Adam

The ambience of the Bookshop Café was relaxing and a few minutes later Darla stopped by my table again.

"Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Yeah, Darla, do you think you could box up about three dozen of those cookies for me?"

She laughed.

"That good, huh? I'll tell you what, I'll put your order in the oven in no time and if you'll wait twenty minutes they'll be ready and hot."

"Works for me, Darla," I laughed.

She brought me another cup of eggnog and three more cookies on the house. As I waited I thought about who would be at home. After I finished the eggnog and cookies I browsed through the book section, picking up a few magazines and an old Robert Ludlum novel. At least I'd have something to read in my room if I needed to hide. At last I got my box of cookies and then I soon turned the car toward the street where my home was.

I had thought I was prepared but the closer I got to home, the more nervous I got. As I turned into my street I didn't recognize the two cars in the driveway. The usual Santa with his reindeer stood on the front lawn. I took a deep breath and pulled into the driveway. I let Angel pee before I finally knocked on the door. A young boy around four opened the door.

"Who are you?" he asked suspiciously.

"My name's Chris. Who are you?"

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

"And yet here we are."

"What's your dog's name?"

"His name is Angel."

The boy was clearly entranced by Angel.

"Does he bite?"

"Only if you hurt him. He's a sweet little baby."

Angel was squirming in my arms, trying to get to the boy.

"Would you like to play with him? I think he'd like that."

"You're a stranger and..."

"...and you're not supposed to talk to strangers."

"He's also not supposed to open the front door."

I looked up to see my sister Joan.

"So you made it, I'm so glad. Well, come in, Chris, don't stand out there in the cold. YOU might can take it but it looks like your little dog has had enough of it. It's freezing and you're letting cold air in the house," she laughed. "The weatherman says we're going to get some snow and there might be a freeze by the weekend."

"His name is Angel, Mom."

The little boy was pulling on Joan's skirt.

"Why's he calling you Mom?"

"He thinks he's being funny."

"Like when Dad thinks he's funny?"

"This is my son, Davy. He loves your dog and can't wait to get hold of him. We've got a Labrador at home and he's Davy's best friend."

"His name is Collie," Davy piped up.

"Collie?"

"He's a Lab but Davy decided he liked the named Collie because we have some friends in Decatur that have a collie."

Soon Angel and Davy were having fun together.

"The airplane pilot told us it's probably going to snow tonight and that we're lucky we flew when we did because over the next day or so some flights might be grounded. So how are you, Joan?"

"Fine, fine, how are you?"

She hugged me and pulled me toward the kitchen. I could smell cinnamon and the smell of cooking baking cookies and cakes in the kitchen. Great; and here I brought some store bought cookies home. That should go over well. Angel and Davy sat on the floor playing.

"Mom's gone over to Ruby's and she'll be back in an hour or so."

Ruby was one of Mom's best friends, the wife of Dad's partner in his law firm. I gave Joan the box of cookies.

"Chris Barrett! You bought cookies when you know Mom's baking more than we'll eat in a month."

"Oh, well," I laughed. "They're white chocolate macadamia nut and I got them at that new coffee shop slash bookstore. It's a nice place."

"Yeah, it's been here for three or four years now, I guess. It's one of the most popular places in town."

"Can I have one, Mom? I love macadamia nut cookies, you know that, don't you?"

The boy had been eyeing me suspiciously ever since I came in but the Angel and the cookies seemed to have won him over a bit.

"Who's he, Mom? I've never heard of anybody named Chris that comes to Granny's house."

"Davy, this is my brother, Chris, and he's your uncle."

"Uncle? You never told me I have an uncle named Chris!"

I had to laugh. It was as if I'd been wiped out of the family history.

"I can see the black sheep of the family was erased from the family Bible. How many nieces and nephews do I have that don't know I exist, Joan?"

She had to good grace to blush.

"I'm sorry, Chris. Dad was just so angry..."

"Let's just leave at that, shall we? Dad, Dad, Dad, everything was always about him. So now he's dead and suddenly everyone is like tulips popping up out of the dirt."

"You didn't like my Granddaddy?"

Davy seemed shocked.

"No, Davy, but that's just me and I seem to be the only one."

"I didn't like him either," he stage whispered. "He was mean to everybody."

