Razor Ch. 07

I stood up, walked back to the kitchen and looked at my health shake. Nope, I couldn't force myself to drink that disgusting thing today, no matter how good it was supposed to be for me. I turned my back on the green goo and started making calls to arrange for all of the things that Rose would need; clothes and some sort of weapon.

- - - - -

I walked up the stairs of Gabriella's building, I didn't dare brave the elevator, and cursed in annoyance at the weakness of the access system. Anyone with at least a moderate interest in electronics and wireless technology could get in to the house in just a few seconds' time.

I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to open and I was still muttering about the low level security of the place when Rose poked her head out the door. I stepped into the apartment and walked my way around it to get a feel of the place before I dropped the paper box with clothes and other things on the kitchen table and looked at Rose. I saw that she seemed to want to ask me something, perhaps about the state of my own wobbly self, but I shook my head, I wasn't prepared to tell her anything, not yet.

"I'm worried because I've found evidence suggesting that your husband is still in the city." I said, hoping that she wouldn't be too frightened by what I was saying "I'm happy that you're coming to my house, but the hours between now and then is the real worry. If I could I would go with you to the beauty parlor, just to make sure everything was ok, but I have an important... meeting, that I can't miss. And I haven't been able to get a hold of a good security team, at least not a team that is... good enough... so I'm worried..."

I could tell that Rose was looking at me and I refused to meet her eyes.

"Sean, Edward and Alfred are all meeting us there," Rose said, her voice strong and clear "and there will be a lot of people in the parlor. He wouldn't want to make a fool out of himself or his family, I'm sure of it!"

"I hope you're right, but I have this weird feeling that I've missed something important, that I haven't seen the full picture. And that that missing piece of the puzzle is what will make this whole thing blow up in our faces!" I said with fast words, my voice sounding close to hysteria.

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe as slowly as possible. Thankfully the images of Rose and Sean in that close, warm embrace came to me then. The sweetness of that hug and the general warmth, or rather heat, between them made me feel hopeful for the both of them.

"So you and Sean, huh? It's a good fit, that's for sure. Have you tested how well you fit physically yet?" I said, noticed her tiny, embarrassed acknowledgement, and decided to act as if I was just my normal, wicked self "So a no on that question, with a small, secret 'I can't wait to try him out' added to it. Good, I'm happy for you!"

I couldn't keep the cheerful tone up so I let myself fall back into my sad, contemplative mood. And then I started talking; I just let everything I was thinking and feeling pour out of me, telling her that she was strong, telling her that she had to keep that single thought in her mind, because that strength was what was going to see her through the upcoming months.

It was one more moment of complete irony, me giving advice to my friend, when I was nowhere near solving my own trust issues, when nightmares kept me awake, when depression and madness were both knocking on my door. I laughed a short, harsh laughter. I still believed in what I was saying, the principle was simple and logical. Convince yourself that you're happy, and happiness is what life will bring you. Tell yourself that you're strong and you will feel stronger. Rose stopped my long rant with a question.

"Not really a quick-fix then..." she whispered to me and I laughed softly, of course she was right, learning to trust your own inner strength wasn't something you did in just a few hours, it took time and effort.

"This is the quick-fix," I said and patted the box beside me "two things that will make you feel safe and make me feel a whole lot less worried!"

I opened the box and got another one of my prototype phones out of there. I showed Rose how to get in touch with me and then I pulled out the stun gun; the only weapon I thought I'd be able to convince Rose to carry on her or with her.

"This is a stun gun..." I said and gave it to her, then spent quite a few minutes on showing her to use it.

Rose hesitated at first but after I told her it was designed to stop and incapacitate rather than to kill she reluctantly let me show her how to handle it. When I felt sure she knew how to use it I unpacked the clothes that I had spent half an hour retrieving from various stores; the underwear was from one of my own lingerie boutiques, the one that Rose had once longingly told me she would love to shop at. The jeans and tank top was from a shop close by, and the t-shirt I'd made a few years ago but never worn. I saw Rose's reaction to the text on the t-shirt, "the force is strong in me", and I knew she saw both the hilarity and the gravity of it.

