Shannon and Mark's Story

"Is that how you really see me?" I asked, wiping away a few tears.

"It's how you really are. Perfect." He said softly. I could be mistaken, but it almost looked like he was getting a little teary-eyed. "My perfect muse every artist longs for."

I felt his words on the back of my neck as he now stood behind me. He wrapped his arms around my bare body, politely keeping his hands on my belly as if it made it less sexual by not touching my breasts. I could feel his hard shaft pressing into my backside. God how I wanted him inside me.

"I have to go." I said suddenly and grabbed my clothes and practically ran out of there. That was beginning to feel like a habit now.

"Shannon, wait!" He said chasing me to the door. "Let me explain."

"Maybe I'll see you at the wedding." I said as I turned to see him one last time. He was standing practically in the hallway completely nude and definitely erect.

The week leading up to the wedding was torturous. Where did Mark and I stand? Where did this leave me with Jason? Oh god Jason! He doesn't deserve this. I have to tell him. But what if Mark still marries Ashley? I'll have lost both of them. Maybe I don't deserve either of them. My mind raced with those thoughts all week.

The wedding was held at an incredible winery. So beautiful. I couldn't stand to think about Mark and Ashley actually getting married. I couldn't bare the thought of admitting everything to Jason. I was starting to panic and excused myself with my most ladylike excuse. "I need to use the powder room."

I quickly ducked into one of the stalls and just sat there wondering what I was going to do. This is so fucked up, I kept thinking to myself over and over again. Shortly after that I heard a few girls giggling as they entered the bathroom.

I could barely make out through the slit of the stall door that they were wearing the same dress as they stood in front of the mirror. Must be bridesmaids. I sat there on the toilet as quiet as possible trying to hear what they were saying.

"Ash is a mess." One said.

"I know, that poor girl. Luckily Jason is calming her down now." The other replied.

How is Jason going to calm her down? Why is he there at all? I wondered.

"Oh my god, remember last week at her party?" I heard one say.

"How could I forget? That was...fucking hot. Different, but hot." They both giggled.

"I know. I never thought of Jason in that way. Well before that night...I've certainly thought of him like that since then." They both giggled again even louder this time.

"I wish my husband would do something like that for me." And again they were in a fit of laughter.

What the hell happened? What did Jason do? Did I even truly care at this point? I wondered as I continued to listen.

There was a flush from the adjacent stall and heard the sounds on of high heels exiting the stall shortly after. The giggling died down immediately.

"Ladies." The new woman said.

"Hi Melanie. How is the mother of bride doing on this wonderful day?" I heard one of the girls ask.

"Not as well as it sounds like you guys were last weekend." She said plainly.

"Oh we were just celebrating her future marriage that's all." One said almost nervously.

"No doubt." Melanie said. "I trust you gave her send off to remember."

They giggled. "You could say that."

"And I trust it will always remain between you..." She said suggestively. "Whatever did or didn't happen...never happened now."

"Yes, ma'am, of course." They both replied obediently.

"Good. See you ladies out there." She said and the sound of her heels echoed as she left the restroom.

As soon as the door shut the giggles resumed. "Do you think she knows what really happened?" One asked.

"I don't know how, but it seems like she does. She always knows what we're up to before it even happens."

"Spooky." One said and they both chuckled again.

"Okay, but can we talk about how good she looks? I wish my tits look half as good as hers when I'm older." One said.

"Tits? I wish my ass looked as good as hers now." They both giggled and left the room sounding as if they didn't have a care in the world. Must be nice I thought as I finally stood up and flushed the toilet realizing I didn't even pee.

I went to the mirror and adjusted my hair, touched up my makeup and took a few deep breaths. I didn't even really care what happened with them and Jason last week. Truthfully I hoped something did happen. Maybe it would lessen the guilt I was feeling. Or at least end some of the confusion.

I knew that wasn't true. What I was feeling had nothing to do with Jason. And that was the worst part. I was finally realizing it was over between us. But I had other things on my mind now. I needed to find Mark. I needed closure.

I wandered out of the lady's room and asked the first person I saw if they knew where Mark was. "Downstairs I think. That's where all the groomsmen are." The stranger said as he walked away.

