Secret Smiles and Three Little Words Pt. 28

"Horrible!" Alex gasped. She started to walk over, when Janna stopped her by gently taking her arm. The fire flashed through Alex's eyes, but Janna smiled sympathetically.

"Where are you going?" Kelly asked her.

"I'm going over to say hello," Alex told them with an anger that said this was not just a 'hello' moment. They looked to one another.

"Be respectful," Lauren cautioned.

"I will be," Alex laughed trying to act casual.

"She means," Janna clarified. "Ask permission to talk to her."

"Why?" Alex asked.

"It could be a punishment," Lauren told her. "The leash, it could be a type of punishment."

"Ok," Alex said softly.

Then everything hit her, this was not the time and place to campaign for Elizabeth to rethink her choice in Doms. Not that she wanted Elizabeth back at the condo, not that Gavin would take her back. She knew that this was Madelyn's home. This was a lifestyle of respect. She may not agree with all of it, but she had to respect all the choices of the parties involved as they respected her and Gavin.

"So I need to ask Royce for permission to talk to her," Alex frowned.

That was not what she wanted to do, talk to the one man who gave her pause in this lifestyle. But this was Elizabeth's choice, a poor one, but it was her choice. She thought back to what Gavin had told her back in Pennsylvania, with her mother and father. If you respected one, you had to show some modicum of respect for the other. So much of what Gavin was telling her was useful in both worlds she lived in. The Vanilla, and the BDSM world.

"Yes," Kelly said carefully. "You will have to talk to that asshole!" Alex nodded and patted her hand.

Kelly didn't want her to go over, it was evident in her voice. But if she knew Alex better, she knew she had to go over. Even Alex couldn't explain why she had to go over other than loyalty.

Walking up to the group of men, they stopped talking to each other and all eyes fell on her as she approached. Royce turned his eyes to her and gave her a solid once over. His smile twisting in pleasure as she bowed her head respectfully.

"Excuse me, gentlemen," Alex said with her eyes on the floor. "Master Royce, may I speak with your sub?"

Royce smiled as he thought of the things he would like to do to Alex, the list was endless. Alex waited. She could feel his dirty eyes on her, she could feel him undressing her. Feel his eyes as he imagined her in positions she didn't want to think about with him. She didn't want to be within fifty feet of this disgusting scum bag, but she wanted to check on Elizabeth.

The seconds seemed like minutes as she felt him undress her, not that there was a lot of imagination necessary for the dress she wore, but she wore the dress for one man and one man only. And this one wasn't it, if you could even call him a man.

"Royce," came a firm voice. One of the men he was speaking with drew his eyes from her. "The young lady has asked you a question, do not disrespect her or her Dom." The man said firmly.

Alex recognized him from the other two parties. He was always surrounded by people. Gavin had told her he was a money man. One that had the financial clout to make or break people. Evidently Royce was schmoozing the man.

Alex took a chance and peeked at the man coming to her defense. He seemed perturbed at the way Royce was looking at her. He was definitely more along the line of Gavin's way of thinking than Royce's, and that was respect above all else.

"Of course you may, Alex," Royce smiled at her. He reached over and undid the leash from Elizabeth's collar. "Don't be too long." He said to Elizabeth. She nodded.

"Thank you, Sir," Elizabeth whispered. She started to move away, but stopped when Alex didn't move.

"Thank you, Sir," Alex said with her head down. She then turned to the man that spoke for her on her behalf. "Thank you, Sir," Alex said bowing her head to him.

"The pleasure was all mine," the man bowed his head back at her. "If I might be so bold, you Dom is a very lucky man!"

"You flatter me, Sir," Alex smiled politely. "When I am the lucky one for my Sir! Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year," the men in the group replied.

Alex guided Elizabeth away and lost her smile as she pulled Elizabeth to the bar.

"How are you?" Alex asked her losing her grace and charm.

"I'm fine!" Elizabeth assured her. "I love that dress! And that necklace is amazing!"

"Thank you," Alex frowned. She realized Elizabeth was fully into denial mode, switching the subject from her to Alex. "It was a Christmas gift."

"He never showered me with such luxuries," Elizabeth said twisting her lips. Elizabeth touched the necklace with her fingers, her regal smile much more of that of a beauty contestants. There, but not real. Make believe.

