Never Welcomed Home Pt. 02

I pulled Becky in tighter and continued to let my hands wander.

"If you let me sleep for another half-hour I'll be your best friend."

I kissed and nuzzled in the nape of her neck, all the while continuing to let my hands explore her hidden warmer areas.

"You do know our daughter will be up soon and even if we lock our door she's not going to leave us alone." She turned over to face me.

"How about if we take a nap after breakfast? We can put on a movie for Abby and sneak back upstairs for a little alone time."

"Like that'll work. You should have made your move last night instead of falling asleep on me." She was right, especially when it came to our daughter.

"Well get your butt out of bed. Breakfast is on the table and it'll get cold if you don't hurry up. I'll go get Abby up. See you downstairs."

That's the way most weekends went. During the workweek, we had our routine down to a science. Becky picked up Abby at afterschool day care, something for dinner was thrown together, and everyone caught up with each other while we ate.

After dinner Becky and I did the dishes looking forward to the day we'd own a dishwasher. Then while one of us helped Abby with her homework, the other caught up on items that they hadn't had a chance to finish earlier. It seemed that something was always going on.

By seven-thirty, with the outer layer of dirt removed from Abby, she was given a horsey back ride to bed. I was usually picked for the bedtime story. I think it had something to do with me acting out the storyline and the inflections in my reading voice. Whatever the reason, it was something I looked forward to every evening. After a couple of kisses from each of us, Abby was down for the count.

I watched Becky's bedtime routine from the comfort of our king-size waterbed. With her face washed, she flossed and brushed her teeth, and then laid out her clothes for the next day. She usually slept in an oversize tee shirt she'd absconded with from my closet. Normal, that's what our life had become. And I loved every minute of it.

"What are you looking at?" Becky asked, undoing her ponytail.

"Nothing," I replied with my best sexy smirk.

She tugged the oversize tee shirt down a little lower. "Don't you ever get enough?"

"Of you? Never. I was just thinking, you are the sexiest woman I know."

"How many other naked women have you seen lately?"

"Well, there was that girl on the video we rented last weekend."

She gave me the look. "You think her boobs looked better than mine?"

"No way. Hers were way too big and too perfect. I like mine smaller and broken in."

"You're nuts, you know that?"

"Would you want me any other way?"

I could tell from the look on her face she'd had a flashback. "Are you happy?"

I jumped up from our bed and wrapped my arms around her. "What do you think?"

"I think we're good, it's just that..."

I stopped her. I took her face in my hands and pulled her to me. It wasn't a huge passionate kiss that buckled her knees, more so a reassuring gentle kiss. "Becky, I love you, and this is the happiest I've ever been." Then I went for the knee-buckler.

We made love that night and without protection. Twice. And then fell asleep in each other's arms. I was happy. The demons were gone and I was at peace with myself. I had moved on. I know my Grandmother would be proud at how far I had come.

***

Becky said nothing all week when we made love without using any birth control. Neither did I. Once she started to say something but stopped herself. We both knew what we were doing, but neither of us wanted to address the elephant in the room. Not yet, anyway. I knew this weekend it would come up, and I prepared myself for that and another conversation we'd also be having.

I had no idea what Becky had done with her old engagement and wedding rings. I called Mom on Wednesday and told her I wanted to stop over to discuss something with her after work. I would have to be careful on how I approached her with my request. Thankfully, when I got there Dad wasn't home from work yet.

"Mom, what did you do with Grandma's wedding rings?"

"I have them. Why do you ask?"

"This weekend, I plan on asking Becky to marry me, and would like to give her Grandma's engagement ring." I saw a look of anger cross her face.

"I would have gladly given you my old wedding set, but someone stole them and pawned them to buy drugs."

I was afraid that might come up.

"Mom, I'm sorry. Back then I would have sold a kidney to get money for drugs. But that was then, and this is now. I can't undo what I did and I know that just saying I'm sorry won't bring them back. Becky and I are starting over and it would mean a lot to me to give her Gran's rings. Giving her those rings would be like Gran being a part of our marriage. I'll pay you for them if that's the issue."

