Warehouse 13/OUAT: Double Date

Myka's lips opened in a silent scream. Helena traced them with her tongue. Regina came up to kiss both of them, Frenching them both, comparing their tastes. The moment she was done, the two agents went back to each other, leaving Regina in the lurch.

Regina could put up with a lot of suffering, but being ignored was too much for her. She sardonically kissed Myka on the cheek before whispering. "If I can't have your pussy, I'll have something else." Punctuated with her fingers digging in to Myka's toned ass.

Helena raised her head, eying Regina dangerously—ready to bare her teeth if anything the queen said or did displeased Myka—but Myka just shifted to the side a few inches to look back at Regina. "It's all yours," she said simply.

Regina moved down Myka's strong back, kissing every vertebra in her spine before settling between the succulent curves of her ass. Myka groaned in anticipation as she realized Regina was actually going to do it.

Regina watched Helena's forearm clench, supple muscles stirring the surface of her creamy skin as her hand was buried between Myka's thighs. It was almost as good viewing material as Myka's apple-ass, splayed in front of her like the promised land. She'd always had a thing for a nice ass. Maybe it was just that anyone else's breasts would be a disappointment compared to her own perfect pair. Even the most mouth-watering display of cleavage fell short if she were only to look down. But an ass... well, hers was stellar, but she only saw it when she looked in the mirror, so Regina could at least fool herself that someone else's was worth touching.

Besides, spanking herself was no damn fun at all.

She ran a finger lazily over Helena's clenched arm as she lightly kissed Myka's ass, a few on one cheek, a few on the other, followed by a series of short licks that skirted the deep inner curve. She was quite sure Myka's lightness of breath owed to her. She climbed over Myka's body and kissed Helena's arm, enjoying the scintillated look Helena tossed her. Then she went back down, parted Myka's ass, and let her tongue snake out right between Myka's plump cheeks.

***

Oh fuck, Emma thought. She still couldn't make out who the third person was—it couldn't be that skinny little co-ed they'd brought with them, could it? It had to be someone from town. And there was only one thing she could be doing, her head drawing a slow path over Myka's ass. Normally, Emma would think Ruby, but God knew that girl wore skimpy enough clothes that Emma would be able to recognize her naked body. No, this was someone else.

Someone Emma would have to find out about before she left. Anyone who got this freaky was someone she wanted to know.

Now she watched as the Englishwoman dropped down Myka's body, her hand pumping until the last possible second, only to be replaced by her tongue. And now her hand—it was gleaming, it was so wet—traced over the mystery guest's body.

Belle, maybe?

***

"Yes! Yes!" Myka didn't know where to put her hands. Regina was rimming her—she wanted to hold Regina in place, keep her from getting away, but Helena was licking her pussy, so she wanted to stroke that luscious hair as she looked down at it from possibly the greatest angle in existence—seeing it held between her open thighs. "Oh fuck!"

As she came, she ended up grabbing her own breasts. She thrust her hips back and forth, trying to drive herself into both her twin pleasures—Regina's tongue in her ass and Helena's mouth on her cunt.

She finished contorted in delight, spread all across the bed. Helena gave her thigh a quick kiss before going up to give Myka's lips a longer one. They pulled to each other like two magnets. Regina watched their embrace almost enviously before clapping a hand on Helena's ass. "You're next," she said, before rising to go to the kitchen. She needed to gargle something.

And as she crossed to the sinks, she glanced toward the door, wondering if she'd remembered to lock it. And so, quite unknowingly, her eyes locked with those of Sheriff Emma Swan.

***

Emma's foray into impulse control came to a quick end. Perhaps if the door had been locked, she would've thought better of her actions in the second or two it took to shake the handle, and would've run for it. But since the door swung open freely, she charged into the room without a second thought.

"You asshole!" she cried, a finger stabbed at Regina.

Regina, still quite naked, raised a hand to her quite naked breast in the international gesture of moi?

"You give me all this shit about Robin Hood breaking up with you and what the fuck are you doing? You're having a threesome! With, like, the two hottest women ever!"

"Who's she?" Myka asked Helena, sotto voce.

Helena raised an eyebrow. "Someone with good taste. Most especially in jeans," she concluded, eying Emma's ass.

"I've created a monster," Myka said.

"And!" Emma continued. "You're a lesbian! Since when are you a lesbian!? Do you know how many times I've thought, gee, I wish Regina was a lesbian, only I guess you were into girls this whole time!"

