Sweetest Sin

"Josh and Pearl need you, Adrian." Oliver said softly. "Try to remember that the next time you feel like...indulging."

Adrian nodded. "I'll remember that. I would also like to apologize for my...behaviour after the..."

"You were grieving. I understand." Oliver said quietly.

"Really?" Adrian tilted his head and looked at Oliver who nodded slowly. "Well, the other thing I wanted to tell you was that..." Adrian took a deep breath. This was it. "I think it will be better if we don't...continue with...what we had, Oliver. I enjoyed every moment we spent together. It was pure heaven. But now I just want to concentrate on my children, just be there for them. I know this may come as a blow but...that's what I want. That is the right thing to do. There's no room for..." Adrian trailed off, stifling a groan at the stunned and hurt expression on Oliver's handsome face.

But though Adrian hadn't completed his last sentence, Oliver didn't have to be a genius to know what he'd been about to say. There was no room in his life for Oliver. To say Oliver was devastated would be an understatement. His chest grew tight and hot. There were a myriad of emotions running through him at that particular instant. Sadness, shock, anger, humiliation but most of all, Oliver was hurt. Yes, Donna had warned him. But that had still not prepared him for the pain in his chest. He'd thought Adrian disappearing on him after Donna's death was what Donna had warned him about. He'd never thought Adrian would actually open his mouth and say something so cruel and hurtful like what he'd just said, to him. It felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He knew he had to fight. He'd promised Donna. Even if he hadn't, he had to fight for what he wanted...and that was Adrian. But at that very moment, Oliver felt so shattered he just needed to get away. Maybe he would find the strength to fight another time. But definitely not that day. He knew he would breakdown if he didn't get away fast. That would be the ultimate humiliation. And he really didn't want to give Adrian that satisfaction.

"I..." Oliver stood up. "I'll...just give me a moment please." His voice remained steady, but he was anything but calm. Then totally ignoring the confused look on Adrian's face, Oliver headed for the stairs.

In his room upstairs, Oliver sighed and looked out of the window at the rains. "Just great." He muttered.

He quickly pulled on a hoodie, threw his stuff into his back pack, and then went back downstairs with his bag strapped to his back. Adrian was still sitting on the couch, where he'd left him, staring at the newscaster who was saying something about the unexpected rains already causing havoc in some areas.

"Tell Sandra and Mark I said thanks." Oliver said to Adrian as he headed for the door.

He neither had a rain coat nor an umbrella but with his head covered with his hoodie, he hoped he wouldn't get too wet from the door to the garage. When he tried to open the door however, it wouldn't open. He looked up in surprise to see Adrian's hand on the door.

"Don't go." Adrian muttered.

"What?" Oliver asked, turning to look at Adrian with an incredulous expression. "You just said there was no room in your life for me, Adr..."

"I never said tha..."

"Don't insult my intelligence, please. Just..."

"It's raining." Adrian stated the obvious, his heart pounding within his chest. "At least wait till tomorrow."

Oliver gave a humorless chuckle. "Don't worry, man. I'll be fine." He said turning to the door again.

"Please Olly." Adrian whispered. "I don't want you to go."

For the life of him, Oliver didn't understand why the damned tears sprang to his eyes at those words. He knew if he attempted to talk he would completely lose it. So he stood there quietly for a while till he felt composed enough.

"Listen Adrian, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. Trying to keep me out of the rain and all. But let's face it, a little rain won't hurt me."

"I didn't mean you should leave when I said what I did Oliv..."

"What the fuck did you mean then?" Oliver suddenly whirled around to face Adrian with fire in his eyes. "Tell me Adrian." His voice shook. "You told me exactly what you felt. It hurts to hear it but I have to respect it." Oliver furiously wiped at his cheeks when he felt the wetness. "Don't strip away the little pride I'm managing to hold on to." He sounded so wretched. "Please. Just let me go. I'm begging you."

Adrian almost died at those words. "Oh my God, Olly..." Regret hit him hard. Adrian could feel himself shaking. He pressed Oliver against the door with his body, and then pressed his temple to Oliver's. He could tell that the only reason Oliver hadn't moved was because he was trying to compose himself. With a groan, he began to drop kisses all over Oliver's face. "Please don't cry." He whispered between kisses, regret clouding his eyes. "It kills me to see you cry." Adrian cupped Oliver's cheeks. Then his lips were grazing Oliver's, tasting his tears...

