, I'm too nervous to be sexy and flirty."

"Stop apologizing." I shook my head. "There is no need. You're beautiful."

"Thank you." She took a deep breath "I haven't been with a man other than with...well, with him... since I was a teen. I can't promise you a wild night. I've never been too Spectacular, Spectacular in bed." She shrugged giggled.

Pulling back the covers on one side, I knee-walked to beside her and laid down, my head on the pillow pile.

"All I've ever wanted was simply you. To me you have always been erotic." I took her hand. "Come here."

She swallowed, then nodded a little and curled herself into the crook of my arm.

Letting my hand rest on her side, I looked down into those sexy eyes I had always hoped to see from this angle. My fingertips brushed her side, just under the edge of her pajama top. Her eyes were devouring my face.

"I love you," she told me then. She wet her lips. "I would have never in my life thought of being here with you like this; about to do this with you, but now that I'm here I wouldn't have it any other way. Kiss me again...please."