Marsha and Gary Blackwell

While trying to figure things out I spent a lot of time remembering...

In the early stages of our dating Marsha certainly wasn't anybody's cat's meow; she sure wasn't my cat's meow. Oh I liked her well enough, but love, not hardly. I kept dating her though. In fact from our first date I didn't go out with anyone else. I thought at the time I was using her. How did I figure it? I figured, because I was dating this homely little nobody other people, girls especially would see me as some kind of gallant guy. What was cool was - it worked. But I still didn't date around on her. I guess I felt sorry for her. Besides I was finishing up law school and needed time to study.

There was a kind of symbiosis there. I was staying in studying for the bar, while she stayed home doing all her religious stuff. It got to be I was either at her parent's house or she was at my apartment with me; both studying and praying but neither actually communicating. It was enjoyable, she was so quiet; something extraordinary in a young woman.

I remembered our first actual date. I got tickets to a downtown play. I didn't know it then but her mom had taken her out and they'd bought a new black dress, her first I was told later. She was so young! Anyway I had it all planned; go to her house, have some flowers, be the chivalrous knight, take her to dinner, then to a play, and get her home at a decent time so I could go out and carouse later. Nothing ever works the way we plan.

I was on my way, but some fool got in a hurry on the Interstate. He, or she, changed lanes too precipitously. I found myself at the tail end of a massive pile up. My car hadn't been touched, but I was trapped in the middle of a long line of cars. Cell phones were around, but I didn't own one yet so there was no way I could call ahead and warn Marsha.

I didn't get to her house until an hour after my scheduled pick up, and this was Marsha's first real date - ever. That was something I learned years later. Anyway I got to her house, and though she was there, she stayed upstairs. I had four brothers and a father staring at me all ready to close for the kill. I explained what happened. Thank God for television; the pile up was on the news. Her mom called upstairs for her to come down, but Marsha said she was feeling sick.

It was bullshit of course. I was in their living room in a suit with a bushel of cheap flowers. I grinned at Mrs. Fitzgerald, "Man I'm tired. How about a cup of coffee." She rushed to the kitchen, while I sauntered over to the dining room table followed by the five Fitzgerald men. And there we all sat for nearly an hour. I wasn't leaving.

Dressed in an old slouchy blouse and corduroy slacks that looked like they might have belonged to one of her brothers years before Marsha eventually came down. Her eyes, after even an hour were still a little swollen and red. I knew she'd been crying. Imagine, first real date; she must have thought I was going to stand her up. I found out later that was exactly what she thought.

I got up, "Well come on. Let's go."

She looked surprised, "It's too late. We can't go out now."

I handed her the flowers, carnations; forget roses, first date, and with a skank? I told her, "We missed the play, but "Sleepy Hollow's" playing at the mall. We'll see a movie and stop for pizza afterward."

And that's what we did. Later I didn't regret missing the play. I'd gotten tickets to see "The Phantom of the Opera". I was very young and not real bright.

We were in the driver's seat at work regarding the hospital case, and the rest of my load was pretty light, too light in fact. One afternoon senior partner Delbert Clausen called me in.

"Gary," he started, "once we get this hospital case cleared up we want you to take some time off."

I was surprised, "Why? Isn't everything going all right?"

He responded, "You're good, better than ever, but we think you need a rest. Go on a trip. Buy some new clothes. Get some sun. We know it's been tough what with the caseload and things at home; we just need you at your best."

"That bad, huh."

He smiled, "Yeah, plus we've got a couple big ones just over the horizon; we'll need you."

So I decided to take a little time off. Before I left though I thought I'd try harder to get back in my wife's good graces, or the least figure out what was going on with my kids, especially the boys. Nothing seemed to work though. I tried to get them to go to the movies with me, forget it. Not even Meadow was interested. Something was going on. I decided to wait a few days. I kept trying. I called and called, but got stonewalled every time

Back at work once my part of the hospital case closed out I took three weeks. I planned on the Bahamas for two, and being back for the third. Jamie's birthday was coming up. I wish I hadn't, but then again...

The Bahamas were nice, but not for me. There were the girls in their bikinis, and the booze, and the organized parties, but my mind was someplace else. I just couldn't get Marsha off my mind.

