Secret Smiles and Three Little Words Pt. 36

Alex looked to Gavin.

"I'll go back," he told her touching her face softly. "I'll be right back." He promised. She watched him enter the restricted zone, and a nurse go up to him. She saw him explain who he was and the nurse nodded that he could continue.

"Aunt Alex!" Nora's voice had Alex spinning on her heel to see the young girl drop Trevor's hand and run towards her. Alex dropped to her knees instantly and took the girl in her arms and held her tightly. The small girl squeezed Alex tightly letting her know she didn't want to be let go.

"Hey Trevor," Alex smiled at the teen.

"Hey Aunt Alex," Trevor said to her. "She's been waiting for you." He said to his aunt. "We both have!" Trevor looked to his mother and grandmother.

Now he knew they would back off Livy, there was no way the three of them had the balls to take on Alex. Not in this lifetime. He knew that for sure. Not against Alex! None dared to stand up to her, the one family member who could keep the wolves at bay. Livy could now relax, there would be no ganging up on her and he was thankful.

"Where's your mommy?" Alex asked Nora. Nora shook her head.

"She left," Brandy said shortly.

"To go where?" Trevor asked.

"Who cares," Marylyn growled. "Because of her, my husband is probably going to die!"

"What?" Trevor got out before Alex could.

"Trevor," Krista warned with her voice. She wanted her son to stay out of this, she warned him with her voice and her stare.

"No, that's bullshit!" Trevor barked, ignoring both warnings. "You guys have been trying to blame her for everything!"

"Trevor!" Krista barked.

"What are going to do? Ground me again?" Trevor barked back. "Big deal!"

"You are blaming this on Livy?" Alex snarled standing up pushing Nora back to Trevor. Trevor let a small grin cross his face as the three of them took a half step back.

"Not so big and bad now that Alex is here!" he said to himself. Alex would settle this and put this family straight. He knew that!

"If she hadn't got a divorce!" Brandy tried to say but Alex's look shut her off.

"You bitch!" Alex growled taking another step towards her mother. Krista and Brandy moved away. "Is that what you have been filling her head with?"

"It's true," Marylyn squeaked.

The slap was sudden and loud. It spun Marylyn's head and caused her to stumble backwards. Krista and Brandy jumped at the assault just put on their mother. Alex's fiery eyes warned them they were next if they intervened. They instead took another cowardly step back. Alex continued to stalk her mother. Anger was drowning her! Her rage filling her body with trembles and tears.

"ALEXANDRIA!" Gavin's voice carried down the hallway causing nurses to stop what they were doing and turn to the family now at war within itself.

Alex froze, allowing Marylyn to stop moving away.

"That is absolutely enough," Gavin warned her. "All of you. This bullshit ends right now!"

They looked to him as he stood in front of the doors leading back to surgery.

"Al is fighting for his life," Gavin told them. "The absolute last thing he needs is to see his family tearing itself apart! You had better get it together, for Al, he needs all of this to end!"

Alex stood there shaking, seething at her mother who stood alone now. Krista and Brandy had backed off to where their husbands stood. Trevor had taken a hold of Nora and was holding her.

Gavin walked to Alex and stood in front of her, cutting off her view of her mother. Alex hung her head, humiliated and infuriated.

"How is he?" Alex whispered.

"He's out of surgery," Gavin told her taking her gently into his arms. "He's going to be fine...they had to put stents in. It appears the doctor had been warning him to watch what he was eating, to lose some weight and start taking better care of himself...none of which he was doing."

"He's going to be ok?" Trevor asked.

"Yes," Gavin told him. "He can forget about the greasy hamburgers he likes so much! But yes, he is going to be fine. The stents are in, and he will have to do what the doctor said, he will have to change his diet, lose some weight...but he should be just fine!" He said this tilting Alex's face up. "The dangerous part is over, he is in post op, awake. I said hello and he smiled."

***

Livy ran to the rectory behind the church. She pounded on the door, her tears falling, her body aching. He didn't answer, she had to talk to him. She spun and saw lights on in the church. She ran towards the sanctuary.

She startled the nun who was praying there when she flung open the side door.

"Livy," the woman said holding her hand over her heart to control the surprise at the woman who burst through the doors.

"Where is Father Jack?" Livy asked her.

The nun took the woman's hand.

