A Joke: Surviving Armageddon

So it came to pass that Roger plead out on the Kidnapping charge. The DA had been pushing it for a half hour's confinement, but Roger still ended up with 5 years all told for the Felony Assault and Unlawful Detainment, with the Mental Cruelty aggravator.

Flo, in hopes of saving our marriage, took the DA's deal for Community Service and Time Served and ended up testifying against Roger in Court.

Roger was stoic throughout his trial, showing little emotion, if any. He had recovered as much as possible from my self-defense, and no lawyer in town would take his attempted civil suit against me. After reading the police reports, the sharks smelled a loser and refused him. It wouldn't do him much good from prison, anyway.

Flo fought the Divorce tooth and nail. The Judge ordered couples counseling for us, but I refused, and was held in Contempt of Court twice before the Judge saw that I would rather spend the rest of my life in Jail than get back together with Flo. After my Lawyer read my statement to the Court about what had happened and my feelings on the matter, the Judge finally saw that he was pissing into the wind on this one. Unstoppable Force got stopped by Immovable Object, this time around.

Eric and Patty took it hard, as I expected. I told Patty that I would think about getting back together with their mom, but every time I thought about it, the hurt would come back and I'd think "What happens next time?" I also informed her that I'd warned Flo on multiple occasions that she was disrespecting me, but she kept on doing it. I told her that she would go too far, but she kept on doing it. I didn't hate Flo, but there was no way in Hell that I would live with her and wait for another damned "joke", Roger or no Roger.

Eric, for his part, was with me on this one. Kenna came over with him to talk with me and Patty. They took my side, and Patty was pretty much left on her own on Flo's side.

After much discussion and even some tears, Patty finally saw my reasoning behind the Divorce. I couldn't live with their mother after what she'd done to me over the last few years. That last "joke" with Roger had been the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

* * * *

2 years after that fateful evening, I was sitting in Lucky's Saloon. Thanks to the "No Fault" bullshit, Flo had gotten half of everything except the house, which was already mine when we'd gotten married. I was ordered to pay a third of my paycheck in alimony for 2 years, and Flo was ordered to get a job to support herself, or get married within that allotted timeframe.

Eric married Kenna, who looks quite a bit like Andrea Parker from that old TV series "The Pretender," and they now have a son, my first grandson, and another baby on the way.

Patty is engaged to marry Tom, her previously mentioned boyfriend. Tom is respectful, polite, but doesn't take any shit. I have to respect him for that. He won me over when he got up in my face and told me that he was going to make Patty happy in spite of me if need be. I just smiled and said "You'd better."

So here it was 2 years later. Flo had a job and was making decent money as an accountant, her chosen major in college when we'd first met. She refused to date, though. She kept holding out hope that we'd get back together. She's still in the kids' lives, of course. She's their Mother. We spend Christmases and Thanksgivings together and all that shit. We're able to remain cordial at least. Like I said, I don't hate her. Just don't love her anymore and don't feel any need to have her in my life.

It wasn't as if I'd dated much since the Divorce. Mid-Forties and even though still fairly good looking, if I do say so myself, I don't have quite the "pull" anymore, as the kids call it these days. I'd dated a few times, of course. Hell, I even dated Alice for a while. We'd both been single for about 6 months and had fallen into bed for a bit.... ok, we fell into bed for about 3 months before we finally realized that outside of awesomely amazing sex, we didn't have that much in common.

I still wondered why Roger would risk and ruin a marriage to a sexual dynamo like Alice for some older pussy with Flo. Not that Flo wasn't still beautiful, mind you. For mid-forties, she was still gorgeous, and honestly looks 10 years younger. But still, he gave up sexual nirvana with Alice for a shot at Flo? Some guys are just stupid, I guess.

No, the problem with Alice, and both of us for that matter, was the specters of our spouses constantly over our heads. We felt that even though our spouses hadn't actually cheated, by Bill Clinton's definition, we were still each other's consolation prize... if that's the term you could use.

In bed, Alice blew Flo out of the water. Hell, no man would need Viagra or Cialis or any of that stuff as long as Alice was around.

But in the end, she was right. We just couldn't get past the shit our exes had put us through. We parted as friends, and Alice ended up moving out of town.

