Secret Smiles and Three Little Words Pt. 21

"I saw the wall! It was magnificent!" Elizabeth told her, bringing Alex's focus back to her.

"Thanks," Alex smiled.

She was trying to keep her eyes on Elizabeth but they would drift from time to time to the new Dom behind her. Alex was trying to ignore him as best she could but her contempt for him was bubbling. Then she thought about Gavin. What would he do if he came back and saw Royce? Or Elizabeth for that matter. She hoped this was just a quick hug and go, she was having a hard time keeping Gavin upbeat as it was. To have Elizabeth here could bring him down again.

"Beth," Gavin's voice told her the worst of the worst possible scenarios was playing out.

"Gavin," Elizabeth forced her smile. She looked him over then lowered her eyes. Alex watched and said a silent prayer this didn't blow up.

Gavin reached out and stroked her face.

"You look tired," Gavin pointed out immediately.

"Job," she smiled as she enjoyed his touch again. It was obvious to Alex and her jealousy spiked. Gavin removed it when he realized he was doing it. A momentary lapse of protocol on another's sub.

"Well," Gavin frowned. "Don't let it get you too far down, you'll get sick again."

"I'll try," she smiled sadly seeing the distance he was putting up with his standoffish tone.

"Did you see Alexandria's work?" Gavin smiled proudly as he took her hand.

"I did," Elizabeth smiled looking at them holding hands. It made her yearn for earlier times.

"It was spectacular, as if Alex could do anything less!" Elizabeth forced out happiness when what she truly felt was jealousy.

"I agree," Gavin nodded. "Alexandria is spectacular."

"Well," Elizabeth frowned taking note of the way he said her name. "We should get going, Royce's dad has a get together in a few hours. It's a big deal, Royce is up for...,"

"Beth," Royce stopped her.

"Sorry," she smiled. "He likes his little secrets!" Elizabeth laughed still looking at the way they were holding hands. It was affectionately, it made her look to Royce in a hope he would do the same. But the one thing she had learned about Royce, he was not affectionate!

Alex laughed with her as the men stared at one another. Neither wanted to be in the presence of the other, but neither would walk away. As if they did, it would be some sort of defeat. Elizabeth took Alex in her arms and hugged her warmly.

"I miss you," she said to Alex.

"Me too," Alex smiled as she pulled away. "Once you calm down from work, let's go out and get something to eat...shop...something!"

"Deal!" Elizabeth smiled. "Nice to see you again, Gavin." She said softly and it appeared she wanted to hug him but his demeanor told her not to try and she knew Royce would go red in fury.

"Beth, take care of yourself," Gavin told her with a forced smile. She nodded and the two of them walked away. Royce stopping from time to time to smile and shake hands with someone. A possible voter. Glad handing like a proper politician.

"Are you ok?" Alex asked him softly.

"Yes," he laughed like it was crazy for her to ask.

"You can't fool me, Sir," she told him. "I love you too much."

"I know," he sighed. "I'm sorry. Just a bit put off."

"I understand," she smiled with a shrug. "I wonder what their little secret get together was about?"

"Royce's dad is retiring before the end of his term," Gavin told her still glaring at the couple as they intermixed with the crowd. "He is putting Royce in his seat with some sort of back alley deal."

Alex looked on him surprised.

"I work with money," he reminded. "Those with money know politicians. It's no secret in my circle. But if his father thinks that man is going to be President? Well, he doesn't have that type of support. Taking his Daddy's Senate seat is one thing, taking the White House is another! Neither are liked enough for that!"

"Royce is going to run for President?" Alex asked him stunned as she looked to the couple walking away.

"That's the rumor," he frowned as he handed her a beer.

"Do you think he has a chance?" Alex asked him with a small smile. Alex was happy for Elizabeth as she knew it was Elizabeth's dream to be with a man with power. She was happy Elizabeth was getting what she wanted.

"Why?" he asked her coldly, misjudging the reason for her smile. "Want to join Elizabeth and ride his coat tails?"

At first she thought it was a bad joke, she turned to him and saw the harshness in his eyes. Daring her. Instantly her temper surged over and it spewed before she could reign it in.

