Secret Smiles and Three Little Words Pt. 36

"What do you want?" Livy asked again unbendingly.

"I'm sorry," Marylyn said finally. "Is that what you want to hear?" Marylyn waited for Livy to say something but she didn't. Instead she looked at her mother with an unhealthy hatred.

"I'm...sorry!" her mother tried again.

Livy reluctantly moved to the side and allowed her mother to come in, which really wasn't what she wanted. Marylyn came in smiling and went to the couch and set her purse down and sat near the chair. She patted it when Livy stood across from her with her arms across her chest defiantly.

Livy was seething. She wanted to tear her mother apart, not just verbally, but physically as well. She just couldn't comprehend how her mother was taking a side against her daughter. How she could put one of her grandkids in position to be hurt. Father Jack had counseled her that her mother may not have known that Nora was in danger and that she was just as shocked as the rest of them.

At first, Livy thought Jack was defending her mother but he corrected her quickly. He was not defending Marylyn, only pointing out that it was possible that she didn't know. He agreed with Livy that it was irrelevant as Marylyn should have respected her daughter's wishes by not putting Nora in that position to begin with.

Livy reluctantly sat.

"I have some good news!" Marylyn said excitedly.

"What's that?"

"I talked to Don and Rev. Sellers," Marylyn began picking up her daughter's hand and holding it. Livy looked down to it. It was the first time she had touched her daughter affectionately since Livy left Don.

"You did?" Livy asked beginning to prepare herself.

"Yes!" Marylyn said happily. "Don is willing to take you back! And Rev. Sellers said the church would welcome you back with open arms if you and Don got back together!"

Livy sat there staring at her mother, it must have been some sick joke. Maybe her anger had made her ears decipher what her mother said wrong. Perhaps, just perhaps, Rod Serling was going to come out and begin his monologue on this episode of the Twilight Zone.

"What?" Livy was stunned, and she was now glad she was sitting down as her legs would not have been able to hold her upright after such a declaration.

The church would welcome her back with open arms IF? What the hell did that mean? And Don was willing to take her back? Livy's mind scrambled to decipher what was going on. This was turning into some horrible nightmare. Her daughter abused, her mother now sitting here trying to convince her to go back to her ex-husband.

"Don't you see?" Marylyn asked. "Now that the truth has been revealed, Don isn't the father of the baby...that's why you left him. Now you know he didn't get another woman pregnant so you have no reason to be divorced!"

"What about the fact he has cheated on my repeatedly?" Livy asked shocked.

"Now, you know Rev. Sellers has already told you that God doesn't look at what he did as a sin!" Marylyn told her patting her hand. Trying to sell this suggestion. "Look, he has promised me he would never do that again if you came back!"

"He promised you?" Livy scoffed. "Why is he promising you anything? It was me he betrayed!"

"Livy," Marylyn began with a shake of her head. "This is an opportunity to return to the church, to walk away from that devil's playground wrapped around the idea of Catholicism!"

Livy buried her face in her hands and laughed. Not because she was happy. Not because this was good news and definitely not because she found this funny! She laughed because it was the only thing her brain could come up with. It was as if Livy's brain was throwing up its hands and saying 'Yeah, I got nothing' in reference to coming up with something to say.

"You want me to go back to Don, a man who turned his back on me and our vows. A man who signed away his daughter for a house?" Livy repeated back in an effort to show her mother how ludicrous this sounded. Perhaps if her mother heard just how crazy it sounded she would retract the statement. Livy looked to her and saw that wasn't going to happen.

"You want me to return to a church that vilified me, shunned me when I needed it the most but accepted those that should have been held accountable?" Livy continued slowly, waiting for her mother to interrupt her and say it was a crazy idea to suggest it.

"Think of how much this whole sordid divorce has damaged our reputation in the church!" Marylyn defended. "It's bad enough to have one daughter who has fallen from God's graces! But to have two defy our Lord and the church?"

"How this has damaged your reputation?" Livy repeated back to her mother carefully.

"Yes, we have been humiliated that this sin of yours had torn this family apart!" Marylyn told her with a shake of her head.

"But he cheated on me! He broke his vow to me and to God!" Livy cried.

"The Bible says men aren't held to that standard! Some of the Bible's greatest men had multiple women!" Marylyn reminded.

