The Bonding Chronicles Ch. 18

"Dammit, Alexi," she muttered as she forced herself to look away. "Well, guess I'll have to deal with that soon, too."

With little effort, she threw on a pair of hiking boots and a thin rain jacket. It was sunny outside, and summer still hung heavy in the air, but she knew better than to trust the weather, knowing that rain hid around every corner.

The drive was relaxing and fast, and in a strange way shorter than she had wanted. Her mind was still sorting through her thoughts, worry creeping at the edge of her consciousness as she tried to think through what might happen when that closet door opened. Then her thoughts turned towards the purpose for her drive. Could she help Tani'm, or would she only make the druid's life more difficult? In the end, she comforted herself with the knowledge that she could only move forward.

Life, as she had learned, moved in only one direction, whether you were ready for it or not.

Meanwhile, Tani'm was still sprawled out in the grass beside the pond, and heard the small car driving up her lane well before it came into sight. She had only slept for a couple of hours, but thanks to her forest, it was all she needed. Calm and relaxation was giving way to dread as she prepared herself for what was coming. Karen had been the first person since Eddie she had allowed herself to trust, and she knew that what was about to happen would be difficult and hurtful.

The car parked, and Tani'm listened as Karen walked towards her. The woman's steps were slow and careful, the tall grass and unsteady ground making the journey difficult for anyone not experienced in traversing wild terrain. Tani'm wanted to look over, to see Karen's beautiful olive complexion framed within that amazing brunette forest, but she couldn't. She had seen that look too many times in the past, and to see it on Karen's face would be too heartbreaking.

The older woman finally stopped a few feet away, her breathing was steady and unlabored, making Tani'm reason that Karen's magical nature must help her keep her anger in check.

"Just say what you need to say, and then leave."

Tani'm's words were spoken in a soft tone that undercut their brusque delivery. Karen didn't need her gift to know the small girl was in pain, but it helped her to realize just how much.

"God, what did your parents do to you, child?" Karen thought as she studied her young friend.

Tani'm was growing restless as she waited for Karen to explode with anger, and when that didn't happen, she began to expect some short but guilt inducing statement to find its way from her lips. In a strange way, she wanted the older woman to yell at her, or to pressure her into what she wanted. It would hurt, but it was familiar, and while she hated it, a small part of her still felt like she deserved it.

Karen stood and watched the small woman struggle through a sea of emotion, her empathic gift helping her to feel the turbulent rush of fear and anxiety that coursed through Tani'm's small body. It was chaotic and confusing, such intense and dread inducing emotion brought forth by nothing more than Tani'm's anticipation. She had no idea what the fragile young woman feared, or expected, but she knew the pain ran deep and seemed to cloud everything the poor girl saw. Karen struggled, knowing that she could ease her suffering, but realizing that she would not be helping by doing so; some things had to be experienced, if you were ever going to overcome them.

Tears welled up in Tani'm's eyes as the threat of confrontation loomed before her. She knew the script well, and knew the part she was supposed to play, having lived through it for much of her young life. The anticipation of it was becoming worse than the act itself, so with smooth but mechanical movement, Tani'm sat up and turned her gaze towards Karen. There was a pain in her gut that would not go away, a primal fear that brought panic to her limbs, and made it difficult for her to talk.

"I'm not gonna' give you what you want, okay? So, you can just go back to him, and tell him to find someone else!"

There were tears streaming down Karen's cheeks as she listened to Tani'm's angry words. The weight of Tani'm's emotions were greater than Karen had expected, and revealed just how fragile the young woman's facade of strength was. Beneath the girls angry exterior, Karen could sense a thousand wounds screaming out from her past.

"Please, Karen, just go. I'll be okay."

Karen smiled, finding a glimmer of hope in Tani'm's words. Part of the delicate young woman knew why Karen was there, and understood that Karen's presence had nothing to do with Andrew or her family.

Tani'm's shell was breaking, cracks forming at the edge of her strength as Karen refused to do what she expected. Her defense was failing, and her mind began to flail in search of ways to protect herself. She knew a manipulation was coming, but the lack of an obvious approach was tearing her apart.

