Great and Terrible Things

"He'll live. So will the ranch hand, unlike this poor soul. He'd done for."

"I figured." William was obviously far less broken up about it than the doctor based on his tone. "You bess take Josiah here to one of the rooms on the ground floor and dig out that bullet in his leg. I need to stay here and help deal with Ben Phillips, but I'll be needing your services shortly."

The immediate danger had passed now that Mile's father had arrived with the ranch hands. I doubt that Murphy would come in guns blazing, but even if he did at least the odds would be a lot more even. Still, I wasn't sure it was smart to let the doctor work on my leg just yet.

"Don't you worry none," William said, reading my expression. "Michael Murphy won't show before morning. It will take that long for him to get the news and gather enough men to make a statement. You look done in. Try and get some sleep after the doctor's done."

I nodded and fought to get on my feet. It wasn't easy. I think it had almost as much to do with just how tired I suddenly felt as it did with the bullet in my leg. A moment later Abigail was at my side, silently helping. I smiled down at her.

"I didn't hear you come downstairs."

"Mr. Phillips wanted some family time with his son." Her eye lit up as she said it, obviously remembering something funny. I found out what a moment later. "You should have seen his and his other sons' expressions when Clementine refused to leave and Miles insisted she stay."

"I can imagine." I couldn't help grinning before adding, "They're still a might young for marriage." The doctor was talking to one of the councilmen as he collected his bag.

"I was married at sixteen. I don't recommend it, but I expect it's going to happen sooner or later with those two." She began leading me toward one of the bedrooms on the first floor.

"Certainly, if your cousin has anything to say about it," I laughed, but my humor quickly died as I passed the doctor and the councilman.

Doc Jenson was telling the older gentleman to do the best he could to ease the pain of the mortally wounded man on the couch until he was gone. He said that it wouldn't be much longer. I glanced down at the young man I'd shot and shook my head. The doctor noticed.

"Taking a life is always hard, as it should be," he said with conviction. "You should stop by the minister's house and talk to him after this is all over. He's a good man and will be able to help you deal with the guilt."

"Guilt?" I said, somewhat amused at his assumption. "Doc, I was a soldier for sixteen years. I made peace with killing a long time ago. A man points a gun at me, I got no problem putting him down."

"But your expression..." He began, obviously confused.

"I didn't say I liked doing it, especially not when the man I kill is more of a boy, like this one." The dying young man couldn't have been more than a year or two older than Clementine and Miles.

"His death is a waste, but it's his own doing." Abigail tone wasn't so much cold as matter of fact. The doctor looked back and forth between us, but kept his peace. He was young and still somewhat innocent despite his chosen profession. I hoped he found a way of holding on to it.

"Let's get this bullet out of me. I don't want to die of lead poisoning." It was a silly thing to say because it took a long time to die from that, but I made my point. It was time we moved on.

The doctor offered to also help me to the bedroom by taking my other side, but Abigail was enough. The three of us made our way past the others who were mostly just talking quietly. William was deep in conversation with the councilman sitting with Thomas, but his sharp eyes were on Abigail and me. For once, I didn't care. Having her next to me helped support me in more than one way and after the day I had, I needed it.

Robert had come downstairs as well once he brought Ben Phillips to his son. I hadn't noticed him until he handed me a bottle of bourbon as I passed.

"Enjoy," he grinned. "That's the good stuff." I nodded in appreciation and grinned. This wasn't the first time I's had a bullet removed and frankly, this one probably wouldn't be that bad with it being on the outside of my thigh. Still, something for the pain was never to be turned down.

"Thanks for helping out Master Sergeant." This wasn't his fight, but he'd stepped up instead of doing the smart thing and hightailing it home. "I see your reputation is well earned." I stopped and held out my hand.

"Yours too," the dark-skinned man smiled, taking my hand and shaking it. I saw the interest in Abigail's eyes, but she kept her peace. Now wasn't the time to talk about my past. It wasn't nearly as impressive as the master sergeant's anyway, at least not in my opinion.

The bullet removal went about as best as could be expected. The bourbon helped. It helped a lot. Of course, I was done in and ready to sleep by the time Doc Jenson was finished cleaning and dressing the last of my wounds.