"He is in Mansfield, one of our parishioners had a baby," she told Livy. "He went to check on them."

Livy closed her eyes and forced more tears to run down her face.

"When is he due back?" Livy whispered.

"I don't know...soon," the nun told her watching the tears fall.

"Can I wait for him here?" Livy asked her.

"Of course, my dear," the nun smiled. "I will tell him you are waiting for him."

"Thank you," Livy smiled.

"Are you ok?" the nun asked.

"Yes," Livy lied. She was anything but ok, but she didn't want the woman to wait around with her. She needed privacy, she needed to be alone.

"Ok," the nun smiled touching her face. "I'm sure he won't be long." Livy smiled, it took every ounce of energy she had.

The nun left her in the sanctuary, Livy drug her feet all the way to the front pew. She more collapsed than sat. She looked up at the stained glass behind the pulpit. Christ in his final moments. His face tilted upward, the blood dripping from his crown of thorns and the spear's entry wound. It appeared Jesus was looking for someone, like she was.

"Dear Heavenly Father," Livy began softly. "I need you now! I know I haven't been the best of your children...I have committed some atrocious sins! But my heart can't take this anymore! I have failed my daughter...allowing her to be hurt when I was charged with her safety. I have failed at marriage...thinking selfishly that we were better off separated...I now know that was wrong!"

"I have lived in sin, thinking of sexual thoughts about your servant...I have tempted his faith in You...a shame and a sin I will never be forgiven for, I know. How can I possibly sit in Your house begging?"

She reached into her pocket and pulled it out, she looked to her hand as she sat there with her father's pocket knife. He had worked on her car stereo, and had dropped it and forgot to pick it up. She never had a chance to give it back to him. She had taken it from the console of her car on the way in to talk to Jack. Her hands shook as she stared at it.

"If I can't forgive myself, how can I ever expect You to forgive me?" she continued her prayer. "How can I possibly taint my child with my sin?" She pulled open the blade. "I can't. I won't! Please forgive my child, bless her for none of this was her fault!"

"Forgive me Jack!" with that, Livy drew the sharp blade across her skin on her wrist. The pain causing her to scream out but she clamped her lips shut. She followed suit with her other wrist. She couldn't go as deep as the first as she couldn't hold onto the knife and it tumbled from her hands.

She watched the warm crimson pour out of her wrists, she looked up at the image of Christ, but now it appeared he was looking down at her, instead of skyward as before. She hit her knees in front of Him.

"With my blood, forgive my daughter and help her through this life!" she begged the Son.

***

Jack looked to Livy's car as he got out of his. He looked around but didn't see her. He saw the nun come out of the residence.

"Corrine," he called out to her. "Where is Livy?"

"She is in the Sanctuary," the nun told him. He nodded and made his way to the church. A gnawing began in his stomach as he walked. He quickened his steps.

Opening the door on the side, he saw her. He stopped momentarily as his brain wouldn't comprehend what his eyes were seeing. Livy was curled up on the floor, appearing as she was sleeping there at the altar.

"Livy?" he whispered. His feet glued to the entryway of the church.

Finally his brain clicked and he ran to her, sliding on the floor to scoop the woman in his arms.

Livy opened her eyes to look at him.

"Jack," she whispered.

"What have you done?" he gasped as the tears fell down his face blurring her in his eyes. "Oh my God Livy!" He clamped his hands over her wrists in an attempt to stop the bleeding. The pool of blood she was in now soaked into his pants.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"No, NO!" he barked at her.

Jack heard the gasp from the doorway.

"Corrine! Call for an ambulance!" He yelled at her, when he saw the nun in the doorway crossing her chest with her fingers. Up, down, left, right. "Now!" The nun jumped at his loud command and ran from the Sanctuary.

"Look at me!" he commanded softer to Livy.

"Jack," she whispered. Her voice as weak as she looked. Her face ashen, her skin cold. "I'm sorry, I should have never done this! I have left Nora alone!"

"No, you are going to be fine!" he tried to convince her. "Stay strong! Stay with me!"

"I know I shouldn't say this, but...I love you," she told him. He nodded as the tears fell to her face. "But now, I'm going to leave...you must stay with God! He needs you!" Jack shook his head. "You are a priest! God loves you, and needs you!"

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me!" Jack tried to say.