Her eyes grew wide, and her arms came up in defense as Karen knelt down and pulled her into her arms. The scent of honey never smelt so confusing, welcoming and yet troubling at the same time. Her breath caught in her throat and her arms went limp as Karen shushed into her ear, a deep maternal warmth forcing its way into her as Karen rubbed her back.

Panic began to build, Tani'm's mind finding a thousand ways that the comfort she was given could be twisted and turned, leading her towards what Karen wanted. She tried to push against the older woman, who refused to let go, screaming and twisting her head while Karen held her tight.

"I'm not gonna do it. I won't. I... don't want this..."

Her words began to flow in a steady stream of panic, Tani'm finding countless ways to express the same defiant sentiment. Each passing moment built her suspense and dread ever more, as Tani'm tried to figure out why Karen was doing this. The older woman still hadn't said a word, and yet her embrace seemed to relax and intensify with the swelling and fading of Tani'm's emotions.

Eventually, as the minutes passed and the fight began to fade from within her, Tani'm allowed the comfort to overcome her worry. Her body shaking as a cold sweat washed across her. She was braced for what was coming, not sure how, but knowing that Karen was there to pull her into Andrew's family.

"I'm so sorry," Karen whispered, her words breaking as she experienced much of Tani'm's turbulent emotions.

She pulled back, tears in her eyes as she caressed Tani'm's cheek, the younger woman looking at her like an animal caught in a trap.

"I never should have taken you to The Glade, and after you told me about your parents and how you had emancipated yourself, I should have stopped involving you in my activities with Andrew..." Tani'm closed her eyes and fought back a sob as she leaned into Karen's caress. "It was selfish of me to have not considered your past when I made those mistakes, and seeing the results of those actions truly breaks my heart."

Karen fell back into the grass, landing with a dull wet sound as the plants and thin layer of water absorbed her impact. The slight twist to Karen's expression showed her surprise at how wet and cold the ground was, and caused Tani'm's expression to soften as she watched Karen twist in discomfort.

The distance between them felt like a mile, both women waiting for the other to make a move. Karen, unsure whether Tani'm had actually heard her message, and Tani'm wanting to trust her friend, but fearing the betrayal she knew would come.

"The truth is, there's nothing I can say that will make you believe me, Tani'm."

Even as Karen waited for her words to be processed, she could feel the young druid's emotions twisting and distorting her message. There was a small part of Tani'm that wanted to believe her, but so much more that worked to protect the poor girl.

"You would think with all the experience I've had, I would no longer be making these types of mistakes, but as gifted as I am, I'm still prone to overlooking the obvious when I find something worth holding onto."

Tani'm was struggling to see how Karen's sentiment was building towards a manipulation, but she knew it was coming — it had to.

"Andrew and Sara will be here in a bit to fix your house. You've given up so much in your fight with the wolf, and now that it's behind us, you deserve to get back to your life."

There was still anxiety pouring off of Tani'm like a thick fog, but there were dense patches of confusion mixed in as well. Feeling emotions with such clarity and strength was new to Karen, and she hoped she wasn't misinterpreting what she saw.

"Please let me heal your arm... After we've mended your life as best we can, we'll go away and you'll never have to see us again, but..." There was a long pause as Karen fought back her own sorrow.

For the last couple of days she had been certain that Tani'm would join them, the small woman's conflict seeming so superficial at the time. Though, now with the wolf out of the picture, and their common enemy removed from the equation, she was able to see just how vast that fissure had become. If not for the wolf, Karen was certain that Tani'm would never have allowed them to get so close to her.

For the first time, she found herself hating Andrew's uncanny ability to see a person's true nature. He may not have known why she was hiding herself away, but he knew it was not something they should bring into their family. Karen knew it was her fault that Andrew had hoped for the best from Tani'm, but he had always been clear regarding his anxiety about bringing her into their family, and now that Karen understood just how deep Tani'm's wounds ran, she was forced to admit that he was right.