Abigail stayed with me the entire time, helping the doctor as needed and holding my free hand when she wasn't. There was awkward moment when the doctor helped me undress. Here's the weird part. I wasn't sure if it was because of her presence or his.

I realized I was fading in and out when the doctor was suddenly by the door and looking back at us. I didn't remember him moving.

"I've got to go tend to your uncle," he was saying. "Mr. Mosey should be alright in time assuming none of his wounds get infected. None of them are life threatening, but he's lost a good amount of blood. He needs to drink plenty of fluids, and I don't mean bourbon. Rest would help too. He shouldn't be standing on that leg anytime soon. The damage wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it needs time to heal."

"Don't worry, I'll stay with Josiah and make sure he rests and drinks water." I've never been one who particularly liked his own name, but I enjoyed hearing Abigail saying it.

I didn't remember seeing her sit or the doctor leave. It felt like I'd only blinked, but when I opened my eyes again Abigail was in a chair next to my bed, holding my hand and looking concerned.

"I'll be fine," I said in a surprisingly raspy voice. I guessed I'd been out a lot longer than I thought. "I've survived worse."

"Here, drink this," she insisted, standing and leaning over me with a glass of water. I was parched, not that I would have turned her down even if I wasn't. I liked the way it felt having Abigail close, maybe a little too much.

It wasn't just the physical attraction either, not that there wasn't plenty of that. In fact, it was impossible to ignore even now despite the pain my wounds were giving me.

I generally preferred women soft and full bodied. Abigail was neither of these, and yet it was all I could do to keep my hands to myself at times. Don't get me wrong. Abigail had all the curves a woman should have, but she would never be called full bodied and there was nothing soft about her. Well, not unless she was looking at me in that way she did when she wanted me to know what she was feeling. At those times there was a softness intermixed with her core of strength that called to me.

I'd long gotten past the scar on Abigail's face. It was too noticeable to ignore, but by this point it was simply part of what made her who she was and did little to affect her beauty. Abigail's shoulders were straight and flowed into a graceful neckline that I have to admit, I sometimes daydreamed about kissing. And I loved her reddish blond hair. The way her long braid sometimes fell between her breasts was enticing in ways I'd never felt before.

"You know, one of these days, I want to see you with your hair down." She seemed startled by what I said, but not in a bad way.

"I guess maybe you will be fine if you can flirt." Abigail smiled slowly as she sat back down in the chair. Her smile did thing to me that it had no right doing.

Okay, so here's the weird part. I hadn't been flirting, not really. The emotions that made me say what I did were a lot more serious than that, so much so that I was momentarily taken aback.

It suddenly hit me that I had to be very careful. There was no denying that Abigail was a handsome woman, scar and all, who was also smart and funny, and could take care of herself. She had faced some of the worst of what man could do, but despite that she was still her own person. I found that even more attractive than her looks, but that didn't make me right for her.

I'd tried the whole marriage thing and it hadn't worked out. Abigail wasn't my ex-wife, but I was still me and as much as I liked to blame my ex for what happened, I knew it was my fault too. I decided long ago that I wasn't the settling down type and Abigail deserved a man who was.

I closed my eyes and faked going to sleep because knowing what's right and wrong didn't make doing it all that much easier in this case. I couldn't hide what I was feeling despite my best efforts, not from Abigail. She seemed to be able to read me like an open book when she looked into my eyes which is why I did what I did and closed them.

I didn't want to lead Abigail on. It wouldn't be fair to her. Only, the more time I spent with her the harder it was to deny what I felt. I rationalized that it was because I was no longer in the cavalry and she was the first woman in a long time that I found interesting. Certainly, Abigail was different than most women I'd met, but there was more to it than that and I knew it.

I told myself that the danger we'd faced together today was making both of us feel things that weren't real, but the truth was that whatever we shared started from the first moment we laid eyes on each other, at least on my part. The way we met and how Abigail handled herself, our early morning chores at the stable and the time we spent with her showing me the horses she trained, the long ride into town and the easy conversation mixed with periods of comfortable silence, and yes, even the confrontation with Alby all came together to show me a woman I could love, if I were the type of man to believe in such a thing.

