Could You Be Mine? Pt. 02

Liz looked shocked, "You took Alice up to your apartment? What did you do, RJ?"

Mona joined us, looking at each of the three of us in turn.

"NOTHING!" I yelled, "Will you all stop being so hysterical and please, leave me the hell alone? Nothing happened with Alice, okay? Jesus. Do you all have such a low opinion of me that you found it necessary to come prosecute the issue right now? At this time of night?"

Ian fished out his phone, "RJ, Alex texted me the video. I promise you, this conversation is VERY necessary."

"What video?"

Ian hit 'play' and the video started... first, of Ian bringing out the cake, and then people singing.

"Video of Mona's cake," I looked up, "So what?"

Ian pointed to the far left side of the video, his voice dripping with venom, "So there's you and Alice getting all frisky by the stairs."

I looked a little closer. Fuck. From the angle of the camera, me struggling to get out of Alice's hug looked like something else altogether. It didn't help that I then took her upstairs. Fuck.

"Guys, it wasn't what it looks like. Nothing happened. Talk to Alice. I promise you nothing happened."

"What d'you have lipstick all over your face, then?" Ian hissed.

"She made a pass, I told her 'no,' she gave me a kiss goodnight, and she left."

Liz and Mona were looking at me with something that was a mix of disbelief and pity. It made me feel worse.

"RJ, you are either incredibly stupid or incredibly unlucky," Mona frowned.

"Given the video, I'd say I was stupid AND unlucky," I mumbled, "I shouldn't have brought her upstairs. I didn't want to make a scene during the cake thing."

Ian made a sarcastic sniff, "Like I'm going to buy that. Once a player, always a player."

"Ian, I swear to god I didn't do anything with Alice."

"Then call Lauren right now and tell her," Ian challenged.

"I can't. Her phone died. She's staying at her parents' tonight. I'm not going to wake up the whole household to tell her something about nothing. She knows I won't do something like that."

Ian scoffed. He was starting to really piss me off.

Liz held up her hands before I could say anything, "Come on guys, let's all take a breath, okay? RJ, I think Ian is right. Go talk to Lauren. Ian, I've known RJ for a long time, and she doesn't lie. She may have played the field, but if she says nothing happened, I believe her."

Jesus. Thank you, Liz. I gave Liz a grateful look. Ian was still skeptical, but he seemed to back down from homicidal rage to a quiet, seething rage, "If you don't tell Lauren, I will. She needs to know."

I hated threats and I hated ultimatums. Naturally, I reacted badly. "Tell her whatever you want Ian, I don't give a shit."

"RJ!" Liz gasped.

Ian stared at me for half a second before pointing his finger into my chest, "You. Are. An asshole."

I swatted his hand off my chest, "I am REALLY getting sick of you throwing that at me, Ian!"

Liz stepped between us, "WHOA! Okay guys! Take a breath, both of you."

Ian and I were each taking massive gulps of air at this point, so oxygenation of the brain was the least of our problems.

Liz led Ian back to the kitchen and I heard them talking quietly. I picked up a knife and started stabbing at some leftover cake on the table.

"RJ, the cake is not your enemy," Mona gently removed the knife from my hand, "Ian's cooling down over there, and you need to go upstairs and call Lauren."

"NO." I'm not going to be told what to do like a kid who forgot her homework.

"RJ...?" Mona's voice rose, "Even if nothing happened, it's better for her to hear it from you first. Believe me. Call her."

"Why? People already think I cheated anyway. So what's the point? They're going to think that whether or not I say anything. So fuck 'em. I don't care." I headed to the stairs and took them two at a time.

"RJ!"

I turned and sighed, "What?"

"You do care. You'll regret it."

"No. I'll be fine. I won't regret anything."

Mona ran up the steps and grabbed my arm, "RJ, I know you hate being told what to do, but trust me on this one, okay? I believe you. But you need to call Lauren and clear it up with her before she sees that video."

I felt tears stinging the corner of my eyes, "If Ellie sees the video and thinks I would do that to her, then it'd be over anyway. It'd mean she never trusted me in the first place. So FUCK. IT."

"RJ..." Mona frowned at me.

"I'll be fine," I turned and walked the rest of the way to my apartment. I crawled into bed and laid in the dark for god knows how long.

I woke to someone knocking loudly on my front door. I rubbed my eyes and moved my jaw around as I opened the door.

"Ro--" my father stopped mid-word, "Uh, rough night?"

