Rain Falls Ch. 07

"He bonds with people all the time," I argued. "He has tons of friends."

She shook her head. "He knows how to behave in social situations. He was trained to put on a good show for parties. He doesn't have friends. He has acquaintances."

I thought about what she said. It was exactly what I had been thinking about since Vinyl had left.

"Then there's the other thing here, the elephant in the room," she continued. "The gay thing."

"He doesn't seem to have a problem with it," I told her. "He's constantly kissing me in public."

She looked like she'd been poleaxed. "He kisses you? In public?"

"Yes." I blushed. "Among other things."

"Well." She shook her head in disbelief. "He doesn't even do that with his girlfriends, Rain."

"I didn't know that," I admitted. "I haven't known him to have a girlfriend. I've only known him for a year. He's been single that whole time."

She shook her head again. "No he hasn't. In the past year he's had three steady girlfriends. He's only been single for the last few weeks. He broke up with the last one... Amanda?... Something like that... three or four weeks ago."

I was too stunned to respond. He'd had girlfriends the whole time that he'd been paying me for sex? None of that made sense to me. I wasn't concerned about the infidelity. Most of my Johns were married men. What shocked me was that I had never known. I saw him out all the time I had never realized that one of those girls hanging on his every word was probably his girlfriend. The girlfriend that he was likely ditching somewhere to hook up with me. How could I have not known that?

"But we've been..." I stuttered.

"Having sex?" she supplied. "So have we. This is what I'm trying to tell you. He has never given himself to one person before. Never. A few weeks ago he started on this downward spiral and cut everyone off. He wouldn't even see me and he always had some excuse to get off the phone when I called. I got tired of it and showed up the other day."

"Sunday."

"Yes."

"I was there."

"I know," she smirked. "I saw you."

"You didn't even look at me," I accused.

"I didn't know who you were. He had never mentioned you to me until last night. I didn't mean to come off as rude. It never even occurred to me that you might be his boyfriend. He's never dated a guy before."

"What am I supposed to do with this information?" I asked.

"Do you love him, Rain?"

"Yes," I answered. "How could I not?"

"Then go back to him." She said it like it was simple. "I love him and I will always be in his life but he's chosen you as a lover. I will respect and support that decision. I will never try to come between you two. I don't know you from Adam but if you're the person that he's fallen in love with then you have to have some redeemable qualities. I'm offering you my friendship. And, as a friend, I'm telling you that if you don't go back to him, right now, it's going to be the worst decision of your life. He's going to die inside. If you truly love him, you won't be able to live with yourself when that happens."

"He's not the only one dying inside," I whispered.

"Then I guess it's not a tough decision," she said as she turned and started the car.

She stopped on the street in front of the gate and fished around in her purse. "Here." She handed me a business card. It read Jessica Gold, Public Relations. "I meant what I said about us being friends. When he starts driving you crazy with his stubbornness, give me a call."

"Gold?" I said. "That doesn't sound very Irish."

"It's not," she smirked. "I'm German. He's just a dork."

"Public relations?" I chuckled. "I had no chance, did I? You convince people to do what you want for a living."

She smiled at me. "You didn't take much convincing. This is what you wanted to do anyway."

"You still owe me a hundred bucks," I teased.

"Get out of my car," she snarled at me playfully.

I slipped the card into the front pocket of my backpack and opened the car door. "Jessica? I'm not sure what this cost you, emotionally, but I'll always be grateful. Thank you."

She nodded. "You're welcome."

I slid the unlocked door open to see him sitting on the couch with his head in his hands before he bolted up at the sound of the door.

"Rain," he breathed.

I closed the door behind me and locked it. I never had figured out why he didn't lock it. Even with the prison style fencing, it was still a rough neighborhood. He stood stock still as I closed the distance between us. I dropped my backpack on the floor and tossed my hat into the chair.

"Rain, I didn't," he whispered.

"I know," I replied. I stopped on the opposite side of the coffee table. "But you and I need to talk. Really talk. Not like, talk for two minutes and then fuck for two hours."

"Ok."

"So far you've talked to Sheldon about us and Jessica about us. The person that you haven't talked to about us is me. That needs to stop."

"What do you want me to say?" he asked.

I moved my hat to the coffee table and sat in the recliner. If I got too close to him I'd lose my conviction and crawl into his lap. "What am I to you?"

"My boyfriend. My lover. My friend."

"Boyfriend like your girlfriends?" I asked. "Is this just sex to you? Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. Be honest with me. I can handle it if that's what this is to you but I need to know."

He sat down and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "No. Maybe you could handle it but I can't. This isn't just sex to me. It never has been."

"Never?" I asked. "I just found out that you've had girlfriends and other lovers the entire time we've known each other."

He looked shocked for a split second. "You've been talking to Irish."

I nodded.

"Yes," he admitted. "But doesn't that say something positive about us? I always set everything and everyone else aside to be with you."

"Why me, Eric?" I asked, perplexed. "You could have anyone. Why were you paying me?"

"Because I wanted you," he admitted. "I watched you for months before that first night. I thought the craving would go away, that it was just some passing fancy, but it didn't. It's just gotten stronger. I need you like I need air. I didn't know any other way of being with you. You never dated. I know, I paid attention. It would have made me crazy to find out that you were dating someone but it also would have given me a chance."

"But you kept seeing other people."

"Yes." His focus dropped to his hands clasped together between his knees. "I thought that I could just work you out of my system. I invited all those people over hoping that you'd come, and it worked, you did. Then it took me hours to get rid of them. I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust. Then all I had the courage to do was... It wasn't enough. It made everything so much worse. I had to seek you out again. I needed more. Then, the next time, I... I was like an addict. Every time I saw you I tried to stay away from you but I couldn't. I kept trying to prove to myself that I wasn't gay. I kept fucking girls. It got to the point that I couldn't even get off unless I was with you or imagining that I was with you. The last time I was with you... like that... It was a breaking point for me. I couldn't go back and I couldn't move forward. I couldn't work and I couldn't sleep. I dumped my girlfriend, locked the door, unplugged the phone, and tried to get a grip on myself. I decided that I had to quit denying what it was. It wasn't just sex and it wasn't a phase. I quit fighting. I pulled myself together, decided that if I was going to be gay then I wasn't going to be ashamed of it, got dressed, and went out to find you. Only, in the interim, while I had my head buried in the sand, you started working at that hotel."

He dropped his head back into his hands. The tips of his hair touched the floor between his feet.

"You knew what I did for a living," I prodded. "Why did that bother you so much?"

"Because you didn't need me anymore," he mumbled into his hands before looking up at me again, finally. "I had come to terms with the fact that I was in love with you and, suddenly, you didn't need me anymore. I had nothing to offer you."

I got up and sat on the coffee table in front of him. We were so close that our knees overlapped. "Say it again."

"I had nothing..."

"Not that." I shook my head.

His lips turned up in a slight grin. "You didn't need me," he taunted.

"Don't be an ass, Eric," I scowled. "Say it again."

"I was in love with you." He grinned for a second and then sobered. "I love you, Rain."

"That's all you ever had to offer me, Eric. That's all I ever wanted."