Old Neighbours Become New Friends

"Uh, yeah," I reply a little awkwardly; for some reason, I feel guilty that she's caught me going out when she's stuck at home. However, she doesn't seem to pick up on this.

"Have fun. See you around," she says as she turns and heads in as I say goodbye. I watch as the door closes. I'm trying to decide whether Raveena has suddenly become remarkably at ease around gay women or if she's just a brilliant actor when Kayleigh nudges me.

"Who's the new hottie?"

"Oh, she's a neighbour but she not new, it's just I've only got to know her over the last week," I see the look on both her and Emma's faces, "and she is completely straight; she's only recently broken up with her boyfriend so... will you two stop it?" I slap Kayleigh's arm as she's nearest.

"We only promised not to matchmake at the club!" Emma laughs, linking her arms through Kayleigh's and mine as we start walking.

"So no interest there then? Really?" Kay asks and I shake my head, hoping my cheeks aren't as pink as they feel.

"You two are impossible!" I tell them, "but I love you both. So, where are you dragging me? The Full Moon as usual?" I ask, giving what is, I suppose, our regular destination.

"Actually, we thought we'd try somewhere new," replies Emma, "it's called The Rose Garden and it's a proper gay nightclub. Is that okay with you, Mattie."

"I guess," is my non-committal reply. The looks on their faces show how annoying they find my attitude. "Okay, I'm sorry... I'll try and enjoy myself, I promise. I'll even dance -- but only after a few drinks!" That seems to satisfy them and, to be honest, Raveena's hug earlier has reminded me how good it feels to hold and be held by a girl.

It's a longer journey than to the The Full Moon; two buses taking us up through Streatham. The club entrance is discrete, a pair of double doors between an estate agents on one side and a sports shop on the other. I'm sure I'd never have noticed it had I been walking past. Above the doors is the club name - The Rose Garden - and a pair of roses entwined. We make our way in, paying a fairly nominal entrance fee, before heading down a flight of stairs to find ourselves in a large room. It is subtly lit with a bar along one wall, booths and tables around the edge and a dance floor in the centre with just a few women dancing to the music being played by the DJ in one corner. It's not very busy and we find a booth before I go to the bar and buy the first round of drinks. Kayleigh and Emma thank me, considering me generous but it gives me the chance to buy and drink a Jameson Whiskey before taking my beer, Emma's dry white wine and Kayleigh's vodka and diet coke.

We drink and chat for a bit, even Em and Kay happy to sit while the dance floor remains so underused. However, the club is gradually filling up and before long Em is pulling me from my seat to join them dancing. Though reluctant I remember my promise and allow myself to be semi-dragged into dancing to a fast, repetitive track. It's not that I dislike dancing; it's more that I'm a bit too self-conscious, rarely completely losing myself in the music and the movement of my body, usually wondering what someone seeing me might think. That's why a few drinks are an essential prerequisite.

My self-consciousness means that I'm very aware as another group of three women merge themselves into our little group. Kay and Em seem to move so unconsciously and instinctively to allow them to join us that at first, I wonder if they are even aware they've done it. When I notice that their group, like ours, seems to be a couple and a singleton, I begin to suspect accidental or deliberate matchmaking by the two couples.

I look at the woman I suspect is single: dyed burgundy-red hair, grey eyes and a youthful rounded face and soft, short, feminine figure. She catches my eye and raises her eyes in a look of exasperation that so matches my own feelings that I find myself smiling back. She leans in, "Hi," she says over the music, "I'm Charlotte."

"Mattie," I tell her in reply. "So you've been, er, encouraged to be here too?"

"Di and Lucy mean well," she smiles as the music's volume dips momentarily as a new track emerges from the end of the previous one.

"Yeah, I know the feeling!" I agree.

We dance together for a while before all heading back to sit. Six of us together in the booth is a bit of a squash but it's a little quieter and we can talk. Kayleigh and Lucy visit the bar for more drinks and it starts to shape up to an enjoyable evening. When there's a move back to the dance floor I take Charlotte's hand to help her out of the narrow booth. Our hands remain together as we navigate onto the dance floor when I happen to glance to the right... straight into Lisa's eyes.

