Beanie and Spiro's Great Adventure

The film started and the first thing it said was that men and women have been around ever since God created them from a lump of clay. Then they said the snake in the garden was symbolic of STDs. You gotta keep the snakes off your cock, but how? They showed us a funny cartoon about how to roll a condom onto your cock. Of course that got a lot of laughs. Especially when they said you gotta pinch the end of the condominium if it had a nipple.

Now I thought that was a good hint cause lots a times I'd gotten that nipple thing filled with air and it looked kind of stupid and the girl I was with started laughing.

Some wise ass shouted out,

"It works better if the rubber is in your mouth."

I didn't understand that joke.

That remark was followed by clapping and cheers. It made ya kind of wonder what kind of sex lives these guys led.

To teach us how bad STDs are, they showed a bunch of guys with syph. It looked like a film from the 1930s with a caption "Tuskegee Syphilis Study" which musta been in Georgia or some other place. Looked like an asylum. All the poor guys were black; they was blind, deaf with stuff dripping out of their cocks. It was horrible. Some black ensign shouted out,

"Them blacks was not cured. The government wanted to see how sick they could get'em."

Of course none of us believed that leftist shit and the guy was grabbed by the security MP's and dragged out. We didn't see him again but it was hard to forget them poor blacks in the hospital. I guess putting them in there was the best thing they could do as they was leaking germs all over the place..

When the sex film was over, Nurse Taggart asked if anyone wanted to show the group how to roll a rubber on a stiffy. A bunch of guys pushed me forward and she called me up on stage. She handed me some smutty magazine and said look at this and you'll get a hard on. I looked but I was too em-bare-assed by that porno stuff so it didn't do no good.

Then she pulled me up so close I could feel the heat from them giant titties and she opened up her blouse real quick like and flashed me up close, so no one else could see her nips and right then I popped a boner. She told me to drop my trou and handed me a condom but it was one of the small ones.

"This won't fit," I said.

All the guys started laugh'n and clapping.

"Ok, Mr. Big Man, I've got a special one for you."

She pulled out a maxi condo in a gold colored foil wrapper and told me to tear it open and to look carefully which side to roll on and I'm happy to say I passed the test. I rolled that son of a bitch right on like I was climbing Mount Everlast with a flying red cock encased in rubber. When the nurse saw my dick, she must have like it cause she said I'd be called down to her office for blood pressure readings and some jizz samples. Of course i got a big hand for the demo and maybe for my big dick.

Several days later a female messenger showed up while we were exercising. I had to follow her back to the med office and there was Nurse Taggart. God, she looked so sweet and virginal. She took me in the back and lifted up her medical gown and she didn't have no panties on. She sits herself in some split bench with her tiny feet in metal stirrups and this time I was ready.

"Do I need one a them condiments?"

"Nope, I'm on the pill."

That was good news, though I don't know what pill she was talking about, maybe ass-prines.

"You know," I confided in her, "when it comes to fuck'en it just feels so much better flesh to flesh."

"You got that right," she said, "but we ain't really fucking, this is how we test a penis' jizz capacity in the Navy. We much prefer this real life situation examination which will be followed up by lab work."

Holy Jesus, her puss was a'dripping wet. I guess it wasn't real fucking but it sure felt like it, I was so horney I fucked her real quick. When I was done she said she need another jizz sample for Uncle Sami and she gave me one of the blue vitamin pills and told me to rest up for a half hour.

When that time was up she came over and gave my dick a hard squeeze and I'll be damned, this time I popped a real hard one. That being the case I got to be examined for a second time. I guess I was more relaxed that time and took a full twenty minutes before I popped my nuts. By the look on her face I think she really enjoyed testing me. When we were done she carefully wiped off the leaking jizz from her twat with a tissue and put it in one of the little stainless receptacles on the floor,

"We will be testing that sample sailor, you done goods."

She said was real pleased and she'd make a notation that I was cooperative. She added, your jizz is A1 quality. How she knew that without tasting it, I just don't know but these navy nurses are real smart about such things. She told me to go into the bathroom and I washed off the pussy smell from my dick. She said the other guys would be jealous if they knew I had A1 jizz so I shouldn't discuss my test results. I got my cock real clean but there still was a pussy smell on my left hand. I was smelling it when she came back into the examination room as I was about to leave, and she said,

"Glad you ain't a faggot."

