Know Thyself Ch. 05

I take the empty seat on the couch and Alana goes into her bedroom for a moment.

"You want something to drink," Tamra offers next to me.

"Sure!"

"What do you like? We got vodka, gin, aaaaannnndddd." She turns to Vicky. "What's the last one?"

"Everclear."

Definitely not going with that! Plus there's no whisky.

"You can make a vodka soda if you want," Tamra says. "There's seltzer in the fridge." She nods to the mini fridge next to the TV.

I decide to go with the vodka soda to start. I sit back down on the couch and watch the gazelle (?) get eaten by the tiger. Alana comes back out and sits on the last empty sofa chair next to me.

"Ron just texted me," Alana says. "He says him and his roommates are coming over now."

Vicky rolls her eyes.

"What?" Alana asks her.

"Nothing," Vicky answers.

"Oh shut up Vicky," Barbara says. "They were just kidding."

"Kidding about what," I ask.

Barbara turns to me. "On move-in day they were catcalling her."

"That guy whistled at me in front of my parents! That shit's embarrassing," Vicky protests.

"Yeah, I'm with V on this one," Tamra says. "Those guys are basic. I don't know why we're inviting them over."

Basic?

"Well he heard the bottles clink in my bag on the way in," Alana explains. "He knew what they were and asked what we were doing. What was I supposed to say?"

"None of your damn business," Vicky answers. "You can say that."

"And then they rat us out to the RA," Alana says.

"So let me get this straight." Vicky's annoyance is thick now. "We're supposed to party and pretend to be friends with a bunch of assholes because they might rat on us? That's not a party, that's a hostage situation."

I laugh at that. Vicky seems to appreciate it.

"Thank you," she says to me. "At least someone recognizes the ridiculousness of this situation."

There's a knock at the door and we all freeze. Alana goes to the door.

"Who is it?"

Muffled from behind the door I hear a boy's voice. "Ron."

"Fuck," Vicky says.

Alana turns to her and mouths "be nice". She opens the door and three boys walk in. Everyone seems to know each other since no one introduces themselves. Alana points to me. "This is my friend Ashley. Ashley, this is Ron, Eric, and Mark."

All three of them say hi. They seem nice enough.

Ron gestures to the coffee table, a big smirk on his face. "So that's what I heard in your bag."

"Yeah, that's it," Alana says.

The three boys take a seat on the floor. Eric sits next to Vicky and she huffs as he does it, pretending to be engrossed in the show.

"You guys have any mixers," Mark asks.

"There's some seltzer in the fridge," Tamra says.

The guys start to make themselves drinks.

"What are you watching," Eric asks with an air of laughter.

"Discovery Channel," Vicky says.

The boys all share a laugh.

"Why," Ron asks.

"Because it's interesting." Vicky lays the attitude on thick.

"Can I see the remote," Eric asks.

"You come in, make yourselves drinks, and then change the channel we're watching," Tamra asks rhetorically.

"I'm watching this," Vicky says.

Eric puts his hands up in the air as if he's surrendering. "Sorry, didn't mean to offend."

Vicky rolls her eyes, not trying the least bit to hide it.

We all sit in silence. This is the worst college party I've ever been to, and I haven't been to one in twelve or thirteen years! I already start to feel the tingling of alcohol all over me as the vodka soda starts to kick in. Tamra laid the vodka on a little thick.

"How'd classes go," Mark asks.

"Good!" Alana's bright personality just might break this awkwardness. "I met Ashley in our math class."

"Cool," Mark adds.

"The rest of the classes are pretty boring."

Mark turns to me. "So where are you from?"

"Here," I say.

Eric laughs. "So like, that couch?" Him and Ron share a laugh, Mark doesn't join in.

"No," I say. "The city."

"Oh cool," Mark answers. "What part?"

"Bay-I mean Inwood." I was about to say Bay Ridge but of course, that's where Ben is from.

Mark smiles. "It's okay if you're from Bay Ridge. I won't hold it against you."

That one gets a laugh out of me. "No really, I'm from Inwood. I don't know why I was going to say Bay Ridge."

"What's wrong with Bay Ridge," Alana asks.

"Nothing," Mark says and then gives me a knowing smile, "According to people in Bay Ridge."

I laugh again. He's funny. I notice Alana looking between the two of us. I quickly try to change the subject.

