The Case of the Sneaky Valentine

A look of sorrow crosses Zoe's face. "Sarah, I'm not the person you want to help you attract men. I'm even worse than you at relationships with guys: I'm completely hopeless and haven't had a boyfriend since I was a teenager!"

"Are you happy, being on your own?" I ask.

"Well, I'd love to, well, fall in love with someone, I really would. I guess I'm happier on my own than being with someone I didn't completely love and who didn't completely love me back. Anyway, I'm not on my own: I have friends, including special friends like you... your daughters too."

"Yeah, I guess I feel a bit like that too. The trouble is how do you find someone to love and to love you back? It's not likely that they're going to suddenly walk into your life, is it?"

"They might do. Or you might find that's it's someone who's been in your life for a while but you've not noticed them or thought about them in that way."

"What, like a bloke you've known at work for years?"

"Yeah, I guess it could be a bloke like that. Right, is it another beer or have we reached... tequila time?" she asks, finishing in a high pitched, mock Spanish accent.

"Are you going to let me get away with not drinking tequila this evening?"

"Um, let me think... NO!" she declares loudly and laughing.

I hold up my hands. "Okay, then let tequila time begin -- but not go on too long, please?"

In the end, I have four tequilas to Zoe's five, though she's still soberer than me and I am noticeably more unsteady than last week; so much so that I must lean on her for stability. My arm resting across her shoulder and hers wrapped around my waist feel very comfortable.

The journey home is uneventful and, as I feared, far too brief to allow any appreciable sobering up. Also as feared, Mum is more than a little disappointed with the state of her daughter and, despite the sterling work of Tina and Chloe in promoting her, Zoe also falls out of favour. Mum has a distinctly sour look on her face as she bids us goodnight.

Zoe and I flop on the sofa, my legs on her lap as she massages my feet. "Mmm, that feels good, Zoe dear. Where did you learn to do that?"

"Trial and error and what I think would feel good to me. It's a good principle in many pleasure-related things," she informs me suggestively.

"I shall have to bear that in mind the next time I have someone to pleasure!" I reply smiling but then sigh. "A pity there's no one to hand." It vaguely occurs to me that the alcohol has done away with my normal inhibitions in what I say.

"Yes, a real pity."

We chat for a while longer as I try to drink enough water to stave off a hangover in the morning. However, alcohol induced sleepiness is rapidly overcoming me and as I start to nod Zoe tells me that it's time for us to turn in.

Saturday 10 March

I awaken very late and with a sore head and a queasy stomach. "God, I fuckin' hate tequila!" I moan out loud as I try to sit up and fail. Eventually, I roll out of bed and stagger to the bathroom to pee, to check that I don't really need to throw up, to drink water and to take paracetamol.

Ten minutes later I push open the sitting room door to see Zoe once again sat between my daughters. As they had promised, they are watching the DVD of 'The Hunger Games'. I walk over and get Chloe to budge up so I can join them. I reach over and squeeze Zoe's shoulder. "Morning," I say quietly, "how's your head?"

"Fine," she replies brightly and glances at me before grinning broadly, "I can see that yours isn't!"

"As I said when I woke up: I fuc... flipping hate tequila!"

"Mum! You were going to say the 'F' word!" Chloe declares, shocked.

"Maybe," I admit irritably, "but I didn't, did I?"

"Yeah, but you might as well have done," Chloe insists.

"Hey, Chloe, give your Mum a break," Zoe intervenes, placing her hand on Chloe's head. "Let's pause this and I'll go and make some hot chocolate for you two and some tea for your Mum, okay?" she looks at me.

"Thanks, Zoe, but I'll do it," I tell her.

"No, you stay here and give these girls a cuddle. I promise not to destroy your kitchen," she smiles. God, this woman is such a lovely, kind friend and I feel my mood lighten. By the time she comes back with a mug of tea and two big cups of hot chocolate the smell of bacon is emanating from the kitchen. "When I opened the fridge the bacon practically begged me to start cooking it," she explains. Tina claps her hands as she and Chloe laugh.

The morning passes easily and increasingly happily as my hangover passes. In the afternoon I ask if Zoe wants me to take her home and she looks a little disappointed. "Okay; I guess you want time with just the three of you," Zoe replies, looking down.

"Hey, Zoe, no!" I slip my hand under her chin and raise her head as I would Tina or Chloe. "I'd love you to stay but I didn't want you to feel, well, obliged or trapped here."

