Know Thyself Ch. 05

I have until the end of the week to register and it's only Tuesday. I can do it later. I close my eyes and start to fall asleep. The sound of the TV's start to blur together, Wolf Blitzer's voice narrating my semi-conscious dreams.

Suddenly I feel someone plop down on the couch a little too close to me. My head is resting in the middle and I can feel someone sitting right next to me. I open my eyes and look up.

It's Alana.

"Hey!" Her voice is just as high pitched and she has a big smile on her face. I've never met a punk rocker before who's always in such a bright mood.

I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes. "Hey yourself."

"Didn't mean to wake you up."

"Yeah you did," I blurt out without thinking. I don't mean to be rude.

She giggles. "Yeah, I guess I kinda did. Have a rough night?"

She turns her body on the couch to face me, one leg folded in front of her, the other hanging off the couch.

"No, I just don't feel well," I answer.

"How was College Lit?"

I shrug. "How was it for you?"

"It was cool. English is kind of my thing. I might major in it but who knows."

"Yeah, I have no idea what I'm going for yet either."

"What do you have today?"

I notice her fingernails are painted black. Is that still a thing? I feel like people were doing that when I was her age. Am I so old that something went out of style and then came back into style again?

No, I'm not that old because I'm eighteen.

No I'm not, I'm thirty.

"You okay," she asks, breaking up my inner argument.

"I'm just not feeling well. I got here early so I could go to student health."

"They give you anything good?"

"Birth control."

"Nice! You should chop it up and do lines of it."

I look at her, not sure whether she's joking or being serious. I mean, of course she's joking, but it doesn't look like it.

She laughs. "I'm just joking! Jeez, you're so serious."

I shake my head. "I'm sorry. It's been a rough week."

"It's only Tuesday."

I shrug.

"I guess I know what you mean," she says. "First week of classes is kind of weird."

We stare at each other for a moment.

"You should hang out in the dorms some time," she offers.

"Sure, that sounds cool." I pause and then realize something. "Where are they?"

"Mine is at Lexington Avenue and Ninety-Second Street."

"Here's a tip if you don't want to sound like you're new to the city. Always say the street first." I give her a friendly smile.

She seems to appreciate it. "Ninety-Second Street and Lexington Avenue," she says as she nods, soaking in the advice.

"And just say 'Lex'. You don't need to say the whole thing. And don't say 'street'."

"Ninety-second and Lex. Got it. Any other city tips?"

"Yeah, enjoy living there while you can because you'll never be able to afford it ever again."

We both share a laugh.

"Why'd you come to New York," I ask her. It's not like Hunter is a world renowned institution. I never thought of people coming to City College from out-of-state.

"Because it's New York. I've always wanted to live here. This is where it all happens."

I snort. "All what?"

"I don't know. Just all. You don't think so?"

"I grew up here. I guess it all seems normal to me."

She looks shocked at that. "Normal? Try growing up in Bridgewater, Vermont. There are more people in this school than there are in my hometown. I love it here."

I like her. I can appreciate anyone who has a love for my city. With all my downplay of this city, deep down I feel like her. I think she can tell because we share a look as if we totally get each other.

"You should come to the dorms sometime," she says. "Me and some people on my floor are throwing a party on Thursday night. A kind of 'we made it through the first week' type of thing. You should come."

"Yeah, that sounds cool. What time?"

"Whenever. Let me get your number, I'll keep you posted."

I give her my number and she texts me so I have hers.

"My roommate said she has a friend who's twenty-one and can get some alcohol." She quiets her voice as if someone might be listening in.

"Are you allowed to have alcohol in the dorms?"

She looks at me lamely. "Yes, as long as no one rats us out."

I pretend to zip my lips.

"Good. I got worried for a second."

I yawn and try to apologize through it. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"No it's okay. I woke you up. I have some reading I have to do anyway. I didn't finish the summer reading. They didn't get the list to me in time."

"Me too!"

"Really? I thought I was the only one."

I shake my head. "No, I only got mine a couple weeks ago."

"I didn't finish reading Nineteen Eighty-Four. You can finish napping while I read if you want." She sits facing forward and pats her thigh, inviting me to rest my head on her lap.