"What is with the leash?" Alex asked not responding to the statement reading the smile easily. Elizabeth's jealousy coming back up, like at the restaurant with Lena.

"Oh," Elizabeth shrugged. "It is a punishment."

"For what?"

"For not being where I was supposed to be!" Elizabeth laughed. "I was grounded and I went out for groceries, when he came over, I was gone and I wasn't supposed to be!"

"So he put a leash on you?" Alex asked.

"To remind me to stay where I'm supposed to be!" she winked at Alex. She saw the emphatic roll of Alex's eyes. "Don't tell me Gavin hasn't punished you in some odd manner!"

"He hasn't," Alex said firmly. "And you know better, this is beneath Gavin."

"Oh, I forgot! You're little Miss Perfect!" Elizabeth drawled her temper bubbling to the surface. "Miss Alexandria would never do anything wrong!"

"I never said I was perfect," Alex growled at her. "I've suffered some consequences."

"Yeah, it looks like it!" Elizabeth pointed out taking hold of her collar.

"I can't dictate what I wear for ownership, obviously any more than you can!" Alex pointed out taking hold of her collar. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Why do you insist on rubbing in the fact that Gavin cares for you more than he did me!" Elizabeth suddenly raged. It caused those around them to look at them. Alex looked around and realized they were drawing attention. Attention she didn't want.

"I'm not doing that," Alex pointed out softly. "You are believing that."

"Really?" Elizabeth growled. "Driving around in your little Mercedes, with your expensive dresses and expensive jewelry. Getting your friends jobs! Didn't think of the one friend that brought you into this life, did you?"

"I didn't know anything about you being out of a job, nor did Gavin," Alex defended. "I didn't even know Gavin was getting Lena that job, I was recovering from pneumonia when Gavin decided to help her!"

"Well it's a good thing you have a doctor to take care of you!" Elizabeth hissed.

"You chose to leave," Alex pointed out, her anger seeping out. "I didn't force you out!"

"Oh, no?" Elizabeth smiled falsely. "How could I possibly stay with the way he was looking at you? The way he was bending over for you? Violating his precious absolutes!"

"What are you raving about?" Alex asked her totally confused. Elizabeth shook her head and pouted. Alex shook her head and leaned into her.

"Just remember," Alex told her as she got close. "The first absolute he violated, he violated for you!"

"What?" Elizabeth growled.

"He violated his absolute of only one sub, because you brought me in," Alex pointed out. "He didn't even know me, he violated that first absolute, for you." Alex shook her head. "Remember he asked you if this would please you, he didn't ask me anything until you told him that you wanted me to be a part of your lifestyle." She watched the recognition wash through Elizabeth's eyes.

"It was your choice to leave as well," Alex said firmly her eyes screaming at Elizabeth with anger. "Gavin's absolutes dictate that. You ended it. You wanted to get high, instead of being spoiled by a perfect man. You wanted the illusion of power." She shook her head as she regained her composure.

"Happy New Year," Alex said sorrowfully. "I hope it gives you what you want!"

Alex stormed away and blew past Kelly who tried to stop her, but she shrugged her off.

***

Gavin looked around the room but couldn't see her. He saw Kelly and her two friends that Alex had gone over to, but he didn't see her. He continued to debate with the men in his group keeping an eye out for her. He assumed she had gone to the restroom, or perhaps Madelyn had kidnapped her for one reason or another.

A few minutes passed and he saw Madelyn, but she was not with Alex. He finally began to get concerned they may have been a problem at home and Alex was on the phone. He decided after twenty minutes it had been long enough. His concern meter was on overload.

The three subs bowed their heads as he approached.

"Miss Kelly," Gavin said drawing her eyes to him by tilting her head up with a finger under her chin.

"Yes Sir?"

"Have you seen Alex lately?" he asked her. "The last I saw her she was over here with you three ladies."

"No," Kelly frowned. "Not since she talked to Beth."

Gavin looked over at his former sub, she was looking at him, but tilted her head down when he looked over at her.

"She seemed angry after the conversation," Kelly admitted. Gavin took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Ok," Gavin nodded. "Thank you." He started to walk away then stopped and went back to her.

"Kelly?" Gavin started. "I wanted to thank you for your advice to Alex, I don't know how much of the story you know, but I wanted you to know that I appreciate your guidance to her."