"Sarah, I'd never feel that with you. Why would I?"

"I don't know; perhaps because you're a super cool Goth-punk girl while I'm a single mum in her mid-thirties with two ten-year-old girls!"

"A single mum who's pretty cool too and who is my... my very good friend," she replies and there's something in the intensity with which she says this that makes me swallow hard and feel a little... strange.

"Really?" I ask. "I'm very glad you're my friend too," I smile at her as the strange feeling passes. "So, is your bowling as good as your console gaming?"

"Bowling?" she asks, confused.

"Yes, you know, tenpin bowling?" I say slowly, whilst miming bowling a ball.

"Yes, I know what it is! It was just an unexpected question, that's all. And my bowling's not bad; good enough to beat you, I bet!" she reaches up and tweaks my nose. I hear a laugh from the doorway and turn to see Tina.

"Are we going bowling?" she asks excitedly and I say yes. She skips over and puts her arms round both of us. "I love you guys!" she says and Zoe and I smile at each other. I'm going to enjoy the rest of the day, I know.

I'm also going to do my damnedest to beat Zoe...

Sunday 11 March

The girls are awake at silly o'clock and I have to threaten them with not taking them to the Open Day to get them back into bed. I doubt that they sleep much but I manage to doze some more. I awake, feeling all tingly and sensual but don't do anything about it; the risk of one or both of the twins walking in on me is too great, unfortunately. I wonder if Zoe is awake and whether, being single too, she ever feels the same tingle. I immediately feel embarrassed for thinking about her like that.

I get up and am instantly joined by the girls who've obviously been on a hair trigger waiting for Zoe or me to get up. I shush them and we go downstairs where I put the kettle on and start making toast for breakfast. It is not long however before Zoe wanders in. She is tousled from sleep and free of makeup; she looks at me and smiles, her dimples appearing. She is, quite simply, gorgeous: cute, beautiful, warm, friendly and lovely. And she's become my best and closest friend. There, I've admitted it.

We sit around munching toast and drinking tea or milk as Zoe tells us that she needs to be at the archery club at nine o'clock to help set up. "I'll need to pop back to my flat to change and collect my bow and stuff so if you could then drop me at the club there's a coffee shop nearby."

"Okay. We could bring you a coffee when we come to the have-a-go, if you like."

"I'm glad you offered: it saves me from asking," she smiles. "A skinny, double-shot cappuccino, please."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The day is dry, not too cold but overcast as we get out of the car at the Ravensborough Archery Club and look around. Now we're here, the girls have calmed down a bit but are still excited. There are a number of people around, mostly Club members by the look of it as I peer around, searching. Zoe sees us first and waves: over her Archery Club shirt she's wearing the peculiar chest thing that I saw in the picture of her six gold end. Seeing another woman Club member pulling on a bow I realize what it is: it's to protect her boob from the bow string.

We go over to a marquee they have set up and, after handing her the promised coffee, I have to fill in a series of forms for Tina, Chloe and myself; after that Zoe takes us to collect equipment.

"I definitely want one of those boob protectors you're wearing," I tell her and she smiles as the girls giggle. Why do kids always find adults saying slightly rude things so funny?

"It's called a chest guard, Sarah. Yeah, I can find you one, though the bows you'll be using are very low draw weight, so they can't hurt that much. However, you'll each need a bracer, that's an arm guard, and a tab," she hands us each an oddly shaped piece of leather with holes in it. "This protects your fingers when you draw the string."

Suitably kitted out, she takes us to collect bows and arrows. She claims that they're light to pull but the three of us find them a challenge until Zoe comes to help us. She stands behind me and corrects the way I stand, her hands pressing and pulling me gently. "Now, when you draw the bow try to engage and use the trapezius muscles here," she runs her fingers down my back between my shoulder blades and spine. Her touch feels lovely and makes me shiver slightly, though the guidance also helps with my drawing the bow.

We shoot (not 'fire' I remember) and collect the arrows. Despite the targets being only ten metres away, most of the arrows miss completely. However, as we shoot more we do improve until we all manage to hit with all six arrows. Chloe proves particularly good at this but we all enjoy it.

We take a break, more for needing a rest than there being a long queue of people. Zoe shows us her bow, an impressively high-tech version of the bows that the twins and I are using with extra things sticking out and a sight for aiming. "Wow, Zoe, that looks amazing!" exclaims Chloe. Even I'm intrigued enough to want to pick it up.

