Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 115

"Standby." Eulalie clicked on Reggie's name. "Queen here. How are the preparations?"

"Almost ready, Your Majesty." Reggie's voice was strained, the stress of working through the night having taken a toll. Currently, he was working on chewing a portal from an abandoned home on the big island to the school. "We should be done in about fifteen more minutes."

"Copy." Eulalie clicked on another name. "Queen to Dead Girl, I need an assist."

"Where?" Dana's voice was muffled.

"The elementary school."

"Copy. I've got Lily with me, so we're on our way. Over and out."

Eulalie clicked on Wallace again. "Help is on the way."

"Is it the snake?" Wallace asked. "She's pretty badass."

"Negative. Best I could do was a college dropout and her slutty friend." Eulalie smirked when she saw Wallace pause for a moment.

"Is there any way you could send the snake first and the slutty friend later?" Wallace stabbed a dead surfer through the head. "Oh, nevermind. You just mean Lily, don't you?"

"I do."

"She'll do." Wallace touched his ear and the audio cut off.

The Arachne turned in her web and saw Sofia looking at the monitors, her massive eye studying each one. "How is our military doing?" she asked.

"Not good." The cyclops didn't look away from the digital feed in front of her. "They're calling in an air strike, but our commander-in-chief believes that the kraken is some sort of AI generated hoax and wants better confirmation. Sadly, somebody has cut off exterior communications to the island."

"Don't want too many cooks in the kitchen." In all honesty, Eulalie was more afraid that someone might panic and demand a nuclear strike. "How about naval support?"

"Well, after the carrier was downed, we've got a couple of destroyers headed our way. It also sounds like there was a sub in the area."

"Really? I must have missed that." Eulalie turned her attention to the feed.

"Was," Sofia emphasized. "They lost contact a few minutes ago. Based on final transmissions, the kraken crushed it."

"Damn." Eulalie looked back at the elementary school, then turned her attention to another set of monitors. This one depicted the high school just down the road. The building had been easier to defend with the Order jamming cars across the doors. The people here had done a better job hiding from sight, which meant the undead were either passing them by or headed toward the elementary school instead.

In the upper left quadrant, Eulalie watched a direct feed of Tink lying on her stomach and aiming a sniper rifle with her goggles on. She picked up her walkie-talkie and said something into it. On another drone camera, Beth and Leilani ran up a trail to higher ground before the area could be overrun by the undead. Eulalie had the drone follow them, then noticed the battery was running low.

"Damn," she muttered. "Can you get Beth a fresh drone?"

"On it." Sofia looked away from her screens and ran to the table behind them to pick up another drone. An assembly line of rats were busy swapping out batteries on a trio of drones that had already run out of juice, and one paused to shove a replenished one in Sofia's direction. The cyclops took it and left the room to push it through a portal where it could be activated in Maui. By the time she came back, Eulalie had already programmed it to track down the one near Beth. Once it arrived there, a rat with a controller in another part of the Library would take over and pilot the thing, keeping Beth in sight.

The rats had taken to piloting drones quite well. It was already giving Eulalie ideas that she probably shouldn't entertain, but that was a tomorrow problem. For now, dozens of drones were distributed throughout Maui, helping her monitor the Radley family as well as the ships in the ocean. Unfortunately, they had already lost several drones out there, either due to poor signal strength, the massive kraken destroying ships, or even just crashing them into ships by accident. So far, she had failed to identify Captain Francois' ship. That was her top priority, other than keeping the others safe.

And so, she watched and reported. Tink almost never replied to Eulalie's updates, but the Arachne knew that the goblin was taking it all in. Her interactions with Tink had been relatively limited in the past, and she was only now starting to understand the true range of Tinker Radley's intellect. When the goblin had casually drafted a probability chart for undead distribution, it had taken Eulalie several minutes just to figure out what the hell she was looking at. Shaped charges along certain roadways had not only devastated Francois' army, but had also diverted them along routes that slowed down their crawl. Sure, they were dealing with mindless hordes that couldn't think beyond killing anyone that moved, but it was the scope of the operation that was mind boggling.

Back at the elementary school, one of the survivors had been pulled over the side by bony hands. Wallace, a pair of mages, and the biggest Hawaiian Eulalie had ever seen were now guarding the rooftop entrance from a rush of skeletons that were scrambling over the sides. The knight was tired, his sword in one hand and a shovel in the other.