"It was my honor," Kelly smiled. "At first I was worried that you were sending her out to learn something you could have told her yourself, but I guess you have your reasons."

"I do," he nodded. "Sometimes knowledge worked for and attained is better remembered." He explained to her.

"Yes Sir," Kelly smiled at him understanding fully now. "She is pleasing you then?"

"She always has," Gavin told her. "The knowledge I wanted her to attain was for her own personal satisfaction, not mine. She was pleasing me before, she has always been pleasing. I just wanted her to find the pleasure I have."

Gavin began to look around the house for Alex, going into the bustle of the kitchen had them all stopping to look at him.

"Charles," Gavin called out when he saw him. "Have you seen Alex?"

"No, Sir," Charles frowned.

"She is on the back veranda," one maid called out to him.

"Why is she on the veranda?" Charles barked suddenly. "A guest on the back veranda in this cold?"

"Its fine," Gavin said to Charles, it seemed that Alex had endeared herself to more than just him. Then again, anyone who would meet Alex could be easily swayed by the beauty first, then the personality would overwhelm them. It was easy to like Alex.

Alex stood looking up at the moon. The night air was bitter cold, her dress hardly a worthy adversary for the temperature, with its thin material and openness to showing her flesh. Gavin's jacket made it around her shoulders before his scent did.

"This is how you wind up with pneumonia," Gavin said firmly.

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered. "I needed some fresh air."

"What's wrong?" he asked her moving along side of her.

"Elizabeth," she frowned.

"What about her?"

"Did you see her?" Alex asked him sticking her arms through his sleeves.

"I did," he said not looking at her but his twisted frown told her he didn't approve of her appearance.

"She doesn't look like herself anymore," Alex pointed out.

"Addiction does that," Gavin said, the temperature in his voice rising with his anger.

"Addiction?"

"All too familiar for me," Gavin said. "The drastic appearance changes, the weight loss, the hygiene, all signs of her addiction. She will now, no doubt, be suffering from drastic mood swings, then she will start disappearing...," Gavin clamped his mouth shut and shook his head.

"I'm sorry," Alex said rubbing his back.

"There is a reason they call drugs a controlled substance," Gavin told her with a shrug, trying to lose the anger and the bad memories as they flooded his mind. "People don't realize it has a double meaning. Yes it's monitored, but the darker side knows that the substance controls you."

"Elizabeth will lose herself, little by little, her appearance is the first thing. Drastic weight loss, then she will stop taking care of herself like she used to. Showers, eating, sleeping, all will take a back seat to her new Dom and it's not Royce."

"She will start lying, from the simple things she forgot, to more complex lies as she tries to cover for herself. She will begin to disappear for long periods of time as she won't wait to get home to do her drugs, she will need it so bad she will do it wherever she finds them."

Gavin walked down the memories of his life with Carla, she did every one of the things, and he found during her treatments, that those who loved them suffered as he suffered. The lies and the struggles.

"One day she will wake up and she won't ever recognize herself, but by then it will be too late, there will be no coming back," Gavin said softly. "Did you know that heroin addicts relapse between eight and ten times before they get clean. If they ever do that is."

"About half of those who get help, go back within the first two years," Gavin continued. "The really bad number? Only about a third of those who stay sober for a year, will maintain their sobriety. Once you are an addict, you are always one step from being and addict again. It's a constant fight, one you never really win. You fight every day, if you make it to old age and die of natural causes, then you've won. I've not met an addict yet that has found that type of victory."

"I'm so sorry," Alex whispered.

"It's not your fault, you are concerned about her," Gavin told her with a soft hand to her face.

"And you're not?" Alex asked him.

"No," he frowned, he was concerned Alex may be hurt that he wasn't more concerned. "I refuse to go down that road with her. I can't...I just can't. Look how long it took for me to recover from Carla...it took years! And you."

"Did I push her out?" Alex asked him, turning to look at him.

"Elizabeth chose to leave," Gavin said firmly. "You had nothing to do with it."

"She thinks I pushed her out, because you liked me more than her," she informed him.

"I do like you more than her," Gavin shrugged. "But her choices were to stay with us, or drugs. She chose drugs."

"That's not much help for my conscious," Alex pointed out. "If the drugs weren't an issue, would I have pushed her out?"

Gavin said nothing for the longest of time and it unsettled her. She said nothing as she watched him think.