"Nope, not me, but there sure is a lot of them boys here in the Navy."

"Yeah we seem to attract them," she sighed. "Well, you just cum down for testing every week when I need ya," then she added that she was a cock widow lady.

"What's a cock widda lady," I asked?

"My hubby got his cock shot off in Iraq so he ain't no good except with his tongue."

"He fucks ya with his tongue? "I said.

"Yeah, something like that, but a big fat cock is much better, it don't tickle ya, but it sure fills ya pussy full up"

Then she wrote me a medical note and I went back to my division smelling my fingers every few minutes.

During the fourth week, you hafta put on your dress uniforms to get graduation "pitchers" taken.They tell you to grin but everyone looks like a shaved ass with these dumb haircuts that make your ears stick out like an eel-i-fant.

The fifth week is the fun time, you get to shoot rifles and pistols. One asshole from North Dakota shot off his toe and he was out of there as quick as water in a greasy fry pan. I guess that makes him a war veteran. But that proved a point to me, guns don't shoot people, people shoot people. If he hadn't a pulled that trigger he'd still be with us with all ten piggies

.

After they carried him off, the shooting instructor said,"God has a way of getting rid of commies and their toes". That got a big laugh.

Then we had training on not to break if you are tortured by the enemy.

"When the North Koreans are attaching electric wires to your balls you should we saying the pledge of allegiance to yourself," said our Chief Petty Officer Lon Dong.

They he made us watch some movie called "Manchurian Mongoloid," with the famous Chairman of the Bored, Mr. Frank Snott-ra, but that's just stupid Hollywood stuff. Nobody, especially a Commie, is going to get me to wipe my ass with a piece of the flag. Hell no! Then Lon Dong, the torture expert, said that the movie showed you how the North Koreans killed President Kennedy and his wife years back. I didn't know that was a way to get a president unelected.

The sixth week the recruits start to apply some of the things they have learned. We have to know how to deal with chemical, biological, and radiological stuff. Then some anti-terrorism jazz where you gotta grab a guy with a suicide vest and drag him away from your buddies. You got only 12 seconds before the timer goes off and that alarm tells ya that Muhammad has blown the both of you up. I saved my buds but got blown up for make believe two times.

Next was Battlestation Week with simulated war, that just as scary as one of them video games but kind of exciting. I got excused from part of the exercise when Nurse Taggart called me down saying they needed another jizz sample. But this time I was examined by a different technician they said was the Admiral's wife. She must have been very smart cause even her pubes hairs were white. She said my dick was a bit too large for her testing apparatus but i struggled to give her a full jizz load. I didn't think there was no jizz left in my pecker but the Nurse gave me that blue vitamin pill again and a half hour later I was able to undergo a second testing with Nurse Taggart herself. She .tasted my jizz this time and confirmed it was A1.

Then before you can say, "fuck me" the boot camp course is over, that's when you graduate and your Navy tour begins. During the last few weeks Beanie and I got a little separated. I was sleeping in Quonset hut 4 and he was in hut number 2, the one that Petty Officer Dagmar was in charge of. You could tell Dagmar took a real liking to Beanie. He took him out for dinner off base at the Chinese Pavilion restaurant, a pretty swanky place. Beanie brought me back a doggie bag of really good stuff from there.

"So the Petty Officer likes you," I said.

"It's more than just liking, he tells me he's in love with me.

"When did he say that?"

"That same night he took me to that restaurant, he pulled over the car on the way back and before I knew it, he' de-pants me. He's a big fucker with a dick to match."

"What da ya mean you saw his dick?"

"I didn't have to see it," said the Bean, "I felt it."

"You grabbed his cock."

"No, you dummy. I felt it when he stuffed it in my ass."

"You let him bugger you?"

"No, it was more like a friendly rape, but if he'd asked I sure would'a let him. But for some guys, having to ask takes the fun out of it. If they don't think they are raping you they lose their hard on."

"You ain't gonna go out with him again are ya?"

"Shit buddy, the food is good, my ass is happy with the chief's cock, so fuck it., sure I'm going out with him tonight."

I found that story a little disheartening, but my buddy took that occasion to explain to me how this whole cock in butt thing got started. This is what Beanie told me.