I kept remembering back to things from our past. I remembered back to the time when I think I started to realize that Marsha was more than just the 'urchin' I was hauling around. I dated the kid for several weeks without too much thought. Hell, I could take her to a movie, buy her a bag of popcorn, put my arm around her, feel good about myself, like I was doing something for some disadvantaged person, like charity, and still go out with the guys later, pick up a tramp and get my rocks off. Yeah I'd started. Shitty? I guess so, but she didn't know, and even if she did, so what.

All our dates had me going basically incognito. I guess she figured it out; like our first few dates she was always real excited; she was getting to go someplace and be with a real stud, a good looking guy. But after a while I realized she realized we weren't going anywhere; it was all a sham. I don't remember if it was her or me, but I decided to do a little more, take that next step. We went bowling.

Honest to Christ, she'd been bowling before but only with her girlfriends, and then only in the afternoons. Real fun things; well that was a whole different story. She had girlfriends, sure, but they weren't really friends. People can be cruel. They, the girls, did things. They went to the beach, had sleep overs, they threw parties. Helen told me this. Marsha's 'friends' were always nice to her, but when it came to anything where boys were involved or where any 'social planning' occurred she got left out. That meant the trips to the beach, or the pool, or the party, or worst of all the sleep overs never included her. Helen told me once Marsha even tried to plan a slumber party of her own, but all her 'friends', one after another, found a reason to be absent. I heard that, and I thought I was a prick?

I guess the bowling was Helen's idea. I picked Marsha up the usual time and she asked, "What movie is it tonight?"

I gruffed out, "No movie tonight. We're going bowling." Jesus, someone would have thought I'd asked her to marry me.

She said real excitedly, "Bowling! Gee! I don't have any shoes."

I said matter-of-factly, "We'll rent some."

And so off we went; later I figured it out. It was the bowling that got me. Marsha had never met any of my friends so I thought the bowling could be capped off with a cheap burger and coke, plus meeting a few of my friends at the counter. Well we bowled a couple games. I was a gentleman and let her win, but kind of made sure she knew.

We did our games and I led her up to the food counter. A few of my friends had seen us; none of them had ever seen Marsha before. I led the way, or was it that Marsha hung back. Anyway she was behind me, and so were some guys.

It had to happen. I'd even thought it myself once or twice. Some jerk-off behind us made a crack; the usual 'put a bag over her head.' I turned around and saw that Marsha had heard it; it was like looking at a puppy after someone had just kicked it. I might have been in law school, and I might have had what they call a veneer of social panache, but hearing that pushed me back about six years.

Honestly, I'd never been in a fight, not once, not ever. I'd taken some boxing lesson as an undergraduate as part of my Health credit, but that was about it. Still, there I was, there they were, and there stood Marsha. I did and said the only thing I could think of. I pushed the son-of-a-bitch and snarled, "Fuck you."

In olden times a knight would throw down a gauntlet. Where I grew that was a 'fuck you'.

I was amazed, the guy and his friends all backed right off. The fellow who made the remark held up his hands, palms outward, "Sorry man," he looked at Marsha, "Sorry, really," they all hightailed it.

I passed a glance at Marsha, and holy shit! Was I getting the 'look'! That night, that moment, I stopped being Gary Blackwell. I became Sir Galahad! She had that look like I'd just slain some dragon. And with that look, at that moment she stopped being the homely little rag-a-muffin I felt sorry for. I didn't know it for sure yet. No, I wasn't quite there, but she was just a fart and whistle from being 'the one'.

Things started changing after that.

And what am I doing now? Shit, I threw it all away for a piece of tail I normally would've never wiped my ass on.

I got back just in time for Jamie's birthday. I found out they were having it at the Fitzgerald's. No surprise there, that was OK by me, at least at first. Then I found out Marsha had a boyfriend, that's what Helen said. Well, a guy she was seeing. He'd be at the party too. It figured.

I got to the party a little before lunch. I'd bought Jamie a set of books; he was interested in the Civil War so I got him Shelby Foote's three volume military history. I had them wrapped up so they'd be a complete surprise. Sure it was a lot to read, but everybody knows books, they're books! Jamie' had said something once about one of those drones, but I'd blown that off. I told him if he wanted another toy he could save up and buy one himself; that's what I'd said.

After parking on the street I went to the front door. In times past I would have gone right in, but since our problem, my problem, I'd not had the same privileges. Standing at the front door I heard a lot of yelling and hollering inside, and knew it was my kids and some of Jamie's friends. I knocked, then knocked again.