"May I?" I ask.

"Sure, but if you draw it don't release the string without an arrow as that can damage the bow, okay?" I nod and try to remember how to stand correctly; once more it is Zoe's gentle but confident touch that corrects my posture. She is so close that her soft vanilla scent is perceptible even here in the outdoors. I try to pull the string and manage to haul it halfway before giving up.

"Good grief, you can't possibly be able to pull this thing!" I complain to Zoe. She grins and winks at Chloe and Tina.

"Just watch me," she tells us before taking the bow and walking up to stand before a target. She fits an arrow on the string, raises the bow and, seemingly without effort, pulls the string all the way back to her chin and lets it go: the arrow slams into the gold, burying itself deeply into the target. She does this again and again until six arrows are clustered in a neat group. The girls clap in appreciation and Zoe turns to give a little bow.

When it's time to collect the arrows the girls run over to hug her, telling her how amazing that was, before we walk to the target with her. Tempted as I am, I don't hug her but I do share my amazement, "I can't believe how easy you made that look!"

"It's just practice and developing the right muscles. My bow's not really that heavy to draw, not compared to some that the guys use." She lowers her voice slightly, "Sarah, I think that Chloe and possibly Tina are going to ask about doing the Beginners' Course."

"Why am I'm not surprised? I suppose the relevant questions are: when is it, how long does it last and how much does it cost?"

"And the answers are that it's on Saturday mornings for six weeks starting the week after next and it costs thirty pounds each, so ninety pounds for the three of you."

"Do I have to do it with them?" I ask.

"No, Sarah, you don't. However, they'll need a parent here and three hours learning to shoot is much more fun than three hours standing around watching others learn to shoot."

"A good point and well made," I admit. "That's quite a lot to spend so I need to make sure that they're really keen. Who does the teaching on the course?"

"Myself, Martin and Chris, why?"

"Oh, no reason... unless perhaps their complete hero worship of a certain Goth-punk archer might influence the desire of two ten-year-old twins to take part!" I suggest and she laughs.

"Hmmm, you think? And what about their Mum?"

"Oh, she's easily influenced by her daughters," Zoe looks a little disappointed, so I continue, "but she also thinks that the Goth-punk archer with the dimples is pretty damn marvellous too, so, yes, if the girls want to learn I'd certainly like to be taught by you." Zoe's beaming smile tells me that's what she wanted to hear.

"Actually, Sarah, I should have told you that the first thing Chloe asked me was whether I ran the Beginners' Course," Zoe informs me.

Sure enough, after another bout of shooting, Chloe says to me, "Muuum, you know how you're always saying that Tina and I should do, like, more sport?"

"Am I?" I ask, innocently and I can see Zoe smiling out of the corner of my eye. "I know I tell you not to spend your lives sat on your bums in front of the telly or on the PlayStation; I'm not sure that means you should do more sport necessarily."

"Okay... but doing sport would get us off our bums, wouldn't it? You agree, don't you Zoe?" Chloe looks to Zoe for support but Zoe just smiles and holds up her hands, not wanting to be included in the argument.

"Ah, so you want to join the Whiteton Running Club, do you?" I tease.

"Mum! You know Chloe isn't talking about running!" Tina is using her Little Miss Sensible voice and Zoe is trying not to laugh.

"Okay, so it's not running. What sport did you have in mind, Chloe?" I ask.

"It's archery Mum, obviously!" Chloe replies as if I'm a bit simple.

"Alright, I deserved that for teasing you. So do you both want to do the beginners' course and are you determined to see it through?" I ask Tina and she nods.

"And I think you should do it too," Tina tells me, "that way it'll be like a family thing," and she looks from me to Zoe. I nod.

"Then I'll book us up for the course starting in two weeks," I say and the girls hug me and then Zoe.

Several hours later -- and ninety pounds from my bonus spent -- we are heading back to Zoe's flat where we find she has had a beef and ale casserole slow cooking all day for us. It is delicious and Zoe serves it with baked potatoes followed by ice cream. As night falls and much as I'd like to stay, a day in the open air followed by a wonderful meal has the girls nodding with tiredness. We take them down to the car and put them in, closing the car door.