I shrugged, "I sleep in my clothes all the time. What's up?"

He handed me a flashdrive, "Here's my mark-up of the docs from Sonya. Can you take a look and see if you agree?"

I nodded, "What's with the suitcase?"

"I'm going to Miami, remember? Conference."

I nodded again, "Right. Yeah. I thought your flight was at 2:30? Why are you leaving so early?"

My father straightened his back and held up his phone, "It's almost noon, Rowan."

NOON?! I ran back into my bedroom and grabbed my phone. Nothing from Ellie. Nothing from anyone, except a text of the video from Alex, and what was probably a spam voicemail from a number I didn't recognize. FUCK.

I checked the status of Ellie's flight and it showed an arrival time of 9:27am. She should be here by now and she isn't. Something wrenched my heart with a vice-like grip. She's not coming. She's gone.

"Rowan?"

I looked up to see my dad with a worried look on his face.

"I'm fine," I smiled as best I could, "Hey, dad, want some company at the conference?"

My father didn't say anything for a couple of beats, "Isn't Lauren coming home today?"

I shook my head and tried to keep my voice steady, "No, something came up. Miami sounds good to me right now. Let me throw some stuff in a bag."

I packed a small suitcase, changed, and brushed my teeth. I unplugged my phone from its charger and was about to put it in my pocket when I changed my mind. Fuck the phone. If Ellie's not calling me, I don't want to hear from anyone else. I tossed it onto my bed and headed out, "Ok, dad, let's go."

He gave me a long, hard stare, "Don't run away from her, Rowan."

I'm not the one who's running. "I'm not, dad, I promise."

Dad and I rode in silence to the airport. I wondered what Ellie was doing. Probably listening to everything Ian has to tell her about last night. I reflexively jammed a fist into my thigh. My father glanced over, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," I leaned back and closed my eyes.

My father asked me three more times if I wanted to talk about it. Once when we bought my ticket, the second time as we were about to board, and once more when we headed to the hotel. I said 'no' each time. I didn't bother going up to my room after checking in. I headed to the beach and sat there, staring at the ocean, feeling stupid, and lonely, and wishing Ellie were next to me because she was the only one I wanted to talk to.

People see me all the time
And they just can't remember how to act
Their minds are filled with big ideas
Images and distorted facts
Even you, yesterday
You had to ask me where it was at
I couldn't believe after all these years
You didn't know me better than that.
Idiot Wind , Bob Dylan

Chapter 5: Make You Feel My Love

The temperature dropped fairly quickly once the sun set. I dragged myself into the hotel and headed to the restaurant.

"I might as well eat," I said to no one in particular.

"Ms. Kan?"

"Hmm?" I turned towards the voice. It was the maitre-d.

"Your father said you might join him for dinner. He, uh, showed me a photo of you so that's how I recognized you."

"Oh," I nodded, "Sure. Thanks."

"Come with me. You are just in time, they were seated not long ago."

'They'?? Who else was there?

It wasn't Ellie with my dad though. My stomach twisted painfully, and I kicked myself for hoping for something so improbable. I almost didn't fully process who was at the table with dad.

"Jayne Widmer," the woman rose and offered her hand, "I'm so happy to meet you."

"RJ," I said as I shook her hand. My father's face was impassive but very, very red.

I sat down and looked between the two of them.

"Uh, Rowan," my father began, "Jayne and I... uh..."

I took a sip of water, "Jayne and you...?"

She put her hand on his.

I raised my eyebrows. Ellie was right! He met someone! I felt immediately sad, because I realized I couldn't tell Ellie that she'd hit the nail on the head.

Dad cleared his throat, "Jayne and I are, uh... seeing each other."

I put on the biggest smile I could, "Dad, that's great! That's really, really great. I'm so happy for you both."

The look of relief on his face was priceless.

I turned to Jayne, "Are you the person I have to thank for bringing my father into this century and teaching him how to text without taking a year to type each letter?"

She blushed and nodded, "He's a very quick study."

I was about to say something about being the happy beneficiary of her tutelage when the maitre-d appeared over my shoulder, "Uh, Ms. Kan, there's a call for you at the front desk."

I looked up at him, then at my father and Jayne. My dad had a beatific smile on his face, "Go ahead, Rowan."

"Sorry," I apologized to Jayne, "Excuse me, I'll be right back."

I felt the static electricity build up in my body as I walked across the plush carpet of the restaurant and into the lobby. I got a little zap as the concierge handed me the phone.

