In Her Eyes

My bachelor party consisted of Maggie and me taking in a Celtic's game at the Garden and a short night at the pub relishing the victory. Maggie wouldn't tell me much about her day with Susan. She said she had explained our financial situation, and the pre-nuptial agreement, which was a surprise to me. I guess I had told her to take care of everything which did leave her with quite a lot of latitude. Susan had signed the necessary paperwork and then they spent the day learning everything they could about each other. Maggie said there weren't any secrets but she didn't really want to talk about it.

The wedding was apparently a tasteful and fun affair. I am not the one to talk to about the details. I spent my day sharing excited smiles with Maggie and staring at my beautiful wife. No one seemed to be disturbed when Maggie stood her post next to me during the ceremony or when it was time for her to give her 'best man' speech. She had a lot of material to work with, but didn't embarrass me too bad. The room was deathly quiet and emotional as she finished. She promised, after knowing me and my family nearly all of her life, that my parents would have wholeheartedly supported our marriage and would have loved Susan.

***

David and I never had a fight. Not one in 15 years of marriage. People might think that is unhealthy. But it wasn't.

We had lots of disagreements and David never shied away from a discussion. Frequently, he thought an issue was one we had to agree upon to move forward as a couple. So we would argue our position, laying out all the facts as we saw them. And we would keep talking until someone came out on top. Sometimes, it would take months. But there were never harsh words and he never raised his voice. David adopted my position as often as I accepted his. It was never one sided.

Sometimes, David said that people could have more than one solution to a problem, even if he preferred one way over another. In those cases, he would ask me questions and let me explain my reasoning. He would offer advice, but once he felt he understood my position, he was done. And he just lived with it. And those times when I realized much later that he had been right all along, he never said a word. He would just hug me and tell me how much he loved me.

He was quick to remind me that he was the boss at the office, so people had to do what he said. But at home he was my partner and we needed to find solutions that worked for us, not him. It was very sweet, but a bunch of bull shit.

Rebecca Davis and I met for lunch every time David was traveling on business. He had lunch with her every day he was home, and she was my office spy. She kept me abreast of any problems at the office, or if David wasn't acting like himself. David knew she was feeding me all the details, but he didn't care.

"I have no secrets from you, Suze. It's probably a good idea for you to have a network of spies. I am getting pretty forgetful in my old age."

Becky told me over lunch one day about how David made the department managers present any suggested changes in the senior staff meeting, saying that it would give everyone an equal opportunity to ask questions and identify any potential problems. But when he noticed that one of his best programmers wasn't suggesting any changes he did some recon. When he realized that the man was painfully shy and afraid of public speaking, he told him he should make his presentation from his office via conference call, so that he could have all his materials available at a moment's notice. David said it would be too disruptive to bring everything into the meeting room. After the man made his first successful presentation, from the safety of his office, David gave him a raise. Yeah, my David was a hard ass alright.

There was only one area that David was completely unwilling to compromise: his complete devotion to me and our family. I told him frequently that he didn't have to come to every recital or game and that he didn't have to be home for every dinner when he wasn't traveling. If staying late at work late once in awhile meant that he didn't have to work late at night or be up before the sun in his home office, or if it just meant he could have some free time, we could manage without him. He would vehemently disagree.

"Suze, you and the kids are my number one priority. How will the children know that they are the most important thing in my life if I am not there to show them? Nope. Work will have to take a back seat. And if I can't find a way to be with my family and work then I'll quit, sell the business and be a stay at home dad. If that happens though, you may still want to cook the meals. We wouldn't want my being around to become a punishment."

He was trying to be funny. It was very charming.

"Suze, the best part of my day is spending time with you and the kids. Please don't ask me to give it up."

I imagine that the romance novel covers and advertisements with half naked men work because most women fantasize about having a stolen moment with the man of their dreams. But I woke up to that dream guy every day, and went to bed with him every night. My David made all those guys look like pussies.

