Limbo Ch. 02

Zoe sat in the waiting room. Her eyes were fixed to the clock. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours. Each instant of time that ticked by with the maddening uncertainty of her husband's fate was torture. People went in and out of the waiting room, each footfall making her look up with hope.

It was past 2 AM when the doors of the OR opened. Ethan came out, still in his scrubs. His hands and the front of his gown had a few ugly splashes of blood. He looked too tired to walk upright, drained by the effort of the surgery. He stopped to lean against the wall of the casualty ward.

Zoe walked up to him softly and placed a palm on his shoulder. He turned his bleary gaze towards her and shook his head slowly.

"I'm so sorry. We tried our best. His ribs had broken completely and shards of bone punctured his lungs, kidneys, liver and heart. He also took a heavy blow to the head and was almost brain dead by the time he got here. There was nothing we could do."

There was a thud. Zoe's eyes closed and her knees buckled. She collapsed onto the floor. Ethan immediately got on his knees and cradled her head in his hands. Doctors and nurses converged on them.

* *

Ethan spent the night in the hospital making sure Zoe was transferred to a cabin. She was sedated, partly because he couldn't bear to see her awake and distraught. The next day went by in a blur of bodies, paperwork and meetings.

It was evening when his Chief of Medicine insisted he get home and catch up on sleep. His legs felt like they were made of lead. He had seen Milos Petric's face for the third time the previous night, the first two being during Zoe's affair. In those moments, he had often fantasised about what he wanted to do to him. Maybe for the briefest instants, he even considered trying them.

Fantasies were cheap. When he saw the mangled body of his nemesis on his operating table, his blood ran cold. Milos' face was almost unrecognisable from the blows it had received. The skin from his neck to his groin was tinged blue with internal bleeding.

It was a fate he would not wish on his worst enemy, not even Milos Petric.

Ethan needed to get his mind off the inhumanity of the last night. He needed to talk to someone who would understand. He dialled a number that had recently found its way back on his speed dial.

"This is a surprise. From me having to call you endlessly till you picked up to getting a call from you. To what do I owe the honour?"

"Very funny, Val. I just wanted to check in on you."

"Don't tell me. A patient of yours just died and you're suddenly feeling another moment of weakness, so you decided to call me. Am I right?"

Ethan smiled. His sister was always remarkably perceptive when it came to him. His lengthy silence answered her question. She resumed.

"Well you called the right person, 'cause I've got an idea to take your mind off all of that. How about you drop by and visit us sometime?"

"Drop by... Greenville?"

"God, does it sound so awful when I say it? You spent two thirds of your life here, it can't be all bad. Spend a few days with us."

"Just so you and Dad can gloat about how my marriage blew up in my face like you predicted from the start? No thanks."

"Ethan," Valerie said, her tone abruptly turning serious. "No one is going to say that. I know you don't like us, but we haven't seen you in ten bloody years."

Ethan paused to get his tired mind to think. Val spoke up again.

"Dad's missed you too. He's actually asked me to talk you into coming. He's too scared to do it himself."

"Dad wants me to come?" he chortled. "What happened? Did he lose his punching bag?"

"Ethan!" she yelled. "Whatever has happened, that man is still our father and you're not going to talk about him that way."

"You're seriously standing up for him after all he's done?"

"Yes," Val said strongly. "I've told you before and I'll say it now, he's nothing like you remember. Ever since Mom died and you left, he's been to anger management classes and AA meetings regularly. Next month, he'll be five years sober."

"If you say so."

"Ethan, the one thing I have never done is lie to you and I don't intend to start now. I've said all I had to say. All I can do now is hope you can be the bigger man."

The call dropped. Ethan got up from the ambulance bay bench. Zoe's tear-stained face and Milos' blood-stained one floated in his head. It was so unfair that Milos could affect him even after his death.

He stepped out of the hospital to find Sam waiting for him with two mochaccino lattes and wide smile to boot.

"Miss me?"

In a sudden burst of emotion, he threw his arms around her and gripped her tightly. She struggled to keep her hands steady and not spill the coffee on the pavement.

"More than I can tell you."

* *

"I've never seen him like that, Damien. All he did was cry."

"Really?" came the surprised reply.

