The First Time I Coached Softball

"Missy, you shouldn't have to ask because you know I feel the same way. My life would be lost without you."

By now it was nearly midnight so we got dressed and did another bed check but the girls were all fast asleep.

We were scheduled to play three games Thursday and three on Friday. Saturday morning there would be a game for third or fourth place and that afternoon a game for the championship.

We won two out of three games on Thursday and all three of our games on Friday. We had the second best record and found ourselves the outsider against the number one seeded team for the championship.

Betty's coaching style really made a difference. She got the best from the team as a group and the best from each individual player. The team played well and the pitchers were throwing fast balls mostly all in the strike zone. Suddenly, our pitchers were the talk of the tournament.

The girls were very nervous going into the championship game but Betty was able to settle their nerves and they outplayed the competition, which incidentally had gone through the season and tournament so far undefeated (yes, our only loss was to them in tournament play). They may have been over confident about playing such a lowly ranked team but they got serious after we established a seven run lead. With our pitching that lead was too much to overcome and we won 7-5. Everyone loves it when an underdog wins and the stands erupted in applause and cheers.

We only had two players make the all-conference team but had five make the all-tournament team, including our best pitcher who was selected to be tournament MVP.

The bus ride back to Fairford was a non-stop rollerball of celebration and emotion. The other team that shared our bus got upset with us but we let our girls celebrate and they did almost all the way home before exhaustion took over and they finally slept. Tragedy struck on the bus ride home but I was not informed until we arrived back at Fairford. We had heard rumors before leaving the tournament that there was a disaster in Afghanistan but the details were being withheld. With a husband in a war zone you always worry but cannot live with those thoughts 24-7.

We had quite the welcome party when we arrived back. It seemed like the entire base came out to greet and welcome us, however, I had a different type of welcome committee waiting for me. The flags were all at half-mast and that did not go unnoticed.

My principal immediately intercepted me as I came off the bus and took me to his office where a one-star general, two majors, and a chaplain were waiting. I took one look and knew immediately Ryan had been killed. They didn't waste time confirming my suspicions and I collapsed in shock. We had been married over 17 years and even though I knew he put his job before his wife I still loved him. His gunship had crashed during a major operation and all aboard had been killed.

Word quickly got to Betty and she immediately came running to the principal's office to comfort me. I did find comfort in her arms although I am not sure what it looked like to everyone else.

The next few days were a bit of a haze and if not for Betty I am not sure I could have gotten through them. There was a remembrance at the base chapel for Ryan and the members of his crew. Then the next day I was scheduled to leave for DC where he would be given a full military funeral with honors and then his remains would be laid to rest in Arlington Military Cemetery.

Before leaving Fairford I had told my principal that I didn't think I would be returning to school before the end of the school year. In fact, I wasn't sure I would be returning to Fairford to teach again. I had to return to pack out but I wasn't sure of my intentions after that. I knew that I didn't want to leave Betty.

Betty volunteered to come with me and once again I found myself leaning heavily on her for support. We shared the hotel room in DC but I found myself so emotional that we just held each other at night while I cried myself to sleep. I kept asking her if I was being punished for our affair. This is not the way I wanted my marriage to end.

The funeral and reception afterwards was very hard for me. I had the support of family and friends but somehow that was not enough. Betty got me through those terrible days and it was obvious to everyone we were more than just friends but I didn't care. I have to give my parents credit because they never said a word but I knew they were hurting inside because of my same sex relationship with Betty.

I was overcome with guilt and remorse. I loved Betty but never in my worst nightmare did I think I would lose my husband this way. Somehow I was linking his death to our affair and I could not get past it. Betty reassured me that our affair and our love for each other had nothing to do with Ryan's death. I just hated myself.

I asked Betty if she could stay a few extra days in the states and maybe we could just get away together and try to forget the past few days. Her husband was due back in a few days but she was a very unselfish person and naturally said yes. Betty emailed her husband and told him she was going away with me for a few days to help me get past losing Ryan. He was a close friend of Ryan and said yes without giving it any thought. She told him we would return to Fairford before the end of June and would let him know when.

After saying goodbye to mine and Ryan's family Betty and I rented a car and drove to Maine. It was a long drive from DC but the beauty of Maine in the early summer is stunning. We found a nice B & B in Bar Harbor. We spent five wonderful days there, drank wine, ate lobster, and yes we finally were able to once again make love. I told Betty I didn't want to leave although I knew her husband was either home or headed home. We needed to return.