"Where are you from," I ask Mark.

"Flushing."

"Ah, a Mets fan I see. Only Queens boys are."

He nods. "You can't live off the seven train and not be a Mets fan."

"Are you guys talking about baseball now?" Alan actually sounds annoyed by this.

"It's a New York thing." Mark gives me a smirk as he says it. I can't help but smile back.

"Um, I'm from the city," Tamra cuts in, "And I couldn't give a shit about baseball."

"You must be from Brooklyn," Mark says.

"I am from Brooklyn, but I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"Still pissed about the Dodgers leaving."

The three boys laugh.

Tamra doesn't find it amusing. "No, I just think there's more to someone's identity than their sports affiliations."

The conversation turns into a debate between the two of them about the usefulness or uselessness of sports. Eventually Ron and Eric join in, which causes Vicky to join in (on Tamra's side, though I think she just wants to make Eric look like an idiot). Then Barbara joins in, arguing on the boys side, which seems to infuriate Vicky and Tamra, and eventually everyone except Alana and me are yelling. The two of us look at each other and stifle a laugh. The whole thing does seem ridiculous. We continue to sip our drinks, laughing at everyone in the room.

"Nice shirt, by the way," Alana says.

"Thanks! I was just telling my brother before I came over that I can't believe they still make these things. I remember when they first came out."

Alana looks at me strangely. "Really? How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"So you were born when? Nineteen ninety-seven? Cobain died in like ninety-four."

Crap, she's right.

"I don't mean when it first came out, I mean..." I trail off. "I don't know what I'm saying."

She smiles. "Want to listen to some music?" She nods to one of the bedrooms. I look back at the rest of the room, all six of them engrossed in a heated argument, probably fueled by the alcohol. I turn back to Alana and nod.

The two of us get up and walk to the bedroom. Vicky calls to us as we go.

"Where are you two going?"

Alana looks back. "Listening to music to drown you people out." She closes the door behind her.

"God, that was annoying," she says.

"Yeah, really."

"I knew inviting those guys over was a mistake."

"It seems like Barbara appreciates it. I hope Vicky doesn't hold it against her."

"She won't. The two of them are friends from back home. They share one of the rooms together."

I look around her room. "This is nice. Especially since you have it to yourself."

There's a twin bed in the corner and one of those typical dorm room desks on the other side. The opposite wall directly across from the bed has a wardrobe with a mirror hanging on it, also matching dorm style. She has a couple posters hanging up. Paramore, Fall Out Boy, and one Beatles poster. Interesting addition to the other two.

"It's nice to be able to get away from people every now and then," she says. She walks over to the desk and opens her laptop. I sit on the bed and watch her. She starts playing some music of a band I don't recognize.

"You know The Homewreckers?"

I shake my head.

"They're pretty cool. Still underground."

It sounds like the typical high school garage band but at least it drowns out the argument raging outside. Alana sits on the bed next to me.

"It must be cool to grow up in the city."

I shrug. "I guess."

"Please! There are tons of places to see shows and the underground scene here is amazing. Where I'm from, you only have one or two local bands and they all suck."

"Yeah I guess. I was never into the whole music scene."

"Sounds like you need an education." She puts her hand on the bed and leans on her arm. Her hand lands right next to mine, her thumb touching my pinkie.

"So you're going to be my music professor? Is that it?"

She nods. Now her thumb is rubbing my pinkie. We stare into each other's eyes and that's when I realize it.

She likes me.

I put my hand on top of hers. She interlocks her fingers with mine and pulls me into her, our lips meeting as we begin to kiss. After a moment she pulls away and smiles.

"I knew it," she says.

"Knew what?"

"That you were into girls."

"Who said I am?"

She huffs. "If you're not, you have a funny way of showing it."

"I don't know if I am. I've never done anything with a girl before. Well, other than kissing."

That's when she pounces on me. She puts the full force of her body on me and I fall back onto the bed. She's on top of me, passionately making out with me as our bodies rub together. Her sudden attack startles me but I suddenly realize I was waiting for this the moment I met her. Our tongues dance together inside our mouths, my eyes closed tightly as I feel her thrust into me.

I can hear the door open and then what I think is Vicky's voice. "Oh shit!" The door closes. Alana gets off of me.