I look at her wondering if she's serious. She stares right back at me. If she's offering...

I lay down on the couch and rest my head on her lap. She pulls out her book and starts to read, her hand resting on my stomach.

Maybe she's just really friendly?

**********************************************************

I'm awaken by the sound of a group of boys cheering. My eyes slowly open and I sit up to see the cause of my disturbance. A group of guys are playing ping-pong and apparently it's the world championships from the sound of it.

Where's Alana?

It looks like she left. I suddenly feel a sense of panic.

What time is it?!

I frantically pull out my phone and see it's twelve fifty-seven. I have class in three minutes! I also have a text from Alana.

"Sorry I didn't wake you. You seemed so peaceful. I had to get to class. It was nice seeing you again. Looking forward to Thursday. XOXO"

A person who uses punctuation in texts, not bad.

Focus!

Luckily my class is in this building, two floors up. I grab my bag and run for the door.

**********************************************************

I only ended up being a couple minutes late to class. The Professor didn't seem to mind, or at least she didn't show it. It ended up being just an introduction to what the class is going to be and nothing we had to take notes on, although she ended up using the entire period.

This is the only class I have today, so I decide to get my prescription from the Duane Reade. When I get there, I give the lady behind the counter my insurance card and she rings me up. She doesn't seem to be paying much attention to me.

"And you've taken this before," she asks me, her eyes on the computer screen.

"Um...no. Not really."

She stops and looks at me finally. "But you've taken birth control in the past?"

I shake my head. Why? Have I done something wrong.

Luckily there's no one else around us. It looks like she's now giving me her full attention.

"When was your last cycle?"

"Uh...well...now." Is it weird she's asking me this?

She nods and hands the bag to me. "The wrapping will tell you what day to take each pill. Don't take the first one until Sunday, okay?"

"Not today?"

She shakes her head. "Sunday."

I nod. "Okay."

I have to take these every damn day?!

"What if I miss a day?"

She looks lamely at me. "Don't."

I nod. I'm about to walk away but I stop. "But what if I do?"

She shrugs. "Then you miss a day. It happens. You're not going to blow up or anything. Just don't miss a day."

"Okay, thanks."

She smiles and nods and I walk away.

This sucks. I've never been good with pills. When I get sick and have to take antibiotic, I always forget to take it by the third or fourth day even though you're supposed to take it for ten days straight. This is every day!

This sucks!

**********************************************************

Wednesday was my first real day of classes, since these were the two classes I already had on Monday. The professors started with actual class lectures instead of course introductions. Although I still found it hard to take notes, especially in my algebra class. It all seems so basic.

Alana was there and sat next to me again. Luckily she's a good student as well and didn't try to distract me by passing notes or anything like that.

Do kids still pass notes? Maybe they just text each other?

Either way, she took notes, I took notes, we both focussed on class. Afterwards we chatted for a couple minutes but I had to run off to my College Lit course. Since the algebra class actually went the whole class period, I didn't have a lot of time to dawdle.

So all in all the day went well and I'm now on my way home. Alana reminded of the party in her dorm tomorrow, which I'm pretty excited about. I wonder if I should bring Matt. Probably not. I don't know these people well enough yet.

I'm starting to feel a little better as well. The bloating has gone down and I don't feel so hot all the time. A couple websites I read said it can last for as short as a couple days, so maybe this is it. If so, I probably won't be as lucky next time.

I walk into my apartment and I can already tell something is up. My mom is setting the table, food already sitting out. I see my mom in the kitchen grabbing some silverware.

"Hey," I say sounding a little confused.

"How was school," she asks me without looking at me.

"Good. What's going on?"

Jack walks by me and takes a seat at the table as he says, "What's up Ash?"

"Nothing," I answer.

"You didn't hear the news?" My mom asks me from the kitchen.

"No." I look to Jack as I say it.

He has a big beaming smile. "I got the job."

"Which-" I begin but suddenly remember. "Oh! With da-Greg? Mr. Telaney?" I catch myself before I actually say "dad". Some habits are hard to break.