It was too much to think that he'd be alone. Of course he wouldn't be.

I walked downstairs into a completely different environment. It was like a frat party. There were a few guys in various states of dress. Some were in suit pants and unbuttoned shirts, some in boxers and undershirts clearly waiting until the absolute last moment to wear the suit. They all either had a beer in hand or a scotch.

A few noticed me, but none bothered to cover up. They welcomed the opportunity for me to see them barely dressed.

"Shannon! What are you doing down here?" Mark asked as he saw my reflection in the mirror as he was trying to figure out his bowtie.

"I came to see you. One last time." I said plainly.

He stopped what he was doing and gave me a hug. "We should talk." He said as he escorted me into the men's room. "Sorry, but it's the most privacy we'll get." He laughed.

I looked around; I had never been in a men's room before. There were urinals only a few inches apart that ran all the way to the ground. Is that really how guys pee? I wondered. So close together and out in the open?

"Look, Shannon. I don't know what happened between us, or how we even got here."

I nodded. This was it.

"But it's probably best that we end...whatever this is." He said consolingly.

This only made me more mad because I came to say the same thing. But I was hoping to be the one to say it. "I know." Was all I said.

"If things were different...if the timing was different..."

"I know." I repeated.

He kissed me on the cheek. And then on the lips. And then again. Someone walked in the room.

"Oh shit, sorry dude. I just have to pee." It was one of the groomsmen, clearly drunk.

Mark laughed. "No worries." He said.

The guy walked up to the urinal only a few feet from us and pulled out his penis and began to pee. He let out a deep sigh. "Sorry, I really have to go." He said as he looked over at me making no effort to cover up.

"I can see that." I said, laughing a little as I couldn't help but find myself staring at the show. I watched as he shook his thick penis, and tucked it back in his pants and left without washing his hands.

"That seems to happen a lot around us." I joked to Mark.

"You didn't seem to mind." He said almost with a hint of jealousy.

I shrugged my shoulders and blushed. Maybe I did enjoy it. So what? I smiled. "It's nice to see something like that and not worry about guilt or anything other than just what it was." I thought about what I said and came to a sudden realization.

"Oh god. That really wasn't a big deal." I said. "Did I overreact to the original campsite incident? Did I cause everything because I was too mad to see how harmless it all was?" I said as I started to panic.

"Calm down. This isn't your fault. None of this is." He rubbed my shoulders. "I don't think you overreacted at all." He paused and looked off to the side. "I don't think either one of us overreacted. Jason did what he did on purpose. I think Ashley enjoyed it. And I don't think it was the first time either."

I could tell that was hard for him to say. "You mean you never talked about it with her? You never cleared things up?" I asked more surprised than anything.

He just shook his head. "What good would it do? I don't think I would want to hear the answer."

Wow. I couldn't believe it. At least Jason and I eventually talked about it.

"But I'm far from perfect. I mean..." He awkwardly pointed to both of us.

"I know." I replied softly with a smile. "Well I really just came to say goodbye and wish you both the best of luck together."

"That means a lot." He leaned over to give me a hug. "For what's it's worth, if I could do it all over, I wouldn't change a thing."

"And there's that charming man that I fell in love with." Wait, did I really just say that aloud? "Uhh." Was all I could mutter as I stared at his blank face.

"I have to go." And I got out of there as quickly as I possibly could. My mind was racing and I didn't even fully know what just happened. Did I really just say I love him? Do I love him? There's no way, I thought to myself.

When I found Jason upstairs he was talking to Melanie, Ashley's mom. I made polite conversation but mostly tried to avoid eye contact with her. Luckily it looked like she was mostly focused on Jason, and not in a friendly way. I was too distracted to really know what they were talking about. Something about wine?

Before I knew it we had already taken our seats and the music just started up. My mind flooded with a million thoughts. Guilty, confusing, stomach wrenching thoughts. I can't do this I thought. The tears started to fall down my cheeks almost uncontrollably. I felt Jason try to comfort me.

"It will be okay." Jason kept saying over and over.

"No, no it won't." I said unable to hold it in any longer. "Jason, I lied to you."