"Hello?" I said. The concierge turned his back and moved off to other tasks.

"You're a hard woman to track down..." ELLIE! Ellie, Ellie, Ellie!

"Ellie?!!" I gripped the marble surface of the concierge desk.

"You didn't get my voicemail about the change in my flight home, did you?"

"Voicemail?" I thought it was spam!

"Yes. I borrowed someone's phone to tell you I got bumped off the six o'clock. It seems like I missed some down-home lesbian drama while I was gone..."

"What?"

"My six o'clock flight was overbooked, so I had to take the nine o'clock flight. Imagine my surprise when I got to your place to find out from Joey that you'd left for Miami!"

"Oh. I, uh, didn't recognize the number from the voicemail, so I thought it was spam. When you didn't show up, I thought you didn't want to see me anymore, so I left."

"Hmmm, yes, I see where it all went sideways. Well, I headed home, slightly confused, only to find a collection of people in my apartment who all started talking at once when I walked in."

"It's not true. Whatever they told you, it's not true."

"Oh?"

"Ian probably told you I cheated on you with my ex, right?"

"He did think that, yes." Ellie was sounding way too calm for this conversation.

"But I didn't... cheat on you, that is."

"I know you didn't. Alice told me you were unexpectedly impervious to her charms."

"Alice?"

"Yes. Although from the look of your shirt, I can understand why Ian thought what he did. He says sorry, by the way."

"My shirt?" Ellie found me! She found the shirt?! She met Alice?! What the hell was going on???

"Mmm-hmm, I'm sitting on your bed, and the shirt with Alice's lipstick on it is looking rather wilted and pathetic."

"My bed?" I couldn't get my brain to engage. My upside-down world seemed to have turned right side up again, but everything had been tossed around. How did Ellie even know where to find me?

"Hm, yes. Look, honey, I'd love to talk some more, but you have a flight to catch, so I think it would be best if you got yourself to the airport and we can catch each other up on everything when you get home."

"Home?"

"RJ, focus. There's a 9:30 flight that you can catch if you start moving right about now."

RIGHT. "Okay. Hey, Ellie?"

"Flight's at 9:30, RJ."

"How did you find me?"

"Joey put me in touch with your dad. Now go. I'll be waiting."

I ran back to the restaurant and excused myself -- for good. My father looked relieved that he would have his evening alone with Jayne again. Jayne gave me a warm hug, "I'm so glad we met, brief as it was."

I hugged her back, "Me too."

I'd never been happier to pay all the surcharges needed for a plane ride home. The flight was agonizingly long and was exacerbated by the fact that none of my fellow passengers seemed to be in any hurry at all. I was having trouble getting my head around the events of the past twenty-four hours. I felt totally angry at Ian, but I kind of understood where he was coming from. I felt angry at Alice and at myself, for being so thoughtless... I couldn't fathom the idea of Ellie and Alice meeting. I wondered who else was at Ellie's apartment when she got home. I thought about the ring I got for Ellie. I had no trouble getting my head around that. I was going to ask her to marry me. I desperately hoped she would say 'yes'.

When the plane neared the arrival gate, I undid my seatbelt and trotted up the aisle even before the seatbelt sign was off. The flight attendant was about to direct me back to my seat when the captain turned off seatbelt sign and the cabin door swung open. I ran through the nearly empty airport terminal, with the same thought running through my head: Ellie Calder... please marry me... I'm an idiot, but please marry me.

I offered the cab driver double fare if he could get me back into Manhattan in less than forty minutes. Luckily, I got a man who was up for the challenge. I told him he should try being a stunt driver when we squealed to a stop.

"I hope you're not too late, I did my best," he said as he took the cash I handed him.

Lamar, the nightshift doorman, had the elevator waiting as I sprinted through the front entrance. He gave me an encouraging smile as the doors closed and the elevator ascended. Joey must have filled him in.

I threw open my apartment door, "Ellie?"

"In here," she said from my study. Her voice sounded shaky. Oh no. Did I fuck something else up?

"Hey..." I walked in to see her sitting at my desk. She was holding my phone, which had a photo of us as the homescreen. She was crying.

"Ellie, I am so sorry," I didn't know what to do. I froze. I made her cry. "I'm so sor--"

She held up her hand, "It's okay." Was it really okay?

Neither one of us said anything. It felt like we forgot how to talk to each other. I started to panic. She didn't sound mad on the phone... or sad... or anything... what changed? Or maybe she was mad on the phone? And sad?