"Don't move," she commands.

She walks over to the door and locks it. Before she walks back over to the bed, she pulls her shirt over her head, revealing a black bra underneath. She reaches behind her and takes the bra off. Her breasts are the same size as mine though her nipples are much larger. They're perfect and I'd almost be jealous of them except for the fact that I'm so turned on.

"You next," she says.

"What?"

She walks over to me but doesn't lay on the bed. She leans down and puts her breasts in my face. Instinctively my tongue reaches for her nipples and I flick both of them, tasting her bare skin. She pulls back and stands above me.

"Take your shirt off," she commands again.

I sit up in the bed and pull my shirt over my head.

She giggles. "I think we have the same bra."

I giggle too. "I think you're right. Should I write my name on mine?" I reach behind me and undo my bra, revealing my bare breasts and I throw the bra at her.

She catches it and tosses it behind her. Now she undoes the button of her pants and unzips them but doesn't pull them down.

"Are you still not sure if you're into girls," she asks me.

I smile right back. "I'm getting there."

She laughs and takes her pants off revealing a pair of red panties. She pulls them off and tosses them at me this time.

"You're turn."

I undo my shorts and pull them off, revealing a pair of black panties.

Alana smirks. "And I thought they might've been the same as well."

"Mine match," I tease back.

I take my panties off and throw both mine and hers back at her. She dodges them and lays on top of me again, now both our naked bodies touching. Her skin is incredibly soft and I feel a rush through my whole body as she starts to lick my neck. I let out a slight moan and feel the pleasure of wetness coating my inner thighs as Alana's body pushes into me. She moves lower and starts to kiss my nipples and I feel a spasm erupt. Suddenly I see a face in my mind's eye.

Matt! What am I doing? I'm cheating on Matt!

Am I cheating? Are we really boyfriend and girlfriend?

Of course we are! You told him you're his girlfriend!

Oh God, what am I doing? This is wrong. I'm about to tell Alana to stop but suddenly I feel her tongue flicking my clitoris and I let out a loud sound of pleasure. Luckily the music will drown it out to the people outside.

"Oh Alana," I exhale, half voice and half air.

Her tongue feels like magic against my warm opening and I grab the back of her head. The more I squirm the tighter she holds me as her tongue slowly makes me hers. I look down and see her eyes staring back at me, the bottom half of her face buried between my legs. We share a look of passion before her tongue thrusts up and causes me to throw my head back.

"Ahhh," I call out in bliss.

This is wrong, I should stop! But I can't! I like her too much.

No, I'm just horny and unfaithful.

You're only with Matt because you've been denying the fact that you like girls as well.

There is some truth to that. I only thought I wasn't into girls because I thought I didn't have a physical attraction to them since I've become Ashley. I can't deny right now that I'm completely turned on by Alana. Maybe that's because her face is buried in my vagina and she has the tongue of an angel, but I can't deny that I want her.

I look back down my body to meet her eyes and that's when I see him.

The Fountain Man is in the room!

What the fuck?!

My legs tighten around her head for a moment and she pulls away.

"Who's that?!" I call out in panic.

"What?" She looks just as panicked as I am. She turns around and looks at him. She turns back to me with a smile on her face.

"You're afraid of your own reflection?"

The Fountain Man steps aside revealing the mirror.

Alana leans up and kisses me, the taste of my juices still on her lips.

"It's okay, Ashley. Okay?

I nod.

"Now cum for me," she orders.

She leans back down my body and her tongue goes back to work on me, the fire reignited throughout my body. As I start to feel an eruption bubble deep inside of me, I look back to The Fountain Man.

"So this is what you do with your second chance," he asks me.

I want to answer him but I don't know how without freaking out Alana. Not to mention I'm finding it hard to formulate complete sentences with what she's doing to me.

"Don't let me interrupt," he says, now mocking me. "I just decided to check in on you. I see you're doing okay."

I throw my head back. "Yes! Yes!."

I hear him laugh. "You see normally, when people ask for second chances, it's so they can right the wrongs in their life. Not so they can cheat on people they've made a commitment to.

I shake my head, the eruption building stronger.

"You can do what you want, Ashley, but you can't wrong others."

"Yes!" I pant.

"So you agree?" He says this half mocking and half serious.

I nod.