"No," she whispered her voice growing so soft he had to put his ear to her lips. "Stay with God...make sure Nora finds her way to Him!"

"Shhhh," he begged as he rocked her.

"I need a priest," she said softly.

"I'm here," he whispered back. "Are you sorry for your sins?" He asked her softly.

His words never rose above that whisper, his hands shook as he pulled his rosary out and the sacramental oils and water he had in his pocket. He begged his prayers, he cried his tears all with a shaking voice. He felt her leave...and was crushed beneath it, dropping his Holy items to take her in his arms and clutched her. He had been at the bedside of many people who died. None crushed his soul the way this woman did.

Looking to the heavens his scream filled the church and echoed though the town of Averin. To the gates of Heaven itself.

***

"We have to find Livy," Alex said to Gavin.

"Stay with Nora, they will have your dad out of post op soon, then they will let you see him when he is in ICU," Gavin said to her kissing Nora's head. "I'll find her, I'll go to her apartment."

"She won't be there," Alex told him. "If anywhere, given what's going on, she will be at Father Jack's."

Gavin nodded and kissed her.

"He's going to be ok," Gavin assured her. "I'll be back soon." Alex nodded as he kissed her lips.

"I love you," he whispered against her lips.

"I love you more," she said back.

Gavin pulled up to the church and saw the flashing lights of the ambulance and his stomach dropped.

"No, no, no!" Gavin hissed as he threw the rental car in park before it was even fully stopped. His door flew open and he jumped from the car and ran towards the front of the church where the priest sat on the steps.

Gavin could see the blood on his hands and on his face. The holy man was covered in smears of the crimson truth. Staring at the ground, unable to look at anyone or anything.

"Jack?" Gavin called out as he pushed past a police officer. He saw the morgue bag, zipped and full with a small body.

Jack looked to him. He recognized him from a picture in Livy's apartment.

"Gavin," he called out. "I've lost her!" Gavin heard the words and stopped in his tracks.

"I failed her Gavin!" Jack called out again. "I failed Livy!"

Gavin hit his knees, and put his face in the grass as he doubled over as the feel of vomit surged upward through his throat, burning as it came up, but his lips held it back.

Flashes of his own past came back to him, his dying mother. His father. Carla.

***

Chapter 50

The cold rain pelted the umbrellas with a steady rumble. Alex clutched Gavin's hand with one hand while her other hand held Nora's as she was held by Gavin. Trevor stood and held the umbrella for the four of them. Refusing to stand with his mother and father as they stood on the other side of the casket. The division in the family becoming larger, starting on the next generation. Something Gavin took full stock of and began to wonder how to keep it from further rupturing.

Rev. Sellers conducted the funeral, Alex's mind not letting her protest as she knew Livy was going to a different church. She was too tired to argue. Too broken to fight. Sellers spoke about sins, and the past, dust to dust. Alex heard little of it. Gavin could feel her breaking by his side. Nora flooded his neck with her warm tears never lifting her face from his warmth.

On Marylyn's side of the casket she stood with Krista and Brandy and their husbands. A few members of the church she attended were there. Most stayed away as they felt Livy's soul was condemned for her mortal sin. There was no reason to waste time on the fallen from Grace.

On Alex's side, there were several people she didn't know. A nun stood a short distance away with a man who shunned the umbrella and stood in the rain. She wondered who he was because he looked as lost as she felt.

Trevor had several of his friends there, supporting him. Alex found she was numb. She had cried for three days now, it took her one day just to get out of bed. Gavin took care of Nora who slept with Alex at night. They would hold each other for comfort.

Madelyn had made the trip from Chicago, she stood there with Charles, never too far away from Alex. Lena and Mike came too, all hovered around Alex, there if she needed them. But right now she had the ones she had to have. Gavin and Nora.

Al was distraught, there was some discussion of when and what to tell him. He ended the dancing around the subject when he demanded to see Livy. Gavin broke it as gently as he could as Alex couldn't say anything without bawling. Al shook as the tears leaked down the side of his face, Gavin held his hand while Alex buried her face into his neck and he weakly held her, his body not strong enough to squeeze her.

He wanted to, but the surgery kept him from attending his daughter's funeral. Al refused to speak to his wife, he didn't know about the angry words spoken to Livy. Gavin telling Trevor there was a time and a place, and this wasn't it. Al needed to rest, and not fight with family, especially his wife.

