Losing Katy

Of course, he wanted to annoy you and to drive a wedge between us. He has admitted that later. But at the time I've been totally unsuspecting. He even warned me that you'd probably react totally immature again and that I just had to be strong. And I believed him. He seemed so educated and smart. In hindsight, I can't even blame him. He was totally in love with me and he still is. His problem is that I like him. But I absolutely don't love him. I love only you. It destroys him. That's why he has agreed to never meet me again. It's easier for him this way.

But anyway, you reacted absolutely correct. But to me it just seemed to confirm what Roger had predicted. I didn't even realize how humiliating it must have been for you when his bodyguards stopped you from talking to me. I was really a self-centered bitch at the time and totally inattentive towards you.

Well, the second evening was a little different. He gave me more alcohol. The table was set in a smaller room with dim light and romantic music. He asked me to dance. And - to my eternal shame - I succumbed to his seduction. We had sex this evening. It was pretty standard. Just vaginal penetration without any foreplay. No oral sex. It was boring as hell. And the remorse killed me. I was actually afraid to go home.

But Roger had a solution. He said I should go to Paris with him for a week. You would cool down in the meantime. He would make sure that you'd come to terms with what happened. It seemed a good idea at the time. I could avoid facing you and the resulting guilt and shame. In fact it was the worst thing I could possibly do. But Paris has always been my dream. And he'd shown me photos. I just needed to get there. I assumed that you'd never go there. And I tried to justify it somehow. I was plain mad."

"I've been there recently."

"Oh my god. I'm such an idiot. Anyway, Paris was not a dream. It was a nightmare. I consisted mainly of guilt and remorse. He demanded sex five times. And I didn't dare to refuse because I was afraid that he'd leave me there, stranded. But it was awful. He's an awful lover. And my guilt made it even worse. I tried to text you, but you never responded. Why should you? I had deserted you. I saw that very clearly back then. And I was trembling with fear when I returned home. We talked a lot and in the end he felt guilty too for separating me from my true love. We agreed that we would have no future as a couple and we'd never have sex again. That was easy for me, but very hard for him. I've not been with any man since we returned from Paris.

When we returned, I found my worst nightmare had become reality. You had left me. And rightfully so. I totally broke down. He was very sympathetic and supported me. He even swore that he'd bring you back to me. Which was very hard for him, emotionally.

We stayed friends after that. And he tried everything to convince you to at least talk to me. I tried to stay in the background, like he recommended. He was so convinced of his power and his abilities. He never stood a chance against you. You defeated him easily and that drove him mad. That's why he slapped you. Unfortunately his bodyguards got the signal wrong and continued to seriously beat you.

Like all of his efforts to manipulate you, this one backfired horribly. He spared no expenses, but you elegantly brushed him off like a fly.

After the Lara disaster, he decided to give up. Or, to be more precise, I made him stop. This was all nonsense and just caused greater pain and more distance between us. Your call really set me straight.

Of course, I will continue to try to get you back. I will never stop. But I've decided to do it my way. To try just to talk to you. And I think I have achieved much more than he did in months. I see now that I've never needed him. I don't need to be afraid of you."

"No, you don't. Your way is far better. I just wonder why it took you so long."

"You didn't react to my texts."

"Well, that was a bit lame. If you wanted to talk, I expected you to do it personally."

"Yes, you're right. Have you even read them?"

"No, not after you returned from Paris."

"Why not?"

"You're not a part of my life since then. I just wasn't interested."

"Oh." She really looks sad now. "Anything I can do about this?"

"No, not in the near future. Maybe some day we'll be friends again."

"We're not even friends now?"

"Katy, you might be as contrite as you want right now. But what you did back then was no sudden mistake. You cheated on me and humiliated me for quite a while. You were mean and uncaring for several days. This was no flash of sudden madness. You planned it and had lots of time to think about it. That killed my love for you quite thoroughly. Just saying sorry doesn't cut it. I seriously doubt your love for me."

"I'll do whatever you want to prove it."

"That isn't something you can prove."

"Mark, I've always loved you. I was just blinded by this jet-set life. I would never have left you for it. But I couldn't resist to taste it. I wrongly assumed you would forgive me. I totally neglected to think about how you felt about it. How much it might hurt you. How I would have felt in your position. I blocked these thoughts out. We both paid a terrible price for that. We would be married by now. We have lost a lot of time that we could have spent together. We both were hurt a lot. But you have done nothing wrong. At least, I deserve the pain. You don't."

I have the feeling that everything of relevance has been said. Now, do I kick her out immediately or do I want to spend some time with her to get reacquainted?

"Please..." She really looks pleading now. I'm afraid that she might even drop to her knees.

"Okay, I'll make some dinner. We can just spend some time together. Maybe we can be friends again."