You see, my David is a hunk, a beefcake of a man. Soccer moms, coeds, models, movie stars. They all wanted a piece of my man and who could blame them. No one had dared to walk up to him completely naked yet, but I had been witness to my fair share lingerie covered boobs. I even had to mention to our babysitter once that a string bikini was not appropriate attire to wear around David and the kids.

But David just laughed it off. He just shot down women left and right, breaking hearts on a daily basis. Displaying his wedding ring like it had super powers. Still, I worried about him. Not often, but enough. He always had a good answer.

"Suze, why would I want her when I get to fuck you anytime I want?"

Oh, he was so right. Anytime he wanted.

***

I hated travelling for business. When the kids were toddlers, we could travel as a family. It was as if we took little mini vacations all though out the year. I tried to get my days started as early as possible with my staff's pre-meeting briefings over breakfast, scheduling presentations and meetings before noon, and shifting client dinners to lunches. Susan would spend the mornings with the children at the hotel, swimming or watching a movie. I tried my best to be home early in the afternoon. Then we would head off exploring our host city for the rest of the day. It didn't always go as planned. Sometimes meetings ran late, sometimes we had larger problems. But for the most part it was a great way to stay together as a family.

When Michael started school our mini vacations together as a family were limited to summers and breaks. As the kids grew even older, they had their own interests and activities, so the mini vacations became a cherished memory. I found a compromise. Shorter trips, longer days, stacking meetings and clients back to back. It meant my staff hard to work harder, longer days, and prep for several clients at the same time. But when I explained my reasoning, they all seemed to understand and those with families of their own appreciated the compacted schedule. Booking travel and meetings was a logistics nightmare, but Miss Davis was my savior. I followed the itinerary that she always prepared for me to the letter and rarely had a problem. She monitored flight schedules and weather and traffic, made any necessary changes on the double and 99% of the time had me everywhere I needed to be, most importantly home, on time.

When webcams were made available on most laptops, we made that part of our standard laptop configuration and I started having more room service dinners. With the webcam fired up at home and mine sitting in my hotel room, it was almost as though I was spending my evenings at home. We could do homework, play games, dine together. It almost made traveling alone bearable.

Most importantly I could poor myself a drink have my evening chats with Susan and wait for my favorite words.

"How was your day, Suze?"

"Everything was OK, honey."

***

"Dave, please forgive her and let her come home."

I'll admit I wasn't surprised to be getting the full court press from all of Susan's family and friends.

"You're a good sister, Shannon. Susan would be so thankful if she knew you were here defending her."

"What will it take, Dave? She'll do anything you ask. I know she will."

"I am sure she would, Shannon. But it would be an impossible task, so I wouldn't insult her by asking."

Shannon wasn't about to give up. But she was scrambling to find any scrap of hope in a field of lost causes.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Dave. One time. One mistake. Please, please let her come home."

"It wasn't one time, Shannon."

"What?!"

"She wasn't honest with me, so I am not totally surprised she didn't tell you everything either. But it doesn't matter. Once would have been enough. It is her reasons, not her actions that brought us here."

"Come on, Dave. Don't get all philosophical on me. Give it to me straight. I am not nearly as smart as you and I want to make my case. So be a gentleman and keep this on my level."

I had to laugh at that but smiles were a lot more painful these days.

"Well, I am not willing to tell you everything, Shannon. Some things just have to be between me and your sister. But, I will try to give you a little insight. I am not sure it will help you though."

"Give it a shot, Dave. Maybe I am smarter than we both think."

Before Shannon arrived I had been going through just about every picture taken during Susan and my 15 years together. They were stacked all around me.

"Tell you what. I am going to get something to drink. Pick out some pictures of Susan. It would be better if they were taken when you were around, but it doesn't really matter. When you have chosen your pictures take a minute and cover everything in the picture but Susan's eyes. Would you care for a drink?"

"Uh...white wine would be nice."

Shannon was looking at me like I had lost my mind. Maybe I had. I sure wasn't feeling like myself lately. It took me about fifteen minutes. I brought Shannon a glass of wine. My drink was a 32 ounce cup of ice water.