"I don't see how my bisexuality is any business of the sheriff's office," Regina said. When shocked, she tended to become bureaucratic. "Unless, of course, you're interested for personal reasons..."

"Oh! Oh! You wanna go there? You wanna go to the Emma-has-a-crush-on-Regina place! What an asshole thing to do!"

Regina spread her arms, which made her breasts do an interesting bounce that was noted by all present. "I am the Evil Queen."

"Yes! The Evil Queen! Not the Asshole Queen!"

"She seemed to do pretty well with Myka's," Regina said helpfully.

Emma jabbed a finger at her. "I don't want any lip from you!"

"Just tongue," Regina said.

"You do not get to make gay jokes about me! I was, like, the butchest person ever! I did everything short of chopping down a tree to get you to notice me!"

"You had two boyfriends!" Regina protested.

"We have a son!"

"This is why lesbians don't have threesome," Myka thought aloud. "Three times the drama."

"Do not even act like this is my fault!" Emma persisted. "I flirted up a storm! I answered the door in my underwear! How much more obvious could I have made it?"

Helena pointed at Regina. "She got naked and asked us if we wanted to have a threesome."

Emma clapped her hands to her face and pulled them slowly downward. "Do you have any idea how many people I would've threesome'd with you? I was only interested in Graham because I thought we could share him! Hell, back before the Curse broke, I would've double-teamed my mom with you, and don't think that won't come up in therapy!"

"What do you want me to do? Apologize for not having sex with you? Just because we're both queer as hell, extremely physically attractive, have incredible chemistry, and probably have a compatible sexual dynamic?"

"I'm a bottom!" Emma said.

"Regina loves bottoms," Helena pointed out.

"I'm okay with butt stuff too!" Emma stressed. "But no! No! You blew it! With your boyfriends, and your occasional attempts to destroy the town, and your weird obsession with my mom that is taking on an entirely new dimension now that I'm realizing you're this gay!" She gestured at Myka and Helena.

"First of all," Regina said, "I don't think it's really that gay to have sex with those two. I mean, look at them. Angie Harmon would have sex with them."

"Not sure what that proves," Myka said evenly.

"Second, you're the one who wanted to have sex with your mom."

"I didn't know she was my mother at the time!"

"Well, you two have the exact same jaw, so I guess you're just a narcissist."

"Says the woman who's still naked!"

"Girls, girls, please." Helena stood. "If we can all take a deep breath, I do believe the four of us can solve this problem. In the next thirty seconds, in fact. Don't you agree, Myka?"

Myka eyed Emma. And Emma's arms. "Oh yeah. Thirty seconds. Tops."

***

Emma didn't notice HG leaving at first. In her defense, Myka was very interesting... company. As was Regina, of course. When she left, pulled away by Helena, Emma pulled bolt upright from the bed. "Should we be worried?"

Myka was quick to make up for the lost hands. "Have you met them?" She began a program of kissing Emma's neck and shoulders. "They're probably going off to be sarcastic, brood about a few things, talk about how wicked they are, then they'll come back with some sex toys like they're the height of decadence."

"Should I be worried? For a cop, I'm surprisingly uncomfortable with handcuffs."

"Knowing HG, I'm thinking just strap-ons. What are your thoughts on double penetration?"

***

Regina plucked at the odd assortment of straps around her hips, prodded the somewhat obscene silicone plug emanating from her groin. It bobbled... interestingly. "So you say these are quite common?"

"You can buy them at practically every street corner," Helena confirmed—one of the rare things she'd been delighted to learn about the 21^st century. "Aces, no?"

"I've been in this world nearly thirty years and I've never heard of them."

"You should visit more interesting websites, then."

***

Myka felt like applauding when Helena and Regina came back, wearing their dildos like royal accoutrements, but she was a touch busy lubing Emma up. Emma was enjoying the process. She lifted her head, saw the two strap-ons pointed at her, and grew quickly used to the idea. Not too used to it not to gripe, though. "Really? Why does everyone always assume I'm into DP?"

"DP?" Regina asked, and HG whispered in her ear. "You people are such perverts."

"Yeah?" Emma challenged. "Where were you planning to stick that thing?"

"You're a thief, Ms. Swan. Surely, you prefer the backdoor?" Regina's words were entirely offset by her charming smile, though it was a near thing.