Since that time with Alice, I'd had two almost steady girlfriends. 3 to 4 months apiece, but I'd spent more time with Rosie Palmer and her 5 sisters than with a real woman since the Divorce was final.

In a small town like ours, with less than 100,000 people, gossip spreads, and I was sitting in Lucky's Saloon swigging a beer. I'd cut back a LOT on the beer and alcohol in general. But after finding out that Larry had been fucking around on Ashleigh with Sara at work, I had to think about what to do in this situation. Larry was a friend, but Ash deserved to know. Larry also knew how I felt about cheaters, but then I didn't want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage... but then again...

Yeah, my thoughts were jumbled. Larry had been a friend for years. But then, so had Ash. I'd just about settled on telling Ash what I knew when she plopped down on the barstool next to me and surprised the shit out of me.

"Buy a girl a drink?" She smirked.

"Ash, you're just the person I had on my mind right now." I admitted as I signaled Lucky for another round and a beer for Ash too. "Just get off work?"

"Yeah, and why was I on your mind?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

I took a deep breath. "Ash, 2 days ago, I found out that Larry's been having an affair with Sara at work." I was looking right at her as I said it, but saw no surprise there. I forged ahead. "Anyway, I had been debating with myself whether or not to tell you, but finally decided that telling you would be better than letting you think that he was still a faithful husband, whether or not he has been in the past. Honestly, the guy is kind of a dickhead, and has been for a long time." I finally ran out of breath and had to take another one. It had all come out in a rush.

Ash just nodded as she took her beer and swigged it once. "That confirms what I've been hearing behind my back when people think I can't hear them. The gossip in this town is enough to drive some people batshit crazy."

"I hear that, but I'm still sorry to confirm it for you. I know you love the son of a bitch." I shrugged.

"Fuck him. He chose to disregard his marriage vows, and fuck around on me. Who was that lawyer you used to Divorce Flo?"

I smiled at that. "Kevin Stevenson." I handed her his card from my wallet. It had seen better days, but Kev was and is the best Shark in the business in our town. He wasn't JUST a Divorce Attorney. He also had other interests on the side. He made decent money, and even though he had scruples, he knew exactly when to be unscrupulous. Divorces were one of those times.

"Thanks. Hey, are you seeing anyone?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not at the moment. But you ARE still married, and two wrongs don't make a right." I got her message loud and clear from the way she'd asked and the look of Revenge Fuck in her eyes. "Ash, as much as I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted, I also have to say that I have too much respect for you right now to be a revenge fuck against Larry. Sweety, you deserve better than that and so do I."

She thought about my words for a few moments. "Yeah, you're right, Jim. As much as I'd like to, I AM still married to a jerkweed. But I will be free in a few months, and I WILL have the proof I need of him fucking around before we get to Court."

We clinked bottles at that and swigged our beers in companionable silence. After a half hour, we decided to dance a bit, then we left separately and she went home to Asshole while I went home to that empty house of mine.

Ash ended up catching Larry dead to rights, taking pics, and slammed him in the courtroom with her evidence during their Divorce. Also, since Sara had some pot on her when they were busted, they both ended up in jail. I had my suspicions about where the pot had come from, but as far as I was concerned, if Ash wanted to plant a little evidence to move the Divorce along a little faster, who was I to argue?

Seriously, at one point I never thought Larry could be such a douchebag. I mean come on! His wife is a DETECTIVE! Jeez, some guys are fuckin' stupid!

By the end of the whole mess 6 months later, Larry was out of a wife, out of a home, and out of a job. He ended up leaving town for parts unknown, which suited everyone here just fine.

Life went on as before, only this time I was dating a woman 10 years my junior and loving every minute of it. Ash was a breath of fresh air. Detective Banks, as she was now referred, it being her maiden name that she'd retaken in the Divorce, was all that, the bag of chips, AND the salsa! I was once again struck by the stupidity of guys like Roger and Larry. How the hell could they screw up marriages like that to women like Alice and Ashleigh?!

I chalked it up to the "Born Stupid" theory. Some guys just don't know what they have, and are stupid about it. Oh, well. Their loss is my gain.

Or so I thought...

* * * * *

Ash and I went on dates, and took it slow for a few months. Her schedule was decent, as she was on Days, and mine was ok too since I was only a couple hours behind her in starting my day at work. We found time for each other on weekends, but we held off on having sex for a while, too.