My second knock brought Allan. He opened the door, "Dad!" Then, almost like an afterthought he stepped back and repeated himself more quietly, "Dad."

"Hi," I said, "did you miss me?"

He stepped away, "Mom's in the dining room."

I reached down to lift him up, but he avoided me, "Sorry dad...mom...and granddad..."

I felt something in my back. Was that a knife? I said, "Oh, I get it, sure. You said the dining room. Right."

He blanched and jumped into my arms, "Dad!"

I hugged him as tight as I could without hurting him. I no longer had to wonder what was going on. I let him go and started toward the dining room, but was stopped dead. There was the other man, and he had his arm on Marsha's hip; kind of possessively I thought, too possessively. Marsha's dad was beaming. I started to steam, I thought, 'Well she sure hasn't wasted any time.'

By then the noise had stopped and everybody was looking in my direction. I reached back, picked up Jamie's present and launched myself into the crowd. My boys, Meadow, my wife, Helen and her boy, my mother and father-in-law, my wife's two unmarried brothers, plus this new man were there, and they were all staring at me. "Hi," I yelled, "just got back from the Bahamas,"

Meadow yelped, "Daddy!" She charged and thrust herself in my arms.

I scooped her up, "How's my little angel?"

She got me in her usual strangle hold, "Missed you daddy," she kissed my cheek. Then, as if shocked by some electronic monitor she leaned back. Had there been some cue and I missed it? She whispered, "Better let me down," she had a strained panicky look in her eyes.

I set her down thinking, "What the..."

Holding her hand out like she was the Queen of Egypt Marsha stepped forward, "Oh hello Gary. We didn't think you'd be come."

I replied, "What? Jamie's our son. It's his birthday." I put a little extra emphasis on the 'our'.

Marsha stepped back like I'd slapped her. She leaned against the person I presumed was her new man, "Gary this is Cullen Willoughby."

I looked him over. I was just six feet and a well put together two hundred pounds. He didn't have anything on me, but what he did have was Marsha's arm. I reached out my hand, "Good to meet you."

He took mine, "Good to meet you too." We engaged in a brief handshake competition until I twisted my hand to reduce the tension. I saw he felt he'd won some kind of small victory. I glanced at Marsha. She saw it and thought so too.

I added, "You're seeing my wife."

He smiled at her, then me, "We've become friends."

I looked at Marsha but couldn't read her. I checked back again, found Jamie's present and held it out, "Got you some books Jamie."

Jamie took the package and tore it open. His eyes lit up, "Shelby Foote!"

I smiled, "Yeah."

Marsha ignored me and the present, "Cullen bought him a drone."

I smirked, "A toy, that's nice." No one got it.

Willoughby had to say something, "Lawyer I hear. You're the one on the case against Community Hospital; the one where the unwed mother put off taking her daughter to the hospital till it was almost too late. Surgeons there just barely managed to save her I hear."

"Yeah, now she's only nearly blind."

He said, "I heard. Shame she didn't take her child to see someone sooner."

I said, "Shame she didn't have insurance."

He said, "I hear medical costs, doctor's fees, malpractice insurance; they're all problems we live with today aren't they."

I said, "You think so? The kid's a toddler. You think she cares?"

He said, "Don't get me wrong. I don't think the law suit was frivolous..."

I interrupted his arrogant ass, "But it would've been cheaper just to let the child go blind."

"No I didn't mean it that way," he replied.

I bowed out graciously, "I'm sure you didn't, but medical costs are high. The woman only makes $8.00 an hour. She'd never be able to afford all the procedures her little girl's going to need," I added, "Sometimes it can be tough when you're a parent with no resources."

He surrendered, "I wasn't saying her child shouldn't get help. I only thought that in this day and age almost everyone had some kind of coverage."

I grinned, "Forget it; with the settlement we'll get, the kid will be fine and it will help put my kids through college."

From the other side of the table Mr. Fitzgerald muttered, "Ambulance chaser."

The bastard! Even his sons looked surprised at that one. I couldn't let it go by, "You could've used one once." I knew I shouldn't have said it as soon as it came out. I didn't look at anybody; it just sat there on the table and stank.

Mrs. Fitzgerald looked uncomfortable. She knew what I meant, and she knew I was right. It didn't make me feel any better though.