Beanie's sister was known throughout the town as a Goth, you know those Werewolves types. They dress up in all black clothing, listen to heavy metal and have assorted piercings, especially on their sex organs. She had so many tattoos that she could have gotten a job in a circus sideshow. When she'd gotten past the age of 19, she gave up her rampant promiscuity with men, previously she was fucked so much she had blisters on her snatch.Then it all changed, I remember seeing her at Thompson auto parts round that time and I said, "Hi Peg."

"Peggy is dead, just call me Spike."

And that was when she became a full fledged lesbian. I'm not saying there at the auto parts store but round that time I'd be seeing her arm in arm, tongue kissing on the street and leaning low in her seat with her legs spread wide at the Pussycat Theater's Saturday night 2am Porno Show. There she was with some tongue pierced dike licking her clit like a windshield wiper, and a group of guys standing around them watching and jerking their dicks off.

Now Peggy's/Spike's room was next to Beanie's. She could hear when he was training the dragon, "Old Huff & Puff" was what he called his dick. I don't know why he chose that name, just use your imagination.

His sis would hear him going at it and she'd charge into his room. After she did this a few times Beanie didn't think he had anything left to hide so he'd let her come in and watch him jerk off. It got so she'd come in when he was sleeping, wake him up and ask to masturbate in front of her. She'd even volunteer her service to jerk it for him. Beanie didn't really see anything wrong with it as far as he was concerned she'd now become one of the boys.

One day she said,

"I'm gonna tell ya bro, if you really want to give your dick wad a rocket sendoff you gotta have something stuck up yo ass jam'in your prostate."

"What the fuck is a prostrate."

"Not a prostrate, a prostate."

"Whatever, what the fuck are you talkin bout," said the Bean.

"You know that guy Dom I used to date.

"Yeah, the fat guy."

"Well I'd fuck him in the ass and his cum would fly outta his pee hole like a torpedo, once it hit the ceiling, another time he knocked a lamp off the night table."

"How is it you being able to fuck him? You ain't got a cock?"

"Well, I'll show ya."

So Peggy or Spike if you please, goes back into her room, strips off everything but her bra and comes back into Beanie's room with a 6 inch strap-on around her waist.

"Oh shit, you grew a cock," said Bean.

"No, you dumbass, it's a rubber dick. Go wash your ass first and then come back in here."

So Beanie did as he was told and she put him on all this back, flat on the bed, with his ass hanging just over the edge. She lubed up the dildo dick with some olive oil from the kitchen and lifted up his legs and took aim, and then and there his Lesbian sister entered his ass with that strap on and according to Beanie, life was never quite the same.

He hardly felt any pain, in fact the stuffing she was providing felt more than nice.

"Now," she shouted, "start jerking off," as she kept up the rhythm fucking him. In a few minutes he had jerked himself to the point of no control, while she fucked him with that rubber ding dong. Then as she predicted his dick erupted and

"By God," said Beanie, "my jizz flew over the bed and splattered on the window pane. I swear I never felt anything like that before and I'd been jerking off since I was a wee lad."

From where he was lying on the bed, it would have been at least four and a half foot flight of the Phoenix.

After that momentous occasion, every night Beanie wanted to jerk off, he'd call Peggy, aka Spike in "ass-sist" with her wonder cock. It was her idea over the next few weeks to ramp up the size of the dildo strap-a-roo from 6 inches, to 7 inches and finally stopping a 8 inches. Beanie also learned to clean up his act with one of them rubber douche plungers. Making his ass smell good made both of them happy.

So that's the long and the short of it, what I call "the Ass Gospel according to the Bean," it wasn't that he loved men or had turned gay, he just needed a dick in his ass to make his cum sessions complete. I thought about this a good bit. I could not accept that the Bean was gay or queer or a pervert. I'd finally found a way to understand his situation. It wasn't that Beanie was gay, he was just focused on these climatic ejaculations. Any man or woman who was willing to fuck him in the ass made his dream "cum true", please excuse the pun.

So do you think this butt fucking made my buddy gay-you tell me? And I'll ask you, did he love cock? No. Did he suck cock? No. OK, maybe on occasion he did something to return the favor but that was a fair exchange meant to give pleasure back to those who were willing to fuck him in the ass. The closest he ever came to being a tiny bit gay in my opinion, was when he did admit that a flesh and blood cock was a big improvement over a rubber strap-on. I take that as a true statement, not a confession of gayness.