"Go fuck yourself!" Alex growled, angry that he would think so little of her, to think that was even a thought in her mind. "Asshole! And no, I don't mean that as a compliment either!" She stormed off, dropping the newly bought beer in the trash can as she left the music area, furiously brushing those in the crowd that got in her path. That hurt! To insinuate that she would be interested in a shithead like Royce? What was he thinking? Just because Elizabeth was stupid to buy into the power, she wasn't. It hurt to have him say that, to even think that.

Storming away she thought about what she was doing, what she had said. He was hurt, she had to remember that, but it didn't mean he had to hurt her in return.

It was hours later before he made it to the condo, she was sitting on the couch when he came in. She could feel his anger as he enter the door. It was the way he dropped his keys on the table instead of setting them down. The way the door closed with a thud.

He came around and saw her but neither said anything. She was still angry as well. It wasn't fair what he said to her. The entire time she sat there waiting for him, she thought of Pavy's words of caution. It made her wonder, would this be how he would push her away? The jabs of anger? The coldness?

How much could she stand? How much of it could she put up with? If the one smack of insult caused her to storm away from him, how much would she tolerate? Was this the beginning? Or the end? Fuck! How did she wind up falling in love with someone who may never love her back? This was going to hurt! The BDSM lifestyle had better prepare her for the pain. But what could hurt more than a broken heart? She sniffled as she thought about it, a cold one she decided.

"I'm sorry," Alex tried.

"It's fine," he said gruffly in a tone that screamed it most certainly wasn't fine.

"That hurt," she tried to explain. He looked to her as she stood up to go to him. She could feel the temperature of the room drop the closer she got to him. The coldness he was putting off, warning her to stay away. She was just too stubborn to listen to it.

"You obviously don't care," she whispered when he didn't apologize or try to explain.

"I warned you that you may be expecting too much from me," he told her firmly.

She wondered why he didn't just reach out and physically strike her. It would have hurt less than what he was doing now.

"Ouch," she whispered.

"I think you really need to think about your role here," he said to her in a tone that warned her that the end was near.

"I thought you said this wasn't role playing? This was a lifestyle?" she punched back instinctively.

"Take caution in your tone," he warned her.

"You think your spankings are more painful than your words?" she whispered.

Perhaps he wasn't going to push her away. Perhaps she was going to blow it up all on her own. He moved away from her towards the bedroom.

"I'm not Elizabeth," she said to him stopping him at the doorway.

"I never said you were," he said back, his anger draining with each word. He knew better, and regret began to fill him.

"You said it loud and clear when you put me in the same boat when you insinuated that I would even consider being in the same room as that piece of shit!" she told him.

"I didn't mean to insinuate anything," he frowned, he left his back to her but dropped his head letting her know she hit her mark.

"That hurt," she repeated.

"I'm sorry," he said to her as he turned.

"Let's get all our cards on the table, shall we?" she asked him.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not Elizabeth," she said again.

"I know," he agreed.

"I'm not Carla," she said this a little softer knowing the name alone would crush him.

"I know," he whispered.

"If you think for one second," she said firmly, coming to him. "That you will just say a few words and I'll be gone...you are shit out of luck!" This caused him to grin. "I'm one tough bitch when I have to be."

"That I do know!" he smiled as she put her arms around his neck. He enclosed his arms around her.

"I love you," she said to him. "That means I'm here for the duration. Not one year, not a couple of months. The sub gets to end it, that's what you said. Get ready Sir. I'm not going anywhere."

"Hmm," he smiled as he looked on her in admiration.

"Don't ever hurt me that way again," she warned him. He lost his smile.

"Or what?"

"Or I'm going to make your life a living hell!" she whispered in his ear. "No spankings, no discipline will ever hurt me the way you did today."

"I won't do it again," he promised.

"Thank you, Sir," she smiled as she kissed him.

Later that evening Gavin sat in the bed, the TV on while he watched the news. His mind on what Alex said to him today. He was wrong to take his frustrations out on her. Then to think she was anything like Elizabeth who foolish at best. Cruel at worst. If there was one thing he learned, Alex was nothing like Elizabeth. Was Alex right and he cared for Elizabeth more than he was willing to allow himself to believe? It clouded his thoughts now.