I turn and Zoe is standing very close. I feel her hands on my waist as she looks up at me. I bend forward and our lips brush... and hesitate, touching ever so gently. Imperceptibly, almost as if drawn by some force between us, our lips press harder. I feel her lips open slightly beneath mine... I pull back, shocked not only by what happened but also by how closely it echoed my dream of a week ago. "No... I'm sorry Zoe, I don't know what came over me." I get in the car and drive, unable to look back.

Monday 12 March

I deliberately board another carriage for I cannot face Zoe this morning. I don't know why I kissed her like that and I'm so embarrassed. God only knows what she thinks of me.

As I sit on the train my phone rings: it is Zoe, but I bounce the call. A text follows shortly after:

R U OK?

I ignore that too.

There have been a couple more calls from Zoe during the day and another text, all ignored as I have no idea what to say to her, but it is in the evening that I make a mistake. I leave my phone on the hall table with my keys and start preparing dinner. When the phone rings, Tina answers it and comes into the kitchen holding the phone out to me and saying that Zoe wants to talk to me. I tell her that I'm busy cooking and to say I'll call back later.

As we sit eating, I can see the girls are anxious, Tina particularly so. "Mum, are, are you okay? I mean, like, with Zoe?" Oh shit! What do I say?

"Yes, why?"

"It's just... Zoe seemed a bit sort of upset and worried on the phone," Tina explains.

"Was she upset with me?" I ask.

"Um, no, not upset with you; it was more about you I think. She wanted to know if you were, like, okay. You will call her, won't you, Mum, like you said you would?" That doesn't leave me much choice.

"Yes, Tina, I'll do it after dinner," I assure her.

I take my phone to my room so I can talk without being overheard by the girls. This just leaves the question of what the hell I am going to say. 'Sorry I nearly tried to snog you last night' is the honest line but there's no way I can say that! As a result, the call is awkward, certainly at first since I have no idea what to say beyond, "Hello, Zoe, it's Sarah."

"Oh god, Sarah, I've been so worried about you. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess." I hesitate before saying in a rush, "Look, I'm sorry about last night..."

"What? You kissed me goodnight, which was sweet, and then you seemed to get upset. You weren't upset you'd kissed me, were you?"

"Um, yes I was, a bit... I didn't want you to think I, that is, um that I was trying to um..."

"Sarah, were you worried that kissing me on the lips would upset me?"

"Yes," I say in a small voice, "I thought you'd think I was... er..."

"Trying to snog me?"

I give another small "Yes" of agreement.

"Sarah, like I said, it was a sweet kiss from one close friend to another. Did you intend it to mean more?"

"No!" I practically shout into the phone. "Sorry, no I didn't it was... I don't know... I guess I miss affection sometimes, like being held and cuddled... and kissed; do you understand."

"I understand completely, Sarah, really I do. I feel the same at times. Quite often, actually," she gives a little chuckle.

"It sounds like you need to find a man too," I tell her.

"No, I really don't. I'd love more closeness and affection in my life but I don't want all the extra stuff a guy would bring."

"Yeah, but there are some things you can only get from a guy," I laugh.

"If that's true then I'll do without those things!" I can hear the smile in her voice. "Look, perhaps we just need to set limits because I don't want you to get upset again thinking that you've done something wrong. So: are hugs okay?"

"More than okay," I tell her.

"Good. What about cuddles?"

"What's the difference between a hug and a cuddle?" I ask, intrigued.

"Duh! A cuddle lasts longer, obviously!"

"Okay, then yes to cuddles too. I guess it's kisses next?"

"Yeah but I think we need to think about types of kisses: you don't seem to mind kisses on the cheek but it was the lips that upset you, wasn't it?" she asks. I swallow as I try to think; was it the lips or the possibility that kissing the lips might have become more that upset me?

"I think a quick kiss on the lips is okay..." I manage to say. God, this is such an uncomfortable conversation and Zoe seems to pick up on my discomfort.

"Sarah, listen; I won't kiss you on the lips but just remember that I won't be offended or upset if you kiss me like that. How does that sound?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," I sag in relief. "Zoe, I'm so sorry; I've been a total jerk today, haven't I?"

"Well, maybe a bit but I'm prepared to forgive you. How are Tina and Chloe?"

"They're both fine. Tina was worried that you and I had fallen out and I had to promise to return your call."

"Good for Tina! I owe her an extra big hug... maybe even a cuddle," she laughs.

"I'd better go and start getting the two of them off to bed. I'll see you tomorrow?"