Damien rolled up the best cannabis from his stash into joints as he spoke. He handed one of his better creations to Sam and held out a lighter for her. She took a deep drag and resumed.

"It was all bottled up inside him. He let the floodgates open. He told me about his ex-wife and her husband. It was heartbreaking to watch."

"But it's over now and that's what matters."

"Hardly," she said, blowing a stream of smoke towards the ceiling.

Damien looked at her and took a puff.

"He's still hung up on his ex. I'm sure he hooked up with her while I was away."

"Did he say he did?"

"No, but he's hopeless at lying, especially to me. I knew right from the first day we chatted on FaceTime."

"And you never brought it up?"

"It's none of my business," she said, clearing the shroud of smoke in front of her face. "Not like I'm his girlfriend or anything."

There was a long silence. Sam finished off her joint before searching for another one on the coffee table. She lit it and let Manhattan's finest THC take over her senses once more.

"Who's fault is that? You fell for him and I'm the one who knows."

"He's still in a bad place after his marriage. I don't think I should be springing this-" she began, cut off by her equally high roommate.

"Right. The better option is to let him pine endlessly after his ex-wife."

"You and I both know I'm not girlfriend material. God, it's been so long since I let a guy even touch me. Just fucking touch me."

"You didn't choose what happened to you," Damien said, partaking in a fresh joint himself. "You shouldn't have to suffer for it for the rest of your life."

"But it happened! There's no denying it. There's no pretending otherwise. I'm damaged and we both know it. Ethan deserves someone better."

"Someone like your old self?"

Sam nodded listlessly, letting out a few more fumes.

"Then be your old self. Show Ethan the Samantha Penderghast who loved life more than anyone I know."

"I'm trying, God dammit," she spat out. "All those bloody shrinks keep telling me I need to accept what happened to me and move on. Like they've ever been locked in a room and raped for days. There is no moving on from what they did to me. It's survived, not endured."

"You're still stuck in that room, aren't you? It's your personal prison. If you stay trapped in limbo, they win. They broke you. You have to move on, Sam. You know I've always wanted the best for you. I know it's going to be hard, but-"

"Ethan's got enough to deal with himself," she interjected. "He's in a limbo of his own."

"He needs you, Sam... and I don't care if you admit it or not, you need him. The two of you are the only ones who can understand what you're going through. Trust him, for both your sakes."

They smoked in silence for a few minutes before Sam spoke up again.

"You make an awesome therapist when you're stoned, you know that."

"Apparently."

"Even if I did want to tell Ethan how I feel, it would be a complete mess. I'd scare him off for sure."

Damien got up and stood with his arms outstretched. Samantha chortled at him.

"One day you will know the right words, and they will be simple."

"All right, Kerouac," she said, slinging his arm around his shoulder to keep him steady. "That's enough weed for tonight. Let's get you to bed."

"I'm warning you, Sam," he declared boldly. "If you don't make a move on Ethan, I swear I will. I'll make him so gay that his junk will not even wiggle the least bit when he looks at you."

Ignoring the last comment, Sam carefully lay Damien down on his bed. She knelt by the bedside and held his head in his hands.

"Thanks, Damien. I really needed to hear you say those things."

"You're a fantastic person, Samantha. Any guy would be lucky to be with you. Now go tell Ethan that."

"I will."

"You're as hopeless a liar as he is," Damien mumbled in his stupor. "Good night."

Samantha stayed by his bedside until he was asleep.

* *

The next day, Ethan remained quagmired in a pool of thoughts. The events of the last day had aged him years. He had spent a sleepless night staring at the blank wall and it showed. There was a pile of paperwork at his desk, but he couldn't bring himself to even get started.

There was a knock on his door.

"There's a Ms Penderghast here to see you."

"Send her in."

Sam entered his office and sat down opposite him. A small mountain of documents stood between them.

"I'm sorry for the mess," Ethan said without looking up. "It's work related."

"How's Zoe doing?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

"They discharged her in the morning. She told me she needs some time alone to figure things out and arrange for her husband's funeral. I don't know where she is."

"Do you need some time alone too?" she asked. "I can always meet you later."

"No, please. Stay. Talking to you yesterday made me feel much better."

"How about the two of us get away from it all for some time?" Samantha suggested. "I'm sure you have a few vacation days you can use."