"Hey," he called out. "Hurry up, the piece on you is next!" He told her after seeing the promo for the upcoming news stories after the commercial break. Alex came out of the bathroom, the wisps of steam from the hot shower following her.

She slid into bed, naked, and put her head on his stomach as she watched the TV with him. She gently stroked the inside of his thigh the way he was stroking her wet hair. It was cold against his stomach but he said nothing as he was beginning to enjoy the comfort he felt with her around. A feeling of contentment he hadn't had but one other time. He felt...well he couldn't honestly put into words his feelings. The main thing was, he felt.

He let his fingers move from her hair to back. The tan skin rippling with goosebumps that made him smile. He loved to watch her receptiveness to his touch. The way her body told him without words that she loved the way he was touching her. Simplistic things like a small brush of his fingers on her skin. He then thought about how much pleasure he was receiving from that alone. More than he had ever received from Elizabeth. Such a simple thing, but it made a world of difference.

He thought to her three little word proclamation. 'I love you'. To most that would mean the world. To him? It was scaring the hell out of him. He would never admit it to her, but he was afraid. He smiled, he also knew he didn't have to tell her. She already knew he was afraid. She also knew why. How long would she go without demanding some sort of similar proclamation?

"Oh my God!" she gasped as she came on the TV. "Is that what my hair looked like today? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Jesus Christ!" Gavin laughed. "The things you worry about! Really? Your hair looks great! You're beautiful!"

"Oh my God I look like a fucking troll!" she complained. This caused Gavin to laugh heartily. Alex said nothing until he was done.

"I love your laugh," she smiled as she kissed his stomach. "You are always so serious. So focused. It's like music when you let it go."

"The things you say," he smiled using her words against her. Once the interview was over he shut the TV off. She turned over to look at him still leaving her head on him.

"Why do you believe that you haven't done anything?" she asked him.

"I haven't," he grunted in a half laugh.

"You don't think treating the sick is something?" she asked him.

"Little one, I treat sex injuries, the occasion cough, high blood pressure, acidity," he shrugged. "I'm not trying to solve Cancer. I'm not trying to solve the AIDS epidemic. I'm helping the filthy rich with their perceived serious illnesses."

"Perceived?" she asked.

"Baby," he shook his head. He knew she wouldn't understand as no one did. "I got into medicine for one reason, but now I'm doing it for the exact opposite. I don't help people like I thought I would. I'm treating self-inflicted wounds mostly. The people I treat, stress themselves so much about moving up the money and power ladder they give themselves these problems. High blood pressure and ulcers from stress and bad diet."

She nodded that she understood.

"So you want to do something meaningful," she said with a nod.

"I want to make a difference," he told her in a whisper. "Helping somebody remove an anal toy from their ass, is not making a difference. Helping them stay healthy so they can make another million dollars that they are never going to spend on humanity, is not making a difference."

"You know," she smiled. "You don't have to do those things."

"I know," he smiled. "Which is why I hate myself, I'm in this mess with them and I'm so afraid of trying to change. I don't do change very well. I'm a creature of habit."

"I've noticed," she laughed.

"What do you mean?" he laughed with her.

"You always put your keys in the exact same spot, you have the very same routine in the morning. Up, shower, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, computer, then you start your day," she told him.

"Everything in this house has a very specific spot," she continued. "I put my bag anywhere, but it always ends up in the same spot. Which is where you put it, by the bedroom door in that chair." She said this as she looked over at it. "See? I know for a fact I didn't put it there, I can't remember where I put it, but I know it wasn't there!"

"You dropped it on the couch," he smiled. "I put it there in case you get the urge to draw and leave me in a lurch again!"

"Oh man, here we go!" she laughed as she moved towards him and kissed his lips gently. "Know this Sir," she said against his lips. Her soft lips gently brushing his as she spoke, her breath hot against his skin. "You have made a difference. You have made a difference in me." She moved back and stroked his face softly.

"I know that doesn't mean that much," she said softly.

"It means the world!" he stopped her. "You don't understand how much...,"

"Explain it to me!" she begged.

"You're right," he said after staring at her. "I'm in this life trying to stay protected. As a Dom I'm in control. Trying to stop things like...," he paused as his jaw shook.