"Ready?"

"Sure, Dave. What are you trying to show me?"

"Just show me the first picture."

Shannon held up the first picture. I had to admit this was a little strange.

"Susan was celebrating her promotion to the ICU. She had worked so hard for that promotion. She was so proud of herself. Good choice. That was a fun night."

OK, this was really weird. Like showing a complete stranger you have a third nipple or sixth toe.

"Lucky guess," she cracked.

Shannon was examining the picture trying to figure out how I determined all the details. She gave up and held up the 2nd picture.

"The first picture of her holding Michael the day he was born. She was so tired, but that look of unconditional love was something else."

Shannon pulled the picture away slower this time. I am not sure if she knew what she wanted to say. She held up the third in spite of herself.

"Are you sure that is the picture you want to go with?"

"Geesh, Dave. Just tell me about the picture."

"Your 21st birthday. Susan is trying to appear confident and happy, but something threw her for a loop and she was trying to hide it. I didn't know what it was at the time. She told me later that you had just drunkenly confessed to making out with your girlfriend just before your arrival. Something about smeared lip stick."

"Holy shit."

"I have never lied to Susan. Ever. It just never seemed fair. She could never lie to me. Even if she wanted to."

Shannon wanted to make her case, but she seemed to have lost her train of thought.

"Shannon, do you think I am an arrogant prick?"

"What?! Hell no Dave. You are the most kind and gentle and humble man I have ever known."

"Thanks, Shannon. Your dad is a pretty nice guy too, though."

"Well, that's true. Daddy runs a pretty close 2nd."

"Do I act like I am God's gift to women?"

"No, Dave."

"Would it shock you if I told you that I get hit on by all measure of women at least once per day?"

"No, it wouldn't shock me. That actually seems like a pretty conservative estimate from what I've seen."

"Do you think I have ever cheated on your sister?"

She paused for just a second.

"No, Dave, I don't think you have."

"Thank you, Shannon. That means a lot to me even if you had to give it some thought."

She was giggling at that one.

"Shannon, do you love your sister?"

"More than she will ever know."

"Would you ever do anything that would deliberately hurt her, even if she would never find out?"

"God, no! I would never do anything to hurt her on purpose, Dave."

"Can I fuck you?"

Not surprisingly, they had a very similar change in their eyes. They were sisters after all. But Shannon wasn't Susan, so I wasn't 100% certain.

"Wh...what are you asking?"

"What I am asking is if I told you I would take you upstairs to the bedroom as long as you did anything and everything I wanted. Would you let me fuck you?"

OK, now I was certain. However, women always seem to find something very interesting about tables right in the middle of conversations. I was never going to understand that.

"Yes, Dave," she whispered.

"Susan would be hurt if she knew."

"She doesn't have to know..."

"I am only going to use your body for my own pleasure. Like you're my own personal fuck toy. Doesn't that offend you?"

"No, Dave. I am a big girl...."

"And that is why I appreciate the fact that you have never hit on me, Shannon. That is how I have always known you are a good person and a good sister. Shannon, I asked your sister to share my life. In exchange she asked me to make a promise. She asked me to be faithful to her. I knew what I was giving up when I made that promise. Do you have a sense of what I gave up?"

Shannon nodded slowly.

"And now to the point! It was no contest. I would have given up a thousand sure things for one chance to be with your sister. In fact I think we both know that is what I actually gave up, maybe more. And I would do it again for the woman that I married. But your sister isn't that woman anymore. Also, I think we would both agree I would have a reasonable shot at anyone I wanted." She was nodding more now. "But I chose Susan and gave her everything I had to give. And it wasn't enough."

I think she was beginning to understand. I stood and walked out of the room.

"Thanks for stopping by Shannon. It was nice to talk to you. Let yourself out, OK?"

I am not sure how long she stayed. I fell asleep almost as soon I hit the bed. But she was gone when I woke up the next morning.