Betty's parents live in Vermont and she had not seen them for two years so on the way back we visited with them a few days. They were wonderful people and I immediately understood where Betty got her amazing qualities. Within minutes I felt like I had known them all my life and they welcomed me into their home like a lost daughter. The fact we were a couple did not faze them at all whereas I knew my parents would not be so understanding.

Finally, we got as far as Boston, returned the rental car and caught a flight to London. We had been in the states for almost three weeks and were back in England over a week earlier than planned.

From London we caught a train to Bristol and from there an expensive taxi to my house. We unloaded our luggage in the house and decided to go to Betty's house together. Betty was going to tell her husband she was leaving him but didn't want to do it on her own.

We opened the front door and there before us on the couch was her husband having sex with a young woman. Betty made her presence known and her husband immediately stopped and started getting dressed. The woman, who looked much younger than Betty's husband was clearly embarrassed. Betty said don't stop on my account then we left.

As soon as we entered my front door we high fived each other. Betty was set to leave her husband and now, because of his infidelity, it became much easier. Betty and I discussed his affair and she had no knowledge or suspicion that he had ever cheated. She was totally shocked by his actions.

It took several days but we eventually got all of Betty's possessions from her house to mine. The base was giving me pressure to pack out and leave but I was determined to stay as long as necessary to help Betty.

Several days later we invited Betty's husband over to my house. I needed to know the circumstances related to Ryan's crash and Betty wanted some closure to her marriage. How long and why had he been involved in a relationship with a much younger woman?

Betty's husband, Steve, was a little awkward but when he realized we weren't going to be angry or hostile but just wanted answers he quickly warmed to us. He was a very likeable person and I could understand how he could attract women. Some men just have that trait and he was one of them.

Steve, told me that Ryan's plane had been shot down by a shoulder fired missile. The Taliban were not supposed to have them and although the plane recognized the oncoming threat there was not enough time to either evade or deploy flares designed to distract oncoming missiles. There had literally only been seconds to react. I told Steve that my understanding was that the military wanted to blame the crash on Ryan as pilot error and he said Ryan did absolutely nothing wrong. I asked him if was willing to testify under oath to that effect and he said yes. He had done his 20 years and was planning on retiring this year so anything he could do to help he would and without threat of recrimination from the military. Steve thought the powers to be did not want the world to know that the Taliban had shoulder fired missiles which could possibly be American made. I was not happy about this because Ryan was bearing the brunt of the blame for the mishap.

At this point Betty asked Steve about his affair. First he apologized for the affair and said he had not expected us home for another week. He said it was off and on for the past year. She was a young Lt. and had come on to him during the previous deployment. They only could get together discreetly two or three times a month and added that it was just sex, not love. Steve apologized to Betty and asked her if she could forgive him. Betty said forgive yes but not forget. Their marriage was over. Steve then asked if she could divorce him amicably with an uncontested divorce.

Betty had thought the reason for divorce would be adultery but was willing to listen. Steve said that if she charged him with adultery, which is a violation of the military code of conduct, he would be discharged as well as the Lt. He might not even receive his retirement pension. If Betty filed for an uncontested divorce then he would be willing to give her anything she wanted since that would not jeopardize his future earnings, pension, or career. Steve also suggested that Betty would receive 50% of his pension, medical, and 75% of all their investments, which were substantial. Steve did advise Betty to wait until she got to the states to file rather than file in the UK. All of this made sense so Betty quickly agreed.

The Air Force, despite the military's reputation for pushing paperwork slowly and through red tape, were quick and efficient in my pack out as well receiving Ryan's insurance and retirement pay. Ryan had not been in quite long enough to retire but because of his death I was to receive his pension which he would have received had he been in 20 years. Also, Ryan had been promoted while deployed and was, at the time of his death, a full bird colonel.

Since we had both worked all of our married life and didn't have children we had been able to save and invest at least a third or more of our salary each year and the portfolio was substantial. I was still young enough to work for another 30 years if necessary but I felt I needed to take time off and just relax, and besides money was not an issue. Being married to the military and moving every three years had put a strain on me and now I was feeling the pressure. Neither Betty or I had any money worries, so we decided to look for a place on a lake or the seaside. Vermont was landlocked so if we wanted something on the ocean and stay in that area we would have to look in New Hampshire or Maine. I really didn't want to live too close to a big city like Boston.

