Old Neighbours Become New Friends

Mattie was shocked when she came to pick me up and both of the Marys (Reception Mary and Physio Mary), Ben and George all congratulated her. When I told her what I'd done, she was so happy. In truth, I was just as happy. I want so much to make our life together work, and my fear of rejection by others could have ruined it. Some may reject me but more won't, and some may just take some time to come round and realize that I am still me.

Mattie

We are going to discuss our holiday again this evening. I suppose mid-July is a bit late for booking a holiday, but with everything that's gone on, we hadn't thought about it until yesterday. We're hoping for a late, cheap deal as we're not too fussy about our destination.

I'm hoping that, maybe, time away will help us deal with the elephant in the room of our relationship: moving in together. I think we both want it, but we're both nervous; understandably so, after our past experiences, I suppose.

There's also the question of whose flat we'd move into. We both agree that mine has the best views but there are an extra four flights of stairs, which can be a right slog, particularly when you're tired or carrying shopping, or worse, both.

Veena is working late, so I'm about to begin cooking, ready for her return, when I notice her laptop on the side, near where she ate breakfast. Unusually, it is open, so I reach across and press the space bar. To my surprise, the screen lights up and there, on the screen, is the web browser open on a late bookings holiday web page. Inquisitiveness gets the better of me and I look at her browsing history; nothing too unexpected: holiday destinations and booking sites, Facebook, physiotherapy sites, Google...

I open the My Computer icon and then the documents folder. Okay, I've moved beyond inquisitiveness and I'm now being a nosey bitch. I glance down the list and see one called Diary.doc. It is a sizeable file and, by the look of the date it was modified, she is still keeping it. The mouse hovers over it; dare I do this? Her diary is private and probably has her thoughts and feelings from back before we first met and onwards, all through our friendship and falling in love. What did she think when we first met? When did she realize she loved me? What, basically, does she really think of me?

I hesitate, uncertain, torn by a desire to know her thoughts and a conflicting desire to do what's right and to respect her privacy. Just then, I notice the file above: Dear Gavin and Sadie. What the fuck was she doing writing to her ex and his bitch girlfriend? The date on the file suggested it was written, or at least saved, this morning after I left for work. Almost without thinking, I double click on the file and it opens before me:

Dear Gavin and Sadie,

It is now almost three months since I walked in on you, Gavin, my beloved boyfriend (as you were then) in our bed, with your prick buried up to the balls in you, Sadie, the ex-girlfriend girl I didn't even recognise at first, not with your sex face on.

That moment, I have to say, changed my life. I felt as if the heart had been ripped out of me, Gavin; that I had been so completely betrayed and that all the love I had given you was for nothing. I cannot tell you how hard those first days were. And then the two of you decided that my betrayal was not enough, but that you had to humiliate me further by taking not only your things but our furniture too.

However, luckily for me, a few days before that horrible Saturday morning, I had met Mattie for the first time. Like you, Gavin, I recognised her as a neighbour, but unlike you, I spoke to her and found a woman that had suffered betrayal by someone they loved, as I had. We spoke for less than half an hour that first time, but somehow a connection was formed. I'm still not sure why, I'm not sure she even knows precisely herself, but when she heard us shouting she decided to come down to protect and help me. And protect me she did, as you both know. I wish I could say I'm sorry for the £286 Mattie coerced from you but, in all honesty, I'm not; the two of you treated me abominably and it was small compensation. The truth is the money did no more than slightly ease the cost of what you took; the friend I found in Mattie is worth infinitely more.

I suspect you may be expecting me to continue ranting and complaining about what you did and about how sad I am. Maybe, Gavin, you have the egotistical hope that I'll declare how much I miss you, that I'd do anything to have you back. None of this is going to happen. What I want to say is this:

Sadie, I'm glad you fucked Gavin and I'm glad, overjoyed, that Gavin left me.

Was that unexpected? Good. There was a time when my thinking like this would have seemed impossible to me, but I do. Things are different for me now, different and wonderful.

You see, Mattie and I became friends, and I found in her someone who not only cares for me but much, much more: she wants me to be the best and most that I can be; she is there for me when I'm upset; she shares my interests, my laughter, my struggles and my doubts. I hope I am all that for her too; I certainly try to be.

In case what I've said leaves you wondering, I am going to tell you plainly, before you hear it from someone else: I am gay and Mattie and I are girlfriends. I won't quibble about whether I was bisexual in the past because, here and now and hopefully always, with the woman that I love and adore, I am 100% a lesbian.

I have no doubt that you will now be calling me names -- lesbo, dyke, lezzer or worse names that I don't know -- and that Gavin will be telling himself that he had to start screwing Sadie because I couldn't love a man properly, and that Sadie will be congratulating herself on rescuing Gavin from the clutches of a man-hating, lesbo pervert. For what it's worth, I want you to know that I had never considered making love to a woman before I met Mattie -- but I fell in love with her anyway.

Despite what you did, I wish you both well and that you are happy together, I really do. I also hope you treat each other better than you treated me. You have my forgiveness and blessing, though it seems such a little thing to give after all that I now have.

Farewell and good luck,

Raveena

I finish reading and sit, moist-eyed and more than a little touched. I can't quite believe that our love for each other has brought her such healing and acceptance over Gavin's betrayal. Can I say the same for myself? Perhaps I can; certainly, I am happier now than I have been in a very long time, happier even than the months before Lisa left me.

"Hi, darling!" Veena calls out. Shit! However, before I can do anything Veena walks in and immediately sees me on her laptop. "Oh, what's happening?" she asks a little suspiciously.

"You left your laptop on when you went off to work this morning and, er, I was just having a bit of a play..." I explain. She comes round the table and her eyes scan the screen; she is obviously upset by what she sees. "Veena, I'm sorry," I say quickly. "I was being nosey and I saw the document name: 'Dear Gavin and Sadie' and I couldn't help opening it and..."

"Did you read anything else?" she asks, her voice tight. "Did you?"

"No, Veena, I promise. I guess you're worried about the Diary?" She nods and I take her hand. "Veena, darling, I promise I didn't and I never would, unless you gave it to me to read it." I know how close I came to opening it, but I really mean this promise. "That letter, to Gavin and Sadie..."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to get back with him or anything. I don't even know if I was actually going to send it. I was just trying to, I don't know..."

"Veena, my gorgeous, wonderful woman; that letter is amazing and beautiful. I knew you loved me and I love you, but I hadn't realized that our love meant that you could be glad that Gavin fucked Sadie just because it helped bring us together."

"I meant it, Mattie love." She wraps her arms around me, "Mattie McConnell, you are, quite simply, the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"And you, Raveena Roy, are the cutest, kindest, most beautiful woman I have ever met, making me the luckiest tomboy in the world." I lean in to kiss her and she responds as enthusiastically as ever. There is a slight tug at the waistband of my trousers and, as I feel her hand slip inside my boyshorts, I realize she had deftly unbuttoned my trousers. "You're getting very good at getting inside my clothes!" I tell her, as our lips separate. "You know I haven't started the cooking yet?"

"I don't care," she laughs, "I'd much rather eat your pussy, right now. Then you can eat me." She stands and pulls me up, tugging me towards the bedroom.

"That's something else you're getting very good at!" I laugh. Yes, I'm very lucky indeed.