"Too obvious?" I said with a short laughter "Well, sometimes subtlety is overrated. Sometimes what you really need is a kick in the butt."

I stood up, walked around the table and gave Rose a hug, then showed her how to tuck the phone and the stun gun in her pants. I looked back at her as she showed me out the door and I hoped I wouldn't have to regret my decision to go to William's instead of staying with my friend.

As I drove to my appointment I felt the deep, tired sadness hit me again and a few whispered words left my lips.

"Give me five minutes more, only five minutes more... or maybe more like an hour..."

* * * * *

I met her in the waiting room and we walked in silence to my room. I could tell that she was sad and tired, and she kept her arms wrapped around her; it looked like she was physically trying to hold herself in one piece. Her movements weren't as decisive and strong as they usually were, and I felt a ball of pure worry form in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't sure I was really up to an hour of wall-shattering, mind-blowing, ground-shaking, heartbreaking revelations. I forced myself to sit down in my chair, a wobbly smile on my face, but she didn't look at me as she usually did, she didn't meet my eyes, she didn't measure or scan me. She didn't even sit down in her usual chair, but stood up, looking indecisive and uncertain.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered softly "what I really need right now is an hour of sleep... and since this room is the only one where I seem able find some peace and calm, that's actually what I would like to do today. Just sleep?"

She looked at me with sad and pleading eyes and I nodded. She removed her shoes and lay down on the short couch she had never once sat in. In just under a minute I could tell that she was sleeping, curled up in a ball, her arms still wrapped around her.

I remembered that she had once talked about all humans' need for closeness and interactions with other people, it being one of our most basic needs, but sleeping was even more important. I decided to let her sleep for as long as she needed, I didn't have anything planned for the day, in fact the only thing I had to do was to make it back to my mother's place in time for dinner with her and the kids. I smiled when I thought about my mother's phone call the day before, accusing me of keeping her granddaughters from her, telling me that she wanted me to drive them to her place for an all-day-granny-stay. I had happily complied with her wishes, and for Mary's sake I was now glad that I had, she seemed to need me, in a strange, passive capacity, but still... I felt I had to be there for her.

I silently opened Mary's folder and started going through my notes about her. Every week that we had met I had made sure I wrote down her t-shirt prints and I had decided to make a list of all of the short texts, then I was going to make a list of all of the songs she'd used to illustrate and highlight important parts of her story and then I was going to use my not very advance computer skills to search for meanings and connections, because I was now sure that there was more to be found hidden beneath it all.

After an hour of searching for quotes and lyrics I looked at the sleeping beauty in front of me. And yes, in her sleep, she really was a thing of beauty. Her facial expression was soft; her surprisingly long eyelashes caressed her pale skin, her full lips were relaxed but still pursed slightly in a pout that looked almost... cute? Without her constant, tense watchfulness she looked like a small child; young, uncorrupted, peaceful.

I thought about the things she had told me, what she thought were the defining moments of her life, and I wondered if the Mary I was seeing now would have been the always present version if she had been treated with at least a moderate amount of affection when she grew up. In her sleep she almost looked as young and trusting as one of my own daughters and I couldn't help thinking about them, hoping that I could help them grow up, safe from the harm of others and safe from self-harm.

I couldn't quite put words on my thoughts about Mary and her situation; it seemed like she was constantly both pushing and punishing herself. Getting her to process the painful memories of her past and to move beyond them was the top priority. Making her see that she had to start noting and remembering the good things, the happy moments in her life instead of the bad stuff was almost as important.

You could choose to make life difficult or simple. Putting physical and mental obstacles in your way made the trip through life an exhausting and painful experience. To live a peaceful life, you had to find ways to clear the path ahead. Sure, my way of doing it, by choosing to work with uncomplicated people's uncomplicated emotions, always making the safest decisions based on the information at hand, perhaps wasn't all that exciting, but my road ahead only had smaller bumps where Mary's probably had a military style obstacle course.