"That's right," he says with the utmost pride. "You're now speaking to Jack Montgomery, Paralegal."

"Cool!" I think for a moment. "What does that mean?"

Mom comes and sits at the table.

"Basically," my brother begins, "I type up case documents and do some research when they need an extra hand. It's just admin work but it comes with that kick ass title."

"Wow, congrats," I say. That is impressive. When I first met this guy I wouldn't have expected he'd be working for a law firm. I knew him for all of one week and could tell that. Not to mention, this leaves Greg close to me. Granted it's now through my brother, but I can get updates on him from time to time. I'm not sure why I need that. Maybe it just feels good to know my old dad is still in my life in some way.

"Where's dad," Jack asks.

"He's not going to be home until late. He said we shouldn't wait up for him."

"He knows about my new job?"

"Yes, he knows." It looks like she fishes for something. "He said to tell you he's very proud of you."

Jack nods but looks away. We all start digging in.

**********************************************************

Thursday goes much the same as Wednesday. Now that's it's the second meeting of the classes I had on Tuesday, the real class begins. I don't see Alana today, probably because I didn't get to campus as early as I did on Tuesday. Last night I ended up on the phone with Matt for most of the night. I didn't get to speak with him on Tuesday after he had his first day of classes, so last night we caught up. In fact, it was more of him going on and on about NYU and me throwing in a random "cool" or "wow, that's awesome" every couple of sentences. I can't blame him though. This is all new to him so he's very excited. I've done all this before so the allure of starting college isn't as exciting for me. I'm more excited about being able to do it all over again. Finding out what it's like to live on your own for the first time in your life is not something I'm going to spend an entire evening talking about, but I don't mind listening to Matt talk about it.

I ended up going to bed late and waking up later than I wanted. Luckily my first class on Tuesday Thursdays are later in the day, so the extra sleep didn't mess up my schedule. It's now about six in the evening and it's time to get ready to head to the dorms. I've been thinking about my outfit all the way home, knowing I'm not going to wear the same thing I wore to school. I'm not sure what the other girls in Alana's dorm are like, but she definitely has this punk rock thing going, so I don't want to show up looking like Pleasantville.

I find a pair of short jean shorts that are frayed at the bottom. That's kind of punk rock-ish, right? I dig through her dresser drawers to see if I have any band t-shirts. If it's anything Taylor Swift I'm screwed. All the way in the back of the bottom drawer I find a Nirvana t-shirt.

You've got to be kidding me? How does an eighteen year old girl have a Nirvana t-shirt?

It doesn't even look old. It looks like it's never been worn. If I knew I had this I would've worn it a long time ago. I put it on and see it actually hugs my hips very well. It's the classic black shirt with the yellow smiley face.

I had one of these when I was in middle-school!

I am old. The stuff from my childhood is making a resurgence. Once I'm done redoing my makeup, I make my way to the living room. Jack is sitting on the couch watching football. He looks up and when he sees me he laughs.

"Finally!"

I look at him confused. "What?"

"I buy you something for your birthday and it takes you this long to wear it."

He must be talking about the shirt. "How'd you find this? I didn't know they make these anymore."

"They're all over the place now. 'Retro' band tees are the new thing." He makes air quotes around the word retro.

"I like Nirvana."

He gives me a weird look. "No you don't."

"Yeah. I do." I give him a bit of attitude on that one.

"Since when?"

I smirk and shrug. "Since you gave me the t-shirt."

"Well, glad to see I can help my little sis have class."

I grab my purse off the table. "Is this the Giants Cowboys game?"

Now he really looks at me strangely. "Yeah, it is."

I open the front door and look back at him with a big smirk on my face. "Go Giants." Before he can say anything I walk out, closing the door behind me.

It's about time I start expressing my real interests. Just because I'm now a girl doesn't mean I'll deny the greatest band that ever lived and the best football team in the world.

But really I just wanted to mess with Jack.

Let him ponder that for the night.

It takes me about an hour but I finally make it to the dorm building on Ninety-Second and Lex. Once again, going to the East Side from Inwood is the bane of my existence! I enter the building and am greeted by a security guard behind a desk.

"How can I help you," he asks.