He had barely nodding when she announced her idea. Oddly enough, Ethan didn't reject it straight away like he would have earlier.

"Why not?" he reasoned. He was at the juncture of his life where he had no more bridges to burn, but one significant bridge to mend.

So he and Sam made plans to rent a car and drive up to his home town of Greenville.

* *

"So this is where you grew up?" Sam asked, looking at the clusters of houses along the main road.

"We're not actually in the main town, but yes," said Ethan, taking one hand off the wheel to point. "That's my high school. They've renovated it now."

She raised her camera and took a quick snap. The small suburban style houses were a refreshing change from the rows of apartment complexes back in the city.

"I must say, this is not what I imagined when you mentioned 'a small town upstate'. Damn, I wish I had this department store in Soho."

"Believe it or not, ten years ago, it was your quintessential small town."

"What happened? Did someone find gold?" Sam laughed.

"No, but my sister took it upon herself to scale up every small family owned business. People come from nearby towns to do their shopping here."

"Your sister. Are the two of you close?"

"We haven't met in ten years. I've not visited Greenville and she's never dropped in on me when she's in the city. A couple of awkward phone calls a year is the extent of our relationships."

"Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that."

"We had a falling out about Zoe and that's when it started. Val and I actually used to be tight before that."

"Do your parents live here too?" she asked. Ethan had never been forthcoming about his family and Samantha had never been one to pry, but he was different now.

"My Dad, yes. One of the main reasons my sister stays here is to take care of him. My Mom died of ovarian cancer when I was seventeen."

Sam took a few more pictures until Ethan drove up the gravelled approach to a grey two-storey house. It looked recently painted and considerable bigger than those down the street. He shut the engine and waited. She looked at him curiously to see him taking a deep breath to steady his nerves. Instinctively, she put a comforting palm on his shoulder.

"One step at a time. We can do this together."

She helped him out. They walked past an open garage. Sam counted a Maserati, a Jaguar and a Bentley among several other sleek models she didn't recognise.

"What does your sister do again?"

"Entrepreneur."

Both of them turned around to see a woman in her early thirties with her hands on her waist and a lop-sided grin.

"Although if you want an official title, I'll have to say CEO."

For a few seconds, Ethan simply stared into her eyes. She looked so different than he remembered. Ten years had added a heady dose of stature and chutzpah. Underneath it, he wondered if she was still the same person.

With some prodding from Sam, he inched across the gap between him and his sister. Physically, it was a few feet. Emotionally, it was a canyon. Valerie waited patiently on the other side.

Finally, he was close enough to see her blue eyes peering up at him. All of a sudden, she threw her arms around him and engulfed her brother in a fierce hug. Her face nuzzled against the front of his shirt.

"Welcome back, Ethan. Welcome home."

* *

"This is a pleasant surprise. You didn't tell me you were seeing someone else."

"Aren't you going to introduce us?" Sam nudged.

"Right, Val, this is my friend, Sam. Sam, you already know about my sister."

"It's a pleasure," said Sam shaking her hand. "Ethan's told me about you."

"Nothing good, I imagine."

Sam looked perplexed for a few moments before Valerie playfully punched her brother's arm.

"I remember how you would tell me every tiny detail of your dates with Zoe, and not a word about Sam?"

Ethan and Samantha stiffened at the last sentence. Sensing a raw nerve, Val hastily ushered them to the front door.

"I painted the old place. It looks better, right?"

He nodded.

"So you're a CEO," Sam started. "What does your company do?"

"Venture capital. You may have heard of Cole and Greer PLC."

"Heard of it?" gasped Sam. "It's impossible to miss it on the Wall Street Journal. How come you stay all the way out here instead of the city?"

"All of my work can be handled over the phone and video conference. I have my own private office here to monitor stocks if I really need to. Besides, I do drop by Manhattan once a month or so to let the board know I'm still alive."

A breeze rippled through the morning air and blew against them. Valerie closed her eyes and imbibed the blissful feel of the country air against her skin.

"There are things you can't get in that concrete jungle, things more important than money. I like it here."

"Ethan told me earlier about how much you did for this town."

"It's a personal project of mine. I invest in small businesses across the country. I give them the capital they need to take themselves to the next level. There are plenty of success stories there, if you care for them."