Out on the road, a motorcycle gunned its engine, catching the attention of Francois' troops. Many of them turned in place to attack the newcomer, who aimed the motorcycle at a rock in the parking lot.

"Contact," said Dana through the microphone in her helmet. She hopped up onto the seat of the bike, crouching in place on the seat. When the wheel struck the rock, the bike flipped, launching the zombie into the air.

The moment happened so fast that Eulalie missed most of it. Dana twisted in the air, twin blades extending as she plowed into the attackers on the roof. Wallace and the others stopped to watch, staring in awe as Dana sliced away limbs or kicked skeletons hard enough that they were launched from the rooftop.

"What an entrance, ladies and gentlemen!" Lily was down on the street, wearing a ringmaster's outfit and holding a bullhorn to her lips. "What style, what panache!"

"Stupid demon fuck get off public comms!" shouted Tink through the channel. "Big important shout only!"

"There's nothing more important than the show, ladies and--" Whatever Lily said next went unheard as Eulalie muted her. The succubus smashed her bullhorn into the skeleton closest to her, then suplexed another into the ground. This sent the undead into a frenzy as they chased after the demon, who now wore a tracksuit and was using her wings for balance and speed as she ran away from the building.

Up on the roof, Dana had cleared it off and was now circling the edge to knock away stragglers. Wallace and the others had joined her, shoving the undead back. Eventually, Dana stayed behind on the roof as the others went inside. Wallace hung back to ask Dana something, then shrugged apologetically before heading indoors.

"What was that about?" asked Eulalie.

"He asked where I'd been all his life," Dana replied.

"What did you say?"

"Eating pussy." Dana paused to look at the drone. "Then he asked if I'd ever consider eating sausage sometime. I told him I would, but only if his dick was bigger than Mike's."

Eulalie laughed hard enough that she choked on her own spit. Sofia glanced over in concern, but went back to watching the military once she realized Eulalie was okay.

"Big boom, seven minutes," Tink said through the comm system. "No wait, make big ready."

This immediately sobered up Eulalie. She clicked through the channels and checked in with everyone. Two minutes later, Reggie announced the portal was ready, and evacuations began for the elementary school. Drone footage shifted views as Eulalie turned the cameras toward the eastern side of the island, her hearts racing as the kraken began its slow ascent. The jungles were packed with thousands of undead, all of them moving upward in a tireless sprint. She checked the time every few seconds, then realized she had been holding her breath.

At exactly the seven minute mark, Haleakalā exploded. Several of the drones went offline immediately, but backups were already being deployed.

"Kick his ass, Mike." Eulalie steepled her fingers and leaned forward, eager to see what happened next.

Mike felt the eruption through his body as the ground trembled beneath him. He looked over his shoulder toward the peak of the mountain as thousands of tons of rock and soil were ejected into the sky. The swirling mass of dirt was caught up in the storm that Quetzalli had summoned, then smeared across the sky as the sun was blotted out.

Debris rained down on him, but he was safe beneath the extended wings of Abella. The gargoyle clutched a pair of protective earmuffs over her ears, which she had also stuffed with earplugs. Wearing similar protection himself, Mike asked if Abella was okay in ASL, to which she nodded. The ground continued to rumble as mud and rockslides were triggered all along the island, devastating Francois' troops in their upward climb.

Down below, the kraken roared in rage, its eyes turning toward the pyroclastic cloud that now hovered overhead. In its depths, a serpentine figure uncoiled itself, gazing down at the kraken in fury. At the top of Di's head, a solitary figure clung to one of the dragon's scales.

Di opened her mouth, revealing an inferno of light and fire. She roared, sending a beam of energy toward the kraken. Its tentacles moved to intercept, and one was promptly severed. Mike watched in horror as the truncated limb moved to the side, the wound promptly sealing shut.

The dragon launched forward, slithering and sliding down the mountainside toward the kraken. On top of Di's head, Ratu extended her arms outward, magic blazing as she commanded the earth to rise. All along the valley, massive spires of volcanic rock, placed there overnight by Pele, rose to puncture the kraken's rubbery hide. The beast roared again, then slammed its tentacles into the ground to shatter the rock and free itself.

