The Stud

"That's okay, I just had a feeling; I have a cousin whose daughter disappeared like that. They hired a private detective and everything. They finally found her after about three years. She did the same thing, ran off with some guy, but after a while she knew she made a mistake. The problem was she was scared that her parents would turn her away after running off like that, so she just stuck it out and grew more dependent on the asshole she was with. When they finally tracked her down and she realized they wanted her back she dropped her boyfriend like a hot potato."

"Well you sure had it pegged, that's exactly what happened. They even brought her ex out with them...and you want to hear the best part; he beat the crap out of Skip. I was parked across the street and saw it all happen. I loved it," I said not even trying to hide my elation.

"Well I have some more news that I think you're going to like ever better," he replied.

Now he had my attention. "Even better than Skip getting beat up? This must be good."

"I think you'll like it," he chuckled. "When I did all that checking around last week, I didn't just use the internet, I checked with some friends as well. At the time they weren't any help, but I got a call from one of them last night. He's in a gun club with a bunch of cops and hears things all the time. Well it appears that Skippy old boy was a little deeper involved with drugs than I thought. He was just picked up for possession of cocaine with intent to distribute."

"What?" I was shocked; I didn't realize he was a pusher.

"Yup, he tried selling it to an undercover cop," he said with a laugh. "After he was arrested he told them it was the first time he'd ever done anything like that, but he was desperate. He told them he was going to take the money and go talk Joyce into going away with him again. He actually told them, if she wouldn't go he was going to kidnap her...how's that for stupidity? They taped his confession, I have a feeling he's going away for quite a while."

"Oh, you're right, this is the best news I've heard yet," I told Dan while trying hard to keep from dancing in my office.

We talked a little more then said goodbye. At least I felt vindicated as far as Skip Ackerman was concerned; now I just had to decide what to do about the other side of the equation.

For the next week things didn't seem to be quite so tense in the house. There was no passion, no man and wife interaction, but time had quelled my anger and I wasn't quite so hard to live with, which made Britney feel a little calmer too.

During that same period; however, I had done a lot of thinking. I took stock of my life up to that point and did a lot of self-analysis. I had to decide how, and with whom, I wanted to live the rest of my life.

The night I came to a decision I couldn't sleep. I suppose second guessing yourself on something so important to your life is only human nature. It was three o'clock in the morning. Only the moonlight filtering through the windows illuminated the living room where I sat. I heard Britney coming down stairs. I think she must have known, because she tenderly laid her hand on my shoulder. She hadn't dared touch me like that since everything happened.

"What's going on," she asked. You could hear the fear in her voice.

"Sit down, Britney. We have to talk," I told her.

Even in the dark, I could see tears glistening in her eyes as she tentatively sat on the edge of the couch, facing me.

"Britney, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've examined our situation from every possible angle I can think of. I know how sorry you are about what happened and I want you to know I still love you; the problem is I no longer trust you and I just don't see us building a life together without that trust."

I heard her gasp. "Taylor please..."

"Britney it's not going to work," I said cutting her off. "I just can't get the image of you with that bastard between your legs, out of my head."

She was starting to outwardly cry. "Please Taylor, please, I promise I'll never do anything like that again," she whimpered.

"But how can I believe that, Brit? You promised never to do it at all, at the altar. You broke that promise, how do I know you won't break your promise again? I can't live like that, Brit. I can't sit around and wonder what you're doing or who you're with all the time, I just can't."

Britney hung her head with a small nod. "I knew this coming," she said between sniffles, "I thought I could handle it, but..."

She took a deep breath trying to regain her composure. "Taylor isn't there some way...something I can do to change your mind? I love you, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Can't we try marriage counseling? Maybe if we..."

I guess she could see the resolute sadness in my face because she stopped talking. She flopped down on the floor at my feet, put her head in my lap, and started to bawl. I fought hard to keep my own tears from falling. I had to stay strong, not only for myself but for Britney as well. I couldn't show weakness and possibly give her false hope. I took a deep breath as I gently stroked her beautiful auburn hair.