"If she wasn't looking for an out to begin with?" Gavin asked her.

"What do you mean?" Alex came back.

"Keep in mind, I knew she was looking for a way out. She was looking for the opportunity to make her way from being my sub. I had done all I could do for her, she wanted more," Gavin said with a shrug.

"I know now, that the relationship we had wasn't the only thing she wanted more of," Gavin said leaning on the railing. "Seeing her now, well it confirms that it wasn't me that was the problem."

"How could you ever be the problem?" Ales asked him with a gasp.

"Again, this relationship is about pushing boundaries," Gavin said over his shoulder. "I thought I had pushed her as far as I could with the sexual sessions, she wanted more pain, more than I was willing to inflict. When she started to become unhappy I thought it was me, so I knew it was a matter of time until she decided to move on."

"Then the night of your art show, I found out it wasn't me. She wanted the drugs," Gavin frowned.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked him.

"That night, she told you she had hurt her foot, remember?" He asked her. She nodded.

"She hadn't hurt her foot, she had an infected injection site in between her toes," Gavin said softly.

"She had an injection site in between her toes?"

"Very common for those trying to hide the fact they are using," Gavin nodded. "A puncture mark in the arm is easily noticeable. So they go to injecting in between their toes, the only problem with that... feet are dirty, so it's easy to get infected."

"The injection site was infected, she needed a strong antibiotic to heal it," Gavin finished.

"At first I thought it was because I had pushed her as far as I could with our sessions," Gavin sighed deeply. "But that was only part of it."

"You're confusing me," Alex admitted.

"There are those that are into the pain," Gavin frowned. "I'm not into it, I know there are some things I am willing to do, and there are a lot of things I'm not willing to do. Causing a great deal of pain isn't something I'm overly interested in."

"Hence the reason you became a doctor," Alex pointed out.

"That's part of it I'm sure," Gavin nodded. "Elizabeth wanted rougher sex, she wanted more pain. It got to the point she only wanted the pain. That happens from time to time. Elizabeth was into the Masochism part of our lifestyle, while I have sadistic tendencies, they have a purpose. She even started arguments just so I would punish her. I had to change the way I punished her just because I knew she was doing it to please herself."

"I don't inflict pain because I enjoy it, I abhor it. I'm not sadistic by nature, I do some things, like mark you. Some may take as sadism, but I don't look at it that way. I know that some pain brings higher sexual gratification which I know sounds conflicting, but it's the fine line I walk."

"So she wanted you to be more sadistic?" Alex asked him. He nodded with a grimace.

"Something I couldn't do for her," Gavin said with a shrug. "I have my limits, everybody does, which is why there is some turn over in our lifestyle. Some reach their limits before their partner, then that becomes a problem. They separate and move on to someone else. Royce, as you have witnessed, has no problem in sadism, he's reckless with it. But being more sadistic isn't a bad thing if you have the right sub."

"I'm guessing, Elizabeth is the right sub for him, he is more advanced than she is, in terms of pain, and if he was a half decent Dom he would bring her along slowly until she reached her full potential. To know him like I do...well I hope she is a quick adapter," Gavin frowned.

"Ok," Alex nodded. "So if she wasn't going to be moving on, if you didn't know that. Would I have pushed her out?"

"No," he said firmly. "I would have never given you the opportunity to do so."

"What?" Alex asked tugging on his arm.

"My absolute would have won out," Gavin told her. "I wouldn't have brought you on, I don't share myself with others any more than I would share my sub with others."

"So I did push her out?" Alex asked.

"Absolutely not!" Gavin growled. "She wanted out, she brought you into this. I didn't bring you into this. Elizabeth did. She was looking for an out, you presented her with that opportunity. Now, did we take advantage of the situation? Of course we did, did either of us expect it to lead us where we are now?" He shrugged as he pulled her into his arms.

"She is on the outside because she did everything in her power to be on the outside," Gavin assured her. "She wanted the drugs, she wanted Royce. She wanted the illusion of power. Well she got what she wanted, now if she is regretting it, that isn't my fault. It most certainly isn't your fault. It is hers, and only hers."

"I guess you're right," Alex said snuggling into his chest.

"You guess?" Gavin teased.

"Alright," she smiled. "You are right."

Alex felt his hands move up and down her bare back.