"Shannon, what did you lie to me about?" Jason asked impatiently.

"Everything." I said with a final sob and ran out of the room unable to take it anymore.

I ran through the bar area and out the back doors to the patio. I finally broke down completely, barely holding myself up against the railing of the balcony that overlooked the beautiful vineyard.

I felt Jason's hand on my upper back and I began softly shake from crying. "Shannon, what is going on?" He asked. "You know you can tell me anything..."

"You won't like I have to say." I said quietly wondering how I even got here.

"That may be true. Doesn't mean I don't want to hear it." He said softly.

"Jason, I haven't been completely honest with you." This was hard.

"The other week you were trying to find out if something was going on between Mark and me. I told you we met up a few times to sort out the details for their honeymoon." I said gazing out into the distance, unable to look him in the eye.

He nodded quietly as we both looked at the neatly patterned row of grapes that stretched to the horizon.

"Well that was only part of it." I began to cry again and felt Jason rub my neck. This was hard for us both.

"We've actually been meeting up for a while now."

"Oh?" Jason said curiously but didn't really seem surprised.

I nodded. "I guess it all started when we went on that camping trip together."

Jason listened quietly.

"No, fuck that! This all started when you moved in with Ashley." I said, gaining a little courage. "Do you remember how we were months before you moved in with her? We were so happy. It was hard to spend time apart."

He nodded and looked like he was remembering those times clearly.

"Then you moved in with her." I said. "Suddenly I had to compete for your time. For your attention."

Jason has no response and looked downward avoiding eye contact.

"Do you know how shitty that feels...to compete for your own boyfriend's time with another girl?" I asked rhetorically. "As you grew more distant, I tried to sort it all out in my head." And then I added, "but I still wanted to be with you."

Jason remained silent so I continued.

"When you suggested we all go camping to get to know each other I was hesitant. But I thought I'd give it a chance for you. Ashley clearly became an important friend to you, and I owed it to you to try to be friends with her."

I wiped away a tear and continued. "Ashley and Mark were so nice when I met them. So welcoming. I thought we could all be great friends. At first."

I took a deep sigh. "But I saw the way you looked at her. And I saw the way you looked at Mark with envy. I felt invisible."

He looked like he really wanted to say something, but he bit his tongue and let me continue.

"And then...and THEN...for some unknown reason you decided to pee on the campfire in front of everyone." I said with a laugh, barely believing it happened. "I tried to see the humor in it. I tried to appreciate the fact that you were drinking and we're all adults and maybe it was just a stupid joke. I wanted to believe it was no big deal. But it was. It was a huge deal. And I'm not talking about your stupid cock!" I said letting out a little anger.

"What possible reason could you have had for doing that? All I could think about was the fact that you wanted to show Ashley your penis. Something I thought only I got to see."

This was stressful and yet so necessary, so I continued. "But then a worse thought crept into my head. What if that wasn't the first time she saw it? You had been living together with her for a while. Maybe you've both seen each other naked. I had no idea if that was true, but that's all I could think about." I tried to calm down and gain my composure.

"I was ready to leave the campsite immediately, but had no way to get out of there. I certainly wasn't going to ask to borrow your car. So I took a long walk the next day just as the sun was rising. I decided a warm relaxing shower might help clear my mind."

I saw the look on his face when I mentioned the shower. He had clearly been curious about what happened.

"Ohhh that shower...." I said softly and enjoying the memory of it in my head.

"Shannon, what on earth happened in the shower?" He asked breaking his silence for the first time in several minutes.

"A lot." I said and added, "But probably not what you think."

I smiled softly. "It's not as important to know what happened as it is to know how it made me feel."

He looked confused. "How did it make you feel?" Jason finally asked.

"A lot of things go through your mind when you're caught completely naked by someone you just met. In a situation like that I would have expected to feel vulnerable. Feel embarrassed. Feel scared. And I was. Believe me I was. But he was so kind. So cool. Something about how he apologized and tried to be a gentleman. I can't really explain it. But he made me feel like I was visible. Like I mattered and was appreciated.

Like I was a person. I'm a fucking person, Jason! I haven't felt like that with you in months. Maybe even longer." I said as months of frustration seemed to come out effortlessly.