"I hope we can remain friends, Tani'm. I'll mourn for the relationship we could have had, but hold out hope for the friendship that may still lay before us. Whatever may come, I leave that up to you. You know where I live, and my door will always be open to you."

Karen knew that as long as Tani'm remained in isolation, she would never work through her past. Whatever trauma haunted her, she needed to form a healthy relationship, even with a friend, if she was ever going to heal it.

Even with her friend's seeming sincerity, Tani'm couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong. Perhaps it would not be today, but eventually, Karen would betray her, would use her feelings against her. No matter how much she wanted to, Tani'm couldn't shake the feeling of dread as it gripped her throat and squeezed the breath out of her.

To Karen, Tani'm's struggle felt like a knife in the gut, the small woman's emotions sweeping through her like a tidal wave.

"Would you let me help you? Smooth out your emotions so we can at least talk?"

Tears rolled down Tani'm's cheeks as she processed Karen's questions. She wanted to believe that Karen's only goal was to help, and in some strange and unexplainable way that made her fear rise up all the more. Her face was getting flush, and she realized she was holding her breath, terror making her gasp and choke with unexplainable panic.

She nodded as she sobbed, recognizing for the first time just how damaged she was.

Her head was still bobbing as she struggled for breath when the weight of her dread began to fade. As her mind cleared, she thought back on the last time she had been so consumed by panic, and realized it had been when she confronted her parents about emancipation. For some reason, as she thought back to that time, the memory came flooding back to her.

Tani'm was soon to turn sixteen, and had been meeting with Eddie in secret to finalize the legal paperwork that would allow her to leave her parents. For as terrible as they had been, they were not fools, and had known that something was going on. Whether it was the look on her face, or something else, they managed to ferret the information out of her, realizing what was going on far sooner than Tani'm had hoped.

"I just don't understand you, Tani'm. Haven't we done enough for you? You infest our home with vermin, and still we take care of you. We do our best to keep you clean, and still you come home covered in mud and reeking of dirt and shit."

Her mother's face was twisted as she looked at her daughter, her eyes making it clear how disgusting she found her.

"Still we do our best to love you, and all you can do is continue to push us away. How could we have raised such a little monster?"

Tani'm remembered how difficult it had been to remain strong, her gut twisting as she fought the urge to yell out that her mother was the monster, not her. But she managed, if just barely, to hold her tongue, and yet the pain would not go away. More than that, she hated herself for how her mother's words made her feel. She could not explain it, but the more she hated herself, the more she was drawn to her parents. The more broken she felt, the more she knew that they could keep her whole.

The struggle she fought was obvious to her mother, who saw the battle inside of her.

"I know you mean well, baby girl. You want to take care of your woodland friends, and galavant in the forest, but you belong here, with the people who love and understand you. They can never know you, can never appreciate you. Not like we do. No one will ever love you like us, I mean who could?"

Her mother's words were well placed, making Tani'm think about the world she was trying to escape to, and realize that she had no idea what to expect. From under the sheltering darkness of her parent's influence, the world looked bright and terrifying, with no safety or security to be found. There was familiarity in her abuse, comfort in the turmoil that her parents brought to her, because at least she knew how to deal with that.

As prepared as Tani'm had been, she could not help but feel the pain of her mother's statements as they twisted her up inside. Eddie had warned her, coached her on how to relay her message and leave before her parents could manipulate her like they had. Tani'm remembered that moment, and relived the sensation as those words pulled her back into being the sad and worthless little girl her parents had conditioned her to be.

At the time, she had no idea that was what had happened. It was only with the help of a court appointed counselor that she understand how she had ended up in such a sad state, weeping on the floor at the foot of her mother, who continued to tear her down.

"We will starve if you leave, do you want that? What kind of daughter would choose to do that to her parents? All your life we have sacrificed to take care of you, protecting you from all those people that don't understand how special and amazing you are. So many people want to hurt you, and we have-"

Her mother's words faded at that moment, and as much as Tani'm tried to remember she couldn't. Her panic had risen to a point where her mind shut down. Often, she found herself wondering if she had fainted, or if she had continued to lay there crying and squirming against the battle that raged on within her.