Oliver flipped...

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Oliver growled furiously as he pushed Adrian with such force he took some steps back. "You don't get to do that anymore. You don't get to treat people as if they don't have feelings...hurt them, and then expect them to stick around by kissing them. Only a soulless sadist would expect that. Maybe this is how you've always been. I was just blind to it. Shame on me for expecting more. Just stay away from me Adrian."

"Please don't say that, Olly." Adrian sounded so anguished all the fight went out of Oliver.

"I'm sorry." He apologized with a sigh. "But the worst feeling ever, is sitting next to the person who means the world to you, knowing that you mean nothing to them."

"Oliver..." Adrian groaned, but Oliver held up his hand to stop him.

"If you truly love someone, then the only thing you want for them is to be happy...even if it's not with you." Oliver said softly. "And I love you very much, Adrian. That's never going to stop." And with that, Oliver opened the door and dashed into the rain.

Adrian was so stunned at Oliver's words he couldn't move. By the time he snapped out of his numbness and ran outside, Oliver's rented Audi was driving through the gate.

"Oh fuck." Adrian groaned, his face etched with raw anguish. "What have I done?" He breathed, wishing he could turn back time and take back everything he'd just told Oliver. Watching him go was more painful than he'd imagined. "Fuck, what was I thinking?" He couldn't believe he'd actually told Oliver all that crap. It felt as if some scales had suddenly fallen off his eyes. And the thought of losing Oliver was actually freaking him out. Surely even Donna would think him foolish for thinking he didn't deserve any happiness, Arian thought with a groan. Why did he even think he could live without Oliver and remain sane? "Shit, shit, shit..." Adrian muttered as he went back in and dashed up the stairs. He needed to catch up with Oliver...needed to make things right...needed to make him know just how much he meant to him.

Adrian dialed Mark's number as he pulled on his sneakers. He was already in jeans and a t-shirt so he didn't need to change. Unfortunately he had just one car at the lake house...and Mark was out with it.

"Doctor Gra..."

"Come back to the house immediately Mark." Adrian barked into the receiver. He had to try very hard not scream at the guy as he really wanted to.

"Is everything..."

"Just come home now." Then he hung up and dialed Oliver's cell phone. It was off. "Fuck."

Adrian paced as he waited for Mark and Sandra to get home. He had to wait for about forty-five minutes as they'd been at the fish market when his call had come through. And that was a really far place. Immediately Mark parked and got out of the car, Adrian slipped behind the wheel and waited impatiently as they took their stuff out of the trunk. The rains had finally stopped.

"What happened Dr. Graham?" Sandra asked with a look of alarm. "Where's Oliver?"

"I did something very stupid." He knew he didn't have to explain himself to his employees but he felt he owed them some explanation. They all loved Oliver. "He left. I need to go after him. Are you done?" He asked when he heard Mark close the trunk of the car.

"Yes Sir. But why don't you let me drive?" Mark asked looking worriedly at his boss. He didn't think Adrian was in the right frame of mind to drive.

"I've got this." Adrian muttered as he backed out.

"Bring him back home, Dr. Graham." Sandra called out but Adrian was already speeding off.

And even as he sped towards the airport, he prayed that was where Oliver was headed. If he wasn't there, then he would have to check the hotels till he found him.

***

"Do you have any flights leaving for Florida today?" Adrian asked the smartly dressed airline lady at the counter.

"Sure. At four thirty p.m." She smiled when she saw Adrian's sigh of relief. "It's your lucky day. The flight is not full. The one that just took off was though. Would you want me to book..."

"Did you say one just left?" Adrian frowned.

"Yes. But it was already full so you wouldn't have gotten on anyway. Well, unless of course you would have been lucky enough to convince someone to sell you their seat."

Adrian stared at the lady, the gears shifting in his brain. "Do people get that lucky? I mean get people to sell their seats." He knew he couldn't ask whether Oliver had been on board because they never divulged such information.

"No. That doesn't happen often." She shook her head. "But if you're desperate enough, and someone feels sorry for you and think they can delay their flight to help you, it happens."