***

"So, how did it go?"

"It was...interesting."

"Does he know I asked you to see him?"

"No. I don't think so."

"So did you make any progress?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Jesus, Shannon, is that all you can say? Do you have anything that will help me?"

"Well, Susan, can I ask you if you told him the truth?"

"Well...everything I told him was true, but I didn't tell him everything."

"Well, then. I can tell you this. You're fucked."

***

Before we move forward, I feel that I should address the elephant in the room. I am not psychic and I can't read minds. I live in the real world, and even though my company had worked with some very interesting technology, this isn't a piece of science fiction.

I didn't set out to try to develop any special skills that let me know what Susan was thinking or feeling. I didn't do it with Maggie either for that matter. I just loved them. That love made me hyper sensitive to their feelings.

I do have a fantastic memory. I mean I can't tell you what page 26 of my senior high school yearbook, but the important things, like things that my two favorite women were involved with? I remembered every one of them. Every look, every feeling. After a very short time with each, I had developed a little database in my head of every facial reaction, most importantly their eyes. Hell, I was always staring into their eyes anytime they were around me. So remembering an event, their reaction to it and the look that was in their eyes was easy. Sometimes I wouldn't know all the details, but they would get filled in later. I would just add them to my list.

After decades knowing Maggie and 15 years with Susan, there were no surprises. I just knew. With one look. It wasn't superhuman or anything, but it was kind of special.

***

Maggie told me that counseling was the best option. Which, I have to say, kind of surprised me. During our initial meeting with Susan and her lawyer, I thought Maggie was dead set against counseling. She was making some great points about why I shouldn't agree to go. She said I had nothing to gain and everything to lose.

"Emotion has no place in the practice of law, David. Emotional decisions are almost always bad decisions. Susan is distraught. She wants you back. Her lawyer is trying to give his client want she wants, not what she needs. We have no evidence, David. No video, no pictures, no receipts. Just some very good speculation based on hearsay. 'I saw it in her eyes' will not fare well in court. If we are going to enforce the infidelity clause of your pre-nup we need evidence. During your counseling sessions Susan is going to give us that evidence. And because medical records, including marriage counseling session notes, can be easily sealed by the court, Susan will be protected. I can't do anything about the rumor mill, but all her dirty laundry doesn't need to be part of the public record. So you see, counseling is good for you, David."

"Two things, Mags. Remind me to never get on your bad side and thank you for taking care of Susan when I can't."

***

When I first took over my father's firm, the staff treated me to a healthy dose of positive skepticism. I didn't blame them. I had the education, but I didn't have anywhere near the level of real world experience I needed to take on a project this size.

When I spent the first three months learning about how my father's office was currently operating, the staff was mostly positive. When I handed out a detailed plan of my suggested operational changes and gave everyone a month to provide feedback. It got better. And when I spent the next two months reviewing that feedback with senior staff, seriously considered all of their suggestions and implemented those that were innovative, I had won the room. During the next six months, as I laid out my 10 year plan and vision of transforming the company from an accounting firm to a full blown management consulting firm, specializing in information management, the staff was excited, engaged and firing on all cylinders.

Well, everyone was excited except Jason Smith, the head of the audit division. During my first six months, my initial evaluation of Jason Smith hadn't changed. He was a brilliant tax accountant and a giant asshole. My next six months confirmed my concerns. Jason was willing to protect his turf at all costs. Even at the expense of corporate progress. As the head of the tax audit department, Jason had been the big man on campus and my father's right hand man. Now, being in charge of only a small portion, of one third of our overall portfolio he would be obsolete. He didn't have the necessary skills to lead larger projects and honestly he was barely treading water.

Dealing with his stall tactics was easy enough. Accounting was still our base of operations. So I left him in charge of his little kingdom. As his peers were promoted to other areas of operations he was simply left behind. After a year, he was not involved in any part of our company transformation and I never dealt with him as part of my day to day activities. A year after that, I had forgotten he existed.