Limbo Ch. 02

Sam and Ethan settled into the main bedroom. He had a hot shower and shaved himself. There was a party of sorts at his sister's place later on. Half the town was coming, if for nothing else than to see the return of the prodigal son.

There was a knock on the door. Valerie stood with a basket of muffins in her hand.

"Just like old times, eh Ethan?"

"True," he admitted. "Dad sends me to bed without dinner and Mom smuggles something upstairs through you once he's too drunk to notice."

"They're from Andie's Bakery down the street. You remember, right? Your favourite blueberry muffins."

"Sam, you have got to try these," Ethan said, hurriedly wolfing one down. "Exactly like I remember it."

"They're complimentary. My guests get special treatment in this town. My brother, well, you can imagine. You can basically get anything you want for free while you're here."

"I'd like to visit Andie's Bakery later."

"They get orders from all over the state now. Big orders, like for weddings and conventions."

"You're kidding me, right? That small little patisserie."

"It's much bigger now," Val laughed. "I'm a silent partner, after all."

"I'm special ordering a bunch of these to New York city," piped up Samantha. "I have a party coming up soon. Could you get me their card?"

"Speaking of parties, we're getting late for one. Come on, hurry up."

Within half an hour, Sam and Ethan stood wide-eyed in the midst of a throng of eager faces. He smiled and pretended to recognise everyone who shook hands with him. All of his classmates who were in town showed up, dismayed he didn't remember every last detail of their school lives.

Ethan had taken great pains to cut himself completely off from his past and it showed.

He made his excuses to the latest few people who were aghast he didn't remember them and went off in search of Valerie or Samantha. He spotted his sister mobbed by a group of pre-pubescent kids. Smiling, he walked to the table to get a better look at the game of three-card monte in progress.

"See if you can find the Queen," she said, swapping three face-down cards with great speed. The kids watched her hands with awe while trying to keep track of where their card was. Val finally finished and looked up.

"Which one is the Queen?"

There was a buzz among the children as they compared their guesses. Ethan chuckled before he spoke.

"None of them. The Queen is in your pocket."

"Hey!" she looked up with mock anger written on her face. "You weren't playing."

"It's hardly a game if no one can win."

"There isn't any money at play here. I'm doing it for kicks."

"Back in high school, you made quite a lot of money peddling this trick to gullible city slickers."

"We all have to start somewhere," she laughed. "C'mon, I'll introduce you to my friends."

He took a glance backwards to see Samantha absorbed in conversation with a group of college-aged girls. She had her camera out and was showing them the finer workings of it.

After an hour of being paraded by his sister, Ethan grabbed a can of chilled Budweiser and headed for the front porch. Arthur sat in his rocking chair with the baby in his lap and a glass in his hand.

"Before you ask, it's fruit beer. No alcohol."

"Cheers," said Ethan and sat down beside him. They surveyed the milling crowd of chattering people in front of them.

"Beautiful, isn't he?" Arthur said, lifting the sleeping baby. Ethan softly caressed his nephew's pale scalp and nodded.

"You've still not made up your mind whether or not to accept my apology, have you, son?"

Ethan didn't answer. He took a sip of beer instead.

"It's okay. All I can hope for is that you will in time. It's my greatest regret that your mother never got to see this side of me. She died knowing me only as the monster I was."

"I'm glad you turned your life around. I really am."

"It took me so much therapy to understand such a simple truth. That I was hurting my own family, the people I should care for the most."

"You're a pacifist now?"

"Let's just say I don't even allow your sister to put a bug zapper in the yard."

Ethan laughed and drank some more beer.

"Don't think I've forgotten how to hurt people, Ethan. If someone dares lay a finger on you, your sister, Sarah or even little Colin here, I swear on your mother's grave I will bring down the wrath of God on them. You hurt for your family, you don't hurt them."

The noise made little Colin stir. He cried softly. Arthur rocked him gently until he was asleep again.

"Tell me about Sam. Does she make you happy?"

"She does. She really does."

"That's enough for me then. I'm not going to make the same mistake I made with you and Zoe. The two of you have my blessing."