"A proper clash of the titans," Mike muttered. Up above, the sun was now blotted out completely, plunging the island into darkness. The sky rumbled and cracked as lightning crawled its way from the clouds down into the volcano's throat. Dozens of lightning strikes a second illuminated the battle below, but also revealed something else.

They appeared in small clusters at first, holding up torches in defiance. Then more came, the eternal guardians of Hawaii pulling energy from the sky to manifest. Tens of thousands of night marchers cried out together, demanding justice in their ancient tongue as they tore into the undead.

Chills ran up Mike's spine as the two armies met. The undead turned on the spiritual guardians of Maui, but were quickly overwhelmed. The cries of Hawaii's eternal warriors were punctuated by the sounds of weapons clashing, then drowned out by the sound of the kraken's screams. The mountain shook beneath Mike's feet when Di slammed her body into the kraken, knocking it over and causing it to tumble downhill where more spikes rose to greet it.

Despite being pincushioned by hundreds of jagged spears, the kraken continued to fight, wrapping a tentacle around Di's neck and smashing the dragon into the ground. Ratu tumbled free from her perch, then reappeared in serpent form. She struck out at the kraken's face, trying to blind it with her teeth. Flames wreathed her body, and a smell like burnt rubber reached Mike's nose.

Down in the water, the armada of the undead was coated in an eerie mist. Steam boiled up from the ocean, forming into a thick fog. Magical energy spiraled outward as the bow of a massive ship appeared. Poseidon himself was the figurehead, nearly thirty feet tall and clutching a trident. As the ship emerged, Mike could see the fiery rings of a portal tucked inside the fog.

"So that's where you've been hiding." It made sense that Francois would have a trick up his sleeve like that. Sure, he could make his ship big or small, but being able to tuck it away somewhere safe? Infinitely better.

Francois' ship turned so that the port side faced the island. Cannons the size of tractor trailers emerged from its side, then aimed up toward the island and fired. Projectiles made of condensed magic slammed into Di, knocking the dragon away from the kraken.

"Fuck!" Mike looked at Abella, who nodded and spread her wings. The whole point of luring the kraken and the undead army into an ambush was to bring Francois out of hiding, but they hadn't expected him to have this kind of artillery. Another cannon fired, and Mike watched in horror as a section of jungle below vanished, leaving behind a smoldering crater.

When the cannons fired again, a dome of stone appeared on top of Di, deflecting the round. More fiery bursts targeted the protective barrier, pummeling it into rubble to reveal that the dragon had disappeared.

"C'mon, it's our turn." Mike turned toward the gargoyle, who was already in the sky. Moving toward the edge of the cliff, he held his hands up and allowed Abella to grab his waist with her talons, holding him in place as she pumped her wings. Down below, he could see that numerous fires had broken out, the jungle crying out in pain and rage. Flocks of birds fled in a panic, some of them vanishing in the smoke. Out in the water, dozens of ships formed up around the flagship, their crews throwing spears into the water. From above, Mike could occasionally make out the glimmering shapes of merfolk warriors clinging to their prows. He pushed the button in his pocket for the general comms and spoke. "Beth, where are you at?"

There was a pulse of magic to his left, and he pointed toward it. Abella descended, then dropped Mike and threw herself to the left as a cannonball passed through the space they had been occupying. Mike fell almost a hundred feet before the gargoyle snatched him in mid-air, both of them rocketing toward the ground. The treeline behind them was peppered with car-sized cannonballs, which stopped when Di broke free of the mountain just beneath the kraken. The dragon roared, showering the kraken with molten rock as Francois fired on both of them.

After they landed, Mike ran a few feet, clutched his stomach, then threw up. The freefall had been nothing short of terrifying, but it was the rapid catch at the end that had thrown his stomach for a loop. Spitting on the ground, he looked up to see Beth and Leilani standing in front of him. He waved weakly at both of them, then pulled off his protective earmuffs.

"Hey." He spat again. "We need to get to that ship."

"And do what, exactly?" Leilani looked toward Francois' boat. "Fight our way through his crew and kill him?"

"Yep." Mike took a swig from a water bottle that Beth offered him, then spat again. "It's time to take him out of the Game."

"Just wanted to make sure we were clear." Leilani looked at Abella, then Beth. "So is it just us, then?"

Mike looked up at Di, who had tackled the kraken to the ground. The kraken slapped the dragon with a trio of tentacles that ripped away her scales, then slammed her into a rock. Bursts of lightning from above struck the kraken, but the beast ignored them.