Perhaps if I would allow her to continue with her therapy sessions I could help her sort the important things from the unimportant ones somehow. Her road might then become a bit clearer, but my own road would probably become a lot bumpier. Was it then a fight between the kindness of my heart and my somewhat selfish security system set to protect me and my family from the complications of life?

I looked at the sweet-looking creature who was sleeping on my couch and made a quick decision. I would ask her if she wanted to resume her sessions with me, and I would help her find her brighter future.

I completed my internet searches, none the wiser. I couldn't find any particular hidden message in any of it. The t-shirt texts seemed to describe what mood she was in or what she was thinking at that particular time, and the quotes came from songs and books, in addition to a few I hadn't been able to find; "super freak", "birthday suit girl" and "ho alone" were both provocative and self-deprecating, "moral minority" and "denormalize = demoralize" showed her thoughts about society, "romantic realism or realistic romance?" and a few other texts showed deeper thoughts with a certain philosophical longing to them.

The songs she had given me, well it really did seem like they were gifts, as I read the lyrics through and remembered the way she had sung them, the context she had put them in, I felt myself vibrate with emotions. There was nothing hidden there, everything was perfectly clear, how she had opened herself up and told me even more than I'd been able to grasp.

I sank down in deep thoughts and was startled a few minutes later by a sharp phone signal. In just a blink of an eye the sleeping beauty was once more replaced by the sharp, too present, too aware Mary. I saw her lift her phone to her ear and sit up, I saw her face turn white and I saw her jump up and run out of my room, full speed, panic written all over. For a short moment I wished I knew what had happened but then I laughed in self-mockery at the idea of it, if something shocked her to the point of panic, then it had no place in my safe and simple life.

* * * * *

I woke up to my phone and Rose's whispered "Help" and without looking back I started running. I had to fumble with my small cordless headset for a few seconds, but after that it was full speed ahead, aiming for the red dot on my phone that showed me where Rose was. My head was filled with new strings of curses; I knew I shouldn't have gone to my appointment with William. Yes, I had finally gotten some sleep, but for what, if that meant Rose was in danger.

After Rose's short whispered word there were no sound in the phone except for what sounded like clothes pushing against the microphone and I guessed she had put it in her pocket or something. I ran as fast as I could and wondered what kind of problem she was in; the answer came in Rose's own words.

"If you let my friends go, I'll let you have me instead!" she said and I could it hear clear enough through the rasping noise of her clothes scraping against the phone.

Then a voice that sounded like Sean screamed "Nooo!" and I ran even faster than before. I could hear indistinct sounds of other people talking, a dog bark and then... a gun shot, and I almost ran straight into a car that was parked in my way. Someone had shot someone and I was too late, but still I kept running, I was nearly there.

Just before I reached the beauty parlor I could here two soft voices talking to each other.

"I told you to run, you know..." Sean said.

"And I told you to stop telling me what to do..." Rose answered.

And then I was there, walked through the front door of the beauty parlor, and was once again confronted by the loving image of Sean and Rose in each other's arms.

"For the love of everything holy," I said in exasperation "you call me to ask for help, sending me into full panic mode, then you let me listen to your stupid "let my friends go" speech, making me completely insane, and then you top it off with that last silly "I love you more" smooch. I've been running all the way here, heart in my throat, hoping that I wouldn't be too late, and when I finally arrive you're sitting there on top of Sean, once more, as if nothing has happened..."

I quickly scanned the room, new pieces of the puzzle appearing and organizing themselves in my overwrought mind. A big, darkly dressed man, one of the bad guys it seemed, started moving and I walked up to him and hit him in the face, releasing some of my frustration in what seemed like a very worthy cause.

"Completely, freaking, useless worry, once more!" I said and then took my first deep breath since I'd gotten the phone call "Ahhh, that helped!"

I called my security contact, gave him the coordinates to the place and told him to gather the forces, then I turned back to my friends.

"Right," I said whilst letting my eyes sweep the room and the people for more information "Sean and three spineless creatures need medical attention, anyone else? Gabriella, hand?"