Faking going to sleep ended up with me actually falling asleep as my mind spun with thoughts of Abigail because the next thing I remembered was the morning sun coming in through the room's one window and waking me. Abigail was still sitting I the chair beside my bed. She'd fallen asleep holding my hand. If not for her touch I might have thought her an angel. The sunlight made her seem almost ethereal.

A slow smile spread across my face as I allowed myself to enjoy the sight of her unobserved. I'm not sure how long we stayed that way, me staring at Abigail and holding her hand while she slept, but it wasn't long enough. Frankly, I didn't think it would ever be no matter how much time passed, not that I got the chance to find out.

The room door flew open and Billy came running in. He dove for his mother. Clementine was behind him with a tray of food. Abigail had barely opened her eyes when the boy careened into her arms. That didn't stop her from welcoming him with a huge smile and hug. It was quite the sight. The only thing I regretted about it was in order for it to occur Abigail had to let go of my hand. I missed the warmth.

"Mr. Washington said I could come in and wake you." The boy was obviously enjoying his mother's comforting caresses. I would have felt jealous, but those weren't the types of hugs I wanted from Abigail, or at least not the only type.

'Enough of that!' I derided myself silently.

"He says breakfast is soon, but that Mr. Mosey and Grandpappy should eat in their rooms and stay off their feet. Clementine and I are also going to wake up grandpappy as soon as I'm sure you two are both awake." His mother nodded in understanding which was pretty amazing considering she'd been a sleep a moment ago and the boy was excited. Billy was speaking so fast that it felt like I was missing every third word.

"I'm going to go back to the kitchen," Clementine interjected. "It's good to see that you're both okay." She glanced down at my wrapped leg and added, "Mostly."

"Thanks. How is Miles?" The smile that bloomed on her face at my question said it all. She was just lucky that I was too tired to tease her, although at this point I'm not sure she'd mind.

"Sleeping. His oldest brother is with him."

"You need to get some rest too," Abigail put in, unconsciously using her mother's voice.

"I slept some." I noticed Clementine refused to look at her cousin as she spoke. Abigail wasn't buying it. She reached out and took hold of the blonde's hand until the girl finally met her gaze. The older woman never said anything, but the teenager got the point. "Fine, I'll go sit with Miles and sleep just as soon as I wake up grandpappy and get some food into him." That was the best Abigail was going to get from her niece and she knew it so she nodded in acceptance.

"Billy and I will be out shortly to help."

"Take your time," the teenager grinned. "We all know how dangerous you are in the kitchen. Besides, Mrs. Washington is here to help, at least until breakfast is over." The humor in her expression faded as she added, "After that she's leaving. Mr. Washington doesn't want her anywhere near the hotel when Mr. Murphy finally shows up." Clementine surprised Abigail by hugging her briefly before slipping out of the room.

Billy was frowning as she left. "Mr. Washington and Clementine say that I'll have to leave with Mrs. Washington. Why?"

"It's safer," his mother replied, letting her son out of her arms and standing. She stretched as the boy's frown deepened. I chose to focus on Billy because it was the smarter thing to do, at least that's what I told myself. There was a part of me that thought I was a fool for doing so. I'm pretty sure the rest of me agreed at one level or another.

"But you're staying." The confusion and worry in the boy's expression pulled at my heart strings. Billy was a good kid and I didn't like seeing him looking scared.

"No, she's not," I interjected. "Your mom is going to stay with you today." The boy looked relieved, but Abigail's eyes darted toward mine.

"Miles' father, his brothers and their ranch hands are here. I expect that the town councilmen are probably still around as well. I doubt Murphy will do anything in broad daylight, but even if he does we've got plenty of men to face him."

She didn't seem to take to my explanation particularly well. On the other hand, at least she was listening. Abigail clearly wanted to discuss this further, but turned to her son instead. I guess she didn't want him listening in on our argument.

"Go wake up Uncle William. We'll both be out shortly." The boy didn't look happy, but he knew better to argue when Abigail was wearing the expression she was right then. That didn't stop him from looking at me and asking a question first.