I probably should have mentioned it earlier, but Ash is light skinned, but still black. Somewhere between Maya Rudolph and Beyoncé. Both of her parents are mixed race. It doesn't come up much, but with Larry being a darker black man, and Sara being white, their whole mess was talked about even more than when Roger had "joked" Flo and ruined my marriage. It was one reason that Larry was run out of town on a rail, figuratively speaking. While everyone got along with Ash, Larry had kind of been a dark horse, no pun intended, in our town. Moving here after hooking up with Ash in college, he had made some friends, but he was still a dickhead a lot of the time. It kind of made me wonder how he'd talked his way into Ash's life in the first place.

I brought up the subject one night after we'd been dating for about 3 months.

"Well," she said, "he was actually a nice guy when we met in college. I don't know what changed in him since he moved here to be with me, but it might have been that the small town mentality was too much for him. You know that it's tough for new people to get along with this town sometimes. Look at Rog..." She stopped and blushed as she looked down.

"It's ok, sweety." I smiled. "I'm over it. Roger is in prison and Flo is working and I only see her on some holidays when the kids are in town for family get-togethers."

She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Good. I know what they did to you was wrong, and if Larry had done that shit to me, I would've beaten him within an inch of his life."

We looked into each other's eyes. We'd both been hurt by the ones we'd loved. We'd both Been There. I knew that she wouldn't do me like Flo had. I stood up, as our dinner was done, and pulled her to her feet.

She rose and came into my arms, and we kissed lovingly. Her full lips on mine felt wonderful. Our tongues danced in each other's mouths as we moaned in the pleasure of our bodies pressing together.

Her caramel colored skin shown in contrast to my paler complexion as we kissed. Her long dark hair was tied back in a ponytail, so I could reach her ears with my lips as we kissed each other's necks. I sucked her earlobe as she started tugging my shirt out of the waistband of my pants, and I grabbed her well endowed behind. Yes, I have an appreciation for a bubble butt, and Ash had it all packed in the right places. My stray thought at that time was "Larry was a fuckin' idiot!"

Larry notwithstanding, I wasn't going to let this opportunity pass me by. We'd waited long enough, and I for one wasn't going to wait anymore. Luckily for me, neither was she. Her deep dark brown eyes bored into mine with a look of shear lust that would be hard to describe, so I won't even try. Ok, yes I will. The word "smolder doesn't even come close to the heat radiating from her gaze. Her sexual presence damn near overwhelmed me, and I literally have no idea how we ended up naked on her bed.

But as I came to my senses, I sensed everything all at once. Her silky soft skin pressed against mine. Her dark complexion contrasting so erotically with my own. Her shudder of pleasure as my lips closed over one dark nipple and began to suckle.

Now, I'm also no slouch downstairs, just to be clear. As we moved into a 69, Ash gasped and murmured her appreciation for my Wood. She then took me into her mouth as I sucked on her caramel covered cherry clit. Oh God, she tasted amazing as I licked and sucked her pussy to a massive orgasm. My tongue delved deep into her as I alternated it between her pussy hole and her engorged clit. As she screamed around my cock and sucked me even harder as she came, I could feel my own climax starting.

"Gonna come!" I gasped as I felt her take me into her throat. She just moaned as I began pumping my cum into her gullet

I grunted again as I shot my seed down her throat. She just sucked and slurped until I was completely drained.

As she rolled off of me and came up to kiss me, I could taste myself but didn't give a shit. She had a look of satisfaction on her face as she reached down and started stroking me back to life.

I was about to ask for an hour or two when much to my surprise, I rose to the challenge. Maybe it was her smile. Maybe it was her beautiful exotic body. Or maybe it was just her saying "I need you to make love to me, baby" while whispering in my ear and stroking my hardening cock.

As soon as I was hard again, Ash straddled me, and gripping me by my cock, lowered her pussy down onto my hard-as-iron pole. I gasped as her tight wet pussy engulfed me, and I can honestly say I'd never been in such a tight hot spot in my life!

I grabbed her D cup breasts and sucked one chocolate nipple as she began to grind on me. Her gasps and moans added to my arousal as we made love slowly, her hips moving back and forth as I found her rhythm and started moving under her too.