"Steve, it's not the money. It's all I have left of my mother."

I saw the sense of loss in her eyes. "Mom, don't give it a second thought. You keep the rings, I'll buy Becky a new set." I walked over and hugged her. "I love you, Mom." I kissed the top of her head and beat a hasty retreat. My past was gone but not forgotten. I would have to go to Plan B.

The diamond wasn't huge, just shy of a half-carat. I had purchased the ring from one of the other therapists whose fiancée had broken up with him a year earlier. He wanted it gone and I needed an engagement ring, so we both got something out of the deal. We settled on a price and I was ready for Saturday night.

Then, the next complication arose. My babysitter got sick on Friday and cancelled for Saturday. With both of our parents busy, I went to Plan C. Or in this case, made up a Plan C.

"What do think about Chinese take-out?" I asked, trying to salvage as much of my plans as I could.

"I think Abby would rather have pizza but either one will work."

I ordered in a pizza and picked up Chinese. I wasn't taking any chances tonight.

I had planned a romantic dinner, ending with me down on one knee and the ring in my hand. I could have waited until the following weekend but the ring was burning a hole in my pocket. With dinner already on the table and Becky setting out the drinks, I grabbed Abby and pulled her into the living room.

"Honey, after dinner, I want you to give Mommy this for me." I handed her the black velvet box.

Abby looked at the box and then me. "Okay"

Since my original plan wasn't going to happen, I thought it would be cute to have Abby hand her the box. She'd never expect Abby to give her the ring. Plan C was now in place.

Dinner was tense, at least for me. Abby was eating her pizza, talking aimlessly about something she'd seen on television, and ignoring me. I had just filled my mouth with a forkful of Kung Pao Chicken when Abby put down her piece of pizza and reached into her pocket.

"Here, Mommy," she said. Her arm outstretched and the black velvet box gripped tightly in her hand.

"What's this?" Becky first looked at Abby, then me.

"Daddy told me to give this to you." With her task accomplished, she went back to eating her pizza.

I shrugged, thankfully swallowed without choking, and tried to look nonchalant, but I was dying inside I was so nervous. Becky looked at the box, put it on the table next to her plate, and to my horror ignored it.

How I made it through the rest of dinner I'm not sure. Becky was a lot calmer than I was, at least on the outside. It wasn't until the supper dishes were put in our new dishwasher and dessert was on the table that she even acknowledged the box. She glanced my way, picked it up, and put it in her jeans front pocket.

"Becky..."

"Later," was her short reply.

That began one of the longest nights of my life. Our eyes would meet and all Becky would do was mouth, later.

Later? How much later? I was going nuts.

I couldn't wait for Abby to go to bed. I even picked the shortest book I could find for her nighttime story. After a quick kiss, I went looking for Becky.

I found her in our bedroom—naked, sitting on the bed. The ring on a piece of string dangling from around her neck.

I leaned against the doorframe. "I see you opened the box." I tried to be cool about it.

"Oh, this little thing?" She said fingering the ring. "I figured we'd talk before I decided whether to put it on my finger or not.

I pulled off my tee shirt, kicked off my shoes, stripped down to my boxers, and joined her on the bed. "I thought you might have a few questions. Ask away."

"It was a no-brainer to realize you'd changed your mind about having another baby, but why the sudden change about getting married?"

"You were right about not wanting to change diapers when we're forty, but getting married? To coin a phrase, it just feels right. I was kidding myself back then when I thought I was ready for marriage. I didn't have a clue what it entailed. I do now, and want to take another shot at it."

"Another shot at it? Be still my heart. If you were any more romantic I would be falling all over myself to jump your bones."

"You have to know that I love you. Hell, I must, to have jumped through all the hoops you put in front of me. What I want is the life we could have had back then. I want to fall asleep next to you and see you every morning when I open my eyes. I think the four of us will be crazy happy together." At this point I shut up and waited for what I hoped was good news.

"I want to get married in a church this time. No notary," Becky said excitedly.

"Agreed."