Gabriella nodded and I quickly sent a text message to my security contact to get some help with the medical issues too, then I turned to Sean and told him to get in contact with his police friends. After talking shortly with both Edward and Gabriella I made sure that the three villains were tied up, or rather taped up, duct tape being such a handy thing to use for... basically everything.

I walked up to the window and stared out of it, trying to calm the nervous energy that had exploded inside of me. It felt as if I was jumping from one catastrophe to another on a daily basis lately, and I wasn't sure I had the strength to live through the ups and downs of it all.

I had plenty of time to contemplate my thoughts and feelings, but when three big black cars parked just outside the door I turned back towards my friends to tell them that my teams had arrived. Sean was sitting with Rose in his lap, a loving smile on his face, and she was sleeping calmly in his arms. It was almost too sweet, like a love lemonade with extra sugar. Normally I would have just laughed and teased them about it, but now I felt a new, sharp feeling of regret and longing. I wanted to experience that feeling of complete trust, the warmth, the feeling of belonging with someone, the mushy "I love you, no I love you more"-cuteness, all of it. I saw Rose move and I followed her movements, as she pressed herself close to Sean and then as she turned and looked at me. I shook myself out of my silly, romantic thoughts and decided to tease her, just a little.

"Yeah, I think it's about time to see if those last two puzzle pieces fit together as nicely as I think they do..." I said and looked at Rose with one lifted eyebrow.

I could tell that she got my meaning when her cheeks turned red and she turned away with shaking shoulders.

We all walked out of the beauty parlor and a couple of security experts walked in to keep an eye on the bad guys. All injuries were seen to and I had a longer talk with the two team leaders telling them everything that I knew about the situation. I finished off by answering detailed questions but was interrupted by Sean's anguished shout as he called for Rose.

I ran up to Sean, heart in my throat, pulse once more beating too fast as I scanned the surroundings, looking for a sign of my dear friend. There was nothing to be seen, no clues to be found, until we heard her cry out for Sean. She seemed to be in the nearby alley, and we all ran there as fast as we could.

I felt myself grow cold when I saw Rose standing there, a knife pressed to her throat, a tall, dark shape standing behind her. I stopped and took in the scene before me, thinking of ways to get Rose away from the man without harming her.

"He s-s-says I need to go away," Rose told us in a sad whisper "that's the only way to stop the flowers being picked. He doesn't want the flowers to be taken. Too many... gone already, counting them, hurts?"

Interesting, I thought to myself, flowers, taken, probably meaning women being abducted? As in "where have all the flowers gone" but perhaps confused with the "young girls" of another verse. And counting them? As in seeing the pattern, like I had done, realizing that there was a connection between them?

"How many flowers have been taken?" I asked, keeping my voice calm and soft.

"Four flowers times three, and one special flower to go" Rose answered, her voice wobbling slightly but with a hint of growing curiosity in it.

"I've seen the pattern but just four times two, this year and last year, have they done it before?" I asked, focused on the man who provided Rose with his own strange but very knowing words.

"Four flowers times one two years before, and the one that is special... hours ago?" Rose answered, clearly questioning what she was told to tell us.

"How many hours has the special one been gone?" I asked, keeping my voice calm, even though it was difficult when I saw the knife wobble slightly.

"Four hours' times forty times two plus ten" Rose answered softly, instantly calmed by what he was saying, as if she also understood what he was saying.

I quickly calculated the hours into days and whispered the amount to myself, his special flower had been gone about two weeks.

"The one who is special, what is her name?" I asked, thinking that I probably already knew.

"Lily," Rose said "my Lily, sweet Lily, sister Lily, is her name."

"Sweet Lily, sister Lily, we have her safe" I answered softly, trying to keep to the rhythm of his words "strong Lily, silent Lily is her new name."

The man let the knife go and Rose walked away, straight into the arms of Sean. I looked at the confused man who was standing there, refusing to meet my eyes, his left hand moving in a circling motion by his side. I recognized the signs, it wasn't difficult to realize that he was more than a bit special.