Adrian felt his hands shaking. Oliver had looked desperate enough. "Did a young man by any chance take someone's seat to be on the flight that just left?" He asked quietly. "Please." He whispered. "I need to know."

The lady looked up from her monitor to stare at Adrian's face. Something on his face must have gotten to her because she swallowed, and then nodded slowly.

Adrian took out his cell phone and clicked on a picture of Oliver. "Was this him?" His voice shook. At her nod, he rubbed the back of his neck. "Fuck." He swore under his breath. "I'm sorry. Thank you." Adrian told the lady and then turned to stare at the tarmac.

He looked lost. He would give anything to be on that plane that very moment. He wished he hadn't dispatched his pilot back to Florida. He would have been on his way to Florida in the next thirty minutes. Adrian really didn't have the patience to wait for the guy to come and pick him up as that would mean he would probably have to wait and travel the following day. That wasn't good enough. He turned back to the lady behind the counter.

"I'd like to book a flight please."

***

Oliver left his backpack on the floor by the door and started stripping as he made his way towards his bedroom and the shower. The water was cold when he stepped under the spray but he didn't care. He felt so cold inside a little cold water against his skin was nothing he wouldn't handle. He just stood under the water, the pain inside so intense his hand lifted to his chest to rub at the ache that shortened his breathing. It all seemed like a bad dream. He didn't want to think about it but he couldn't help himself. All Oliver could see when he closed his eyes was Adrian's face as he told him he had no room in his life for him. Those words, though not completed, kept running through his mind. Had he done something wrong? Why was Adrian rejecting him? Maybe the powers that be were punishing him for not only fucking but actually falling for somebody's husband. If only he'd never set eyes on Adrian Graham, Oliver thought bitterly. But he had no one to blame for all his pain but himself he couldn't help but acknowledge. He'd willingly broken all of his own rules by getting involved with not just a straight man, but one who was married as well. What amazed Oliver was that despite the fact that Adrian had broken his heart, he still couldn't bring himself to hate him. He still loved him with all the little pieces.

When Oliver went back to his bedroom, he just flopped facedown onto his bed, still naked, and then replayed what Adrian had told him that morning, in his head. He couldn't believe it was over. He'd failed Donna. But worst of all, he'd failed himself because the love he had for Adrian was the kind you fought for... His Adrian was the kind of man you fought for. Oliver thought miserably. He'd failed. And as if a floodgate had been opened suddenly, the gut-wrenching sobs began. Great heaving sobs that sounded like they were coming from a wounded animal, shook his frame. He cried like his heart was breaking. It was painful and he wished he could stop but he couldn't. Oliver cried himself to sleep.

***

When Adrian entered Oliver's apartment around seven that evening, his eyes landed on the clothes strewed all over the floor. He remembered they were the clothes Oliver had been wearing when he left the lake house that morning. He bent to pick up each discarded clothing as he made his way towards Oliver's bedroom. He went directly to the bathroom to put Oliver's clothes into the laundry basket. Then he came to stand beside a naked sleeping Oliver. Adrian almost died when he saw the ventolin inhaler clutched in Oliver's hand. He knew Oliver only became short of breath when he was very upset. The light from the bathroom lit his face, revealing dried tear marks on his face.

"Fuck." Adrian swore.

Oliver had obviously fallen asleep crying. He'd done that to him. He'd allowed his own stupid resolution to push Oliver away. He'd degraded what they had by dismissing it as nothing important. And Adrian had never regretted his actions more.

Adrian gently pulled up the covers over Oliver. Then he took off his shirt, leaving on his undershirt, and then went to the kitchen to prepare some food. Besides the fact that Adrian needed to do something to get his mind off the regret and guilt within him, he also wanted to prepare something for Oliver to eat when he woke up. And Adrian knew just what Oliver would love. Oliver loved his creamy light pasta with shrimps and mushrooms. The first day Adrian had prepared it for Oliver, he'd stuffed himself to the extent that he'd fallen asleep right after instead of working as he'd planned. Oliver had been pissed at Adrian when he'd woken up but had never missed an opportunity to cajole Adrian into preparing that dish for him whenever he could. In fact, Oliver always made sure he had the ingredients for that dish in the house for days he could convince Adrian to cook. What better way to show remorse and apologize to the man he loved than preparing for him the food he loved, Adrian thought as he took the ingredients out of the fridge.