"And I want to wear a white wedding dress and have a formal reception with music. I want to party and dance into the night."

"Anything else?"

"I just want you to never stop loving me. That's all." Her soft eyes were fixed on mine.

"That's one thing you'll never have to worry about." I took the ring from around her neck and placed it in her hand. "Are you ready to put that ring on your finger and call our parents?"

She slipped the ring on her finger and stared at it.

"We'll call them tomorrow. Right now I want to make love to the man I fell for when I was eighteen and want to spend the rest of my life with."

I got up and turned off the lights.

We'd come full circle.

CHAPTER 10

After the five required premarital classes, we were wed in St. Charles Church on April 2nd. This time around we invited not only our family but also all our friends. Greg graciously consented to be my best man. I made it a point to have John's mother and father assigned to the bridal table. Since my best friend couldn't physically be with us at least I would have his parents there to bless our union. I got an unexpected surprise when my mother came up to me before the service.

"Here," she said, placing my grandmother's gold wedding band in my hand.

"My mother would have wanted you to have it." I started to say thank you, but she stopped me. "Mom gave me back my son. I never was able to thank her properly before she died." She reached up and put her hand on my cheek. "You two have come a long way. The only advice I can give you is that no matter what happens in the future, always love and trust one another. You both deserve this second chance at happiness."

The three of us stood up at the altar in front of God and everyone else. We each held one of Abby's hands and said the vows that made us one again. Abby had been an important part of us getting back together so it was only fitting she be part of the ceremony. At the end, she even added a little chuckle to the service. After we'd said our "I do's" Abby spoke up and said loudly "I do, too," smiling up at both of us. We were officially a family again.

With fifty-five people in attendance, the reception was one huge party. Becky got a little tipsy and like she'd wanted to, danced until the last slow song of the night.

After being together for the last year, this time we didn't need to get reacquainted on our honeymoon. We spent four days in Las Vegas going to shows, sampling the massive hotel buffets, and watching people throw their money away. Like everyone else, we made our own donation the night before we left.

A month after our wedding I came home to an excited wife.

"Well, you wanted another one, and in eight months you're going to get your wish. I just hope this baby is as easy as Abby was."

Robert John was born two weeks early. Unlike Abby, he didn't sleep through the night until the second month. During those first two months we questioned our sanity for having another one, but in the end, we never regretted it. Six months later, we sold Gran's small house and moved into a larger one.

Life wasn't always easy, and at times it got down right ugly like when I took a second job so we could upgrade our new old house.

"Steve, I never see you anymore and Abby wants to know when her daddy is going to start reading her bedtime stories again."

"In six months I'll have enough money to upgrade the wiring and put new floors down in the kitchen and living room."

"In six months you may be living alone again if you don't watch it."

My second job only lasted four months. We could live with the carpet in the living room a bit longer. I wouldn't live without my wife and kids this time around.

I still took a class every semester. It took me two more years but I finally got my Masters and passed the state boards. A year later I put out my own shingle. I was a State Certified Mental Health Therapist. The first time I helped a couple with their marital problems, Becky greeted me with a smirk on her face after they left.

"What?" I asked, questioning the look on her face.

Becky walked up and kissed me. "Who better to tell a couple their marriage is in the toilet than someone who's already gone through it?" Then added, "but if we can make it, anyone can."

Our marriage was far from storybook perfect. Over the next ten years occasionally, like all couples, we had our problems. Hell, some of the arguments brought back memories of times gone by. This time, however, we talked and solved them like the two adults we'd become.

***

Kids grow up but sometimes you wonder how. When Abby snuck out one night and took our car to meet her new boyfriend, she thought we'd never know. When she and her boyfriend were picked up doing it in the backseat at Lover's Lookout I let Becky handle it. I couldn't stop laughing, thinking about all the times I had almost got caught with a girl in my room by my mother when she got up in the middle of the night for something.

I thought Robert was the perfect one until I got a phone bill for over $400 dollars. It seems my son found a friend half way around the world and was conversing with her every night on my dime. If these were the worst things our children did, I considered myself lucky. We had good kids.