"You can't pick and choose what parts of the Bible to live by!" Father Jack's voice startled Marylyn as he came from the kitchen. His black suit and white collar told Marylyn exactly who he was.

"You are taking parts of the Bible that have no relevance in today's society," Jack continued as he came and put a comforting hand on Livy's shaking shoulder as she sat there with her fingers over her mouth still trying to decide if this was an episode of the Twilight Zone.

"I'm sorry," Marylyn began. "I wasn't aware you were here!"

"Don had obligations, to Livy, to his daughter...but most of all, he had a promise to God himself!" Jack told her. "The vows of marriage are not negotiable! You can't pick and choose which vows to obey and which vows to betray."

"And you are?" Marylyn asked.

"I'm Livy's spiritual advisor...I'm Livy's friend," Jack told her.

"I see," Marylyn frowned looking at her daughter.

"This is Father Jack," Livy said taking his hand which was resting on her shoulder. "He and Alex have been my greatest help!"

"You should know Livy has been baptized in our church," Marylyn pointed out.

"In contaminated water," Jack said.

"Excuse me?" Marylyn countered.

"Your church is tainted with the wrong beliefs," Jack informed her. "I don't normally fault other religions as I believe a person's belief is a personal choice. But after hearing what you are saying, and what your preacher said before. Couple all of that with the way your church as chosen to excommunicate Livy...I can unequivocally say, your church doesn't have the first damn clue as to what God is about, and He most certainly has blessed anything in it!"

"How dare you interfere with the raising of our daughter?" Marylyn gasped.

"You are not raising me!" Livy came in. "I'm a woman, I'm an adult! I have a child of my own! I'm in charge of my life!"

"And look where that has gotten you!" Marylyn barked.

Livy looked at her blankly. Then laughed. She covered her mouth with her fingers and looked to Jack who watched her carefully. Livy turned back to her mother.

"Let me see if I have this straight," Livy said shaking her head. "You want me to go back to Don, not because you want me happy...but you want to save face?"

"You were happy with Don!" Marylyn pointed out.

"I haven't been happy with Don since the first time he cheated on me years ago!" Livy told her. "But for the first time in a long time, I am happy now!"

"Yeah," Marylyn countered angrily. "You look it!"

"I look it?" Livy growled. "Fuck you! I'm not happy right now because my bitch of a mother disobeyed my wishes and put my daughter in a position to be abused! I'm not happy that half of my family has disowned me because I won't allow my ex-husband to cheat on me at will! Taking his side over me!"

"I'm not happy you are standing her looking at the one man in my life that has tried to help me through all the bullshit you are putting me through like he is the enemy!" Livy continued standing up suddenly causing Marylyn to draw back as Jack held on to Livy's shoulder.

"I'm done with you Marylyn," Livy told her angrily. "You stay away from me! And if I catch you within a hundred feet of Nora, I will fucking beat the shit out of you! We are done!" Livy stormed away from the living room slamming the door to her bedroom.

Marylyn looked to the hallway shocked at her daughter's words. Shocked at how this opportunity to return to the good graces of her church was now shattered. She would still be the laughing stock of the church.

She had heard the whispers behind her back from the other parishioners. She had spun the defiance by Alex into sympathy from the church. But that ended when Livy defied her mother and Rev. Sellers by not forgiving Don and sticking with the marriage.

Now she was ridiculed for having two daughters who lived in sin. Blame was being placed on her for that. They said she wasn't the good mother or the good Christian she proclaimed herself to be! If one daughter lived in sin it was excusable, but two? That it was poor parenting! She looked up to Jack who was watching her carefully.

"Do you see what you have done?" Marylyn asked.

"Yes," Jack said with a nod. "I have given Livy the strength to find God and to understand, she is in charge of her happiness."

"You think talking to her mother that way is what God wants?" Marylyn asked him.

"That depends," Jack sighed realizing Marylyn was not about to take any accountability for the situation. He began to walk back towards the bedroom where Livy had disappeared.

"On what?" Marylyn asked standing up. Jack turned to face her.

"On the mother," Jack shrugged. "I'm sure you can find your way out." Jack left Marylyn standing in the living room shocked.