"It's never just us," he said, then hit the public comms button again. "It's time. Who's with me?"

Lily appeared in a cloud of yellow smoke, her eyes gleaming with excitement. She tossed the scorched head of a skeleton to the ground, then winked at Beth. "What've you bitches been up to?"

"I need a portal," said Dana. "Do we have one nearby?"

"I'll send you the location," replied Eulalie. "But there's a pretty big horde between you and it."

"Damn," said the zombie.

"I'm stuck here," Yuki said. "I've got this hotel wrapped in ten feet of ice to keep them out, but it's not going to last forever. The assholes here ditched me to hide on the upper levels, so I'm on my own."

"We're stuck as well." Suly's voice came through the comms with extra static. "Cecilia and I are leadin' the bone boys away from one o' the shelters."

"Tink ready." The goblin said nothing else.

"I am here, Mike Radley." Death's voice also generated a bunch of static on the comms. "Or will be in a few minutes. I'm afraid my assistance is limited."

"Whatever help you can give, we'll take it." Mike looked up at the sky again. Quetzalli had managed to blot it out all the way toward the horizon, but pockets had already opened up, letting beams of ghost-destroying sunlight through. "Best ideas for getting out to his ship?"

"My people are standing by." Leilani gestured toward the ocean. "About a mile out, we've got a group who can manipulate the currents."

"But won't Frankie the douche just cancel them out?" asked Lily.

"Not with my help." Beth held up the Rod of Osiris. "I think we can manage together."

"It's those cannons I'm worried about." Mike moved away from the group so that he could see Francois' ship through the trees. "If he sees us coming, we're dead."

"Ugh, fine." Lily blew Mike a kiss. "But if a cannonball ruins my makeup, I'm going to make you eat my ass later." The succubus unfurled her wings, her body shifting to look like Abella's. She stuck her hands in her stomach and pulled out a thick piece of fabric. She allowed it to unroll, revealing a life-sized pillowcase with a topless picture of Mike on it. Beth laughed so hard that she snorted. Mike frowned, then looked up at Lily.

"That's not something you just have, right? Like, it's made out of demon stuff?"

"Can't talk, I'm helping." Lily blew a raspberry and took off, her faux Mike flapping beneath her as she soared toward the west. Within moments, cannon fire diverted in her direction, the succubus performing aerial maneuvers that Abella would have been incapable of.

"Let's go." Beth turned toward a nearby trailhead, then took a step back when skeletons burst free. Abella leapt forward and smashed her way through them.

"Go," she shouted, using her wings to press the skeletons back. Mike took Beth and Leilani by the hand and ran for the nearest ledge. Leilani screamed when he jumped, pulling both of them over the side. They fell nearly ten feet before Opal's tendrils shot out of his shirt, grabbing hold of the nearest trees to halt their descent.

"I hate this!" shouted Leilani.

"You get used to it!" It was a bald-faced lie, but Mike said it in the hopes that it might become true. Down below, the trees had tangled up dozens of the undead, who became far more animated at the sight of him. The jungle pulled their branches and roots out of the way to allow Mike and the others to pass. They jogged for nearly a mile before breaking free of the trees. The beach was within sight, but hordes of skeletal warriors still blocked the path.

They ran for the beach, Beth raising her Rod and Leilani holding her trident. The undead surged forward, their eyes vacant as they raised weapons to attack. Behind Mike, someone blew a long note through a conch shell, and then the night marchers charged forward, easily outpacing Mike and the others to push the invaders back. The spirits cleared a path for them to get to the water, and Beth pointed her Rod toward the waves. The water parted, revealing hundreds more of Francois' army hidden beneath.

"I'm so tired of these guys," she groaned, the water rising higher and forming into a massive fist. Beth's face had turned purple by the time the fist smashed down into the attackers, either shattering them into pieces or driving them into the sand. "Leilani, get him out past the shallows!"

"Beth, what--" Mike looked back in time to see Beth's eyes glowing with blue light as she summoned a sphere of water onto the beach. Leilani grabbed Mike and tossed him in before following. Once inside, the mermaid grabbed hold of his body just as the sphere launched the two of them through the air. There was another moment of weightlessness before they skimmed across the water, but Mike could no longer see. All he could feel was Leilani's arms around him and the sensation of her powerful tail flexing and driving them ever forward.