Emma turned to Helena. "Which I guess means you..."

"Yes, darling. I hope to make things as pleasant as possible for you. I myself have been exactly where you're sitting, when this Artifact caused there to be two Mykas and we..."

"It's Storybrooke, not story time," Myka interrupted, and Regina gave her a dirty look as, fed up, she went to Emma and brusquely took her head in her hands. Emma looked up into Regina's eyes, suddenly flushed with desire. When Regina urged her head downward, her lips parted automatically.

Myka watched Emma lick the head of Regina's strap-on, then close her lips around its collar, then suck it down into her mouth. "I guess we're having sex then."

Helena stroked her arm. "Would you care to sit on her face? Hopefully, she won't be too far gone to return some of the favors she's being done."

"I think I'll sit this one out," Myka said. "I'm still working out how to sit down after the last round."

HG sighed. "I understand. Sometimes it's fun to watch. I'll try to put on a good show."

Her hand in Emma's hair, Helena forced the blonde off his glistening dildo. Emma looked up at her panting with need, and Regina savored their eye contact before flipping Emma over, forcing her down to the bed. The queen moved behind her, trapping Emma in her arms and legs, the head of the dildo rubbing between the globes of Emma's ass as Regina vampirically kissed her throat. The moan that came from Emma was long and unbidden.

"Helena," Regina called, "get in here and have your fun before I grow tired of her."

Emma shuddered a little. She loved it when Regina's voice got like that—and when Regina's hand went where it was.

Helena gave Myka a quick kiss before hurrying to attend to Emma, dropping down across from Regina in almost the same trap they'd placed Myka in earlier. Emma's eyes were closed, Regina's wide open to watch HG fit the dildo to Emma's sex. She kept dithering her blonde there right until the strap-on went in, and when Emma cried out, Regina's ear was almost at her mouth.

"Yes," Regina hissed. "You really are a slut, aren't you?"

"Least I don't own any leather pants," Emma retorted.

"Let's not get into your fashion choices."

"Are these really the circumstances to be argumentative?" Helena asked, proving her point by snuggling closer to Emma, the many inches of her dildo pressing in until the base was tight against Emma's cunt. Emma huffed out various curses, feeling herself getting some for the first time in a while and loving it for the first time in longer. Still, she distinctly felt Regina's hand fondle her ass. Another curse leapt to mind.

"I take your meaning," Regina said over Emma's muffled swearing, "but she really doesn't get more articulate than this."

"You're a bitch."

"I'm the bitch," Regina corrected her lover, parting Emma's cheeks with her soft hands. Her touch was almost gentle. She pressed the head of her dildo the only place it could go. "And your ass is mine."

Emma swore again. Yet again when Helena thrust forward, starting a pounding pleasure between Emma's legs that Regina just added to by working her dildo into Emma's tight ass. Despite her harsh words, Regina was experienced enough and clever enough to know to go slow, even deferring to Helena as the Englishwoman helped Emma loosen up with small kisses and intimate touches. Emma would remember Regina's hands as actually being quite gentle, stroking Emma's skin as if in amazement at its softness, kissing her lightly on the back of her neck, her breathing throaty and raw. Emma thought if Regina wasn't saying I love you, she was surely thinking it. Emma knew the feeling.

Myka watched, circling her clit, rubbing her sex, feeling the dull gray safety of her life without Helena burn away, feeling sexual and crazy and worthy, feeling like being in Emma's shoes, feeling like being one of the people doing it to her. She felt dirty in the best possible way.

Regina's hips pressed against Emma's ass, her muscles clenching slowly and unclenching slower. She forced the dildo in, let it out, forced it in, let it out. She thought Emma's squealing moans were a sign that the sheriff had taken the hint and Regina had gotten her message across, but if she hadn't, she wouldn't repeat herself like some simpering reality show contestant. She'd given Emma some romance, now she wanted to fuck. Her body picked up speed, the dildo pitching in and out of Emma.

Helena went wild as well, pounding herself into Emma like she was trying to strike Regina through her. She moved in to kiss Emma, but Regina took the woman practically by the throat and twisted her head around to kiss Emma herself. Helena found herself grinning. Such a romantic. She lowered her head to Emma's breasts instead as the blonde's body was thrown between the two gorgeous women. Emma let out a scream, climaxing, but her lovers weren't ready to stop fucking her.