The party dwindled to a close. Samantha had made quite an impression among the townies. Everybody who passed shook hands with her and Ethan and invited them for dinner. They smiled until their jaws ached. Finally, Valerie had her chauffeur drop them off at the Woodford Inn. Too tired to eat any more, they went to sleep.

"Wake up."

Sam scrunched her face without opening her eyes. Ethan shook her again.

"It isn't even morning," she groaned, pulling the duvet over her face. Undeterred, he yanked it back down and shook her awake.

"What do you have against sleep?" she grumbled.

"There's something I want you to see," he said. "It used to be my favourite thing about this place."

Samantha jolted out of her semi-sleepy trance to see Ethan holding the window open. He stepped out of it onto a lower section of the roof and stuck his hand back in to help her.

"Careful now. Some of these tiles are loose."

After some effort, both of them sat side by side staring at the horizon. There was the faintest flicker of red where the rising sun would make an appearance. Their view was unhindered and lovingly framed by two hills.

"You're about to see the most beautiful thing in this town."

He turned to see Samantha climbing back inside through the window. She reappeared a few minutes later clutching her camera.

"Ethan, have you ever taken a selfie using a DSLR? Well, we're about to take the most high resolution selfie ever."

They waited until part of the sun had risen. The glowing semi-circle in the distance was shrouded in clouds. Shafts of light perforated the wisps and lit up the sky. The redness smeared over the horizon melded seamlessly into the ephemeral mauve hue separating night and day. Sam took a few seconds to admire the kaleidoscope of colours before taking a photo. She turned away from the sun and held out the camera with the lens facing her.

"Come here, Ethan."

Before he could react, her lips planted a wet kiss on his cheek and the camera clicked. Her estimation was perfect. The light from the rising sun painted their faces. Even the sliver of a gap between them glowed with sunlight.

"This is not going on Instagram," she said happily. "This is only for us."

Ethan felt his cheek where her lips had just been. His fingers felt the residual wetness. When her lips had been in contact with him, the sunrise suddenly seemed so utterly banal.

"Ethan, hello? I said, do you want to get it framed?"

He didn't answer her question. His hand around her shoulder drew her closer and he locked his lips onto hers. He kissed her deeply and lovingly, exploring her mouth and savouring the intimacy. Samantha seemed too stunned to react to his oral assault. When he detached his lips, she looked dazed and her eyes were glassy.

"I'm sorry, Sam," Ethan said. "I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have."

"Fuck that," she replied and mashed her lips into his. Her tongue was aggressive, frothing and churning the inside of his mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into the kiss. Their eyes were closed. Her tongue danced with his, then sparred in his mouth.

Their lips detached and their eyes stared deep into each other, trying to find the meaning of what transpired.

"Not now," Sam whispered. He slung his hand over her shoulder and went back to admiring the sunrise.

* *

The next day went by in a blur of laughter and colour. It was finally time for Ethan to once again leave home. Valerie took him aside before he left.

"This is my personal number, Ethan. Feel free to call me at any time for anything. Whatever you need, I will do everything in my power to give you. No questions asked."

He hugged his sister one last time before getting into the car. Sam was playing with little Colin's fingers out of the passenger side window.

"Goodbye, Sam. Come again real soon," hollered Sarah.

"You can count on it," she replied.

It was evening and they were nearing the city limits. It was Samantha's turn to drive. She abruptly took a detour to a hillock.

"Where are we going?"

"To take some pictures, silly. It's been a while since I've tried trick photography."

Reluctantly, Ethan was dragged out of the car and stood up on a boulder. He held his hand out and Sam angled her lens to make him appear to hold a ball of fire, which was the setting sun. He was forced into a pose where he appeared to lift a distant hill. She had more in store for him, but he sullenly refused and went back to the car.

Fireflies lit up the air, specks of light fleetingly held by the near darkness. It was a mirror to the myriad stars strewn over the black tapestry of night above him. The crimson tinge of the setting sun fighting for its last bit of relevance for the day segued into the deepening twilight. The aria of homecoming birds and insects, the dim silver of the half moon, all of it and none of it made the moment special. Ethan's eyes were locked on the carefree spirit taking pictures of nature in front of him.