***

Marylyn sat at the kitchen table, her Bible open in front of her. Her coffee untouched as she thought of ways to salvage everything. She thought of her marriage, was Al serious in his threat? Her standing in the church, could she revive her once good name if Livy didn't come back and become Don's wife again?

Al walked in and looked to her and her open Bible.

"Did you apologize to our daughter?" Al asked her. He had sent Marylyn over to apologize. Something she refused to do because she felt she had done nothing wrong.

"I tried," Marylyn told him softly.

"What did she say?" Al asked her.

"She rejected everything I had to offer," she told him looking down at her hands.

"Everything you had to offer?" Al asked her. He didn't like the way she said it.

"Yes," Marylyn nodded. "I thought she would be happy to know that Don was willing to take her back as his wife. That the church would forgive her for her sin of divorce if she remarried Don. That things could go back to the way they were!"

Al's heart broke. This woman before him was not the woman he fell in love with. This was not the woman he married. She was not the woman he bore children with and made a life together with through the years. Somewhere along the way, the woman he fell in love with disappeared. Replaced with the religious zealot in front of him.

"So let me see if I have this straight," Al began slowly leaning against the counter as his legs weakened. His chest began to tighten and his breath became labored. He was finding his vision blackening and he shook his head. His body began to gather a light film of sweat even though it was cool in the house. His back, neck and jaw hurt from the stress.

"I sent you over there to apologize to Livy, to get her forgiveness," Al continued as he rubbed his upper arm. "As a way to save our marriage...you instead tried to save your precious pride in front of your church."

"My church is my foundation!" Marylyn shot back not lifting her eyes.

"Your foundation?" Al repeated. "No, it's your everything," Al pointed out. "It's a good thing too...let's see how your church accepts you when you are a divorcee yourself. I refuse to live with a woman who puts her pride, a woman who puts herself before her children...or her husband."

Al made his way to the door as Marylyn looked to him with tears rocketing down her face. His feet drug, and he staggered slightly. He stopped at the door to gather his breath, it wouldn't come back to him.

"I want you to pack some things, go over to Brandy's or Krista's for the time being," Al told her. "I can't even stand the sight of you right now!"

"Al!" Marylyn gasped as she thought how this would look in the church.

"Enough!" Al bellowed causing her to cower. "You are so quick to use your God, your Bible, your Church's teaching to defend yourself. Well your precious church says my daughter has to obey her husband, even though he is the one that cheated! Therefore you have to do the same! That is, unless of course, you know that to be bullshit! Which is it? Is the wife to obey her husband no matter what, otherwise it is direct defiance to God? Or can she pick and choose? That is what you are saying, so which is it? Are you going to defy God and disobey me? Hypocrite!"

Al slammed the door so hard that coffee cups fell from their hooks under the cabinet and shattered on the counter.

***

"No," Gavin said as he ran his hand over his face. He just couldn't believe what he was hearing. His heart hurt and he was on the verge of tears.

Alex walked in and dropped her purse on the floor by the couch and fell to it dramatically, like a tree being cut down in the forest, as she had to endure another long afternoon with Madelyn.

"No, I'll take care of it," Gavin said into the phone. He hung up and looked to his beautiful, exhausted fiancé.

"That woman is going to be the death of me," Alex said with her face buried within the pillow.

"Alex," Gavin began slowly as he sat on the table in front of the couch.

"Alex?" the woman laughed from the pillow. "Are we going to have that discussion again?" Alex dropped the pillow and looked to him. Her smiled waned as she saw the pain in his eyes and the stress in his face.

"What's the matter?" she asked him sitting up quickly. "I was just kidding about Madelyn!"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "It's not that." He took Alex's hand and stared at it for a minute and Alex forgot how to breathe. He looked to her and then brought his other hand to her face softly.

"We have to go to Pennsylvania," Gavin began slowly, softly and lovingly. "They have rushed your father into emergency surgery."

Alex screamed. It was short and fearful.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice quivering.

"Your neighbor found him in the yard," Gavin explained. "It looks like a heart attack."

"NO!" Alex gasped. "NO! NO! NOOOO!" Gavin took Alex into his arms and squeezed her tightly as she clutched him. "How bad is it?"

"I don't know for sure, they don't know for sure, and won't until they get him open," Gavin explained. "Madelyn has the jet waiting for us, let's go."