We must have remained like that for a good twenty minutes, maybe longer. Pretty much cried out, Britney rose to her feet. "I'm so sorry, Taylor. I never meant for any of this to happen, I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much," she said before disappearing up the stairs.

It had been a stressful time. The conversation I'd just had with my wife was probably the most difficult, heart wrenching thing I'd ever had to do. Up till then, I had let my anger control my emotions, but at that point there was nothing but grief and pain; a pain that literally clenched my heart and squeezed. Never in my life had I felt such sadness. I couldn't help it; without Britney there I had to let it out. I buried my face in my hands, my back heaved with each sob. Thank God, at some point I must have fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion because the next thing I remember was the warmth of the sun on my face.

About the time I was stirring, Britney was coming down stairs in her robe. She tried putting on a brave face by flashing a small smile but there was no way to hide the pain behind her eyes.

We had a quiet breakfast together then she courageously suggested we use the same attorney to save money. She asked if I would handle it and said she'd agree to anything within reason. Later that day I called several divorce lawyers from their ads in the phone book. I explained the situation and made an appointment with the one from whom I got the best vibes.

As I pulled up to the house that night, I saw a Chevy in the drive. I knew it well. It belonged to Charles and Amanda Keeting, Britney's mom and dad. I thought, great, she's going to have her parents plead her case, but that wasn't why they were there.

When I walked in I saw a couple of suitcases sitting in the hall. I could hear voices from the kitchen.

"Hello Taylor," Amanda said as I walked in. "I just made a pot of fresh coffee if you'd like some." I could see she'd been crying. Her dad's greeting was also with sadness in his voice.

I poured myself a cup of java and joined Britney and her parents at the table.

"Britney told us everything," Charles said. "I'm so sorry this happened, my daughter loves you so much, Taylor. She told us how you feel and I can't say I wouldn't feel the same way, but I've got to ask, please Taylor, isn't there any way you can see your way clear to forgive her, just this once?"

"I wish there was, Charles," I said while looking into the despondent face of my wife. "But if I did that, I'd go through life torturing myself, doubting where she was, who she was with? I'd always be wondering what she was doing and then questioning whether I really wanted to know or not. I can't do it, Charles, I can't."

Amanda reached over and placed her hand on top of Britney's, tears drifted down the cheeks of both women. Charles dejectedly lowered his head in understanding.

Britney spoke for the first time since I'd walked in. "Taylor I'm going to go stay with mom and dad if it's okay with you. I...I need to have someone around me," she said trying to stifle more tears.

"Okay Brit, I understand. I think it's a good idea," I replied.

They all got up. Charles laid his hand on my shoulder as he passed me heading for the living room. Amanda bent down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Britney leaned over and put her arms around my neck. "I love you Taylor," she quietly wept into my ear. "I'm so sorry for messing things up."

Then they were gone.

Epilogue;

It's been three years since that night. Britney was true to her word and our attorney said it was the smoothest divorce he'd ever handled.

Britney is still living with her folks, and from what I'm told, doesn't have much of social life.

We sold the house and I moved into an apartment. I tried to give Mr. Keeting back my share of the money he gave us to buy the house but he wouldn't hear of it.

I still play golf with Bruce and go over to their house for dinner now and then. I've been dating off and on but every time I think of getting serious about someone, the first thing I do is wonder if they'll cheat on me at some point. It's something that stays with you and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever find anyone that will win my complete confidence.

In the meantime, I'm generally happy. I'm having fun. I'm doing well in my job and was promoted last year. There are times though that I can't help but feel a little low. On those occasions I open a beer, sit in my living room with the lights off, and morn what I lost.

Next week I've agreed to have dinner with Bruce and Cathy. They're bringing a friend from Cathy's work they want me to meet, so it'll be like a double date. From what they tell me, she sounds like a wonderful person.

As I mentioned earlier, I get these gut feelings once-in-a-while. I wished I had listened to it when Bruce talked me into inviting Skip and Joyce to the party that time. This time it was telling me to be optimistic about my blind date...who knows?

The End.