My family, after retiring from the Air Force, were settled in Virginia and Betty's were in Vermont and we both fell in love with Vermont during our brief visit. Besides her parents made us feel so welcome and weren't concerned about us being a couple. My parents weren't so liberally minded and had strict and narrow minded views on same sex couples. So on our orders we asked for our household goods to be delivered to the North East. We would conduct our search for our home somewhere close to Betty's parents.

Finally, the movers arrived and we were packed out. We processed off base and took a train to London. We had a city center five-star hotel and we spoiled ourselves luxuriating in a huge bed and walk in shower big enough for a basketball team. We spent a few days in London going to the theater and eating delicious food. We were both into antiques and there are several antique markets in London and we braved the crowds to see the most popular ones.

One day we found ourselves in a small alley just opposite the Ritz Hotel. The alley was more like a long hallway that connected one street to another and it was covered. It was renowned for the best jewelry shops in London. We were window shopping when I noticed the perfect ring so I told Betty let's go in and look.

The shop was so upmarket that they had their own security and you had to be buzzed in. I tried the ring on Betty and it fit perfectly so I said we will have it. Betty looked at me like I was crazy because the ring was over $50,000. I told her I loved her and besides I could afford it. After paying with my credit card I told the clerk to box it up and deliver it to our hotel.

That night was our last night in London and just as we finished a five course meal I took out the ring and slipped it on Betty's finger and asked her to be my wife. Betty looked at me and asked me to repeat what I had said. So I did and leaned in to kiss her and through the kiss I heard her say "I love you and yes I would love to be your wife."

"We will make it official as soon as your divorce comes through."

I upgraded our economy seats to business and we had a very comfortable flight back to the states. We flew into Boston and Betty's parents were there to meet us. They made me feel so at home and welcome that I felt as if they were my own parents. My parents would never have welcomed us as a couple. Old beliefs and values are hard to change.

The next few days were very busy. We had to buy a car, get cell phones and on the advice of Betty's dad, we used his lawyer and Betty filed for divorce. Vermont is a no fault state so Betty just used irreconcilable difference as grounds for her divorce. This would cause no pain to anyone.

I also talked to the lawyer about my husband being killed in an airplane crash in Afghanistan. The military were trying to blame the crash on him instead of the shoulder fired missile that brought down the plane. I explained we had witnesses who saw the missile impact Ryan's plane and they were prepared to testify under oath if required. I asked if anything could be done to clear his name. The lawyer said he had friends working at the Pentagon and would check into it and let me know.

Finally, after a week with Betty's parents we packed up and left to go house hunting. We weren't in a hurry and combined sightseeing in our search for our house on the ocean. We found our picture-perfect house just outside of Rye, New Hampshire. The house overlooked the ocean and sat on a five-acre plot. The house was quite large with four bedrooms and three reception rooms but also had a long sunroom stretching across the rear of the house overlooking the ocean. The beach was about 100 yards from the house and could be reached by a path that wound down the sea wall to the beach. We had a large patio and also an infinity pool. The property wasn't cheap but by pooling our resources we could easily afford it.

Several things seemed to happen at once. Betty's divorce came through and the pentagon finally did a 180 and admitted a missile brought down Ryan's plane. Both of these were major victories for Betty and I. The divorce meant that Betty and I could be legally married and I was finally able to clear Ryan's name in the crash.

Betty and I were married on the beach in front of our new home. Both sets of parents and close friends were there and perhaps seeing how Betty's parents accepted us and our same sex marriage my parents did as well. I was so surprised and pleased at the same time. Being accepted by your parents, despite which sexual path you choose, is very important. My parents are I were able to reconnect and they welcomed Betty into the family as her family had accepted me. I was so happy and we spent several hours together and I promised them that Betty and I would visit often.

The wedding ceremony and reception were wonderful and needless to say began the second chapter of my life, a life that also includes my wife, Betty.

And to think all this came about because I volunteered to coach girls' softball. Sometimes volunteering has welcoming life changing results.

Hope you enjoyed it.

©Freewheel 2016