That was Marsha's signal. I couldn't believe her, "You missed the best part of the party. We already sang, opened presents and cut the cake. Would you like me to wrap a piece up for you?"

I looked from her parents to her brothers, to Helen, to Cullen and back again to Marsha and realized; regardless of whose sons and daughter were here or that Marsha was still at least technically my wife this was no place for me. I caught Jamie's eye in the crowd. I gave him my best fatherly look, and said, "Careful with the drone son."

I looked at my watch. I really had no place to go, but staying at my own son's party wasn't happening, "Well, have to go. Work to catch up on," I spun around in a one-eighty and went straight for the front door.

Walking back to my car I started thinking...again, "What I had done was wrong. Sure I knew. But this? This shit with some other man? Marsha? Where'd he come from? And my kids; her own father was poisoning the well. Why would he do that? I didn't see Marsha doing something like that, but then who knew? I'd screwed up, and I guessed it changed everything. What was the line that old Willie Nelson song; 'A woman's heart of gold turned to stone'.

Just as I reached my car I heard someone behind yell, "Dad! Wait up!" It was Jamie. He ran up to me all out of breath, "Dad we're you going?"

"Well I..."

"Take me with you."

He was right on top of me, "I figured I wasn't getting anything to eat here so I was going to Denny's."

"Good," he said as he scrambled around to the side door and jumped in. From inside he yelled, "Come on!"

I climbed in, "Shouldn't you be..."

"No," he interrupted, "Come on let's go."

I inserted the key, turned on the ignition, let off the emergency brake, and off we went. The Denny's I had originally planned on was close to my apartment, but with Jamie on board I decided to hit the one across from the mall down the road. I looked over at my boy, "I'm glad you're here, but this is going to make your mother mad"

"So what," he said.

"Jamie," I admonished.

He swung around so he was looking straight at me. His seatbelt wasn't fastened, "Look you don't know what's going on."

I looked from him to the highway, "OK, but fasten your seatbelt first." I watched as he did what I asked. 'Good kid,' I thought.

"Dad you just don't know anything, and..."

"Denny's OK? Maybe you'd rather Ruby Tuesday's or something."

"How about Texas Roadhouse. I can get a steak and a side of ribs, plus we eat peanuts."

I smiled, "Not hungry much are you."

He slipped back in his seat. More to himself he said, "Boy have I got a lot to tell you."

I ignored the comment. We drove on to the Roadhouse in silence.

Of course, when we got there they had a waiting list. I left my name and got one of those electric pagers. The weather wasn't too bad so we decided to wait outside. I looked at my boy, "OK, what gives?"

"That man, and granddad, and Uncle Steven; they're, they're out to get you."

I thought, 'man you've got my attention,' I said, "All right what does that mean?"

"The man, he wants mom, and granddad and Uncle Steven are helping him."

I nodded.

"Dad I heard him talk. He wants to marry mom. He wants to move in, he wants our house and stuff."

"You mean to sell? What?"

"Yeah, I think so. I don't know. He told us. You see he's got two daughters. They've been to see us. His wife ran off or something. He's divorced or their apart and... I don't know. He told mom but not us."

My stomach turned; the man's lost his wife, he's got two kids. The fucker wants a family, he wants my family. I muttered, "No kidding. What's he do for a living? Did he say anything about that?"

"Yeah. He works in Richmond, but he goes to Baltimore a lot. He talks about something called the Fed."

'Oh my,' I shuddered, 'the Federal Reserve,' "Jamie he's said the Federal Reserve?"

"That's it dad. He works for them. You know what he does?"

"The Federal Reserve Board handles our money supply. Their home offices are in Baltimore, but they've got offices in Richmond too."

Jamie asked, "He rich? He drives a Mercedes."

The Mercedes didn't scare me. Just the same I nodded, "He could be. It's the Federal government. They pay good money."

Jamie was really upset. He had a right to be, "Dad I know what you did. You were wrong. At first I was really mad at you. Wilson and Allan still are. Meadow...well she doesn't understand these things."

"Tell me Jamie does your mother know how you guys feel?"

"Well, sort of. She knows we haven't wanted to be near you. She knows I know what you did. She doesn't know my brothers know."

"How did they find out?"

"I told em dad, had to... I've been so mad at you, but you know..."