Well, now, I can buy all of that. Maybe you don't, but I do. I wasn't going to believe my childhood bud had gone gay. I just refuse to believe that. Sometimes in life ya gotta bend a little or in this case bend over to get your just rewards.

Now with your permission, I'm gonna skip headed a bit cause once when we finished the boot training we were shipped to Galvinson to fill a berth on the USS Fort Worth, a ship that the Navy didn't want but congress mandated, the LCS's. Littoral Combat Ships cost $522 million apiece and that's just for building the ships, not all the hardware to perform combat. The inside word is that the Navy has already decided to move beyond the LCS program in favor of a new frigate design. Congress wanted these ships to keep the shipyards in Mobile, Alabama, and Marinette, operating.

Many critics called the ship a "lemon." But what the fuck did we care? It was a brand new, state of the art ship with shiny stainless steel toilet seats..

"You couldn't ass for more," joked the Bean.

We ended up sharing two bunks, although I didn't always see much of Beanie who was very much in demand. Maybe it was his size, his petite figure, the high pitch of his voice, his big eyes and his willingness to play the part. Although I'd see him daily, come nightfall or on his off days he'd be sharing the bunks of his many admirers.

The big Hawaiian cook would prepare special meals and cookies for Beanie, that he'd share with me. The mechanic's mate would put him down for phantom jobs so they could be together on the mechanics day off, and so on. To make it clear, Beanies ass was well lubricated. And when the chief medical officer fell for him, the chance of an STD biting hm literally in the ass was non existent.

By now we were longtime shipmates and our ship had been dispatched to the coast off of Guyana in April. In case you don't know, it is in South America where they grow tropical fruit and them little bananas. At least a dozen fishermen from Guyana had gone missing or were feared dead following an epidemic of pirate attack in the area.

Our orders were to patrol the area and look for a luxury yacht that had gone missing. On board were a congressman and a member of the Florida's governor's cabinet and their guests..

We patrolled the coast south of Venezuela for a week, The weather was fine, at various ports we picked up tropical fruits and island rum. I was working up in the radar section where we scanned the coastal inlets for any sign of the yacht and bingo! I caught a blip on the radar that fit the outline of the boat we were looking for.

The skipper sent a helicopter in and the pilots came back with footage of the kidnapped victims including some good looking girls who were sunbathing in the nude. The captain got permission from the defense department to take action and asked for five volunteers.The captain who was a fine hunk of a man said,

"If you can't save the politicians, at least bring back the ones with the big tits"

We considered the option of spraying the pirate encampment with machine gun fire but who knows if we would have killed the very people we were trying to save. But I have to admit the Captain's strategy was worth a try.

He outfitted one of the pilot skiffs we carried on board to look like a small distress lifeboat. Myself and Beanie and three Navy Seals hidden under the tarp. They dressed Beanie and myself in woman's clothing with sexy blond wigs and stuffed our shirts with coconut shells so we looked like big titty girls. We were the bait. Then they set us adrift along the shore while our ship, the USS Fort Worth, was out of sight.

Seeing us faket blonds on board in distress, the pirate chief wasted no time coming out in a cigar speedboat to check us out. Maybe they thought we were Brazilian trannies, I don't know, but they boarded the boat and proceeded to make sexual advances.

The two navy seals popped out just as the pirate captain was starting to get his enormous cock into Beanies' ass. I was luckier, the guy assaulting me just seemed to want a blow job so against my better instincts I came to my countries service. The Seals were a bit premature with their arrival, Bean protested he hadn't yet ejaculated. I got lugied right in the forehead by my pirate who guy pulled out in fear when the Seals arrived. Once we'd captured the two head honchos, it was an easy deal to arrange a swap. In two hours the congressman, the Governor's guy and three beach bunnies wearing only bikini bottoms, who looked like they were sent by Hefner, traded places with the captured pirates.Our big ship appeared about then and no pirate was going to argue with that.

Beanie's pirate lover refused to get off the boat citing his Ghanaian right to conjugal visits but the Seals just grabbed him and threw him into the waiting pirate's small boat. Of course the whole episode made headlines back in the US and we were invited to the President's Rose Garden with the hostages, who now were fully dressed. Thee we posed for PR pictures and special commendations.