"Yesssss, baby! God yes, just like that!" She moaned as we moved together. Me thrusting up into her as she started moving up and down on me, my mouth moving back and forth between her gorgeous nipples that reminded me of Claudia Price, the porn actress. Big and erect with her arousal, those nipples were deadly!

"Gonna come baby!" She warned as I thrust up into her faster and harder. All those years with Flo had taught me what a woman wants in bed, and luckily for me, Ash was definitely responding to what I was doing. My cock slammed up into her as I grabbed the round globes of her ass and pounded up into her.

"GODDDDD YYYYYEEEESSSSSS!!!!" She screamed as I felt her cunt contract around me and her juices flow around my cock and balls as she came.

"Oh fuck!" I grunted as I felt my own cum boiling up the shaft of my cock and, for the first time in decades, unleashed my cum into a woman who wasn't Flo.

"That's it, baby! Come in my pussy! FUCK YES!" She gasped as I unloaded a torrent into her willing womb.

As the steam rose from our bodies in the aftermath of sexual Armageddon, we cuddled together as she draped her leg across my waist and snuggled into my side with her head on my chest.

"Wow!" was all I could manage at that point.

"Uh huh." She said languidly. "Damn, baby! Larry never made me come like that! Are all white boys as good as you?"

"Nope. I'm one of a kind." I chuckled. "I could say the same, though. I don't think I've ever came that hard in my life!"

"I'm one of a kind too, baby." She leaned up and kissed me sweetly. "It's about damn time we did this."

"I agree." I grinned and returned her kiss with interest.

Ash moved in a week later, and all seemed right with the world, until one day when Ash got home from work and grabbed me in a hug. "Baby, we need to talk."

Now, NO guy on Earth wants to hear those words from the woman he loves. "What's wrong, baby?" I asked, dreading what she had to say.

"Roger escaped from prison last night. I just found out about it an hour ago, but he'd been vowing revenge on you for what you did to him." She refused to let me go as we walked into the living room and sat together on the loveseat. I held her close too, thinking about the ramifications of what she'd just said.

"Ok. I own a gun, so if he comes after us, I can defend myself. You have your gun too, so he'd be walking into his own death if he tries it." I reasoned that he wouldn't be that damn stupid.

What I didn't realize is that while Roger didn't come after me directly, he was really that stupid in that he went after someone else close to me.

Two weeks after the news of Roger's escape, the cops were at a loss. He seemed to have disappeared from the face of the Earth. Then the phone call that would haunt me for the rest of my life came just as I got home from work.

"Hello?" I answered. Now, I usually don't pick up calls from numbers I don't recognize, but I was feeling good that day and was even willing to put up with a telemarketer or two.

"D... Daddy?" I heard a sobbing Patty ask.

"Patty? What's wrong, Pumpkin?" I felt a sense of dread that hadn't been there a moment before.

"Pumpkin is a little tied up right now, ol' buddy." Roger's taunting voice came over the line. "So is your whore of an ex-wife."

"Where are you, you son of a bitch?! This is between you and me! Not them! Leave Patty and Flo out of this!" I snarled. All the rage. All the hurt. All the disrespect he'd shown me in the past came flooding back. Now he was adding to it by threatening my family!

"Listen carefully, asshole!" He clipped at me. "You are going to do exactly what I say, or they die slowly and painfully. Am I clear?"

"Yeah. What do you want, Roger?" I asked with a lot more calm in my voice than I was feeling.

"Come to Flo's apartment and come alone. No cops. If you do that, there's a chance they might walk out of here alive. If you aren't here in ten minutes, I start having fun with them. Patty sure has grown up and blossomed, and Flo still looks pretty good for a woman her age."

"I swear to God, Roger! If you harm either one of them, God himself couldn't stop me from tearing you apart!" I raged. He laughed.

"You're in no position to threaten me, dumbass! I'm holding all the cards. If I see cops, I kill them before anyone can save them. You have my word on that, buddy boy!"

"I'm on my way." I snarled as I ended the call.

I grabbed my Colt Python and was out the door in less than a minute. I got in my truck and drove, and called Ash on my way.

"Ash, he's at Flo's place with her and Patty. He's threatening to kill them if the cops show up, so please keep this on the down low. If you can get the cops there, do it, but be discrete about it. Ok?" I said it all in a rush, and her response was about what I expected. She knew who I was talking about when I said "he."