Alex looked to her mother whose face held a look she had never seen on the woman. Rev. Sellers finished his eulogy and walked to Marylyn and those standing with her. He shook their hands and offered some words of comfort before he walked away.

The other mourners began to filter away, a few at a time. Gavin looked to Alex and saw the blank look of loss. He knew it well, it had coated his face. First his mother and father, then Carla who sucked the life from him for years. He shook the feelings that were creeping in on him, emotions he had kept at bay. He couldn't weaken now, not with Alex and Nora in desperate need of him.

"Are you ready?" He asked her softly. She could only nod. He held her with one arm while the other held Nora, her head on his shoulder. His arm was numb now, from holding her up the entire time. It burned for the longest of time but she refused to be put down.

He turned Alex and Trevor followed behind them.

"Nora baby," Marylyn's voice called out stopping Gavin. He turned around but felt Alex's hand tighten on his. He squeezed back, assuring her it was going to be ok.

Nora lifted her head and slowly turned her face to her grandmother. Her eyes were red from tears but now they lit up with anger...and hatred. Something no small child should ever know.

"Baby," Marylyn began as she walked towards them.

"Shut up!" Nora suddenly barked causing even Gavin to jump. "Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!"

Alex and Trevor threw their arms around Gavin and Nora as the girl screamed at her grandmother. The child watched as her aunts came to comfort their mother.

"All of you did this to her!" Nora said, her small body shaking so hard that Gavin had to drop Alex's hand to hold her. "I hate...hate...hate you!" With that the girl wailed into Gavin's neck.

"Take me away Uncle Gavin!" Nora begged. "Please!" Gavin did as requested pulling Alex with him. He made his way to where Madelyn waited with her car. Charles holding the door to the limo open. Madelyn looking on the distraught family as she burrowed her anger into Marylyn as Gavin and Alex walked with the small child towards her.

"I hope you are happy now," Trevor said standing in the rain looking at them. "You got what you wanted. You and your church!"

"Trevor!" Krista barked at him. "How dare you talk to your Grandmother that way?"

"It's easy," Trevor said with a soft huff of a laugh that held absolutely no humor. "I learned from all of you over these past months. I learned hatred...I learned venom. I learned how to rip people apart with my words. I learned how to blame others for my wrongs! I learned everything I need to know about hatred...from all of you!"

"Where are you going?" Trevor's father called out to him as he turned to follow Alex and Gavin.

"I'm going where I'm needed, where love stands alone," he said over his shoulder at his father. "With Nora. You have all you need. You have each other and your despicable lives and your so called church!"

"Trevor!" His dad barked. "Come back here!"

"Or what?" Trevor turned his face hardening with anger. His body beginning to shake with his welling fury. "Going to disown me as well?" Trevor laughed as he threw up his in a vehement shrug.

"Going to push me to suicide as you did Livy? Please do...I'm so ashamed right now that it might be better than to stand around and call you my family!"

"What?" His father gasped.

"I'm ashamed for my silence," the teen cried, the tears falling as the friends that came out to support him came to his side and put their hands in his. "I'm complicit in her death...and I refuse to be silent any longer! So please, disown me the way you did Livy...it's the greatest thing you could do for me! I refuse to be a part of a family that is so horrid that it blames someone to their death. Not just someone...but family!"

He turned with his friends leaving his parents standing there dumbfounded, crushed by his pain. Stunned by his stinging words. Alex turned at the car as Madelyn held her hand. Gavin secured Nora in the back in her booster seat. Alex turned away from her mother and sisters as they looked to her and got into their cars. She looked back to where Livy was being put to rest. She saw a single solitary man there. His hand on the casket.

"I'll be right back," Alex said as she dropped Madelyn's hand. Gavin nodded.

"Want me to go with you?" he asked.

"No, stay with Nora," she said walking back. She took Trevor into her arms as she reached him and his friends. She kissed his head as he hugged her and made for his friend's car.

She quietly came up behind him. He was blessing the casket, whispering his prayers over her. His hands visibly shaking as he did. Alex watched him, she knew it was Father Jack even without being introduced. She let him finish his nearly solitary duty. She watched his body weaken with every word, the only thing keeping him upright was his duty. His duty to God, and Livy.

"Father?" Alex whispered softly.