There was something about that moment that hung with Tani'm as she thought back on that terrible time. The struggle she faced as she lay on that floor resonated with her, and made her wish she could have come to her own answer in that moment. Could she have been strong and abandoned everything she knew in the hopes of a better life, or would she have continued to struggle to find herself within that toxic environment? In the end, she was never able to give her own answer, the choice having been made for her.

She was not sure how, but she woke up in the hospital, someone from Child Protective Services seated beside her bed, and police stationed outside her door.

Whatever had happened, she never spoke to her parents again, the courts made sure of that.

Ever since that day, her life had been better, and she had never felt helpless or cornered again. Until Andrew and his family, she hadn't even thought back on that final confrontation with her mother, or the events that had led her to the life she now lived. She could feel the shadows of questions edging towards the surface of her mind, teasing her with meaning and powerful realization, before fading back into the inky black depths from whence they came, as she continued her mental journey to the present.

Tani'm suspected that Eddie had played a large role in how easy the trial process had been for her. For some reason, she had only ever met with the judge and a psychologist, who asked questions while the judge nodded and listened to her responses. Everything moved so quickly, that she had a hard time remembering how that had ended, and her life had begun. The tribe had seen to her needs from that day forward, sending tutors to the house they had provided, so she could complete her high school education, while financing her frugal life through made up part time jobs. The truth was, she had very basic needs, and as long as she was close to her forest, she never felt alone or insecure.

Looking up at Karen, Tani'm's emotions finally settled thanks to the beautiful woman's amazing gift, and she sighed as she felt her thoughts return to her. Her hand drifted to her shoulder, caressing the rough texture of bark that covered the stump where her arm used to be. Part of her felt selfish for wanting Karen to restore her missing limb, but that pit in her gut continued to cry out in warning that the healing would come at a price.

"You don't have to help me. It won't make me change my mind."

Karen smiled at Tani'm's statement, her unspoken response understood by the small woman, who refused to accept what Karen was telling her. There would be a price for their kindness, there was always a price.

"There you are!" Karen said as a broad smile split her worried expression. Her cheeks were still wet with her concern over the turmoil that had been tearing Tani'm apart. For the first time since she arrived, she saw a sense of recognition in her friend's eyes. "You're an intense woman, Tani'm. Anyone ever told you that before?"

Tani'm tried to resist, but wiped away her tears as she shook her head and laughed. "No, can't say they have."

Tani'm was saddened to realize that no one really knew anything about her. Well, no one except Eddie, and he seemed to idolize her like the rest of the Quinault Indians.

"What happened? Until today, you seemed to have all these emotions under control..." Tani'm could see the concern on Karen's face as the beautiful woman tried to formulate her words. "Is it because of The Bond you formed with Andrew?"

Tani'm considered that question for a long moment, knowing that she had always felt those same feelings, but that they had seemed so much more distant the night before. While she tried to put her finger on just what had changed, she became aware of a tugging in the back of her mind, a powerful feeling of protectiveness and fear.

Looking towards the forest she knew just what it was, standing the moment Thunderfoot came bounding out of the forest, his eyes wide with worry and his face twisted into a fearsome mask of anger and fury. Seeing the two women standing in the center of the clearing, their faces wet with emotion, he huffed and swung his antlers from side to side, scraping them along the ground and throwing dirt and rocks in either direction while he chirped a loud challenge to whatever had upset them.

Tani'm could sense his fear for her, and realized immediately that he had come from wherever he had been thinking that she was in trouble.

"It's alright big guy, I'm alright."

Thunderfoot squinted, snorting while he twisted his head, understanding her message but refusing to accept it.

"I promise, everything's cool." He continued to watch her, and as he began to settle she could feel his hunger rising up in place of his worry. "Okay, tough guy, let's get you fed."