The world seems to come to a halt; everything else fades but Lisa and me. I can feel my heart hammering and my throat tightens to the point of pain. Oh Lisa, my beautiful woman, my love... can you be here for me? Have you come back at last? I am filled with wild hopes and excitement for this is too wonderful to be believed. And there is a twinge of guilt too, guilt that I'd been dancing with Charlotte. Had Lisa seen? I blink and see that Lisa is holding another woman's hand, a tall, gym-toned woman, slim and with short blonde hair. Lisa turns and pulls the woman into a tight embrace and their kiss is deep, passionate and lingering. Once again, as on that evening two and a half months ago, my heart breaks and I fight tears.

The kiss ends and Lisa glances back towards me. I feel a flare of anger: Lisa, the woman I still held in my heart, had deliberately kissed her new lover right in front of me, taunting and mocking me, the, the... the bitch! In a rage I turn and grab Charlotte, tugging her to me and startling her. I kiss her roughly, determined to pay Lisa back for her treatment of me. The kiss lasts the moment it takes Charlotte to recover from her surprise when she immediately pulls away. I see confusion in her face. Oh shit, what was I doing? Then she grins and lunges forward, planting her mouth on mine. Now it is my turn to be surprised, surprised and not a little aroused as I feel Charlotte's mouth open. I respond and our tongues entwine. There are needs and urges inside me that have been chained up by loss for eleven weeks and this kiss is unlocking them.

"Oh god, I want you!" I growl as our mouths separate, but whether I'm talking to Charlotte or Lisa I cannot tell. I feel Charlotte take my hand and gently pull me and I glance at her face to see her cheeks flushed, her eyes, wide and dark with arousal, glitter with disco lights. I follow as she turns and heads off the dancefloor.

She leads me through an opening at one end of the bar into a short corridor. There are double doors at the end with panic bars that Charlotte pushes and I find that we're in a stairwell. She backs into the wall, tugging me with her. "You want me, Mattie: take me!"

I am filled by a mixture of anger at Lisa, excitement and these sudden events, alcohol and... yes, simple horniness, a primal and urgent lust. I press her against the wall and kiss her hard and she opens to me, her mouth almost sucking my tongue in. My hand cups her left boob: it is wonderfully soft and full. I squeeze gently as my thumb rubs the hard swelling of her nipple and she gives a moan of arousal and pleasure into our kiss.

I move to kiss her neck and smell her perfume, a light, slightly spicy musk that suits her perfectly. I trail kisses just below her jaw and then down. I give the soft flesh a little nip and she groans, "Oh god Mattie, fuck me, please!"

I am going to make this woman cum, right here and now. My hand drops, slipping up under her short skirt and my fingers brush satin panties. The fabric is warm and soft and I can feel the line of her pussy's cleft in the swell of her vulva. I feel my own body's arousal: the hard, tight tingle of my nipples and the wonderful hot, prickling dampness of my pussy. However boyishly I dress, I love the way my body feels, especially when I'm aroused.

And I am so turned on! My hand massages Charlotte's sex through her panties and she writhes under my touch. I suddenly realize how much I've missed sex and that I'm desperate to taste a woman once again. "Lift your skirt," I say, my voice so thick with lust I can barely speak, and she immediately complies. I squat before her, one hand pushing her leg to open wide the other tugging the satin fabric aside, revealing the soft down of her neatly trimmed pubes and the beautiful red wetness of her swollen labia.

"Oh yes, yes," I hear her say as my mouth closes over her womanhood, my tongue immediately penetrating her. The taste of Charlotte's sex explodes in my mouth and I cannot help a soft moan of pleasure. I suck and lick, savouring the best taste in the world. I raise my right hand, slipping it up the inside of her thigh, upwards, higher, higher until my fingers gently penetrate her. The soft, wet walls of her pussy take two of my fingers and these begin to fuck her, in and out with a lovely slurp and squelch sound. I penetrate her deeply as my tongue once again begins to lap at her pussy lips.

Charlotte is giving little mewls of pleasure and excitement whose tempo increases with that of my fingers. I feel her tremble and my mouth moves up to suck the top of her cunt before my tongue flicks out to brush the hard lump of her clitoris, making her squeak. My own lust drives me hungrily on and I begin to lash and lick her clit mercilessly as my fingers redouble their efforts. There is no subtlety or finesse here, just the urge to bring her fast and hard to orgasm.