To think she could put up such a brave front despite what she had been through. He didn't know what. All he discerned from her parents was that it was traumatic. That was all he needed to know.

Providentially, his phone began to ring. He looked at the caller ID and furrowed his brow. It was Samantha's father.

"Mr Penderghast?"

"Is Samantha with you?"

Ethan knew something was wrong. The booming voice from the birthday wavered unseemly with dread.

"She's taking pictures at the moment. Should I call her?"

"No don't. I can't bear to talk to her now. Ethan, I have to ask you to do something very hard. I'm sorry to put you through this."

"What is it?"

"I have something I need you to tell Samantha. I'm not brave enough to do it myself."

There was a moment of silence punctuated by a barely audible yes. Ethan hardened himself for the worst.

"Tell Sam," the voice quivered even more. "Tell her... her brother won't be coming home this time."

The rest of it was lost in heaving sobs. Ethan dropped the call and let his hand slump to his side. A long sigh escaped his lips. His mind flashed back to the party at her brother's place. He never had the chance to meet Samantha's brother, but he could tell he was loved and would be missed.

He barely knew her brother, yet he knew there was aching void in the Penderghast household now.

"Ethan, just one more pic and we can head back to the city."

His face turned to the contagious cheerfulness bubbling outside the window. Sam looked so happy and content with her life. There was a camera in her hand and all her pearly whites were visible between her lips.

"C'mon, Ethan, don't be a spoil-sport."

He couldn't bring himself to look at her. She put the camera down and craned her neck in through the window.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly.

Curse this burden that her father had given him. He was about to take away her smile. He had to be there and bear witness to the broad grin disappear from her face only to be replaced by something far harder to watch.

Quietly, he opened the passenger side door and embraced her. He held Sam's bewildered face in his arms and closed his eyes.

Ethan wasn't a religious man, but he prayed for strength. Strength to see his friend cry.

* *

A man went to war for his country. A coffin wrapped in a flag was all that was left. Major James Penderghast had died in battle. The mission itself turned out to be a strategic success which would undoubtedly save many lives in the future.

It was poor succour for those left behind. The army had a decisive victory. A man was dead. Brother, son, husband, father -- all four wiped out in a hail of bullets bravely defending his country.

Truly, the world was a zero-sum game. The cost was too high.

Samantha saw the sharply dressed officers carrying her brother's coffin. All her life, she had imagined this scene in her nightmares. Now, she didn't have the luxury of waking up. Her bleary eyes turned to Thalia, desperately sniffling into a handkerchief.

The coffin was lowered to its final resting place. Guns were raised and prepared to fire.

"Mommy, why are they putting Daddy into the ground?"

Little Lana held her mother's skirt and tugged at it while she asked.

"They're burying him, sweetheart," Thalia said, struggling to keep her voice steady.

"They can't bury him. He has to protect us. Daddy promised me that he would protect all of us."

Thalia lifted Lana into her arms and held her tightly to her chest. There was a yawning hole in her heart and she needed to feel her daughter's warmth, even if just to fool herself that it could be filled. Fat droplets of tears rolled off her face onto Lana.

"Stop burying, Daddy. Tell them to stop burying him. He promised he would protect us. He promised he would be there for my birthday. He has to be there," Lana wailed piteously.

Not a single eye remained dry in the assembled crowd. Friends and fellow officers alike felt the chill of their own mortality. All his medals and commendations would now pass into memory. Memory, that damn crazy fool that tries to hold on to those who pass.

Sam stood a short distance away. Her heart bled and her eyes filled to the brim, but she had no one left to cry to. She couldn't bring herself to shed those tears, James would have never wanted that. Her family had already lost one pillar of support and she couldn't have them see another break down.

For the first time in her life, Samantha wanted to fall apart and let it all out. She reminded herself she had to be strong for her family now and she sucked it all in to that place inside her already overwhelmed with grief.

Her body was almost too numb to feel the palm on her shoulder. She turned around slowly to see Ethan standing behind her a simple smile of understanding. She would not know it, but he was simply paying her back for the comfort and solace she had given him over the past year.