As Adrian cooked, what he'd said to Oliver weighed heavily on his mind. The memory of Oliver's pale face etched with shock and defeat haunted him. He just couldn't get that look out of his head. He hoped Oliver would forgive him and ignore his silly talk about not continuing what they had. Because he was nothing without Oliver.

***

"I thought I told you to stay away from me."

Adrian straightened from putting the cooked food into the oven and turned at the sound of Oliver's voice. He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, looking disheveled from his sleep. With his arms folded across his chest and his sexy arse covered in a hot red boxer briefs, Oliver looked as sexy as all fuck!

"Listen Oliver, I'm sorry." Adrian said quietly. "I really don't know what else to say besides sorry. I made a mistake. A huge one. But you have to forgive me." He dropped the napkin he was holding onto the Kitchen Island and relaxed against it with ankles and arms crossed. "You don't have any choice. Know why?" Adrian had to suppress the urge to laugh at the confused and incredulous look on Oliver's face. "You're mine." He stated simply.

Oliver's face flushed with anger and indignation. For a moment he looked lost for words, then his lips began to move. "I can't do this right now." Oliver spoke through gritted teeth. "You have to leave."

"I'm not going anywhere Oliver."

"What?" Oliver looked surprised at Adrian's response. "Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby? I said I don't want you in my home. Just..."

"I never meant what we had to go this far." Adrian said quietly. "I never meant to let you in. But then I should not have kissed you that first time. And certainly not the second." They both clearly remembered the unbridled sex that had followed their first kiss. "There's this light in you so bright it makes me feel like I don't even deserve to be in your presence. But I feel lucky that I get the chance to be. And although of late I've been feeling as if I don't deserve all the joy and bliss I know you can give me, I've decided I do. And I'm never going to let you go."

"Well, good for you." Oliver rasped sneeringly. "And good luck in holding on to me."

"I love you Oliver." Adrian's voice cracked, the unmistakable vulnerability sifting through his intense amber eyes, shocking Oliver. "I've been in love with you for a long time." He swallowed hard. "I think I loved you the moment I saw you. And when we made love for the first time, it became something more. I was just too blind to see it. I need you in my life, Oliver. I can't live without you. I made a stupid mistake. Don't give up on me. Please." The vulnerability etched on his gorgeous face undid Oliver. He gasped. It was obvious Adrian was being truthful.

Oliver's legs almost buckled, the enormity of hearing Adrian say those words to him almost stole the strength right from his body. He stared at Adrian. The man he loved more than anything in the world. The man who had shattered his world with just a few words. Hearing Adrian say he loved him should have blown him away. He'd waited to hear those words for what seemed like an eternity. But now that he finally had, he was too hurt to feel that joy. All he wanted to do was hurt Adrian too. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Make him experience what it felt like to be rejected and hurt by the one you loved.

"I didn't come directly home from the airport." Oliver began quietly. "I needed to forget. So I went to visit an old acquaintance. We had sex." He shrugged nonchalantly. "I needed that. And it was really good." He watched Adrian's face, saw the flash of pain in his eyes, saw how suspiciously bright those intense suddenly became, and felt an answering pain in his own heart but ignored it and went on. "He's coming over to spend the night so...you have to go."

Adrian went very still, eyes narrowed to steely slits...suddenly glittering dangerously as he stared at Oliver...almost as if he was trying to read him. For a moment he looked like he was going to raise hell but a calm settled over his features and he visibly softened.

"I don't believe you." Adrian finally said softly.

Oliver shrugged indifferently. "I don't care what you believe. Just telling you how it is since we're all being honest here."

"I don't care who you've fucked." Adrian straightened from the Island and started walking towards Oliver, his stride loose and easy, yet entirely predatory. "I love you, Oliver. And I want you like I've never wanted anyone. Much as the mere thought of you with someone else kills me inside, some passing fuck is not going to change how I feel about you."

Oliver's breath hitched in his throat. The combination of Adrian's sexy swag, the way he was staring at him with such scorching hunger and possessiveness, and those heart-meltingly sweet words was driving him insane. He wanted Adrian with a ferocity he couldn't fight...or hide. But he quickly tried to cover how affected he was by Adrian by giving a short humourless laughter.