Within minutes it begins. Her hips try to buck and twist but I grasp them with both hands, pinning her to the wall as my mouth ravages her. She cums with a loud cry that echoes in the stairwell and thick cream oozes into my mouth, and I drink down avidly.

Charlotte struggles to remain standing as her orgasm passes and she pants heavily. I move the fabric of her panties back over her puffy, glistening pussy and notice that some of the delicate lace trim has torn away and is loose where I yanked the panties aside. "Oh, Miss Mattie, you can do whatever you like to your little Charlotte tonight," she tells me in a simpering voice and I apologise for the tear. "I'll be a good little slut, I promise" She smiles happily but, as my excitement wanes, I am increasing disconcerted that I could have torn her clothing.

"What?" is all I manage to ask.

"A big, strong woman like you could tell me to do anything and I'd have to obey or you'd punish me."

"What?" I say again, "No, I wouldn't," I protest, climbing to my feet. "Charlotte, I'm so sorry I was rough with you then I, I don't know what came over me."

"Well, Mistress, the obvious answer is me!" she says, smiling as she reaches up and touches the drying stickiness of my cum-smeared cheek. "But Mistress doesn't have to apologise for being rough with her little slut." I feel anger again inside me; anger at her but even more at myself for doing what I did, for becoming something I'm not.

"Charlotte, no! For fuck's sake, I'm no one's mistress and certainly not yours!" She looks shocked at first but this quickly becomes upset, as if I've betrayed her.

"Why did you kiss me and finger fuck me then?" she demands. "You dress like that, you grab me and kiss me on the dancefloor and lick me and finger me and now say you don't want me! You... bitch!" She pushes past and I see tears in her eyes. The door slams and I'm left alone in the stairwell. Why did I do what I did? I sit on the bottom step, my head in my hands. I know why I did it: to get back at Lisa, to have sex with another woman just like she is fucking that blonde bitch girlfriend of hers.

I don't know which is more upsetting: what I did, why I did it or that fact that it made me Charlotte's dream dominatrix.

I ought to talk to Charlotte again, to apologise and try to explain who and what I am, so I dry my face on the tail of my shirt and, tucking it back in, I head back into the nightclub. On impulse, I stop at the bar and order a double whiskey that I gulp down hastily before ordering the same again.

I'd just taken a mouthful of this second drink when Kayleigh and Emma locate me. "What the fuck happened back then?" Kayleigh demands. "The way you attacked Charlotte with that kiss, then the two of you disappear and then she comes back all tearful... Mattie, what's the matter?"

"Guess," I tell her, lifting my face towards her, letting her see the upset that I know must show there.

"I've no idea, Mattie, but you look dreadful..." she turns as Emma taps her shoulder and points across the dance floor. "Oh shit: Lisa," Kay gasps and I take another gulp of whiskey and signal the barwoman for another refill. At this point getting seriously hammered is a very appealing idea and I slap another ten-pound note on the bar. I drain my current glass and pick up the third to drink when Emma places her hand over the glass, stopping me.

"Mattie, stop a moment," she pleads, "tell us what happened."

"Lisa, she happened... kissing her new girlfriend in front of me... deliberately," I gasp, fighting to keep from sobbing. Emma's hand drops and I immediately drink. "And then Charlotte... we had sex, in some back corridor, and...Oh god, it's all such a mess; I'm a mess!" I drain the glass but the alcohol doesn't seem to affect me, offers no anaesthesia.

"Come on, we'll take you home," says Kayleigh.

"I... I ought to say sorry to Charlotte," I say dejectedly.

"Too late, I'm afraid," Emma tells me, "she and Di and Lucy left shortly after she came back without you."

"Oh fuck. I'm so sorry..." They shush me, take my arms and guide me from the nightclub and up the stairs into the cold night air. However, the reviving effects of the chill breeze have less effect on me than the rapidly consumed alcohol that is now flooding my veins and I stumble slightly on a paving slab. "Ooops!" I mumble.

I recall little of the journey home except Kay and Em looking after me. I explain, ramblingly, what happened and pour out my embarrassment and shame at the way I used Charlotte to get back at Lisa.

Eventually, we arrive at my flat and, after seeing me to my front door, my two good, kind, caring and generous friends say goodbye and I enter the sanctuary of my home. Inside me, feelings of love and hate and guilt churn together as I fall, still fully clothed, onto my bed.