They went at it for long minutes, Emma coming again and again, Myka coming just for a change of pace, then the curly-haired woman rose from her seat, regarding the three women not as a spectacle, but as an activity to join in on. She went to the bed, touching Helena's shoulder with the merest brush of her fingers.

Helena pulled out of Emma, rolling onto her back, and Myka smiled eagerly at her as she climbed onto the bed, legs spread to straddle Helena's strap-on. The thought that it was still wet from Emma drove her mad with lust.

"Hey," Helena said as Myka sank down atop her.

"Hey," Myka replied, beginning to gyrate her hips, undulate her naked body—dancing for her lover.

With Helena gone, Regina was free to move to a better position. She rolled on top of Emma, then was on her feet, pulling Emma to the edge of the bend, contorting her lover so she was bent over the precipice. Emma realized that, once again, she was being fucked doggy-style.

"Thought you were the bitch," she said, projecting more disgruntlement than she felt.

"We can be bitches together," Regina told her with a slap on the ass. Then she looked at Myka next to her, riding HG Wells like a finely-tuned motorcycle, and had a thought.

As always, Regina allowed for no possibility of failure in her planning. She thought the specific incantation, the smoke came, and the next thing Emma knew, she was on the opposite side of the bed from the two Warehouse agents, bent over the bed so her face was by Helena's.

"Thanks, Nightcrawler," she muttered, only to be gripped by Regina's hand in her hair. She was sorta getting to like that...

Regina forced Emma's face to Helena's, and Emma had time to catch a glimpse of Regina's smile before they were kissing, Regina fucking her in the ass, Helena getting the cowgirl treatment from Myka. As Emma felt Regina's hand taper off her hair and trail down her back, almost lovingly, she began to come, knowing she wasn't the only one. Above her, Regina gasped in orgasm, recovering just enough to meet Myka's eyes as the brunette bounced atop her own lover.

"Enjoying Storybrooke?" the mayor asked with a wide smile.

***

Myka and Helena gazed into each other's eyes. It wasn't the first time they'd stared at each other so lovingly, but this was the first time they'd rested on such fine pillows. Regina's breasts cushioned their heads, seeming to massage them gently with each breath they took. Emma had been somewhat dissatisfied by the Warehouse agents claiming such fine real estate, but by lining on the bed at a tangent to the three, she could rest her head against Regina's and steal her lips for a quick kiss now and then. And Regina could reach out and grip her upturned ass, which she did, frequently. Emma thought she was being compared to Myka and Helena's offerings. The fact that Regina had nothing to say about her lacking in that department spoke volumes.

"Hey, Regina?" She spoke softly into Regina's cheek, so as not to wake the other two, who she thought had drifted off.

"Yes?"

"Now that we've had a foursome, how about a date?"

"Would we have to hold hands?" Regina teased.

"Definitely."

"I'll consider it. I don't think I should be making any rash decisions in my current condition." Regina yawned. "I really should've gotten to bed by now. I keep to a very strict sleep schedule. I'm being very naughty."

Emma rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Reggie, you really cut loose."

"Some of us don't sleep until noon, Sheriff."

"Aurora does!"

"You're literally going to bring up Sleeping—" Regina yawned again. "I simply must adhere to my sleep cycle. Bad enough I'm sleeping on one of Granny's lump-ridden excuses for a cot instead of getting the proper head and back support—"

Emma struggled to contain a giggle. Regina sighed.

"Just be sure to wake me when our two friends are done using me as a mattress."

"Don't you mean waterbed? You know, cuz you're retaining—"

Regina goosed Emma quickly. "There are less pleasant things I could do to your ass, Emma dear."

"Yeah, I have a feeling I'm going to be finding out about that. Why do you want to wake up with Rizzoli and Isles here? Don't tell me you're still in the mood."

"I'm not you, Ms. Swan. I simply want to bake them some delicious apple pies for the road."

"Some warm, gooey apple pies?"

"Yes, Ms. Swan."

"So tasty and scrumptious you just want to lick your plate?"

"I take it you'd like your own?"

"Yes, Regina, I would like to taste your pie. Would you mind baking me one with cherries, or are you out of those?"

Regina's uncomprehending look turned into a slow smile. "Perhaps you could lend me some. Tell me, Emma, have you ever taken a big, moist piece of fruit between your fingers and squeezed it, harder and harder, until it simply—squirts?"