"Like Carla from ever happening to me again," he finally forced her name from his lips.

"You can't save those who do not want to be saved!" she said firmly to him.

"That sounds like Pavy," he smiled.

"Ok," she said looking to the ceiling trying to figure out a way to say it to him. "Let's say one of your clients gets diabetes." He nodded as he followed her. "If that client won't eat the right foods, won't stay away from the sweets, what happens?"

"He will probably become insulin dependent," Gavin said.

"Then if he doesn't watch his numbers?" she smiled as she read him. He was seeing where she was going with this.

"Look, you can only help that client if he is willing to make changes! If he dies because of diabetic shock or whatever, that's not your fault. You told them what the repercussions are. You warned them. You gave them what they needed to save them. But ultimately, everyone has to make a choice."

She took hold of his face and kissed his lips.

"Carla made hers...Elizabeth made hers," she said never leaving his lips. She moved to the side of his head and put her lips next to his ear. "I've made mine, then only one who hasn't made a choice...is you."

"What?" he laughed.

"You are miserable doing what you are doing," she pointed out. "Like a diabetic, you have to make a lifestyle choice. If you don't, then your death is certain. Maybe not a physical one, but the emotional one."

He tilted his head at her as he thought about it.

"There," she smiled. "As your emotional doctor, I have diagnosed you and have a prescription for you."

"And that is?" he grinned.

"Forgive yourself," she said softly. "Carla wasn't your fault. Elizabeth is a fool. If you don't like where you stand, move. If you don't like your life, make a change. But most of all, if you don't love yourself...give yourself a reason to and remove the things that are keeping you from loving yourself."

He nodded as he thought.

"I love you," she said again. "There is a lot to love about you. From your laughter, to your tenderness, to this big heart you possess!" She said putting her hand on his chest. "But until you love yourself...you will never love someone else!"

He leaned into her and kissed her. Gently at first, then more passionately as it grew between them. His hands holding her head softly, she moved to straddle him with her knees resting on either side of his hips as he pulled her tight to his body. The warmth of each other's skin intermingling.

His kisses were setting her on fire, the way his hands moved on her body. Slowly following her curves. They made their way around to her breasts and he cupped them gently. Then slid them around to her back to pull her tighter to him, seemingly wanting to pull her into his body. All the while his lips tasted hers, never moving from them. Never stopping.

He rolled her over to her back and he was hovering over her, her heart pounding against his. She smiled as he pulled back slightly to stare in her eyes.

"You are absolutely stunning," he whispered. "I'm find myself waiting to wake up from this dream...then begging for it to not end."

"I'm not a dream," she whispered back as he began to nuzzle her ear. "I'm here. Right here and I'm not going anywhere!"

"Thank you," he whispered as he began to move lower on her. His lips gently caressing her flesh as he moved over her. His tongue trailing lower causing her body to shake with excitement.

He made it to her nipples slowly, driving her mad with passion in the process. His lips catching her nipple and sucking it gently until it hardened like a firm pink eraser in his hot mouth. His eyes watched her as he trailed over to her other breast and she sighed as he treated that nipple with the same softness. Her hands pulled him closer to her, his mouth suckling her breast.

He released her nipple and moved lower making her whimper slightly in pleasure, his tongue following her mid line on her stomach. He reached her belly button and let his tongue dip into it which brought a pleasurable gasp from her. The goosebumps were constant now, awash on her body showing him with every touch of his lips what she was feeling.

Lower he continued, down to her hip bone. He nuzzled it, using his tongue to French kiss there, before kissing his way over to the other side and worked its partner. Hips that he watched work today with the music that played. Hips that had him hypnotized as she danced.

At the time, he admired that she was a prime example of female perfection. He watched as other men admired her as well. She was oblivious to them though, her eyes when open were on him then her secret smile would come out for him taking his breath away. When she danced, her eyes were closed as she immersed herself in the music. Her body swaying and moving with the beat. Sometimes lowering herself a little when the music commanded her body to do so.

Her cutoff jeans, and short tank that lifted when she raised her hands while dancing revealing her flat stomach. Both of which revealed her supple skin to the sun as it shone its personal spotlight on her letting those around her admire her fully. As if God himself was saying, this is what I created.