Raveena's Diary

Sunday 20 April

It was a shock seeing Mattie this morning: she looked washed out and red-eyed, as if she'd barely slept and had spent most of the night crying. I was already outside, standing down in the shadowy garden when she came out. She didn't notice me at first as she sat in her usual spot, her legs dangling down with her arms resting on the middle rail of the railing. Last night she had seemed happy going out with her friends and I wondered what had happened.

As I looked at her I thought again about her being a lesbian. Her two friends seemed likely to be a gay couple too, given the way they looked at and held each other. I've never really known a gay woman before; several gay men, yes, including colleagues at work, but no lesbians -- at least, as Mattie had pointed out, none that I'd been aware of -- until now.

Her sadness and distress upset me, as it did that first day. I also wanted to help her and make her happy because I owe her a lot for all she did for me yesterday. I decided I ought to say something before she noticed me and perhaps suspected me of spying on her. "Oh, hi there Mattie," I called up to her trying to sound as if I'd just noticed her. She turned her head sharply, staring down at me with a slightly horrified look. I guess she didn't like me seeing her upset again.

Worried she might simply bolt indoors rather than talk to me, I quickly headed up the steps from the garden. Sure enough, she was twisting and pulling her legs back, preparing to stand. Close up she looked even worse, and I was worried that something truly dreadful had happened. "Mattie, what on earth is the matter?" I asked.

"It's nothing, just a bad evening yesterday. I've got to go." She climbed to her feet and moved to go past me, back indoors. I reached out and grabbed her arm.

I asked her to wait and she hesitated, staring at me. She reminded me so much of myself the day after Gavin's betrayal that it almost hurt seeing her. She mentioned a relationship ending and I wondered if that was the problem or if it was something else.

Without thinking I stepped forward and pulled her into a hug and felt her go rigid. Had she made any attempt to move away I'm sure I'd have let her go, but she was sort of paralyzed so I just held her gently but securely, wanting her to feel safe and cared for as I had with her, yesterday. It told her that it would be okay, that whatever it was would get better. Maybe she knew my words were just platitudes because I felt her tense at what I'd said. I thought at that point she'd pull away, but she didn't: she gave a little sob and I felt her relax into me, though she didn't hold me.

After a minute or so she apologised, saying she was being stupid. However, she still didn't try to move. Finally, she gently broke the hug. "Thank you," she mumbled, awkwardly.

I told her again how good she'd been to me yesterday and invited her in for coffee. "I can listen to whatever the problem is, if you want," I told her, "or we can just talk about, something else, like the last film you enjoyed or the worst meal you've ever had, anything."

She looked unsure but accepted my invitation.

I the flat I made her sit while I boiled the kettle made her a mug of tea to her specification -- strong, not too much milk and two sugars. "Builder's tea," she called it.

We both sat on the sofa. Now she was here and had calmed a little I wasn't sure what to say; I certainly didn't want to pry. I had enjoyed our day yesterday and it was good to have a friend as a neighbour but there was some deep sadness in her. Before I could work out what to say, she suddenly asked why I'd hugged her.

I panicked, worried that I'd done something upsetting or inappropriate or, oh god, maybe she thought I was coming on to her. Not knowing what else to say, I gave her the truth. "You were so sad," I told her. I explained how seeing someone upset always makes me want to help, but especially her, after how she'd helped me. "I know how it feels after a relationship ends badly," I concluded. She gave me a funny look, as if she thought I was weird. "You told me about your partner leaving so I assumed that's why you were sad," I explained.

"I did, didn't I," she said, as if she'd forgotten. I wondered if she was about to cry, but she didn't. Instead, she admitted that I was right and that she had seen her ex (Lisa, she said her name was) yesterday evening and that she still wasn't over her. "When she saw me she deliberately kissed her new girlfriend, right there in front of me," Mattie said.

"That must have been horrid for you!" I agreed but then, trying to make Mattie feel better, I suggested that perhaps Lisa hadn't done it to hurt her exactly but to prove that her relationship with Mattie was over. I don't believe that was the reason: I just think the woman was being a spiteful bitch. Still, I held Mattie's hand just to support her.

Mattie then said something a bit odd, something about seeing her ex made her do things... but she didn't say what these things were. She certainly looked embarrassed about them, whatever they were.

I tried again to comfort Mattie, telling her everything would get better, eventually, but it might be slow. I hope that's true, for me as much as for her.