I started babbling, "I should never have brought Alice up to the apartment. It was a dumb move. I just wanted to get away from the party. I screwed it up. I wasn't thinking properly. Not because I wasn't thinking of you, but because... to me, the concept of anything happening with anyone else was... is... so absurd... I didn't think about how it would look. And I didn't mention it when you called because it wasn't even a thing in my mind. I guess I should have told you..."

I couldn't bear to look at her, I felt so stupid. I don't deserve her. Everyone knows it.

"RJ..." Ellie got up and placed her palm against my cheek. I squeezed my eyes shut. The tenderness of her touch was unbearable.

"I'm so sorry," I mutter. It sounded impotent. How can such an insignificant string of words possibly make everything okay again?

I felt tears leaking out of my eyes. I kept them shut. Then I felt her lips on mine and I stiffened. Wait, she's kissing me...

It felt like a dream. I didn't want to wake up if it was. My arms felt like they were pinned to my side and my mouth wouldn't work. If she's kissing me, then it must be okay, right?

She put her hands on my chest. "RJ," Ellie's voice trembled, "Kiss me back... please..."

Oh... She kissed me again. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip and her mouth parted. My arms finally figured out how to move again and I wrapped my arms around her. She's here. With me.

"I thought I fucked it up," I said between kisses, "I thought I'd pushed you away. I thought I'd lost you. And now I've made you cry."

She grabbed my arms and looked me in the eyes, "You were doing fine until you pressed the 'eject' button and went to Miami..."

I must have looked as confused as I felt, because she shook her head, "RJ, you didn't even give us a chance to talk about what happened! You decided to leave!"

"I got mad at Ian. I got mad at everyone. I told him that I didn't care about him telling you I cheated. And when you didn't show up, I figured he told you, and you believed him, and it was over."

"Ian is a six-foot-two drama queen who is - bless his heart - very protective of his friends. But RJ, let me ask you this: If someone told you that I went running off with an ex-boyfriend, would you take that as gospel? Or would you want to talk to me first?"

Sonya would call this a 'teaching moment'. I felt like the biggest bonehead that ever lived. "Talk to you first, even though I'd be really freaked..." I mumbled.

"Why?"

"Because it wouldn't track."

"Why?"

"Because you love me...and you wouldn't do that to me," I rubbed my eyes, "I'm an idiot. I'm sorry."

Ellie's arms were around me again. She pressed her head against my chest, "Yes you are, but you're my idiot. Let's agree to talk about everything from now on. I know you love me. I love you too. No more disappearing acts."

"Definitely, definitely not. I promise. And we need to get back-up phones. Both of us."

Ellie chuckled, "That, too. I should have sent a text, I guess, instead of calling you from a random number."

"I can't believe we almost broke up," I shifted uncomfortably. Ellie shook her head from side to side.

"What?" I asked, a little defensively.

"We did NOT almost break up, you dork!" Ellie grabbed my shirt and led me to the couch in the living room, "In the most clinical sense, what happened was: An ex-girlfriend made a pass at you. You declined. Everyone freaked out and jumped to all the wrong conclusions."

"Yes! They did!" I dropped down next to her. I felt vindicated.

"You did, too! You thought I would think the worst of you. And you assumed it was over."

"I didn't want it to be over though."

"I know. All's well that ends well. But let's not do this again, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good," Ellie gave me another kiss.

"So that's it?" I asked in wonder, "We're okay?"

"You love me?"

"Yes. So much." I thought about the ring in the box by my bed. I'm asking her tonight...

"I love you too. I must say though, it was a little intimidating meeting your ex. She was gorgeous and charming and really one of the nicest people I've met... even Ian came around on her."

I wanted to hear more about that, but I was too focused on Ellie. "No one comes close to you," I nuzzled her neck, "Not even close."

Ellie looked at me for a beat and smiled, "I'm going to go to the bathroom," she gave my arm a squeeze, "Be right back." She walked into my bedroom and I heard the bathroom door shut.

Perfect. I went straight to my bedside table and... FUCK. The ring box was gone. Did I move it? Where the fuck is it? I opened the drawer, hoping I'd hidden it in there and forgotten. Nope. Nothing there. I looked under the bed. Nothing. I ran outside and checked my suitcase. Nothing.

I went and checked my bedroom again. No ring. Shit.

I heard the bathroom door open. Fuck it, I'll go buy her another one. I stared at my bedside table, trying to figure out where it had gone.