"We need to pack," Alex said her brain struggling to work.

"No," Gavin said firmly. "Anything we need we can buy...right now we just need to get there!" Alex nodded numbly as he lifted her up as he stood. He held her tightly as he walked her out of the apartment.

***

Chapter 49

The family sat in the hallway leading to the operating rooms. Marylyn, Krista, Brandy and their families to one side of the hallway. Livy and Nora on the other side. While separated by only a few physical feet, the emotional and mental divide was wider than the oceans. It was evident to even those who didn't know the family. Most people who passed assumed they were waiting on separate surgeries.

Trevor watched his mother and grandmother scowl at Livy, the three of them barely saying a word except with their eyes. He didn't like all the blame being placed at Livy's feet. He didn't agree with them, Livy did what she had to do. Divorcing Don, in his opinion at least, was the least she could have done. His opinion was met with ridicule and even punishment. Being grounded for defending Livy at dinner one night.

Trevor got up and went to Livy and squatted to look at Nora.

"Hey squirt," he said softly taking her hand. "What do you say we go downstairs to the cafeteria and see what they have in their vending machines to snack on?"

Livy smiled at him and wanted to hug him for breaking the icy cold silence there in the hallway. Nora nodded her head and slipped from her mother's lap.

"Thank you Trevor," Livy smiled. She pulled her purse to her.

"No, I got it," he said with a shake of his head at the offer of money. He stood and leaned into her hugging her. She choked back a sob. "We'll take our time," he whispered in her ear. She nodded at him and kissed his cheek.

She watched Nora and Trevor go to the elevator. Trevor holding her hand the entire way. Nora looked back at her mother and Livy braved a smile and a wave. Nora waved back just as the door opened and they stepped on.

Once the kids were gone Livy leaned forward and buried her face in her hands and disappeared into the darkness of them.

"I hope you are happy with yourself," came Krista's voice.

Livy looked up at her.

"What?" she whispered.

"This is your doing," Brandy scowled. Livy furrowed her brow in shock and shook her head.

"Don't shake your head!" Krista growled. "If you hadn't been so selfish! The divorce, dividing this family, putting all this pressure on Dad!"

"This isn't my fault," Livy squeaked with a shaking lip.

"How can it not be your fault?" Brandy asked her.

"Everybody was happy until you decided you needed a divorce!" Krista pointed out. "Precious little Livy has to have her way!" Livy shook her head as the world that was being held together by a thin thread began to unravel and come apart at the seams.

"I didn't want a divorce!" Livy tried. "I was left no choice!"

"You had a choice," her mother finally chirped. "You chose to walk with the devil instead of God and this is His punishment! You committed the sin, but my husband is paying the price!"

"No, that's not fair!" Livy cried. Her lips trembling, matching her hands.

"You've killed your father!" Marylyn yelled causing Livy to jump.

"No, the doctor said...," Livy stumbled.

"The doctor said not to get our hopes up," Brandy yelled standing with her mother now side by side as they walked toward Livy who coward backward into her seat.

"That's what doctors say when they know all is lost!" Krista pointed out.

Livy's head began to shake from side to side her tears cascading down her face, her mind scrambling from believing what they were saying to fighting to believe that everything was going to be ok.

"So, in the matter of months, you have destroyed your marriage, and killed your father," Marylyn said cruelly. "You call that walking with God? Is that what you have learned at that Catholic Church?"

Livy hung her head and cried. Large, heavy tears, falling to make a puddle on the floor as she struggled to breathe. She struggle to comprehend that her family had fully turned on her. She looked up at the way they were towering over her now and for the first time, she was afraid. Afraid they may hurt her. But most of all, afraid they were right!

Livy bolted from them running for the door of the hospital, her mind screaming and tearing in a hundred different directions. Like her life. Like her family.

***

Alex and Gavin rushed up to the hospital, right before entering they turned their heads and thought they saw Livy run out the other door down the way. They didn't stop to check, instead rushing towards the surgery center.

Marylyn, Krista and Brandy all swallowed hard when Alex came around the corner.

"How is he?" she asked immediately.

"He's in surgery, they aren't telling us anything," Krista said coolly looking to Brandy. Both had a look of fear, they didn't expect Alex to get here so quickly.