They did grow up and one by one went to college. That wasn't an option. Thank God they both attended local universities and lived at home or we'd still be paying for their education into our seventies. Abby became an Emergency Room nurse and Robert ended up doing something with computers. He's explained what he does to me on numerous occasions and maybe one day I'll understand it. As long as he's happy, it really doesn't matter.

Like all children, they finally moved out and we became empty nesters. Becky took it hard for all of a month. Then one Sunday morning I came down to breakfast to a nude wife. She was sitting at the center island without a stitch on.

"I love the new look but I'm a little surprised."

"It finally dawned on me this morning that I don't have anyone left here to offend." I glared at her. "You know what I mean. If we want to make love, I don't have to put a pillow over my face anymore to muffle my screams of joy. Now I can scream to my heart's content. Also, we can fool around anywhere in the house now without fear of getting caught and embarrassing anyone." That morning we christened the kitchen center island.

We did the things we'd always dreamed about. One summer we rented a camper and drove to the Grand Canyon. Boring. It was a long way to drive to see a pretty hole in the ground. When I talked Becky into a cruise, we found out what we had been missing. It was wonderful to sit back, relax, and have someone else cook and entertain you. Touring the ship, we found out the upper deck was for adults only for a reason. I tried to bribe my wife into staying and to go with the flow. But as she informed me, "If you want to see my boobs we'll go down to our cabin, because these breasts aren't going to see the light of day, at least not up here. I took one more look around and we headed for our cabin. Becky was still the only one I ever wanted.

Over the next few years, it seemed there was always something Becky wanted to see or do. I was more than happy to oblige her. We didn't become world travelers, but ended up with more than a dozen stamps on our passports.

When Abby and Robert found their special ones, both said they hoped their marriages would be half as good as ours. Becky gave me the look...we both knew what that look meant. We could still read each other's mind. That was a good thing.

Chapter 11

I watched on television as the choppers landed on the roof of the US Embassy in Saigon and took the fortunate few to safety.

What a waste, I thought. All those thousands of men and women who gave everything, and for what? So the politicians in Washington could play God?

I watched in horror as the United States continued to get involved in one conflict after another around the world. I felt for our men and women in uniform. They were being deployed all over the globe trying to quash insurrections in other countries or trying to solve other countries internal problems. It never seemed to work, but we kept trying. Then September 11th happened.

Stunned like the rest of the world, my shock turned to anger. When the president turned our troops loose, for a split second, I wished I was going overseas with them. Then I remembered Viet Nam. War was for the young, not a fifty-something vet with a bum leg.

Wars never go as planned. I watched the news, read the papers, and felt sorry for our boys dying overseas supposedly to keep the homefront safe. That's what the politicians and generals kept preaching to us anyways.

While grocery shopping one day I heard the phrase that sent me tumbling back to another time.

"Thank you for your service," the young female cashier said to the young Marine in uniform.

It all came rushing back. I couldn't think. Memories I had repressed decades earlier bombarded my mind. How I even made it home, I'll never know.

The first time I had gone through it alone and it about killed me. This time Becky was there for me. I was stronger this time around. We both were.

No one ever really forgets. We're only kidding ourselves if we think we do. It's how we react to those horrific memories that make us who we are.

Becky and I talked. We hugged. We made love like we hadn't in years. The demons were still there but they no longer controlled me. I had won.

***

When things went sour in the Middle East I thought about Viet Nam. People still supported the troops, but I could see the far away look in the eyes of the men and women returning home from the Middle East. After two, even three tours over there, they were being pushed, sometimes beyond their limits. It was at that point I felt like I needed to do something, anything, but I hadn't a clue what. Then one night, lying in bed it came to me. I called Greg. I hadn't talked to Greg in years. Like me, he was still in the business of helping others.

"Greg, Steve Moore here."

"Hey, buddy, it's been a long time."

"Too long," I replied

"I can tell from the tone in your voice this isn't a social call. What can I do for you?"

"You still see any of the old support group?"