Jason stood there blankly trying to process all of this.

"Anyway, despite it being the most awkward situation of my life, we talked. We really connected."

I wondered how much I should tell him.

"To be honest it felt good to connect with someone again. It felt amazing actually. Mark thought so, too."

I could tell by the smirk on Jason's face he didn't like that. Well too fucking bad!

"We met up a few times after that to talk through what happened as neither one of us felt good about how we left the situation. More meet ups led to venting about problems in each of our relationships. But what made it so satisfying was that we never dwelled on what was wrong in our relationships. We usually forgot about whatever was bothering us after we chatted. That was how we grew close over time."

It felt so good to finally get it off my chest. Most of that was true, but I didn't feel the need to tell him everything. He didn't need to know about the drawings, the flirting and where that led.

"I'll spare you the rest, but we eventually got close. Too close. Mistakes were made. But I don't think either one of us really regretted it. And think that was why it continued to happen."

Jason nodded. I could tell he understood. "What about the honeymoon planning? And the tickets to Paris? Was that all made up?" He asked.

"No that was real. It was a reason for us to meet up. The tickets are real. He purchased them." I said.

"So all that time while things were happening, you were still helping plan his honeymoon?" Jason asked.

"That was hard. It definitely was an awkward spot neither of us talked about." I paused. "Somehow I never thought he'd go through with the wedding." I said softly got a little sad at that realization.

"Did you think he would leave her for you?" Jason blurted out.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe. I'm not sure I was really thinking clearly either way."

I looked down and added, "Doesn't really matter now. He made his choice."

Jason gave me a hug and we both were teary eyed at this point. "You deserve to feel like the most important person in the world, Shannon. You deserve better than me."

We hugged harder and both knew this was pretty much it. Our relationship had run its course, as strange as that course was.

We kissed one last time before ending our hug. "Don't ever settle for anything less than you deserve." He said.

"Same to you, Jason." I said with a sad smile.

"Goodbye, Shannon."

"Goodbye, Jason."

I watched as Jason left the patio to return inside. Tears streamed down my face. I wasn't sure where to go from here. No Jason. No Mark. No car. Shit I need to stop relying on guys for rides I thought to myself as I wondered how long it would take a cab to get way out here in the country.

I walked aimlessly in the parking lot hoping for some miracle that there was a cab driver just waiting. No such luck. I broke down and started to cry once more. This was just too emotional a day.

I heard footsteps behind me and quickly turned around.

"Someone wise told me not too long ago to not worry. Everything will be okay." Mark said softly.

I wiped my tears away trying to gain some composure in front of him. "You shouldn't listen to that person. They're clearly crazy." I laughed and tried to act like nothing was wrong.

"Did you really mean it?" He asked sincerely.

"That everything will be okay? I mean I guess...it always is eventually." I said a little confused.

"No, not that. That you loved me?" He said as he took a step closer.

I had almost completely forgotten about that. "Yes." I said realizing it was how I truly felt. "But that doesn't matter. I want you to be happy. I hope you and Ashley live an amazing life together."

"I want to show you something." He said and handed me his phone.

"What?" I asked clearly confused.

"Open the notes icon." He said and I obeyed.

"Open it." He said plainly.

I clicked on the note and began to scroll through what looked to be like his journal of his own. It was filled with the same kind of lovey-dovey nonsense my own journal used to be. I skimmed through and saw the words, "I think I may have found the one for me. She's beautiful, shy and confident at the same time. Completely mesmerizing. I can't stop thinking about her."

"Why are you showing me this?" I asked thinking this was only adding insult to injury. I get it...Ashley's amazing, no wonder all the guys I like want to be with her.

"What's the date of the top note?" He asked.

"A few weeks ago. Why?" I asked. And then it hit me, this couldn't have been about Ashley if it was written that recently. "You mean...?" I asked unsure how to phrase it.

"I wrote that after I met you while camping." He said softly with a little smile.

"You just liked that you saw me naked." I joked, but really hoped that wasn't the reason.

"I couldn't have picked your body out of a lineup. I wasn't looking at your body. I was looking at the real you." He said as he stepped closer.