"Thank you, Mark." It's really quite touching to see how much this small gesture seems to mean to her.

xx

We usually spend one day per week together. Cooking, having a picnic, taking a short trip. Nothing serious. She tells me that she's overjoyed to spend the time with me. After about a month, we're watching a movie in my living room. We're sitting on my sofa and the movie is surprisingly violent. At one point, she seems to get scared, grabs my arm and hugs me afterwards.

Well, I'm not totally convinced that she really is that scared. This particular scene didn't seem so bad. I smile a little inwardly. And she doesn't release me, even after the movie softens a little. But, to be honest, it feels good. Maybe I should stop seeing other women. I have the feeling that the appeal of playing the field has abated a little.

"Katy, the movie's over now. You can release me now, if you want to."

"No, to be honest, I don't." She smiles impishly. On a sudden impulse, I turn around, grab her and kiss her on the mouth. She looks surprised, even shocked, but of course offers no resistance at all. As quickly as this came over me, I release her again.

"Wow, Mark. What a nice surprise. Thank you. To what do I owe the honor?"

"I don't know. Just an impulse."

"Well, if you have more of these impulses, please don't hesitate."

"Okay." And I repeat it. To my surprise, Katy is crying afterwards.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, more than okay. I'm happy." And now she grabs me to kiss me. It feels good. Right. Somehow.

"Let's go to bed, Katy."

She squeals a little, jumps up, grabs my hand and pulls me towards the bedroom. And she practically ravishes me. The sex is just great, to my surprise I feel no pain about the whole Roger incident any more. It's only been ten months ago, but it feels like an eternity. So much has happened and changed meanwhile. This charity dinner seems like a distant memory. And the Katy that currently clings to me desperately after sex is certainly not the same person any more. I can't detect a trace of the old bitchiness any more.

But I decide to stay alert. To take it slow before entering a new relationship. Let alone an engagement. See if the bitch re-appears.

"She won't"

"What?"

"The bitch. She's gone. Don't worry." Damn, she still knows what I'm thinking.

"Will you give me that in writing?"

"Any time. Along with the worst prenup you can imagine."

"Um, Katy. That might be a little premature."

"I know. I'm just daydreaming a little bit."

xx

The days we spend together become more frequent constantly. Soon we spend time on three to five days per week together. And we always have sex afterwards. The frequency of our love making hence is at least as high as before our split. And the time we spend together is always very nice, sometimes even fantastic.

After two more months of dating, I call her again.

"Katy, what have you planned today?" It's ten in the morning on a Wednesday, I've taken the day off for a certain reason and I know that Katy is on vacation.

"Oh, Mark... you're not working today? Usually you do on Wednesdays. I've nothing planned for today. I'd be delighted to spend some time with you."

"Okay, your place in an hour?"

"Great, yes."

xx

"So, where are we going?"

"I want to look for a new place to stay."

"Oh, apartment hunting? That sounds like fun. But I like your place."

"Yeah, but maybe I'll find an even better place."

So I take her to a nice, modern and quite big house.

"Yeah, boy, keep dreaming. How much is this? 400.000?"

"650.000, actually. It's larger than it seems. Want to take a look?"

"Mark, have you won the lottery?"

"No, I've earned every penny of my money."

"Okay, let's see it. Just for fun."

I have the key and unlock the front door.

"You have the key?"

"Yeah, the seller gave it to me." Which is no lie.

"What do you think, Katy? I think it's great. Nice pool with a shallow area for the kids. One master bedroom, two guest rooms, three rooms for kids. Plenty of space."

"Mark, what are you talking about?" Tears begin to form in her eyes.

"I think this should be the master bedroom, don't you think?"

"Yes." Tears start to run down her cheeks now.

"And these three for the children?"

"Y.. Yes." she croaks.

Slowly I walk to where she's standing. She is openly weeping now. Her knees and her chin are shaking. I slowly sink to my knee.

"Oh my god... oh my... oh... Mark."

"Katy, would you like another try at marrying me?"

"Oh yes, Mark. YEEEEEEEES!" she suddenly yells. "Oh my god, it's come true. I've dreamed about this for almost a year. And it has happened. Thanks, Mark. For giving me another chance. I won't mess it up this time. I swear. And I'll sign the prenup before we do anything. But where did you get that much money?"

"My company gave me some money to lure me back to work there."

"Yes, you've mentioned it."

"Yeah, I asked for a ridiculously high amount, just to annoy him. One million. I wanted him to decline it. But he immediately accepted and gave me five million instead. I don't know why. Maybe he feels guilty. Maybe he wanted you to have a good life after we re-marry. I don't know."

"Neither do I. But I won't ask him. We have no contact any more."

"Good."

"So when have you bought this?"

"Yesterday. Smart girl."

"Do you want to wait knocking me up until after the wedding?"

"Oh, I don't care. We can start right now."

"I have to stop taking the pill first."

"Okay, but we can practice."

"Yes."

xx

Looking back, taking her back was the best decision I've ever made. But the prenup doesn't hurt, either.