He looked at Joan like he was afraid she'd scold him but she just laughed.

"Davy, I can see you and Chris are a lot alike. Let's get you some cookies."

We ate some cookies and Joan sent Davy off to the den with Angel to watch a DVD.

"How's David?"

David was Joan's husband, a Certified Public Accountant who managed the law practice's finances as part of his thriving business. I'd always liked him and called him David number two since Adam's brother was also named David.

"Business was kind of dry for a while but thank God we live so close to Atlanta. David gets a lot of business from the city and he teaches accounting at the community college two nights a week."

"That must cut into your home life a bit..."

"Yeah," she laughed. "After you've been married for fifteen years it's not such a big deal. Besides which, he handles the accounting business of the college now."

"And Josh? What's mini-Dad up to?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Just try to not lose your temper with him. Please. He's as sanctimonious as Dad ever was and thinks he's God's gift to the world but he's calmed down a bit since Nancy divorced him."

"Nancy left him??? Why? She's like Mom, a total doormat. How'd she get the nerve to file for divorce?"

"She caught Josh in bed fucking Lou Carlson and she had a major change of heart. She told me she suddenly realized that she was turning into another Mom and she'd rather be dead than live like that so she took Josh to court and cleaned him out."

"Serves him right. He's supposed to be the big time Perry Mason of Georgia so that must have been a blow to that ego of his. How'd he manage to get taken to the cleaners?"

"Don't forget that Nancy's father's a millionaire. He hired the best attorney money could buy and it was nasty as hell but Nancy got the kids, the house, and half of everything they owned plus alimony for the rest of her life. Josh basically had to give in or give her a percentage of the law firm."

"I'll bet that DID set him back a bit. When did this happen?"

"About a year and a half ago."

"So did he marry Lou Carlson?"

"That didn't work out too well for her either. She ended up losing her teaching job for moral turpitude so she moved back home to Chicago. Anyway, Josh says he feels like turning queer like you."

Her face went blood red and I laughed. Joan always did have a way of letting her mouth run before her brain got in gear.

"So Josh is going gay, huh?"

"Oh, for God's sake don't say that to him, Chris. He'll have a fit and the whole thing's a real sore spot with Mom. She's cried a lot because Nancy won't let her see the kids except when Josh get them for visitation."

"That's mean."

"I know, we all do but it got a little better after Nancy sold the house and moved into Atlanta. She's dating a college professor now but she says she'll never marry again. I think that's because if she marries she loses her alimony."

"Where's Josh living?"

"Oh, he bought the Eastman house over on Pine Street. It's actually nicer than his old house and he got it so Rose and Mary Kay could have a good home when they're with him."

"And Mom? How's she doing overall? She never could say boo to a goose so what's she doing now without her boss?"

"She's not doing too well, Chris. Why don't you cut her some slack, okay? This has been really rough for her. It's like you said, Mom was never able to decide what to make for dinner without Dad telling her what he wanted, and now it's like she's just begun to come out of her shell. Asking me to find you is a major step for her, it's like she's defying Dad's ghost."

"I hope she's not disappointed when she sees me. It's not like I'm the Prodigal Son."

"For her, Chris, maybe you are, who knows? Just take it easy with her. After Dad died she took your pictures out of the trunk and put them up again."

"Did you tell her you talked with me on the phone?"

"I had to, Chris, how could I not? I told her you'd probably come sometime in December but I couldn't promise it. She really has her hopes up that you'll show."

"What about Troy?"

"Troy has really changed since he married Cindy Williams. Remember Cindy's got a gay brother even if he never admits it and she's never shut up about how you were treated. Dad couldn't stand her."

I remembered Cindy. Although she'd spoken up for me, I didn't like her too much either. She was always a flag waving liberal who pushed it just a little bit too far and pissed off even those she was trying to help. I've never been a very political person, never campaigned for a candidate or marched in a parade, and I follow a rule that says never discuss religion, politics, or sex with others.

As for her brother, Randy was more feminine that most of the girls when we were in school and he got treated like shit all the time. He provided the prime example for me of the torture that goes with being gay and so I had to be more macho than any other male in Georgia.

"I can't believe Troy married her. She just doesn't seem like his type."