"She owns a majority stake in... well just about every business in this town," Ethan added.

"That's enough about me. Let's meet the rest of the family."

"Ethan!" announced a shrill voice he hadn't heard in ages. He saw a vaguely familiar woman come to the door to greet them.

"Sarah. I didn't recognise you for a second there," exclaimed Ethan, wrapping his arms around her. "Sam, meet Sarah Gardner. She lived down the street."

"You missed the part about being the only one allowed into her treehouse," Val muttered. Sarah laughed it off and planted a quick peck on her lips.

"So how long have you been married?" Sam asked.

"Five years next month," Valerie beamed. "We even have an IVF baby. Where is Colin?"

"He's asleep on his grandpa's lap, last I checked. We'll wake him up soon. Oh my God! I can't believe you're actually here, Ethan. I thought Val was pulling my leg when she told me."

They sat down in the cosy living room. Valerie beckoned to the maid to get some food.

"Sam, what do you do?"

"I'm a photographer. Right now I'm with no magazine or paper in particular."

"Show them the magazine thing," Ethan said with a chuckle. Sam's glare did away with that idea.

"Do you stay in the city as well, Sam?"

"Yeah."

"Colin's about to wake up," said a rough voice from the next room. "Do one of you want to..."

The sentence remained incomplete. Ethan got up and turned to face his father after ten years. His hair had turned almost completely white, but he lost none of his rugged skin underneath. Despite being on the wrong side of sixty, he still exercised regularly. His hulking frame obscured the doorway.

"I'll go check on Colin," said Sarah quickly and disappeared.

"I'll get the rest of the stuff from the car," started Sam, but Ethan held a hand out to stop her. His father's gaze darted to her and then back at Ethan.

Arthur Cole had spent his life on the police force at Greenville. On rare occasions, his life had been endangered in the line of duty.

Yet he was never so scared as he was facing his estranged son.

"It's nice to see you, Ethan. It's been so long since I last did."

He didn't know how to respond. Arthur read his silence and nodded gently.

"I know it's a lot to process. Take your time and tell me when you're ready. The only thing I want you to know is I'm ashamed of everything I put you and your sister through. I'd give my life to take it all back."

There was a lot that Ethan was tempted to say to his martinet father. Memories of welts and bruises, of sleeping in the cold porch all night, of not having dinner when he came down a minute late for it. They all reared their heads inside him.

Valerie stepped in and held Ethan's hand, guiding him towards his father. There was no hug, simply a frosty stare and a forced handshake.

It wasn't much, yet it was a start.

* *

"You'll never guess where you're staying," said Val gleefully. "The Woodford Inn."

She pointed towards the imposing building on the edge of town. Ethan gaped in awe at how the derelict nineteenth century house had been transformed. There was a fresh coat of paint and the windows had been replaced. It looked nothing like the haunted house from his childhood memories.

"No way! The old Woodford Inn. Nobody's stayed there for forty years."

"Well, I own it now, so I had it spruced up. It's got everything -- a jacuzzi, a four poster bed, a chef, a maid... the works."

"Quite a change from what I remember of it."

"Remember all the trouble we got into in that place," Valerie giggled.

"Only too well."

Val held him by the shoulders and leaned against him.

"Admit it. You've missed this town. Even if it is just a tiny bit."

Samantha stood a fair distance behind them taking snaps of the Colonial era building. Valerie turned to look her.

"If you don't mind me asking, Ethan, how serious are the two of you?"

"She's a friend who's helped me deal with a lot. That's where we're comfortable and that's where we're at right now."

"Isn't it too soon after Zoe?"

"She's not another Zoe. We're not a relationship."

"Are you sure she sees it the same way? She came all the way out here with you. That says a lot."

Ethan stopped and held his sister's hand to his chest.

"Valerie, you've never been anything but blunt and that's why I'm asking you this. All those years back, how did you know that Zoe and I would eventually break up?"

"You were both too young. You had not seen enough of the world to commit to someone. That, and only that, was why I took Dad's side."

"And you were right," he cursed, kicking a rock.

"No I wasn't. You had ten years of a wonderful marriage. Do you know how many people go their whole lives without even that? For once, stop thinking about what went wrong and thank your stars for what you had."