"I'm visiting someone."

He raises his eyebrows at me. "Which room?"

I have no idea. Wow, I never thought to ask which room it is. Sometimes my stupidity amazes me. The security guard can tell I'm lost.

"Your friend needs to sign you in, so no matter what he or she needs to come down here. Why don't you give them a call and tell them to come down."

At least he's nice.

I step aside and text Alana that I'm downstairs. After a moment she texts back that she's coming down. As I stand in the lobby I watch students come and go. It would be nice to live in the dorms. The whole "living at home with your parents" thing is not the best situation. Technically I'm thirty years old and haven't lived at home with my parents in eight years. It has taken some adjustment to get used to it. When I went to college as Ben, I had to live in the dorms since I lived so far away, but now it does seem like a waste. Why pay for a dorm room when you live in the city already? But I miss the freedom of my old life.

I wonder how much it costs?

I'm assuming my parents won't cover the cost of the dorm. Why would they? However, I know my grades this semester are going to be outstanding. How can they not? My classes are so basic the only way I can do bad is if I stop showing up. I bet I can get a lot of scholarship money for next year.

Why haven't I started thinking about my financial situation?

Since I was an Econ major and worked in the financial industry, I used to wonder how much easier it might've been if I invested money while I was in college. Looking back, I spent my money on crap. I had a work-study job on campus at Penn State and I earned a little bit of money here and there. It all went to stuff like video games, beer, CD's (when they existed!), and other random crap. I used to wonder how much money I would've had when I left college if I put all that money into some stocks or bonds. Then, when you leave college you don't need to start with nothing. Why don't I do that now? I need to find a work-study job on campus and find out how to get a dorm room. If I'm going to do this whole second chance thing right, I need to start thinking about my money.

"Ashley!" Alana calls out to me as she approaches the security table from the other side. She gives me a hug and takes out her student ID and hands it to the security guard.

He tells me I need to show my ID, so I hand that over as well. After a short exchange with the guard we're on our way up the elevator.

"Thanks for coming," she says enthusiastically. I see she's changed the blonde streak in her hair for a pink one.

"No problem," I answer and point to her hair. "I like the change."

"Thanks. I like to think of my hair as a mood ring, you know?"

I laugh.

"You should try it," she says.

"You'd have to get me pretty drunk to do that."

She looks at me mischievously. "That can be arranged."

The elevator opens to the fourth floor and she makes a right down the hallway.

"So this is your first time in the dorms, right?"

I nod.

"It's pretty cool. I have my own room. There's like a common area and then three bedrooms. Two of them are doubles and one is a single, so I have four suite mates."

"How did you get the single room," I ask, already making plans for my future dorm room.

"You pay extra for it."

Maybe I won't be doing that after all.

We get to her suite and she opens the door with her key. We step into a common area and immediately I'm greeted by three other girls.

"Hey guys! This is Ashley," Alana starts to introduce me. She points to the other three. "That's Tamra, Vicky, and Barbara." They each say hi as Alana announces them. "Where's Lindsay?"

"She decided to hang out with her boyfriend tonight," Tamra says.

Alana shrugs and looks at me. "More for us."

Tamra and Vicky are sitting on the couch and Barbara is sitting on a sofa chair, all three of them watching TV. The coffee table has various liquor bottles sitting out and of course red solo cups. A college dorm room would not be complete without red solo cups.

Alana turns to me now. "Okay, so there's one rule. If someone knocks on the door, you don't open it until we hide all the liquor."

I nod.

"We'll get kicked out if you do," Tamara says. "They have a zero tolerance policy for alcohol."

Then why are you doing it?

God, I'm still an old man at heart.

"What are you watching," I ask, trying to make friends.

On the screen is a nature show, a tiger slowly approaching a gazelle. At least I think it's a gazelle. I tend to think all those animals you see tigers eating on these shows are gazelles. It sounds right.

Barbara nods to Vicky. "This is what happens when you give the remote to the zoologist."

"Aspiring zoologist," Vicky says in her defense. "You guys don't even know, these shows are awesome!"

Tamara and Barbara share a glance. "And when exactly does that begin?"