"That's what we all thought but they seem happy together. They had a couple of bumps in the road a couple of years back when they discovered Troy's sterile but they got over it."

"Wow," I whistled. "Who would have thought it? What happened to Troy?"

"Oh, some medical bullshit that basically ends up with the doctors can't really tell him why, maybe some fever when he was younger. Who knows? Anyway, he and Cindy don't want to adopt so that's that."

"Gee, I'd think Cindy would be all for adoption, preferably some minority child."

Joan laughed.

"Don't be bitchy, Chris. It was as much Troy's decision as hers and I think Troy just decided he doesn't want to raise some other person's child. Remember the Stein case?"

"No."

"That's right, it was after you left. Bert and Lily Stein adopted a baby and they were just crazy about him. About a year after the adoption the mother showed up and she'd married the father of the kid, the father who never consented to the adoption. Long story short, Bert and Lily lost the kid and it nearly killed them. Dad and Josh represented the Steins and it was a real stain on them to lose."

"What? Dad lost a case?"

I was being sarcastic, nasty even.

"Oh, you've REALLY gotten bitchy since you moved to Boston," she laughed.

"No, just more realistic about how the world is. You really want to go into that right now?"

"As I was saying, it was a tragedy and Bert and Lily ended up getting a divorce. Adoption's totally out of the question for Troy and Cindy."

"So why did Troy end up in the family law firm? He always swore he was going to do corporate law in Atlanta."

"Yeah, that was his plan but when Dad came down with cancer he had to come home and help take over Dad's cases. Josh couldn't handle it all and Dad asked Troy to take over for him. Alvin had had two heart attacks and Ruby refused to let him go back to work with the firm. It's a good thing because he died a week after Dad did."

The back door opened and there was Mom. She raced into my arms and burst into tears. We all ended up crying and it was as if all the bad years had pushed away into the background. Mom was so excited that I was home she kept telling me how she'd fixed my room up like it was before I left, how she'd made all of my favorite dishes, and how she wanted to make up for all the time that had passed. How could I turn down my mother's love? Only someone who lived with a domineering personality like Dad could ever understand how one person can control everyone.

"Have you been through the town yet?" she asked. "It's changed a lot since you left, Chris. I guess I should say it's changed and yet so much is still the same. Does that make sense?"

"Oh, yeah, that seems to be the case everywhere. I told Joan I'd stopped by the new Bookshop Café when I first got to town. It seems like a really nice place."

"Oh, it is, it is. The Episcopal church women's club meets there once a month and I stop by there a lot just to get coffee and a cookie."

"Watch out, Mom, those cookies will make you fat," I laughed.

"Yeah, Mom, can you believe that Chris picked up a box of chocolate macadamia nut cookies when you've made enough cookies for an army?"

"It's okay, Granny! I'M glad he did! You know I like those cookies. Mom's being mean and won't let me eat any more."

"He'd eat the whole box if I'd let him and he's already had five," Joan smiled.

"Well, even Granny can't help you there, Davy. I never let you have more than three."

Mom obviously adored her grandson.

"Well, don't worry about running out," I said. "I'll be sure to stop by and get more, you can count on it. I like them, too."

Davy beamed with happiness, such a cute little boy.

"Are you going to be able to stay through the holidays, Chris?" Mom asked anxiously.

"I have six weeks off and I'd planned to spend it all here; that is if all goes well and I don't overstay my welcome."

Mom got tears in her eyes again.

"My baby boy could never overstay his welcome in my home. Don't you even think about that; I'm just so glad that you're here, Chris."

"I thought that I was your baby boy, Granny. Chris is a grown man!

"Chris is my youngest child, Davy, and he'll always be my baby boy no matter how old he gets."

"Will I still be your baby boy?"

"Of course you will, Davy. Chris is my big baby boy and you're my little baby boy."

Josh, Troy, and Nancy came over for supper that night and although there was some tension in the air, Mom made it clear that she was glad I was home and no one should dare to cause any trouble. Josh was the most uncomfortable and we all knew it but it was like Joan had said; I think his divorce had done something for the better to his character. Troy and Nancy were easy going and friendly enough but none of the adults mattered; all went well with Davy bubbling over about his new uncle and his dog Angel. He definitely had everyone wrapped around his little finger.