He comes over and stands above us. The whole thing is too weird since he still looks like Ben. Looking at my old self while Alana eats me out is too much to handle. I close my eyes and focus on the feeling of her. She's now vigorously flicking my clit with her tongue and I open my eyes again. The Fountain Man is gone.

Suddenly I feel warm juices explode out of me and my voice projects the pleasure that's just erupted. My legs tighten around her head and I feel her hands grip my thighs tightly. My orgasm seems to last forever and my body spasms just like that first time. My legs lighten it's grip on Alana and she lifts her head up slightly. I seem to convulse, the pleasure still surging through my body. Alana decides to tease me and she licks the lips of my vagina and when she does I spasm sharply. She licks, I spasm, and she laughs. I'm paralyzed by the pleasure she just brought me, I can't seem to move. Her hand caresses my stomach and the motion seems to sooth my spasming body, as if she's calming a rabid animal inside of me.

She moves to lay beside me, our legs now wrapping around each other and we kiss again.

"You're amazing," she tells me.

I look in disbelief. "I'm amazing? I've never cum like that before in my life."

She smiles, a look of pride on her face. "Well thank you. So, are you still not sure if you're into girls?"

Now I smile at her. "I'm beginning to believe I am."

I nestle my head on her chest and we hold each other until sleep takes over me.

**********************************************************

I wake up in the middle of the night still wrapped in Alana's arms. I untangle from her and she half wakes up.

"Don't leave," she says half sleeping.

I whisper back even though we're the only ones in the room. "I'm not, I'm just going to the bathroom." I realize something. "Where is it?"

"Down the hall," she says as she turns over and falls asleep again.

I put my clothes on and slowly open the door. The room is dark but I can make out two people sleeping on the floor in front of the couch, the coffee table pushed away.

Barbara and Mark.

I quietly tip toe around them to the front door and open it. Before it closes, I check to make sure it won't lock behind me.

The hallway is quiet and brightly lit, the light hurting my eyes. I'm not sure which way to go so I take a guess and go to the right. Sure enough I eventually find the shared women's room for the floor. I go to the bathroom, wash my hands, and then stare into the mirror.

What are you going to do now?

"That's a good question," I hear a voice say behind me.

In shock I spin around and see The Fountain Man standing behind me.

"What the fuck!" My heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest.

"I hope you enjoyed yourself tonight."

"What the hell are you doing here? What does it matter to you what I do?"

"Seeing as how you're here because of me, it has everything to do with me."

"What do you mean," I protest. "I'm here because I chose to be."

"Not here in this dorm building you idiot. Here as Ashley."

Right, I forgot about that.

"I know I'm right about that."

I forgot he can read my thoughts.

"What do you want," I ask him.

"You're not here to sleep with everyone."

God I hope there's no one else here. If I'm the only one who can see him, I don't want to sound crazy.

"What do you mean everyone," I say. "She's the only person I've slept with."

"Yeah, I know," he says putting his hands up. "It's just that, you give people a second chance and sometimes they turn it into a damn fuck-fest. Especially when..." He points to me.

"What?"

"When they're a different gender."

I raise my eyebrows at him. "Last time you told me there is no such thing as gender."

"There isn't mentally, but there is physically."

I shake my head at him and look him in the eye. "What. Do. You. Want?"

I see him struggle with something. I can tell there's some information he's not giving me.

"Is there something I'm supposed to do," I ask him. "You keep saying I'm here because of you, but you never say why I'm here."

He shakes his head but doesn't say anything.

"If there's nothing I'm supposed to do," I begin, "then why do you care what I do at all?"

"You're a special person," he says.

"Why?"

He doesn't say anything.

"Funny. You had a lot to say when you were being creepy earlier."

He looks at me confused. "When?"

"When I was having a private moment with my friend. That wasn't supposed to be a peep show!"

"You don't get it yet, do you?"

"Get what?"

He looks exasperated and takes a couple steps closer to me. We're now face to face.

"I'm you," he says. "I'm not some other person popping into your life. I am you. You are me. We are the same."

I shake my head, not comprehending. "I don't get it. What do you mean?"

"We are the same life force. We are one. All those times you're having an argument with yourself, you're arguing with me. We are in this together. So yeah, I have every right to have a say in what we do."

"This is so fucking weird. How did this happen?"