"They say you killed all those men the undertaker took away in his wagon. Is that true?" Billy eyes were big as he added, "He had to make two trips!" I wasn't sure what to say to the boy, but when Abigail didn't immediately jump in, I decided to stick to the truth.

"Not all of them, but most." I'd done the math. It wasn't that hard. "I killed eight. Nine if you count Luther, the man who held you this afternoon while Thomas beat on Miles. Mr. Washington's shotgun finally put him down for good, but he would have died from the bullet I put in him anyway, in time." Billy nodded, but his expression didn't change much.

"Why did you kill them?"

"They were going to burn down the hotel and kill everyone inside." The boy looked to his mother for confirmation. She nodded once, but still remained silent. You could almost see Billy's mind racing as he fought to understand and accept.

"I saw Thomas in the lobby. You didn't shoot him." It wasn't quite a question, but I thought an explanation would help anyway.

"I know he seems old to you, but Thomas is just a boy to me. I don't like killing anyone so young unless they give me no choice. Besides, he gave up."

"I don't think Thomas is really bad despite what he did to Miles this afternoon," Abigail added. "I think he was drunk and let his cousin convince him to do the wrong thing." She was a good judge of character and I agreed with her assessment. Billy nodded, but obviously wasn't done with his questions.

"How did you kill eight all by yourself?"

"Lucky, I guess." I'd given the easy answer. Abigail's frown let me know that she'd preferred her son know the truth. I sighed. Explaining what happened in more detail to an eight-year-old wasn't going to be fun or anything close to easy. "That, planning and experience. Plus, I didn't face them all at once."

I didn't like to glorify death or killing, especially not to someone as young as Billy so I didn't try and sugarcoat the details of what happened. If Abigail wanted me to share them with her son, then I would, but I hoped she didn't regret it later.

"I shot the first two just outside the saloon. They didn't even know I was there, but they left me no choice because they killed two unarmed town councilmen and Mr. Townsend in cold blood. They were about to shoot the others too. I couldn't let that happen."

Billy frowned. I understood his confusion. To his young mind everything should be black and white, and sneaking up and killing men unawares was wrong. On the other hand, I'd saved two innocent men's lives. This was part of the reason why I'd tried to use the easy answer. Life was a lot greyer than most adults liked, much less an eight-year-old.

"There were a lot of them so your Uncle William and I turned and ran after the two councilmen escaped. We came here to the hotel because we were afraid Alby would try and hurt you all."

"Is that when Grandpappy got shot?"

"Yes." I grimaced as I remembered William going down. "It's also when I killed the third man." And wounded a forth, but Billy had asked about the men I killed, not wounded and I didn't want to confuse the issue.

"I was out of bullets by then and would have died if Robert hadn't come out of the hotel right at that moment with his shotgun." I took a few seconds to let that sink in. "Your mother came too and helped your grandpappy into the hotel." Billy eyebrows rose in surprise as he looked at his mother.

"They needed my help." Abigail shrugged, as if that was reason enough to put herself in danger. I knew that in her case, it was, but most people would have stayed inside where it was safer. I understood the mix of awe and concern in her son's expression. I'd felt the same about Abigail every time we faced a difficult situation together, which had been far too often in the short time we'd known each other.

"What about the others?" I'd been focused on Abigail and hadn't noticed when Billy turned back to me. She answered before I could.

"Alby and his men were threatening to kill us all unless Josiah went out and faced him so that's what he did." The tone of Abigail's voice made me uncomfortable. It was far too close to her son's when he'd asked how I killed eight men.

"Not quite," I interjected. "I slipped out the back door to take a look around. We needed to know how many men Alby had and what he planned on doing with them." I paused remembering moving from cover to cover.

"That must have been scary, and dangerous." Billy was a smart kid. I had to give him that.

"Yes and no," I answered with a sigh, trying to figure out how to explain it to him. "I was a soldier for sixteen years. That means I did it for as long as your cousin Clementine's been alive." That seemed to impress the boy. "I've faced men a lot scarier than Alby and his friends. Men fighting to protect their way of life and their families, both white and red skinned. These men were a lot more dangerous than Alby."

"More dangerous than Alby?" Billy's asking, his disbelief obvious. It actually made me laugh, if only briefly.