I spent the first few days at home getting reacquainted with Mom and my old home. Surprisingly Mom had begun to redecorate the house, the changes gradual but most definitely there was no sign of Dad evident anywhere except in family photos. My old photos were on the wall with other family pictures and there was a warm feeling that was enhanced by the Christmas decorations and the sweet smells from the kitchen. It snowed hard the day after I arrived and the weather got much colder reminding me of Boston winters. After a week Mom sent me out to get more cookies for Davy.

Even though there was a lot of snow on the ground the Bookshop Café was crowded when I walked in. Based on the quick turnover of tables, it obviously was a crowd of people on work breaks. I browsed through the books, waiting for the crowd to thin out, afraid that someone would recognize me. Surprisingly no one did and I couldn't believe that although I'd only been gone ten years it seemed like there was no one from my old life still around. Finally I sat at a table in the corner, my back to the store, and looked out the window.

Suddenly an eggnog and three smiley faced Santa Christmas cookies appeared on the table in front of me.

"Is it okay if I sit down with you, Chris?"

I recognized the voice before I looked up at him. Adam. I felt a wave of hostility burn through me that I didn't try to disguise.

"Please?"

I don't know what it was about his face; contrition, remorse, regret, it was all written on his face and in his eyes. He hadn't said it but I knew he was sorry.

"Go ahead, take a seat," I grinned. "How could I refuse an Apache boy who's just given me Santa cookies?"

Adam sat down, his relief apparent.

"Chris, I really want to talk to you and spend some time with you but I have to get my apology out of the way first. The way I treated my best friend in the world was inexcusable and I've been ashamed of myself ever since that day. If there's even a tiny bit of forgiveness in you, would you please forgive me?"

I looked at him hard, searching for the lie, for anything that might be false but I couldn't find it. After a long few seconds I gave in.

"Okay, Adam. It took me awhile but I finally figured out that it hurts me more than anyone else to carry grudges and never let go of the anger."

"I'm so sorry, Chris. I can't say I'm sorry enough to let you know how awful I feel about it all. I even thought about trying to find you in Boston and going there to apologize but I guess I just chickened out. Joan told me about the doctor you lived with and that he died a few months ago. I'm truly sorry for your loss."

I nodded, not wanting to talk to him about it.

"Thanks, he died six months ago and I feel like I'm just beginning to come into the light again. So what about you, Adam? How's the family and the construction company?"

He shook his head and sighed.

"Dad died four years ago and I decided to sell off his equipment and close the business down. David had moved to California and when he left Dad had given him cash for the part of the business he would have inherited. So it was just me and I was three years into getting a degree in business from Emory. Good thing I sold it when I did; David got divorced and was back in town two years later, totally broke."

"But he already had his part, tough shit."

"Yeah," he laughed. "Tell that to David and to Mom. Anyway, it wasn't just that construction was in a slump, I really didn't want to be a part of it anymore. I used part of the money from the sale to finish my BA and then get an MBA. I used most of the rest to open this place."

I felt like I'd been slapped. ADAM owned The Bookshop Café??!! He saw the shocked surprise in my eyes and grinned.

"You never would have thought it, would you?"

"Not in a million years, Adam. When I left all you cared about was construction and you were interested in finished carpentry. What happened?"

"I might ask you the same. You were the star of the woodworking program and Grant told people at the Vo-Tech that you'd gone to work for some big furniture guru in Boston. Now, Joan says you're an ARNP."

"What can I say, I always loved the medical field. Granny Barrett was a nurse and I guess she passed it on to me. Anyway, Grant left me for the great guru as you called him and there was just no way that I could go to work every day and see the two of them together."

"Oh, good God, that bastard! After all the shit you went through he left you for the guy he recommended you to. What a total shit hill."

"Yeah," I laughed. "Ain't love grand?"

"So what did you do?"

"I took a job as a technician at the hospital. It wasn't much, all I did was transport patients from their room to the lab or x-ray or wherever the orders said. Then I dated a guy who was a nurse and the next thing you know I was in nursing school. It turns out that I'm really good at it so I ended up with a Master's in nursing and working as an ARNP in the emergency room."

"It seems kind of funny how both of us were into woodworking and neither one of us does it for a living now. Do you ever do any woodworking at all? You were really good with those cabinets and desks, Chris."