The dam of fortitude finally gave way. Sam grabbed his coat and pulled him to her. She buried her face in the front of his shirt and cried like she had never cried before.

In that moment, Samantha Penderghast realised she still had a shoulder to cry on.

The creator could not be so unkind as to take that away from her as well.

* *

Ethan drove her to her place after the funeral. She spent the entire ride clutching him and crying softly. It was the first time he had seen this side of her and it was agonising to watch. All throughout, her face looked bereft of happiness and tears marked ugly rivulets on her mascara.

Her bosom heaved with each sob. Some made it only as far as her throat.

Ethan draped his arm around her, holding her tightly. Samantha looked up at him, her eyes shimmering with tears.

"Thanks, Ethan."

"You're welcome."

"There's something I want you to know. About that night we kissed-"

"Please, you don't have to think of that right now. We'll talk about it some other time."

"Ethan," she tapped her fist against his chest. "Ethan, you're such a sweet guy. You've never tried to take advantage of me, never tried to force me. Do you know what my one motto in life is? I never wait. The only thing constant is change. Everyday is a new adventure with new places and new people. But I've realised over the past few months that some people are worth waiting for. You're one of them."

They drew up the building. She got out and looked back in through the lowered window.

"Whenever you're ready to take the next step, you'll find me right here, waiting to take it with you."

Samantha stuck her neck back in and kissed Ethan deeply. Her soft lips left a lingering aftermath on his.

"I'll see you soon, Ethan."

He watched her slender form all the way to the door. He let a fingertip trace the outline of his lips where hers had just been. When they touched, for the briefest moment, he felt like he could be made whole again.

* *

Another day, another pile of work. Hospital life was unerringly predictable in its volume. Ethan surveyed the work in front of him, not in the least bit interested in getting started. He paced his office, trying to wrap his brain around what Samantha told him the previous night.

He touched his lips and closed his eyes, his senses remembering the kiss. The way she smelled, felt and looked was indelibly etched into him. It was ambrosia. It was the lingering after-taste he craved for a long time ahead.

As the day finally drew to a close, Ethan readied himself to go back home. He carried a burden with him, one he intended to rid himself of.

When he reached the lobby, he found a familiar face waiting for him.

"Zoe?"

She looked terribly aged after the events of the past few months. She wore a simple dress and skirt with an overcoat. For a few seconds, she almost looked like the woman he once came home to after a long day's work.

"I came to say goodbye, Ethan. My cousin got me a job in a private clinic in Hartford. It took a lot of soul searching, but I've made up my mind that I need to get away from all of it. I need to start over in a place where I won't be reminded of my mistakes."

He smiled and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm happy for you. I really am."

It was the first time since the divorce that he had seen her face without any blemishes. Zoe looked much better this way.

"So it's really the end."

"It's been the end for a year now," Zoe said. "We've dragged it on for far too long."

Ethan let go of her and put his hands into his trouser pocket.

"I have something I want to give you."

He took out a felt box and handed it to Zoe. She opened it curiously and took out a specially crafted gold pendant with a clasp.

"Open it."

She pressed the tiny button on the inside and the pendant parted. What she saw inside made her hold her hand over her mouth and then to her chest to stifle her emotion. On one side was a picture of her taken in St Catherine's park with the sun streaming down. Ethan smiled at her from the other.

"I had this made for you over a year ago. In fact, I was going to give it to you the day I first saw you and Milos together."

"You kept it all this time."

"I tried to throw it away, I really did. I couldn't. For better or for worse, we shared ten wonderful years together. I couldn't pretend they didn't exist."

Zoe put the pendant on and clasped it behind her neck. Her eyes looked down to hide the glistening moisture.

"Zoe?"

She hugged him and buried her face in his shoulder. Their lips met in a kiss. She wanted to commit all of the kiss to memory, a memory she would preserve for every lonely New England night.

"I want you to make one promise to me, Ethan Cole. Can you do that?"

He nodded.

"Promise me you will tell the next person you're in relationship with that she's the luckiest girl in the world. Promise me that you'll love her like you loved me."

And with that, the woman formerly known as Zoe Moreno-Cole left. Ethan watched her receding form all the way to her cab.